How About a Little More Happy?

It's time to leave the travails of the Boy Scouts in our rear view mirror and move on to more optimistic thoughts for the future. I was asked the other day why I would put that news front and center in my blog, and my reply was, "If I am going to chronicle our lives and times, it must include some dark clouds and thunderstorms once in a while or it wouldn't be accurate."

This summer has brought some welcome developments in our lives. Like the Olympics, we postponed for a year our family reunion due to COVID-19 restrictions. But this year we gathered for the first time in four years, and we had an unmitigated blast of fun, frivolity and spiritual feasting together. We gathered everyone - all twelve of our living children and their families were in attendance. The last time that happened was when our youngest daughter Merilee was married to Michael Litchfield, and even then it was only for about two hours for pictures at the reception. We felt as though we were all blessed for being there. Power comes when we are all united in the spirit of family love and togetherness that simply cannot be replicated on Zoom or Marco Polo. The strengthening of those family bonds was clearly in evidence.

Speaking of the Olympics, if you can disassociate from the increasing politicization of the messaging and the mind-numbing commercial interruptions, there was a lot to like. I loved watching the women's volleyball team's march to the gold. Men's basketball and women's basketball was mostly a yawner because they were expected to win, but the volleyball was fun to see. Fun to watch Rudy Gobert playing for France (they took silver), and Joe Ingles playing for Australia (they took bronze). I loved that Xander Schauffele and Nelly Korda walked away with gold in men's and women's golf. They were both beset with challenging fourth rounds, and yet both triumphed through the adversity. 

Swimming and gymnastics were also inspirational for a host of reasons. Who doesn't love Katie Ledecky? She has circumnavigated the globe in the number of miles she has put in while training and competing during her life, and she says she will be there in Paris in 2024 doing it again. Men's swimming was dominated by Caeleb Dressel. Faster, indeed! 

MyKayla Skinner and Simone Biles

Watching Simone Biles wrestle with her emotional and mental challenges, then return in the last possible moment to capture a bronze medal on balance beam was humbling and motivating. MyKayla Skinner snagged silver when Biles withdrew from the vault. For both those young women a long gymnastics career has finally come to its close. Both have overcome inestimable obstacles to set an example of perseverance and consistency. And who will forget Suni Lee capturing gold for America in the all-around gymnastics final? Not many would have predicted that outcome as the games began. There are always a hundred stories of the journeys each athlete has taken to be part of the Olympics. Who were some of your favorites during the Olympics? Why do you love their stories? 

Not many people gave the Tokyo games much of a chance of happening. COVID-19 was still raging in Japan, and the groundswell of opposition to the games from the locals was deafening. But the organizers and the athletes persisted and the result was a triumph of the human spirit. We should have learned something from watching these athletes who were beset with all kinds of ups and downs in preparation for their participation. When there is a will to do in the hearts of the participants, there will be a way to prevail. 

We had our first ward summer party in a long time this summer. It was a tribute to those who put it on that the participation was so strong. Great turnout, fun activities, and great food. It's hard to imagine just how isolated we have been, but this party illustrated that we are all better together than apart. I taught the elders quorum lesson last Sunday, and for the first time in I can't remember when it was not broadcast via Zoom, perhaps a harbinger of better things to come. So fun to once again be interacting face to face.

Since the family reunion our pot gut population has retreated to I don't know where. We reclaimed our territory, I guess, and our sheer numbers have scared them all off. Maybe you can examine your personal life and decide where you can take back some territory from the varmints that may have infested your world. It's a good thing for the pot guts that they've scattered, because now I have installed a 6x scope on my .22, and now that it's zeroed in they will not survive their interactions with me in the future. What installations are you making to fortify yourselves?

President Henry J. Eyring

I loved a video that came online today from President Henry J. Eyring of BYU-Idaho in which he is urging his students to get vaccinated if they can before they return to school in Rexburg. His comments were well-reasoned, including the need to be mindful of the residents of the small communities in Idaho which would surely be impacted if an outbreak were to occur there. He also cited concerns about the limited medical and hospital resources in the community. It seems like so many other things in our society, the need for vaccinations has become a political conversation having nothing to do with public health.

I'm watching the air quality index (AQI) every day now, as smoke from California and other western states continues to fill our skies in Utah. Remarkably, we here in Utah have been able reduce the number of huge wildfires this year, but our skies are shrouded with smoke from surrounding states that is fouling our air. Today the AQI has dropped to 109 (it was 151 on Monday) where I am, but that's still a number that has profound health implications. The particulates are smaller and more toxic than the usual winter inversions we suffer in Utah. 

I saw a remark by Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT) the other day where he said he hoped and prayed climate change was caused by man because then we might be able to do something about it. Wherever you land on that argument, be assured that we can and we must do what we can to reduce the harmful impacts we are witnessing this summer. If it isn't COVID-19, it's a variant. If it isn't drought, it's a flood. If it isn't wildfires here in Utah, it's wildfires in California or Montana. If it isn't vaccines, it's masks. If it isn't a government mandate, it's the opposition to a mandate somewhere. The debates seem exhausting don't they?

Let's agree on this: It's been a wonderful summer, and it's made us happier than last summer. So how about taking a giant scoop of a little more happy?

"Give your best advice to the graduating seniors"

Goates Kids, Christmas Eve 2019

This last Christmas I was given the gift of Story Worth, a website that encourages subscribers to write their life story in bite sized pieces. Once a week I am given a topic by my family, who submit subjects they would like me to write about, and then those weekly missives will be collected and bound after a year. This week's topic was timely - "Give your best advice to the graduating seniors."

It’s the month of May, when the graduating seniors are heading out onto the vast uncharted ocean of opportunities ahead of them. They will leave behind the safety of their parents’ cocoon and learn new lessons of life. This year’s batch of high school graduates in our family includes Alex, Spencer and Molly. Rather than confine my comments just to them, I’ll invite all of you to read on as well.

There are websites that have collected all the wisdom of the world from many important and prestigious people. Those gems of wisdom are no doubt sagacious and many of those quotes form the backbone of most commencement speeches that will be given this month. But I am not one who seeks the wisdom of men as my source of advice to others.

1. Seek the Spirit. 

When Elder Bruce R. McConkie was called serve as a mission president in Melbourne, Australia, he decided they needed a mission motto. He took all his missionaries up to a nearby mountaintop and had them fast and pray together to come up with a motto they all liked and would live by. After discussing and offering up several suggestions, they agreed the most important thing they could do in their missionary experience was to seek the Spirit and to obey the Spirit’s promptings. 

As we became parents and discussed what we felt would be the best lesson we could teach our children, we concluded that if we could teach them to recognize and live by the voice of the Spirit our children would always be on the covenant path and would have the direction they needed to inherit eternal life. We did not believe in answering every question for our children. (I know that was frustrating for some.) We did not believe in holding ourselves up as the experts in everything. That would have been exhausting! Instead, we agreed together that our children would be able to navigate all of life’s challenges if they could obtain the priceless gift of the Holy Ghost. We knew we would not always be with them to counsel and guide them, and we also knew the Holy Ghost would be the only infallible guide in which they could trust unerringly in every situation. 

So my number one piece of advice is to seek the Spirit.

2. Read your patriarchal blessing frequently. 

Stake patriarchs are called to be seers to the people among whom they live. They have a direct pipeline to Heavenly Father through which you may obtain your own revelation about your life in mortality and beyond directly from God. It doesn’t matter who the man is that gives you a patriarchal blessing. You may rely upon whatever counsel and advice he gives as though you were receiving it straight from Heavenly Father. It isn’t a horoscope or a mystical magical incantation conjured up through hocus pocus or some other worldly means. It’s God’s personal invitation to you to do certain things with your life that will lead you, like the Spirit, toward eternal life. Treasure up your blessing and heed the counsel and warnings contained in it.

3. Gain all the experience you can in a variety of fields of endeavor. 

Be a generalist to start with, then hone in and focus on areas that you are most interested in as you decide which direction you will pursue in your life. Study and learn always. Never close the book on learning. Read a lot of books. Do a lot of different activities that take you beyond your comfort zone. Travel a lot if you can. Meet a lot of people. Date a lot of people, so that when you meet “the one” you’ll know her or him when you find them. Get sealed in the temple. Start a family. Don’t wait for something to come along at the “right” time when it’s convenient. Love can be messy and it might pop up at the very time you least expect it to. Don’t use a checklist of traits to apply to your future companion. Become the traits you most admire in another instead. Be engaged in doing good things for yourself and others.

In all that doing and getting and learning and exposing yourself to the world around you, make certain the things you are involved with square with what you know about the gospel of Jesus Christ. All knowledge is not the same. Some things are nice to know. Some things are important to know. And some things are absolutely essential to know. Learn to discern the differences between types of knowledge. Learn to be discerning in the sources you seek for learning. Not all the sources are reliable or can be weighted with equal value.

4. Lead others to Christ. 

Follow Christ and His teachings in your own life. A full-time mission isn’t for everyone, but it might be for you. That’s the easiest way to learn to love others and serve others. Do not discount the impact you might have on someone else. It may be many years in coming, but you will inevitably get a phone call someday from someone you touched in a way that might have seemed almost insignificant to you, but they will confirm whatever it was you did or said that had a profound effect upon them. You may have changed someone’s life without even knowing it. Read the Book of Mormon each day if you can. You will meet the Savior as He speaks to you directly from the inspired writings of the prophets. You can open the pages randomly, or you can study it chronologically or topically - it really doesn’t matter - and you will invariably find wisdom and answers to your prayers in miraculous ways.

President Russell M. Nelson

5. Follow the prophet. 

Whoever the man is that presides in this Church, the way of safety and happiness is to listen, study and pray about what the prophet has to say. President Russell M. Nelson is God's prophet on the Earth today. Look to him and the other Apostles for answers. There are no sustaining and inspired answers in politics. If you follow the opinions of men you will be tossed to and fro on the turbulent seas of men's wisdom. The only global politician in whom you can exercise your faith is the living prophet of God. 

* * *

I could go on, but five items is enough. Grandma reminded me when this topic for writing came up that at eighteen years of age we pretty well knew everything and didn’t really need much advice back then. She’s probably right about that. 

I love you all, and pray for your happiness and success in all you do.

Open Letter to My Family

Dear Family -

In the years ahead you will no doubt be telling stories about lessons learned during this COVID-19 laced year of 2020. What will you be telling each other twenty or thirty years from now? Will you recall how the world seemingly shut down over night because of that little virus cell that turned deadly? Will you recall how the pandemic seemed to split families apart or drove them closer together? Will you be saying that it was all over-hyped and that it was a government controlled hoax in an election year? Or will you be recounting the many advantages that you gleaned for closer family togetherness?

Whatever you envision happening to you in the future years as you tell your stories, I would hope that you found some pearls along the COVID-19-strewn pathway. Pandemics are nothing new. We have witnessed them before, and we have overcome them too. Those who have lost loved ones during this pandemic will not soon easily forget the memories. I read a story about a young daughter whose mother is now in the ICU on a ventilator barely clinging to life this week. The mother was a beloved school teacher who welcomed her students back, eager to re-engage with them, only to be struck down by the virus. When interviewed, the daughter admitted that neither she nor her mother had taken all the warnings very seriously about the deadly virus. Now the daughter is pleading for prayers and faith in a miracle that her mother's life might be saved.

I've had friends who contracted the virus and were hospitalized, only to die a few days later. I never thought I would be the one who needed brain surgery until it was me who needed brain surgery, and all that happened during the pandemic. I will forever remember 2020, not as a throw-away year, but as a year full of lessons to increase my faith and to return me to wellness. I will forever remember it as a year when I drew closer to my Savior and His healing power. I will remember the love and the solicitude of my family who fasted and prayed for my welfare, when hope for a full recovery seemed more like a Pollyanna wish than anything else. I will remember how valued our technology was so that we could remotely and virtually enjoy baptisms, baby blessings and welcome home missionaries. 

I will also remember a living loving Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson who has been uniquely qualified because of his medical background to lead the Church during this time. He has said of himself that he is a man of science, but he is foremost a man of faith. 

I will remember how precious the temple became to me as I recited the words of the temple ordinances I had memorized while I was serving as an ordinance worker. I heard those precious words replaying in my mind as I was recovering from surgery, and I was reminded how precious you all are to me. I will always remember how important each of you is to me, and I will forever cherish my relationship with each one of you.

As the Church has begun leading the way carefully back to more normalized worship services each week and gradually reopening the temples, and as governments continue to grapple with the best practices in health care advisories, I have also begun re-thinking what our approach should be as a family as we enter the fall and winter season of family traditions we hold so dear. 

I might have scared you all away with setting some boundaries over travelling to Woodland to be with us. I was responding to an abundance of caution suggested by the medical team who treated me. I have been growing stronger each day, and now feel it is time to consider easing restrictions for us too. Merilee hasn't seen us for a year. It's time to re-evaluate, perhaps, how we might follow the guidance of our living Prophet and still remain safe while interacting with one another.

I hope we may all continue to learn valuable lessons from this year that we can share in some future day with our children and grandchildren. Even in the most extreme circumstances we can exercise our faith in the Savior, have hope in a glorious future, make memories together, and develop the love of Christ in our hearts for all those around us. 

At the very least, let us love one another as never before. Sometimes that's even a virtual long-distance kiss over face time on your smart phone.

Love and blessings to all of you,

Mom and Dad

Eternity in the Making

The morning of December 19, 1969 dawned crisp and clear in Salt Lake City, Utah. I picked up my bride-to-be, Patsy Hewlett, early on our way to the Salt Lake Temple to be sealed for time and for all eternity to each other. My Grandfather, Harold B. Lee, then one of the senior Apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was scheduled to officiate at the ordinance that would bind us to one another. He was very emotional during the brief ceremony, sensing, I felt, the spirits of those who would come through our union. I believe he knew the identities of each one who would come to join our family.

On another December day fifty years later in 2019 we would gather as many of our children and grandchildren as we could to participate in a sealing session in the Salt Lake Temple just before it closed for what will be an extensive four-year renovation. We were assigned to the sealing room behind the old sealing office just off the Celestial Room to perform proxy ordinances of marriage for our deceased ancestors – all family names our family had prepared. One by one we took our turns at the altar in the center of the room and relived again the morning it all began with just the two of us in 1969. This time the altar was surrounded by our cherished posterity, all of whom had been sealed as couples in previous live ordinances for themselves. The realization of that blessing pronounced upon us fifty years earlier had come to pass, fifty years in the making.

Patsy and I have been through many wonderful and challenging times together over those fifty years. Perhaps the most humbling of all has been this last several years as we sought diligently to petition our Father in Heaven for answers to my deteriorating health. The downward slide accelerated in the last six months. I know it is good to be humble without being compelled to be humble, but this last six months especially we have been compelled to be humble. Our circumstances are not unusual for most people as they grow older. Few old people I have known are afraid to die, it’s just the getting there that is so difficult.

We simply could not find that elusive answer to why I was “off” from what everyone had known me to be earlier in my life. Then the meningioma brain tumor was diagnosed, and the answer to the medical mystery was staring right back at us from the doctor’s computer screen. It was the brain that had been squeezed and compressed over a long period.

So compromised had I become pre-surgery that I calculated I was at about a 2 on a 100 scale. I had my heart and my lungs that were still functioning well – everything else had been shut down as my brain’s way of compensating to keep me alive. Simple tasks in earlier years were now seemingly impossible to accomplish. My brain told me I could do these things – I had always done these things – but I had lost the ability to do them. My doctor had told me, “Anybody can exercise for ten minutes a day,” and I agreed in principle to that statement. I had gone for much longer periods of heavier exercise before. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I could barely get out of bed, and then I wobbled badly on my weak leg muscles.  

Post-surgery I wasn’t much better for three weeks. I was childlike. I had to master the control of my bladder and my bowels again like a little child in diapers, and I was wearing adult diapers. I was compelled to be humble. I had to learn to eat for myself again. I had to learn to balance and to walk again, at first mastering only a few steps to the bathroom and back using a walker for balance. I couldn’t do any of those things I had always done until my brain fog cleared and the blood clot that occupied the space where the tumor had been in my brain at the incision spot had dissipated. It took about three weeks.

Now our prayers have been fully answered. I have been cured and I have been healed. Humility is now once again a choice for me.

Fifty years is a long time to be married to the same person. It’s a golden time in our lives now. That’s why no one knew me better than Patsy, and why her instincts (impressions of the Spirit) could not be dismissed so easily. She knew me better than I knew myself, and she certainly knew me better than all the doctors and their scientific training. Once they listened to her and responded to her demands for the MRI, the source of our long struggle for answers was finally revealed.

We have been studying together the outlines of the Book of Mormon chapters in Come Follow Me. We are now into the book of Helaman. There is a constant ebb and flow among the Nephites and Lamanites at this point in their history. One year the Lamanites are repenting and receiving great blessings from the Lord, then they become prideful. Another year the Nephites are repenting, and they become more righteous than the Lamanites and they are blessed continually. Then this one verse leaps out as a pattern scripture for us to learn to live by, whether we are “Lamanites” or “Nephites:”

Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts,  which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God. (Helaman 3:34).

My children are old enough now to see some of their friends who were once faithful members of the Church begin leaving and taking their families with them into the wilderness of apostasy because they have “done their research” and learned about “facts” they were never taught in the Church. They often come to me with their stories about their friends who have left, and they are saddened by the stories they read on their friends’ social media pages about their reasons for leaving. I encourage my children to be patient and to try to be like Heavenly Father. Can you imagine Him pacing around His throne wringing His hands over every soul who turns away for a season? Having vouched safe the moral agency of His children from the beginning and put a Redeemer in place to assure the demands of justice are fully satisfied through mercy conditioned upon the repentance of His children, He waits patiently for the fruits of the vineyard to come forth in the glorious harvest He envisions for each of His children. That’s the perspective we must have too – be patient and wait for the harvest that will surely come.

Mormon uses a phrase “thus we see” as an editorial comment in his editorial work of summarizing the records:

Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked – And land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers to go no more out. (Helaman 3:29-30).

Let us all “lay hold” upon the word of God, slow down, turn down the noise in our busy lives, take a deep breath, ponder and pray, follow the pattern given to us as cited above, and land our souls at the right hand of God.

 We are in a war for our souls. Believe me I know that as never before. In the varied battles of life Satan takes many prisoners and inflicts many injuries and even deaths. But if we are true and faithful, we will prevail in the final battle of this war, for so it has been written and the scriptures are true. We are building for the eternities, and we are just now beginning to discern the light at the end of the long tunnel of sin and deception.

In Tribute to Patsy Hewlett Goates

Merilee and Patsy Goates

This week I've been living with two of my favorite women under one roof - my wife and our youngest daughter, Merilee. I realize in this circumstance three's a crowd, and I gladly accept my fate as a husband and father. They've been having way too much fun together, and I'm not about to spoil that by demanding equal time from either one.

We've been doing a lot of celebrating around here lately. Our 40th grandchild, Emma Lynn Goates, was blessed and received a father's blessing from her father, Andrew, last Sunday. She completes another circle of four generations of women in our family! We gathered in sacrament meeting where she was blessed and for a brunch following that coincided with Emma Lynn's mother's graduation from BYU. Congratulations Jessica!

Jessica, Peggy, Emma Lynn, Patsy

En route to the meeting, Merillee and BBF Kate got lost in Orem trying to find the building. After several attempts and text messages and conversations on cell phones trying to guide her to the meeting, they gave up and parked the car awaiting a rescue when the meeting was over. Her final text was classic, and provided an object lesson that will serve her well in the mission field: "We're tired of wandering around in circles, and we're lost. Will you PLEASE just come and find us and rescue us and show us the way back to Andrew's home when the meeting is over?"

Jessica, Emma Lynn, Andrew

The reason the object lesson is so profound is that Merilee will depart next week as the eighth missionary from our family for the Missionary Training Center in Provo, prior to her departure to the Washington D.C. South Mission, headquartered in Virginia. I reminded Merilee to treasure up in her heart the feelings she had as a lost soul, because it will help her identify with so many potential converts she will encounter on her mission.

It's all about perspective, and no one understood "perspective" better than Joseph Smith, unless it was the Savior Himself. Incarcerated against his will and falsely accused, Joseph Smith languished through the bitter cold winter months of 1838-39 in his dungeon temple - a Missouri hell hole ironically named Liberty Jail.

Liberty Jail

From his pen flowed these incredible words that follow, later canonized as scripture. These words illustrate the lofty revelatory heights to which an itinerant unlearned plow boy had risen in a few short years. One cannot read these words today and fail to be impressed with the prophetic insight Joseph possessed. The false claims and outrageous bigotry still raging today against him and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will someday have its end, but for the moment we can stand in awe of his prophetic tone:

And all that are in the magazines, and in the encyclopedias, and all the libelous histories that are published, and are writing, and by whom, and present the whole concatenation of diabolical rascality and nefarious and murderous impositions that have been practised upon this people —

That we may not only publish to all the world, but present them to the heads of government in all their dark and hellish hue, as the last effort which is enjoined on us by our Heavenly Father, before we can fully and completely claim that promise which shall call him forth from his hiding place; and also that the whole nation may be left without excuse before he can send forth the power of his mighty arm.

It is an imperative duty that we owe to God, to angels, with whom we shall be brought to stand, and also to ourselves, to our wives and children, who have been made to bow down with grief, sorrow, and care, under the most damning hand of murder, tyranny, and oppression, supported and urged on and upheld by the influence of that spirit which hath so strongly riveted the creeds of the fathers, who have inherited lies, upon the hearts of the children, and filled the world with confusion, and has been growing stronger and stronger, and is now the very mainspring of all corruption, and the whole earth groans under the weight of its iniquity.

It is an iron yoke, it is a strong band; they are the very handcuffs, and chains, and shackles, and fetters of hell.

Therefore it is an imperative duty that we owe, not only to our own wives and children, but to the widows and fatherless, whose husbands and fathers have been murdered under its iron hand;

Which dark and blackening deeds are enough to make hell itself shudder, and to stand aghast and pale, and the hands of the very devil to tremble and palsy.

And also it is an imperative duty that we owe to all the rising generation, and to all the pure in heart —


For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it —


Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven —


These should then be attended to with great earnestness.

Let no man count them as small things; for there is much which lieth in futurity, pertaining to the saints, which depends upon these things.

You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. (D&C 123:5-17, emphasis mine).

Despite the opposition, we are still in a season of gathering, and it is a prolonged season because of the patience of God. We are gathering the gatherers still, searching for the predominant blood of the sons of Israel flowing in the veins of the descendants of Joseph's sons, Ephraim and Manasseh. It is "believing blood." They are the good people of the earth who are searching to be reclaimed from their fallen and lost condition and to be brought into the light of the fullness of the restored gospel. They are lost and we know the way. They want it, but they simply do not yet know where to find it.

Merilee and all those 56,000 missionaries like her scattered throughout the earth today, will lead them one by one into the light, point the way to happiness now and everlasting joy eternally. She will lead them into the light and when they meet her they will find the missing piece in their lives explaining their mortal condition in simple and cogent terms even a child can understand. She will help lead them home to the stakes of Zion where safety and hope abide in the midst of a chaotic world gone mad. Oh, did I mention she's going to the belly of THAT beast in Washington D. C.? I love that part. . .

The other significant event this week was Patsy's birthday. I titled this post as a tribute to her. I am so grateful for this magnificent woman. As we sat at dinner with her mother the other night, I commented that the best thing her mother did in this life was giving birth to this choice daughter whom I married for time and for all eternity on a December morning many moons ago. She has welcomed thirteen choice and extraordinary children - one at a time. For twenty years she was bearing children. We once calculated the number of months (including miscarriages) she had been pregnant. It was a large number we have both blissfully forgotten as we entered grand-parenthood.

Together we have coached an All-Star team of superstars. We have walked together through sunshine and shadows. Each child is a unique creation, so similar in their extraordinary spiritual gifts, but so divergent in personality, temperament and talents. When asked which we love best, the simplest answer is whoever we're with at the moment.

We used to think we loved them so much when we were all together as a nuclear family, but as we now bid farewell to our youngest and we have witnessed the addition of spouses who outshine even our children, and they have in turn welcomed 40 grandchildren into the mix, we cannot say more than "our cup truly runneth over."

As a husband and father, it is Patsy to whom I owe everything in the joy and realization of all these supernal blessings. I've always said she did the heavy lifting on the homefront, and I did the easy part - I got to go off to work every day. Giving herself as she has through all these years to me, her children and now her grandchildren is what she has excelled at.

When we were younger and having our family, we were often reminded about how wicked the world was, and we were questioned routinely about whether bringing so many children into such a wicked world was well-advised. Now that they are grown, we can refer our critics to each of our children and have them ask, "Are you happy to be in such a wicked world, or would you have been better off never being born?"

I'm hoping they would all answer that mortal life has been considered a gift, having a physical body enshrouding their eternal spirit is a blessing, and the prospects of eternal life despite all the opposition is worth it all. Only as we bring children into this world and become parents ourselves do we begin to grasp the significance of the great plan of happiness. As a grandfather in my advancing years, I am only now beginning to understand the full implications of the word, "FATHER."

There's a magnet on our refrigerator door in the kitchen, bearing words from an unknown author:

"Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow a Mystery,
Today is a Gift,
That's why it's called the Present."

Every day for the next eighteen months, Sister Merilee Goates will give a gift of inestimable worth to the lost souls she encounters - she will give a present of herself as she has never given before.

Every day of her life, my beloved companion Patsy has given me a present of inestimable worth - the gift of herself. She has demonstrated that in the giving - only in the giving - is the getting.

So today, I pay homage to the two women under my roof, and in the case of the younger we wish her well as she embarks on her latest adventure.

To the older, I owe everything. Thank you Patsy.

Family Foreordination

Yesterday we had the blessing of witnessing the baptism of yet another grandchild. Recently, it was Molly and Spencer. These choice young spirits who have been sent to our family in the third generation continue to amaze and humble me. Present by invitation at yesterday’s baptism was Alex’s best friend, not a member of the Church. At age eight he is already a missionary. Even before that he gifted his kindergarten teacher with a Book of Mormon.

There is little doubt in my mind these spirits who are coming to earth in these last days are uniquely prepared for the days that lie ahead. Alex carries his scriptures with him in a special carrying case with the image of a basketball imprinted on it. Our grandchildren are all exceptional (you may discount these words if you choose, because it’s a grandfather talking about his grandchildren) but I fear no contradiction for those who know them well.

Alex

In a note to Alex I observed the new layer of snow on the ground (I know, April 30th, still snowing in Utah), and how the covering of white symbolized the purity of one who is baptized. Certainly, Alex will make mistakes, he will sin, but in the sacrament each week and in repentance the gospel offers purity going forward from one's baptismal day. 

Prompted by events, e-mails and questions lately, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this matter of parentage, foreordination and family life. How soon did we know about families? Where did we learn our first lessons about families? How were we organized before we came into this mortal world? We are organized into families here, we know we will be organized into families hereafter if we remain faithful, so how does that knowledge inform us about how we were organized before? How much agency was at work in our choices about which families we would come to?

These are some of the questions that arise. I doubt there is a single influence that permeates our existence more than the families into which we are born. The age-old debate about nature versus nurture will perhaps never be fully resolved to our satisfaction, but who we are, what we become and how our character is shaped is certainly the pre-eminent result of the laboratory of home and family. Regardless of how we start, it is how we finish that is important. Improvement is the goal, and we are free to choose outcomes. Nothing is pre-determined that will not yield to faith and perseverance.

There may be no more important facet of the doctrine of foreordination than how it plays out in the families to which we come. Is that ultimate designation made by assignment, by agency and freedom of choice, or by merit or by divine randomness? Without knowledge of the plan of salvation, most would conclude our family situation is merely a matter of the randomness of the universe.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie

It would be hard for a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to conclude anything less than the family unit being central to God's designs. With Scott Strong, I have written extensively about this topic in the past. Elder Bruce R. McConkie wrote, ". . .the Lord operates through families. He himself lives in the family unit; it is his eternal system of government in heaven and on earth, and he always offers as much of his own system to men as they are willing to receive." (A New Witness for the Articles of Faith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1985], 35).

In addition to foreordination to lineage, there is evidence to indicate that there is, at least in certain cases, foreordination to favored families. President Harold B. Lee affirmed that, generally, we come to certain families as a reward or blessing for our premortal lives.

President Harold B. Lee

Said he at the last General Conference where he presided,

Now then, to make a summary of what I have just read, may I ask each of you again the question, “Who are you?” You are all the sons and daughters of God. Your spirits were created and lived as organized intelligences before the world was. You have been blessed to have a physical body because of your obedience to certain commandments in that premortal state. You are now born into a family to which you have come, into the nations through which you have come, as a reward for the kind of lives you lived before you came here and at a time in the world’s history, as the apostle Paul taught the men of Athens and as the Lord revealed to Moses, determined by the faithfulness of each of those who lived before this world was created. (“Understanding Who We Are Brings Self-Respect," Ensign, January 1974, 7).

It was his view there had been a premortal assignment to specific families based upon our faithfulness in the pre-existence.

President Brigham Young

Joseph Smith appeared in vision to Brigham Young at Council Bluffs, Iowa, on February 17, 1847. The full account is longer, but here's the partial quote that applies to this topic:

Our Father in Heaven organized the human family, but they are all disorganized and in great confusion.

Joseph then showed me the pattern, how they were in the beginning.

This I cannot describe, but I saw it, and saw where the Priesthood had been taken from the earth and how it must be joined together, so that there would be a perfect chain from Father Adam to his latest posterity.

Joseph again said, “Tell the people to be sure to keep the Spirit of the Lord and follow it, and it will lead them just right." (Journal History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, February 23, 1847, LDS Church Archives).

I’ll lay out a few more statements, then draw a conclusion. There can be little doubt of the noble heritage of our prophets from Joseph Smith to Thomas S. Monson. They were certainly among the “noble and great ones” in the pre-existence. (Abraham 3:22). Brigham Young described it this way, pertaining to the foreordination of Joseph Smith:

It was decreed in the counsels of eternity, long before the foundations of the earth were laid, that [Joseph Smith] should be the man, in the last dispensation of this world, to bring forth the word of God to the people, and receive the fulness of the keys and power of the Priesthood of the Son of God. The Lord had his eye upon him, and upon his father, and upon his father's father, and upon their progenitors clear back to Abraham, and from Abraham to the flood, from the flood to Enoch, and from Enoch to Adam. He has watched that family and that blood as it has circulated from its fountain to the birth of that man. (JD, 7:289-290).

President Spencer W. Kimball

When President Spencer W. Kimball was sustained as President of the Church, Elder Bruce R. McConkie made this statement:

May I take President Spencer W. Kimball as an illustration and pattern of one who was prepared, foreordained, and called to leadership among the Lord's people. He was, it is true, born in the household of faith. . .

But more than mortal birth. . . [is] involved. He was born in the household of faith for a reason. . . The fact is, he is a spirit son of God who was called and chosen and foreordained before the foundations of the earth were laid, and he is now fulfilling the destiny designed for him from the pre-existence. ("God Foreordains His Prophets and His People," Ensign, May 1974, 72).

If this assignment of spirits based upon pre-existent spirit faithfulness can be applied to prophets who come to faithful families, it can certainly be applied to others who are not among the “pre-eminent” families who govern the Church. It is also important to point out that the details have not been fully revealed. Let’s be careful, therefore, in making broad generalizations.

President John Taylor

Elder John Taylor published an article entitled "The Origin and Destiny of Woman" in the August 29, 1857 edition of The Mormon. He hinted, "You also chose a kindred spirit whom you loved in the spirit world (and who had permission to come to this planet and take a tabernacle), to be your head, stay, husband and protector on the earth and to exalt you in eternal worlds. All these were arranged, likewise the spirits that should tabernacle through your lineage." (Cited in N. B. Lundwall, compiler, The Vision [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, n.d.], 145-148).

Was he giving a specific answer to one woman here, or did he intend a wider interpretation?

Two prophets at a much later date seemed to suggest the former. President Joseph Fielding Smith taught there is "no scriptural justification. . . for the belief that we had the privilege of choosing our parents and our life companions in the spirit world." (The Way to Perfection [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1972], 44).

In 1966, Elder Harold B. Lee stated, "we have no revealed word" on the extent to which premortal choices of family members were made. He then cautioned we should not accept or teach ideas that cannot be firmly established in the standard works or by inspired utterances of the living prophets. 

First Presidency, 1971

In 1971, while serving in The First Presidency, both men once again declared, "We have no revealed word to the effect that when we were in the preexistent state we chose our parents and our husbands and wives." (The First Presidency, 1971, cited by Steve F. Gilliland in, "I Have a Question," Ensign, June 1977, 40).

When we examine the make-up of some families, isn’t it obvious there are disparities, and that all are not alike? There's an old expression that you can choose your friends, but you don't get to choose your brother. So did we? The ranks of the disaffected former members of the Church are filled with those who were closest to the prophets. One prominent Church family may produce a deviant sex offender whose brother may be a stake president. Even some political observers I've spoken with have asked, observing Mike Lee and Harry Reid, "How can the same Church 'family' produce two such diametrically opposed points of view?" But I digress. I wonder if our Heavenly Father sends some of his most noble and great spirits to the least likely families because he knows his choice spirit sons and daughters may bring spiritual blessings to the rest of the family that might not otherwise be available. We must never judge someone's premortal character or performance based on current parentage or family conditions. Certainly, that applies to the political 'family' of the U.S. Senate, where Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch could befriend one another.

Again, God’s foreknowledge never impedes our ability to freely choose, not in the pre-existence, not here, and certainly not later in the spirit world or into the resurrection. I have come to conclude this about God, largely through my observations of a lifetime. (It's not doctrinal, only an observation). As a parent, wouldn't He want as many of His children as possible to achieve exaltation and eternal life with Him? I'm only beginning to understand that perspective as a grandfather of many in the third generation. I would want each to be with me again someday after this life. Wouldn't God? Wouldn't every father? Wouldn't any father and grandfather reach through the veil to the extent he were permitted to assist in bringing about that eventuality? To as many as will come, He will afford each child at whatever stage in their existence, ample opportunities to “get it right.” Life is a continuum, and this mortal probation is a blink in the eyeball of eternity.

President Boyd K. Packer

Noting the power of our covenants, I believe it is what led President Boyd K. Packer to conclude in an address to our stake, “When we go beyond the veil we will be surprised at how different things are. But we’ll also be surprised at how similar things are. If we don’t get things fixed here we’ll get them fixed there, but don’t give up.”

There is simply too much breakage in our mortal probation to draw hard and fast conclusions about eternal life before we get there. When one is young and idealistic, it is easy to picture oneself as one of the "few" who is chosen. It smacks of the precise number of 144,000 of Jehovah's Witnesses who will be saved.

What do I mean by "breakage?" After writing this post this morning we attended a ward fast and testimony meeting. It was a cascade of witnesses, six in all, who testified of their gratitude for second marriages, a chance to begin anew and to foster hope for their eternal inheritance despite an earlier failure for undisclosed reasons in their first marriages. Each of the sisters wept openly for the privilege of finally having a righteous priesthood holder in her home, a blessing for which many had longed for years.

So in old age, the kind of thinking tending toward unfettered idealism gives way to quiet contemplation and hope for a large dose of mercy administered to those who fall in this life. And not just for those who fall, but perhaps more importantly for those who are innocently affected by the sins of other family members. We certainly have enough information to reach for eternal life here and now, and through the power of the atonement we may yearn for it, hope for it and expect it. The "breakage" can be swept up, the broken things can be mended, and hope can triumph even when it isn't perfect the first time around.

No longer is it a question for me of what we've earned, what we're entitled to by our birthright or our relative righteousness ("I did better than you at keeping the commandments"), but rather what follows perfectionism is a quiet assurance of the majesty of the atonement in all its perfections. Do we really know everything about what constitutes a full opportunity to receive what He referred to as "the greatest of all the gifts of God" yet? (See D&C 6:13). I doubt it. Ask yourselves, would Heavenly Father prefer a small number of exalted beings ("but few are chosen"), or the vast majority of His children to be exalted? As a grandfather, I feel like I am barely coming to understand the answer.

In the meantime while we see through the glass darkly today, all the principles of the gospel still apply here and now – repent early, often and continuously – regardless of who your birth fathers and mothers might be. Live the gospel the best you know how, despite a parent who may have set a poor example and turned away in shame or guilt who hasn't returned yet. In the big eternal picture we are all sons and daughters of God, giving us all the nobility we need to inherit eternal life, if obedient in whatever stage we may find ourselves in our progression.

"If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." (D&C 6:13).

Can You Imagine?

This time of year is a good time for love and marriage.  Pasty and I were married in December.

The Goates Kids

Back in the day, we imagined having a family.  She always said she wanted a large family.  Her wishes came true.  Having a large family, however, takes a lot more living than merely wishing it into existence.

We were remembering this week, having both recently suffered a mild 24-hour variety of the annual flu bug, that it was a long time ago when either of us suffered that fleeting but uncomfortable malady.  In fact, it was a memorable evening when the flu bug visited our humble abode by striking down one child at a time.  I was the only one who escaped that night, but paid the price a few days later.  Every hour on the hour that night I was up with each in turn, cleaning up the remains, washing sheets, changing beds, mopping bathroom floors and toilets.  It's funny now, looking back all these years, not as funny that night.

We were all together at Thanksgiving, well most of us anyway.  We counted 47 for dinner.  The accompanying picture is the grandchildren who came (some of them).  We were missing three families that day, but saw one family the next day.  Only two families remained at home, one in Montana, the other Chicago.  That condition is soon to be partly remedied, as the Goates family currently living in Chicago is coming home the end of January to live once again among us.  Yippee!

The future is bright.  As I look upon these little grandchildren (we are tending one today), I am always keenly aware of their purity and innocence.  I cannot imagine a man so heinous that he would intentionally harm or injure one of these little daughters of God.  In the expectation, joy and promise in their eyes, we can see the future.  In their countenances we look upon the face of God.

Carl Sandburg once famously observed, "A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."

I was amused at a comment Bill Cosby made years ago, when he said, "Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."

Ten fingers, Ten toes
She's laughter and teardrops
So small and brand new
And amazingly angelic
She's sent to bless you
She's one special Baby
The best of life's treasure
And will grant and bless you
Many hours of great pleasure.
Author Unknown

Like most of our local community in and around Salt Lake City, we have observed Elizabeth Smart's silent ordeal unfold in a very public and intrusive way since she was first abducted eight years ago in 2002.  Can you imagine that she survived alive after nine months of unimaginable daily abuse, terror and rapacious behavior at the hands of her captor?  This is miracle enough.  That she matured gracefully, surmounted her teenage years and decided to serve as a missionary is unbelievable.

Elizabeth Smart

Brian Mitchell

The contrast between her and her perpetrator is stark!  They shared each other's lives for nine torturous months -- one forcing his will, the other surrendering hers to survive day to day.  Her direct testimony against him is credited with the eventual jury verdict of Mitchell's guilt.
  
The details need not be repeated here. They can be found everywhere:  Here's the story of the trial's conclusion.  Here's the story of the jurors' news conference.

It's a human interest story that every parent of every little girl hopes will never be repeated.  The world in which we live is filled with terror, evil of every kind and doom and gloom on every newscast.  It's the stuff of which the nightly news is made.  As long as the evil and the horror is news, we can be assured there is still goodness with which it can be contrasted, and that is a good thing.  When we are no longer abhorred and repulsed by it we are past feeling.  That is a frightening prospect.  News, by definition, should be extraordinary -- out of the ordinary.  The mundacity of life is a sign normalcy is still achievable, even in the midst of unspeakable evil.

Can you imagine an outcome that despite all the adversity and hardship, all the improbable possibilities, all the naysayers and all the prophets of doom and gloom notwithstanding, could be fabulous and achievable anyway?

Can you imagine that overcoming whatever evil (no matter what its label) has grabbed you by the tail and is shaking you about like a rag doll, can be eventually overthrown and that you can one day be victorious?

Can you imagine that no matter how abusive or angry or indifferent or unloving your parents may have been to you that you can chart a completely different course in your life and no longer be held captive by the past through love and forgiveness unfeigned?

Can you imagine the worst thing on earth happening to one of your pure and innocent little girls and still being able to find love and forgiveness for the perpetrator even before the slow demands of justice are fully satisfied?

Can you imagine as a victim of horrific crime modeling your responses and taking strength from the example of one like Elizabeth Smart, confronting her abuser face to face, standing up for the truth, recounting all that was taken from you, and rising above it all to serve others selflessly despite all the damage inflicted?

Can you imagine that no matter how negative the news may be today a brighter tomorrow looms up ahead just over the next horizon, no further away than the next sunrise?

Can you imagine seeing the fulfillment of all your sacrifice and service in the faces of your little grandchildren someday?

Can you imagine?

Then someday, like Elizabeth Smart, you may receive His image in your countenance.  (Alma 5:19).

The Scriptures: Like a "Big Daddy Hug"

We have a family website we use to keep in touch with each other.  For ten years we have compiled letters, stories, pictures, and intimate pleas for faith and prayers for each other.  We have shared each other's lives and kept in touch, though the miles have separated us as an extended family. 

Patsy reminded me tonight about an e-mail exchange dating back several years.  She is preparing for a Relief Society meeting tomorrow night.  Her topic is the value of scripture study.  She recalled this story and asked me for a copy of it.  As I re-read the words, I thought it might be useful to many others and decided to share it here.

For each of us there is always a "big daddy hug" when we seek solace in the scriptures:

January 1, 2004

Dad,

I just wanted to take a second to thank you for all you do to keep us in touch with each other. I just spent a while today (two separate times) trying to catch up on some of the letters and journal pages from the past month or so. What a blessing it is in my life to be able to turn this computer on and feel close to not only you, but Mel and Jake [a sister and a brother then serving as missionaries] who are on the other end of the earth. Their journal pages and letters, and your letters to them are truly inspiring. As I read these amazing experiences and testimonies of these younger brothers and sisters I just can't help but admire them for the wonderful people they have become and the awesome examples they are to me. I can't believe that I was ever called "the brilliant one" because I really feel like the dumb bell now.

I am thankful for the experiences I have had these past few months and years and can see the wisdom of a loving Heavenly Father in allowing me to have them. I especially appreciated your letter to Mel and Sis. Sorenson about being healed and the will of the Lord. I have been a brat, whiny, wondering why I have to go through these things, why I have to do all these things I find no joy in, etc. But I have come to realize that through these experiences, I have gained a greater understanding and compassion for people who suffer with depression. Before I always just thought why can't they get over it? or they just must not have enough faith. It is amazing to me how judgmental we can all be even when we don't think we are.

It has been an interesting experience being in this calling and now being released this past week. I have come to the conclusion that we may always feel like we could have or should have done more in a calling, but we can also feel like we have served well and done the best that we could have done with the other circumstances in our lives. As I have reflected on this past almost 2 years in the YW, I came to the conclusion that I really did accomplish what I set out to do and what I was challenged to do by my bishop. He told me to love the girls through good and bad, to love the Lord and share that love and my testimony with the girls, to get them focused on the path that leads them to the temple and to help them to "come unto Christ."

Someone made the comment to my friend Linda this week about how great the new YW pres will be because she has so much enthusiasm and will be so fun. I was grateful that Linda came back with "Well Emily has brought a spirituality to the Young Women that I for one (as a mother of one of the YW) am grateful for." It is true, I probably wasn't very fun for some of the girls, I cut a lot of the fluff, but I don't think the girls could ever deny that I love them and that I shared my testimony with them and that we were focused on the temple. It just frustrates me that some people have to be so critical. Why is it that we can't just appreciate each other for our unique talents and abilities and realize that we are all human and therefore prone to be imperfect. It is these people that think they do everything right and have perfectly well-behaved children who are all "shoulding" on me that drive me crazy. Can't we all just love? I am actually really looking forward to getting outta here and moving on. I am excited about my new, bigger house and a new and fresh ward to start over in. I have let a few too many things get in the way lately of what is really important and look forward to this new experience and year to set some of my priorities back in order. I will miss some of the people here, but we've been there done that and I know we will see them all again eventually (whether in this life or the next) and hey, that's what Christmas cards are for right?

Anyway, I don't know exactly where that all came from because really I just wanted to tell you that I love you and am so thankful for your influence in my life. This was sort of a rushed holiday season, so I didn't get much out to others, but I did eat a box of orange sticks in honor of you and I have spent a lot of time counting my blessings. My family is at the very top of my list of those blessings. Thank you for showing us, not telling us. Thank you for your patience with me. I have felt that I have really struggled with a lot of basic things this past year and am so thankful for the foundation that you and mom have given me to help combat that. This depression thing really sucks sometimes. I find myself barely able to cope with the most simple things sometimes and I never used to be like that. I have been thankful that Di and Mom talked me into seeing a counselor because she has helped me to see things in a different light and realize that I can do things for myself and discover again who I am and what my talents are. She also has given me some techniques to use to help pull me out of the funk - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but it is good advice nevertheless. Thank you for your love and support.

I did want to tell you an experience I had a few months ago.....it was one night when everyone had gone to bed and I was feeling especially low, sad, and really lonely. Jay was tired and had gone to bed without telling me he was going and all I could think was that I just really wanted a big hug from my daddy. Just a big hug that says I love you and everything will be okay. It was late and I knew it couldn't happen because you are so far away physically. My Book of Mormon was laying on the side of the couch and I thought well, if my dad can't be here in person to give me a hug, maybe if I open this book I can feel closer to him and to my Father in Heaven as well. And it worked, it settled me down and lifted my spirit and filled me with love and hope. I also made that connection because I knew of your love for the B of M and the gospel of Jesus Christ. When I told my counselor about the experience her comment was "What a wonderful thing that you have an earthly father that is so wonderful that you get a glimpse of the love our Heavenly Father has for us too. And that you can make that connection so easily. Many people don't get that from their fathers and therefore have a totally different take on what our Heavenly Father is like." So in a sense, I felt like you were there with me that night when I needed a hug, because of the things you had taught me in my youth and because you had taught me where to look for comfort and support.

I love you, daddy of mine. There have been days when I wish I could just go back in time and be the carefree little girl again, instead of the mommy. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful childhood and providing me with such a happy home. You really made it look a lot easier than I am finding it is to provide for my own children. I hope you have had a great holiday season and look forward to being closer so we can see you more often.

Love, Em

* * *

Fast Forward 7 Years

Em --

How I love you, and your sweet expressions in your e-mail this morning. I was particularly humbled by your story about finding that big daddy hug in the Book of Mormon. There have been so many times in my life when I felt all alone, and like you, I have found the guidance and comfort I was seeking again and again in the Book of Mormon.

I remembered when I read about your therapist's comments an experience so many years ago when George and Janice [not their real names] were going through their winter of discontent with their parents on both sides. George made a comment to me once about his father, who was emotionally and physically abusive. He said he had never been able to visualize a loving and compassionate Heavenly Father because of the abusive nature of his relationship with his earthly father. I am so grateful to have not repeated that pattern in my children's lives -- hopefully so far so good anyway. . .

When I pointed out to George and Janice the pattern the scriptures reveal of who our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ really are, he could scarcely understand it. Interestingly though, somewhere along the line he must have discovered the truth, because today I see him fulfilling his role as a father with great success and happiness, even though he missed it in his own life. That's the lesson, I suppose, to do for our own families what we missed in our childhood. I know we weren't perfect -- maybe your memory is simply fading away after all these years -- but I am grateful for whatever degree of happiness you have received because that was always our greatest desire to help you find happiness and fulfillment.

Em, let me share one other important insight. I smiled when I read the part about feeling like the dunce these days. Let me assure you -- it only gets worse. I wish I had the self-assurance I felt when I was nineteen as a green missionary. No matter how long we live and no matter whatever degree of success we may attain in the world's eyes, we are only happy if we achieve what we alone determine with our companion is the definition of our success. If we set our standard for measurement by anyone else's expectations, we are sad and frustrated most of the time because we never measure up to those false traditions and standards that others may superimpose upon us. It is only by looking deep within ourselves that we finally and accurately determine what we will define as success in our own lives, and thus finally and accurately determine what Heavenly Father's purposes in our lives can be magnified with our submission to his will. He will always make of us something far greater and finer than we can ever make of ourselves in the eyes of others.

I can't begin to tell you how pleased Mom and I have been as we have observed the step-by-step spiritual process that you and Jay have undertaken in the last several months to finally arrive at this point of embarkation on another important step in your progress as you move to Rexburg. We could sense for so long your collective frustrations with the NFL imperatives that took Jay away from home so often, particularly on Sunday. Looking back now, you can both readily observe the Lord's hand in it, guiding you step by slow and tortured step to this decision. That will be even truer in the years ahead, I believe. And we are grateful that in it all you have found the keys to receiving answers to your prayers.

We often wonder why it has to be so painful, and I can tell you both by my own experiences this past year how valuable the chastening can be in our spiritual progression. God only chastens us when he is determined to show us his love for us. The chastening is what produces the true disciples, because only in the chastening are we purified. It's a true principle, and he only chastens those he loves most who are seeking membership in his kingdom.

I know this move will require sacrifice, and in the sacrifice will emerge the blessings you seek as a family. How often have I wondered what might have been if we had stayed in SLC, living in relative ease and comfort in our spacious home. What if? We can always speculate endlessly on the question, can't we? But I truly believe after all these years of observing the consequences of that choice to move to our wilderness home in Woodland, that we took the path "less travelled" and that truly "has made all the difference." And so it will be for you and Jay. I cannot accurately forecast today what the future will hold for you both and for your children, but I do know this much -- God is in the details, and now you can embrace him more fully having chosen him first.

This morning we are buried in snow. There are two feet on the back deck that was shovelled off two days ago! The prayers for moisture have been answered in Utah. The wind was blowing all night last night and drifting snow everywhere!

All my love, and hugs and kisses to Logan, Katelyn and Spencer -- I loved your pictures!!

Dad