What Can I Do to Help Others Who Decide to Leave the Church?

Today's post is prompted by a recent conversation with my children and grandchildren who are reporting what to them seems like an epidemic of their peers who are leaving the Church. I assured them this is not something new in the history of the Church. I have not lived through all the history of the Church personally, but I do have 76 years of it under my belt and I've seen a lot of it "up close and personal."

Jesus Christ
by Liz Lemon Swindle

When I was a young elders quorum president, I discovered there were a few of my elders who were in various stages of leaving the Church for just as many various reasons. Some were on their way out the door because they felt the Word of Wisdom was too restrictive. Others didn’t like the way Elder Ezra Taft Benson mixed his religion with politics. Still others took exception to various policy positions the Church had taken. 

Back in those days it was the equal rights for women amendment to the U.S. Constitution that was the hot button issue. One man brought to his monthly PPI with me a box loaded with anti-Mormon literature, declaring that until I had read it all he wouldn’t take me seriously. I informed him I had already seen every document he supplied to me, and asked him what else he wanted to discuss. My response left him speechless. 

Another young man (all of these were returned missionaries) had committed adultery with a married woman in our ward and had been excommunicated. 

I also remember a young man who had “come out” as gay, and didn’t feel the Church was the least bit sympathetic to his situation. Others quietly kept up a drum beat against the Church’s policy to restrict Blacks from having the priesthood.

That’s a sampling of the cases I remember. 

Since those early years, there have been many more to whom I have been exposed and was asked by local leaders to help. These include eventual apostates who declared they simply "knew more" than the Brethren. They could not be taught. Adultery continues to be a stumbling block for many, as it has been since the beginning of time. 

Some became wealthy and objected to tithing robbing them of their worldly success. I've even known some who told me they were just "too lazy" to be active in the Church - it was just "too much work" for them. 

Stop me if you've heard this one: "The Church is just too wealthy - look at all that money they're spending on temples around the world, and all the humanitarian donations they are making everywhere." It seems the enemies of the Church will never stop their diatribes. It is more common now to see legal court cases challenging the use of tithing money in open opposition to the Church's senior leadership. 

Most recently it seems there has been a wave of criticism for the "aged" leaders who are out of touch with the younger generation in the Church. Look on the faces of these men, and tell me you cannot love them.

The First Presidency

There is a common denominator I have witnessed over the years. To me, none of these complainants seemed very humble, nor were they teachable. Each had seemingly reached the point of no return, anchored in their belief that they knew better than anyone else, and that those who remained in the Church were merely deceived lemmings who were simpletons only going along to get along. They all expressed anger and judgment about their own experiences. 

Scott Strong, my dearest friend of a lifetime, introduced me to two of his friends who had served with him on a writing committee for the Young Men curriculum many years ago. The more famous of the two was Paul Toscano. Both were eventually excommunicated as apostates, and in the case of the lesser known of the two he became a polygamist and moved to Oklahoma with his wives and children.

In interviewing and listening to their views in frequent “study sessions” with them, it became obvious by their statements that they felt the Church was being led by the “B” Team of General Authorities, and that they belonged on the “A” Team. That’s why they were stating they were happy to leave the Church. 

They spoke of secret prayer circles, and other secret activities they were keeping hidden. They were receiving visions and visitations from angels who were instructing them to do certain things that were abhorrent and in open rebellion against the Brethren. It was all based on knowledge they possessed that no one else in the Church was privy to. Nothing they taught Scott and me was a surprise. It was predictable, and tragically, it was leading to the place where each ended up. 

Someone said it best: “There are a thousand reasons to leave the Church, but you only need to find one to remain true and faithful.” 

Things have changed in Church administration over the years. Excommunication was often the outcome of what was called a “Church court,” then disfellowshipping became the solution of choice under “Church councils.” Now many of those decisions are left to bishops under “membership councils.”

So what can we do when someone we know and love decides to leave the Church for whatever reason they choose? Here are some ideas:

1. Continue to minister unto them in love. 

The Savior taught:

And behold, ye shall meet together oft; and ye shall not forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer them that they may come unto you and forbid them not;

But ye shall pray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name.

Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up — that which ye have seen me do. Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed.

And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation…

Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them. (3 Nephi 18:21-25; 32, emphasis mine).

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Their reasoning may seem tricky to us - they think we are deceived for staying in the Church, while we believe they are deceived for leaving it. We never know what life situation may befall someone to “wake them up” to taking the things of the spirit more seriously. As we continue to minister in faith each day of our lives, we often come to a point when they return and cite our ministrations as one of the reasons they came back. Or maybe they will never return. 

George P. Lee

2. Don’t be too surprised to see what happens to people who lose the spirit of the Holy Ghost in their lives. 

The most stark contrast I ever witnessed was Elder George P. Lee. He was excommunicated, and later arrested on a drunk driving charge. To the right you will see his "mug shot" after his arrest. He was a General Authority Seventy at one time in his life until his inglorious fall from his lofty position. His picture has always served as a terrible reminder to me about what happens when we lose the spirit in our lives.

Another of those elders in our young married lives was D. Michael Quinn, a famed Church historian, who would go on to publish a string of scurrilous and critical works against the leadership of the Church. I remember him being so agitated with me that President Harold B. Lee wasn’t actively praying for the Blacks to be given the priesthood. He, of course, had no idea what President Lee was or was not praying about, but he believed I should be exerting my influence upon him as his oldest grandson to bring about that change in Church policy. 

Quinn had married a good friend of ours, Janice Darley, and they had a wonderful family. He was excommunicated eventually for apostasy and ended up in San Francisco as an avowed homosexual. He died recently (2021), never having made steps back to the Church. His was a life among the “A” List bench of talented men who could not humble themselves enough to submit to the humble prophets God had raised up in these last days.

3. Pray for them constantly. 

Keep them in your prayers, and mention them by name to your Heavenly Father. Even if they choose to reject you and your ministrations, prayer is one of the most powerful conduits you can use to open up the heavens on their behalf. 

Addictions of all kinds keep people out of the Church. Take away addictions and mental illness and we will see many pure souls who long to be with the saints again. See those souls as the powerful spirits who they are. Keep in mind that while their lives here in mortality might appear to be a big messy glob of nastiness, they may always be remembered for the pure innocent children they once were before the temptations of the flesh overtook them. Always look for that spark of divinity within each one when you are saddened by their choices. Prayer will reveal more ways to you about how to help them. 

Always remember God loves all his children, and He wants them all to come back home. He will be more than willing to help you help them through the inspiration He will send to you through the Holy Ghost as you listen carefully for those promptings.

Prayer, The Access To Heaven's Portal

Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,
Uttered or unexpressed
The motion of a hidden fire

That trembles in the breast. (Hymns, No. 145)

The words of that familiar hymn have been impressed upon my mind this week. From the dawn of creation prayer has given all of God's children direct access to Him. Prayers do not go through some intermediary like the Virgin Mary, the Savior Jesus Christ, or the beads of a rosary. Prayers are direct communication with our Heavenly Father, even the Great Elohim. We pray to God the Father in the name of God the Son, by the power of God the Holy Ghost. Prayer is the universal language between God and His children. It matters not what color our skin, which nationality we claim or which denomination. The clean, the unclean, the rich, the poor, the mighty and the humble all have an open invitation to pray. All that is necessary is the desire to reach out to our Higher Power for help, anytime, anywhere, and in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.

It was the Apostle Paul who reminded us:

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 3:16, emphasis mine).

Paul has admonished us to have faith in the perfection of Christ's atoning sacrifice for all His Father's children in these words:

"For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.

"Wherefore in all things it behooved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.

"For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted." (Hebrews 2:16-18).

The Book of Mormon prophet Alma assures us, speaking of Christ's mortal ministry:

"And he shall go forth suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12).

The Greek equivalent of "succor" is literally "to run quickly to help." Christ descended below all things as a mortal so He would know HOW to succor us when we encountered situations in which we need to cry out in our desperation for help.

Of course, prayer is also a way in which we can thank our Heavenly Father for all our blessings in acknowledgement of His abundant blessings we enjoy during our sojourn in mortality. There are so many people who ignore this facet of the diamond of prayer. It's easier perhaps to cry out in need when things are going badly, but much harder to remember God in the days of our abundance and prosperity. The Book of Mormon is replete with stories about those who turned to God in need, then forgot Him in the very moment they were blessed and turned away.

Try this experiment sometime. When you kneel to pray, spend your time on thanking Heavenly Father for all your blessings, and name them one by one. Don't simply go down your checklist of prayer requests, instead, confine yourself to acknowledging all the blessings you have observed in your life. See how long you can stay in the attitude of prayer. Then when you arise from your knees go about your day with a song in your heart and continue counting your blessings. I would hope you develop a new appreciation for all that God has done to bless you, and cease to view Him as a heavenly vending machine for blessings.

One of my contemporary heroes was always Hugh Nibley. Toward the end of his interview called Faith of An Observer, Nibley concluded that all he learned during his life (and it was a prodigious amount of knowledge) could be summarized into getting really good at two things: repentance and forgiveness. When it is most difficult to forgive another, focus on your blessings and the gifts you have received from Heavenly Father. The first gift He offered to all of us was the Light of Christ, then later the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Those are gifts of inestimable value to assist us on our quest for eternal life. When you focus on gratitude and offer back that gratitude in prayer, it will be much easier to repent of our failings and to forgive others of theirs. 

"And now my beloved brethren, I have said these things unto you that I might awaken you to a sense of your duty to God, that ye may walk blameless before him, that ye may walk after the holy order of God, after which ye have been received.

"And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need; both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

"And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. 

"And may the Lord bless you, and keep your garments spotless, that ye may at last be brought to sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the holy prophets who have been ever since the world began, having your garments spotless even as their garments are spotless, in the kingdom of heaven to go no more out.

"And now my beloved brethren, I have spoken these words unto you according to the Spirit which testifieth in me; and my soul doth exceedingly rejoice, because of the exceeding diligence and heed which ye have given unto my word.

"And now, may the peace of God rest upon you, and upon your houses and lands, and upon your flocks and herds, and all that you possess, your women and your children, according to your faith and good works, from this time forth and forever. And thus I have spoken. Amen." (Alma 7:22-27).

Today our youngest grandson was blessed and given his name by his father Michael Litchfield in a home of his aunt on the shores of Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. The blessing was attended by only a hand-fold of relatives from among a huge extended family on both sides. How grateful we were today for the miracle of face-time technology that permitted us to listen in  and watch remotely from many miles away. Nolan Michael Litchfield was blessed by his father in the authority of the Holy Priesthood, not merely prayed over, and it was a beautiful and powerful blessing. 

Tonight, as we do every night, we will thank our Heavenly Father once again upon bended knees in prayer for the blessing of a righteous posterity. Truly we have been blessed abundantly, and we rejoice!

(Look for Mark Pahnke, the handsome young man in a yellow tie, who is also our nephew).

When Your Hut Is On Fire

I am indebted to Jim Ritchie for this story. Thanks, Bro. Jim!

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions.

One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky.. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. 

He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?"

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 

"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. 

"We saw your smoke signal," they replied. 

The Moral of This Story: 

It's easy to get discouraged when things are going badly, but we shouldn't lose heart because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. 

Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

Hope and Peace After Divorce

This morning I was reminded of this statement attributed to Pierre Teilhard de Chardin: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

In the course of my daily walk through this mortal probation, I encounter many who are surfeited by the demands and challenges they face. Too often, they tell me, they became "lost" in the day to day routines of life without focusing on their spiritual well-being. Instead of keeping Chardin's perspective, their human experience overwhelmed them.

Many with whom I interact are the products of the divorce of their parents. Now in their own marriages, they are sometimes persuaded it might be easier to take the same course of their parents. They give up. They choose alternative lifestyles. What once began as a blissful knot-tying in sacred precincts where holy vows of allegiance to one another were pronounced, marriage for them descended into depths of sin, disobedience, indifference, abuse, addiction and anger.

Often what happens in these situations is mortal forgetfulness. We forget our spiritual identity as an eternal son or daughter of God. Of course, some of it is unavoidable because there is a veil of forgetfulness drawn across our minds and spirits when we are born. Brigham Young said in simplest terms of explanation the veil was our physical body shrouding our eternal spirit.

I am aware of three current cases of divorce. None is a happy outcome right now. The challenge before the individuals involved puts them on a path to choose - either they will become better for the experience, or they will become bitter.

The confusion when divorce of parents is the final outcome is palpable. "What will become of me if my parents divorce?" some ask. Can a child whose parents divorce still claim the blessings of the sealing? Are they still "born under the covenant?" To whom will they be sealed if both parents remarry? These are but a few of the questions that arise. And then when repentance is in evidence later on, the aftermath of the divorce presents opportunities to learn to forgive those who inflicted so much pain. Along the way there are hidden nuggets of gold waiting to be discovered for the earnest seeker of truth.

I am not an expert on divorce. Just the opposite. Mine has been a blissful marriage of harmony and shared goals through all the ups and downs of life. It has not been without challenges. It has been anything but smooth sailing. But who's complaining? It's what we signed up for, isn't it?

However, I found a statement by a woman who divorced after several years of marriage and went through eight years of litigation thereafter. She provides a valuable perspective. Said she: "When I told my family I was writing about peace after divorce, they laughed and said, 'Tell them there isn't any!' I'm not telling you that. There is peace. Peace after divorce comes in the process of living. It happens after learning hard lessons. It occurs over time alongside family, friends, and professionals who care. It happens privately but also with many others who share the experience and understand. Peace emerges from pain and accompanies healing. It comes from confronting and accepting truth, from being willing to live and love and forgive and move forward. Divorce is still hard to say, but it has not closed the gate on my own path to life, love, and peace." (Elaine Shaw Sorensen, "Peace After Divorce," in Women in the Covenant of Grace by Susette Fletcher Green and Dawn Hall Anderson, 50).

Detours in our mortal journey are inevitable, and they take many forms. No matter how long or difficult the road may seem, our past cannot hold us prisoner to our future unless we choose it. I have seen many who have overcome the oppression of the past and set their sails for the future voyage with satisfying results. In one case, a woman whose husband was plagued by alcohol addiction for years found a new job that supplied her with the income she needed to raise and support her four children. Life went on for her and her children, and they are happy today because of their choices.

Said another: "A marriage is a commitment between two people that is designed to last for eternity. One person cannot carry that commitment to fruition alone. When it is not being upheld by both parties, it ceases to be eternal. It requires dedication on both sides to make it valid. A hopeless marriage need not be forever; an abusive situation need not be tolerated. You can still have worth as a person with an unsuccessful marriage. My marriage ceased being eternal years before we entered the divorce courts." (Nedra Hardy, "When a Marriage Is Not Celestial," ibid., 55).

The antidote for dealing with the devastation of divorce is the same I would offer for all life's problems. My life took a detour financially a few years ago. I wish things had turned out differently than they did. Instead of financial security I was seeking, I was escorted back to square one to begin again. It was humbling. I've detailed it in previous posts. I am fortunate to have found a surprisingly fulfilling work life since the debacle of the world's financial meltdown in 2008. I am reminded of a talk title from Hugh Nibley, "Work we must, but the lunch is free." 

During that time I prayed, I fasted, I petitioned, and along the way there were undeniable moments of fears, doubts and frustrations. But those proved to be only punctuation marks in a chapter of my life filled with overwhelming love, assurances and support from my wife and children. Because we could call upon God, our eternal partner in our marriage, ours was a marriage that didn't break under the stress. He carried us and sustained us with grace and charity. I am grateful every day for that reality.

Don't get trapped for too long in your "pity party." Half the people out there don't care what happened to you, and the other half think you got what you deserved. Be happy, keep smiling through the pain. It will get better when you take action, even if it's only tiny baby steps to start in a new direction.

President Thomas S. Monson

Now, as I move along through life, I have discovered success comes from small and seemingly insignificant choices. We learn lessons, we grow, we mature in spiritual things, and what happens "in the thick of thin things" pales by comparison. We learn to love and serve others when we are afflicted. Turning outward to help others has long been the recipe President Thomas S. Monson recommends. We learn to love vegetables and fruit instead of a steady diet of Peanut M&Ms.

Each marriage is filled with tests. Whether marriage ends or goes on, what makes the difference is how we choose. And the choice is always ours. It really doesn't matter what our parents did before us, or our spouses who may choose poorly. We are free to make of our lives what we will. And with a little bit of work we can usually figure out how to do it better together than apart.

And we can be at peace with God's spirit, no matter what comes our way.

Remembering God in a Secular Pluralistic Society

This past week marked the 70th anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Europe by the Allied forces, commencing America's entrance into the events of World War II. On that one day, 2,499 American soldiers lost their lives. To put it in perspective, in 13 years of war in Afghanistan, 2,324 soldiers have lost their lives in Operating Enduring Freedom.

President Roosevelt

The 32nd American President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the next day took to the air waves in a radio address, and offered this historic prayer on behalf of all Americans, many of whom would ultimately lay their lives down in defense of freedom.

Imagine that! 70 years ago as a nation he led us in a prayer when we called upon God in the fight against wickedness, and our President called them "unholy forces of our enemy."

In today's politically correct world, it is hard to imagine a POTUS calling evil evil and invoking the name of God in a prayer for deliverance from that evil. Ironically, and by contrast, our present-day POTUS just negotiated the exchange of one very controversial American life for five known Taliban leaders and effectively returned sworn enemies to the battlefield to continue their jihad against America. Bergdahl's return by the Taliban who held him captive is controversial because this one American is known to have abandoned his post and issued anti-American sentiments prior to his defection five years ago. To say our attitudes and perspectives have changed in our national leadership since 1944 would be an understatement.

I pray we may never forget God in our public discourse, but there are voices in Washington D.C. today who oppose memorializing this prayer.

* * * 

Last night, when I spoke with you about the fall of Rome, I knew at that moment that troops of the United States and our Allies were crossing the Channel in another and greater operation. It has come to pass with success thus far.

And so, in this poignant hour, I ask you to join with me in prayer:

Almighty God: Our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity.

Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.

They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. For the enemy is strong. He may hurl back our forces. Success may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we know that by Thy grace, and by the righteousness of our cause, our sons will triumph.

They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest — until the victory is won. The darkness will be rent by noise and flame. Men’s souls will be shaken with the violences of war.

For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and goodwill among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home.

Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.

And for us at home — fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas, whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them — help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice.

Many people have urged that I call the nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.

Give us strength, too — strength in our daily tasks, to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our armed forces.

And let our hearts be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear sorrows that may come, to impart our courage unto our sons wheresoever they may be.

And, O Lord, give us faith. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our united crusade. Let not the keenness of our spirit ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of temporal matters of but fleeting moment — let not these deter us in our unconquerable purpose.

With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogances. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace — a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil.

Thy will be done, Almighty God.

Amen.

When Sore Trials Come Upon You

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we sing a familiar hymn, "Did You Think To Pray?"

Click the link and listen to the combined BYU choirs sing a Mack Wilberg arrangement. The words of the last verse have been playing again and again in my mind this weekend. I hope you will enjoy the spirit of the video as much as I have for the comfort it has given me:

Ere you left your room this morning,

Did you think to pray?

In the name of Christ our Savior,

Did you sue for loving favor,

As a shield today?

Refrain:

Oh, how praying rests the weary!

Prayer will change the night to day;

So when life seems dark and dreary,

Don’t forget to pray.

When you met with great temptation,

Did you think to pray?

By His dying love and merit,

Did you claim the Holy Spirit

As your guide and stay?

When your heart was filled with anger,

Did you think to pray?

Did you plead for grace, my brother,

That you might forgive another

Who had crossed your way?

When sore trials came upon you,

Did you think to pray?

When your soul was bowed in sorrow,

Balm of Gilead did you borrow

At the gates of day?

During our mortal lives sore trials may come upon us in an instant. Most often these trials come as unwelcome guests and they appear in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is the death of a loved one. Often relationships once filled with promise and hope sour and become bitter. Divorce in marriages can result when spouses grow apart and the once raging bonfires of love and devotion to one another dissolve into smoldering embers and turn stone cold.

The vicissitudes of life are seemingly countless. When employment disappears overnight in a downsizing, and loyalty and hard work seemingly mean nothing to an employer you once loved and admired, bitterness sometimes results. One wonders if the universe has singled them out for particularly harsh treatment, because no one could have been dealt with as harshly as they were.

Health, once taken for granted and never second guessed, can suddenly evaporate with a cancer diagnosis. The worldwide financial meltdown of 2008 wipes out life savings. A well-planned retirement suddenly evaporates overnight. 

There seems to be no end to the possible scenarios, does there? 

Our family was struck with this reality of a "sore trial" this weekend. A routine intrauterine ultrasound diagnosis revealed one of our little granddaughters has a birth defect known as anencephaly. Her parents were in shock. When they informed us, our hearts were burdened with sorrow over the diagnosis, knowing all too well the feelings of having to bury a little one when our youngest daughter Adrienne died unexpectedly of SIDS at seven weeks of age. This year marked the twenty-first anniversary of her birth and death. Perhaps the only thing worse than having to live through these traumatizing experiences yourself, is to have to live them vicariously, knowing so well what our children are now facing. In seeking to produce a posterity of our own, it should not be surprising when we are called to pass through Abrahamic tests not unlike those of our noble progenitor.

So the words of the hymn keep replaying in my mind - "When sore trials came upon you, did you think to pray? When your soul was bowed in sorrow, balm of Gilead did you borrow at the gates of day?"

We have been forced to our knees as we have fasted that they might be comforted through the weeks and months of uncertainty that lie ahead. 

Seeking to comfort our family this weekend, I sent out an e-mail:

Words are hard to come by in expressing our feelings. . . 

The hardest questions to answer in this life are all the "Why?" questions. Those will have to wait awhile as our faith is tested and galvanized in the fiery furnace of affliction here on earth. Jake quoted Nephi, in answer to the question if he (Nephi) knew what the "condescension of God" meant. Said Nephi: "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." (1 Nephi 11:17). 

His love for us rarely shields us from the randomness of an imperfect and fallen world, but it is always in evidence when our hearts ache as they do today.

Because Christ descended below all things on this earth, including every conceivable human condition, He is able to succor us in our sorrow, grief, doubts, guilt, anxiety and every other human emotion we feel. Alma summarized Christ's role in our lives when tragedy strikes and "sore trials" come upon us: "And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things. . ." (Alma 7:12-13, emphasis mine). 

Allie called this morning, heartbroken over this news. She sobbed, "What can I do? I would do anything for them." The answer is the same as it has always been - love them and love one another. 

Love and blessings,

Dad & Mom

I testify from these pages that Christ is our never-failing balm of Gilead in times of traumatizing knee-buckling tragedy. He will heal us of all our infirmities as He promises, when we turn to Him for comfort. There is nothing in the human condition He does not know intimately, having suffered in Gethsemane at at Golgotha for EVERYTHING that threatens our peace and our joy. 

Wherever we are in our lives presently, no matter what fiery trials we are currently passing through, He is an ever-present and willing participant in all our outcomes. He answers with the calm assurance we need when we turn to Him in our anguish.

Prayer really can change the night to day.

We open prayer in the name of our Heavenly Father because it is He to whom we address our prayers. We thank Him for all the blessings we enjoy because we know He is our Father who loves us. We ask Him specifically for the help we need, whatever form our "sore trial" may be taking, and we close our prayers in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, who makes all the answers possible because of His atonement. Prayer is available to all of us. We are all brothers and sisters, children of the same God.

We just need to remember to pray when the sore trials come. . . I pray we may always remember.