What Is The Relationship Between Faith and Science?

Ben, thank you for this probing question. It has usually been asked in the spirit of pitting truth against science. Which one is more accurate, or to which one should we give preference?

President Boyd K. Packer

I have always valued the sagacious wisdom of President Boyd K. Packer, who noted:

“The Spirit of Christ can enlighten the inventor, the scientist, the painter, the sculptor, the composer, the performer, the architect, the author to produce great, even inspired things for the blessing and good of all mankind.

“This Spirit can prompt the farmer in his field and the fisherman on his boat. It can inspire the teacher in the classroom, the missionary in presenting his discussion. It can inspire the student who listens. And of enormous importance, it can inspire husband and wife, and father and mother.” (Boyd K. Packer, “The Light of Christ,”Ensign, April 2005, 10, emphasis mine).

The Lord declares, “All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence.” (D&C 93:30, emphasis mine).

President Boyd K. Packer, in the article I quoted earlier, taught:

“Every man, woman, and child of every nation, creed, or color — everyone, no matter where they live or what they believe or what they do — has within them the imperishable Light of Christ. In this respect, all men are created equally. The Light of Christ in everyone is a testimony that God is no respecter of persons (see D&C 1:35). He treats everyone equally in that endowment with the Light of Christ.” (Boyd K. Packer, ibid).

The Light of Christ, which every mortal on earth possesses, is what Lehi had in mind when he declared, “And men are instructed sufficiently that they know good from evil. … And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves.” (2 Nephi 2:5, 26).

Mormon urged: “Search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.” (Moroni 7:19).

The scriptures are simply the most accurate guide we may apply to Ben’s question, as well as every other question we might suggest. It’s where my mind always takes me first, in addition to the living oracles who lead and preside among us in these last days.

President Harold B. Lee

I went WAY BACK in my memory this morning to a talk none of you would have heard of because it was delivered near the end of his mortal life in 1973, by my Grandfather, President Harold B. Lee. He titled it simply “Closing Remarks.”

“And so, in the closing moments of this conference, I have been moved as I think I have never been moved before in all my life. If it were not for the assurance that I have that the Lord is near to us, guiding, directing, the burden would be almost beyond my strength, but because I know that he is there, and that he can be appealed to, and if we have ears to hear attuned to him, we will never be left alone.

“I am grateful for strong men like President Tanner and President Romney and the Twelve and all the General Authorities, who are united more so than I have ever experienced before during my lifetime. The General Authorities are united and working together and are speaking with one voice to the world.

“Follow the Brethren, listen to the Brethren. I bear you my witness as one whom the Lord has brought to this place, as Brother Gordon Hinckley has said. I thank the Lord that I may have passed some of the tests, but maybe there will have to be more before I shall have been polished to do all that the Lord would have me do.

“Sometimes when the veil has been very thin, I have thought that if the struggle had been still greater that maybe then there would have been no veil. I stand by, not asking for anything more than the Lord wants to give me, but I know that he is up there and he is guiding and directing.

“I extend my blessings to you wonderful Saints. Go back to your homes now. Take the love of the General Authorities to your people. We extend to those who are not members of the Church the hand of fellowship. May we reach out to those who have lost their sense of direction and, before it is too late, try to win them back into the fold; because they are all God’s children, and he wants us to save all of them.

“Peace be with you, not the peace that comes from the legislation in the halls of congress, but the peace that comes in the way that the Master said, by overcoming all the things of the world. That God may help us so to understand and may you know that I know with a certainty that defies all doubt that this is his work, that he is guiding us and directing us today, as he has done in every dispensation of the gospel, and I say that with all the humility of my soul, in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.” (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1973/10/closing-remarks?lang=eng).
That concluding address to the Saints in October General Conference would be his final one. He would be gone by December 26, 1973, after a shockingly short administration everyone had expected would be much longer because of his 20-year age differential with President Joseph Fielding Smith. When his surprising death came, we all looked back and realized he had been saying his benediction at the end of General Conference.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I have intentionally avoided in my answer anything that might resemble giving any credence to the notion that somehow faith and science are mutually exclusive. They are NOT!! Our enemies are fond of pitting us against each other with similarly posited “controversies.” There is eternal harmony in TRUTH, whether it comes from science or religion. We are taught in sacred precincts, “All truth may be circumscribed into one great whole.” We carry the symbol of that eternal truth in the sacred temple garments each of us wears every day.

President Russell M. Nelson

Now to put a fine point on this question, Ben, I turn to perhaps our most recent and most famous scientist/Apostle, even President Russell M. Nelson, who was a world-renowned heart surgeon. He brilliantly reconciles below what might only appear to be two competing worlds in his life:

“After graduating from medical school, I pursued advanced education in surgery. At that time there was no such thing as heart surgery. Then I teamed up with other researchers in the daunting task of making an artificial heart and lung machine. We knew that such an apparatus could possibly maintain the body’s circulation while repairs might be made on the heart. But during that early era, there was much we did not know.

“Then one day, two truths articulated in the Doctrine and Covenants spoke to my inquiring mind. These truths were, first, that all blessings are predicated upon obedience to law [see Doctrine and Covenants 130:21] and, second, that to every kingdom there is a law given [see Doctrine and Covenants 88:38].

“Well, I reasoned that if every kingdom had a law, there must be laws that govern the beating heart. I was determined to discover those laws and obey them. By doing so, blessings would come and lives could be saved.

“In medical school I had been taught that if one touched the beating heart, it would stop beating. However, one of the first laws we discovered in the lab was that we could touch the heart of an animal without losing its heartbeat. This finding opened the door later to uncovering another law that made more complex open-heart operations possible.

“We learned that if we added potassium chloride to blood flowing into the coronary arteries, thereby altering the normal sodium/potassium ratio, the heart would stop beating instantly. Then, when we nourished the heart with blood that had a normal sodium/potassium ratio, the heart would spring back to its normal beating pattern. Literally we could turn the heart off long enough to repair it and then turn it back on again.

“Decades later, when I explained this to a group of medical students, one prominent professor asked, ‘But what if it doesn’t work?’ My answer? It always works, because it is based on divine law.” (“The Love and Laws of God,” Brigham Young University devotional, Sept. 17, 2019, 2–3, speeches.byu.edu, emphasis mine).

Now, to all of you, my beloved posterity reading these poor words of mine, compiled with generous quotes from prophets, ancient and modern, I conclude with my witness. I know by the revelations to my heart and soul that ALL truth, whether it originates in the halls of scientific academia or the sacred precincts of temples now dotting the globe, that I have the witness of the Holy Ghost who speaks to me here and now as I write that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.

When I think of the careful tutoring and mentoring received by the boy prophet Joseph Smith in the years between 1820 and 1830, including the publication of the Book of Mormon, that ALL I know compiled over my 78 years, has been revealed to me by my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ through the ministrations of the Holy Ghost. It is consistent, comprehensive, and exhaustive in its volume which I will never have in its fulness until I move ahead into the spirit world someday.

In the meantime, I am content to bear this sure witness.

Comment:

Hey Grandpa! This is Ben, thanks for your answer to my question!
It’s a topic that’s come up a few times at BYU in my classes and I wanted to hear your perspective. Very enlightening!

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ vs. Fear of the World and Its Minions

I wrote the following entry to my family on Monday morning of this week. I include it here for your consideration as my wider audience:

President Donald J. Trump ordered a bombing run on the nuclear development facilities in Iran this last weekend. The strike was targeted solely with the purpose of eliminating the threat of Iran developing a nuclear weapon, which for years it has threatened to use against Israel.

The Stealth Bomber

The repercussions have been deemed a great military victory that achieved its objectives beyond doubt. But detractors have been condemning the action as an act of war that is unconstitutional because the consent of the Senate and the House was not sought nor obtained before the stunning action was taken by the President.

The political debate rages on about our involvement as a fully invested partner of Israel. Are we at WAR with Iran? How could we not be? Will this be the escalation to World War III? How will this play out in the weeks and months ahead? Will Iran retaliate or capitulate? Will the Iranian regime governed by their religious clerics prevail, or will they be overthrown by the voice of the majority of the citizens who have been compelled to live under a de facto dictatorship? What will this mean for the future of the political landscape of the Middle East? Does this action by the United States signal the beginning of the end before the Second Coming of the Savior?

These are just a sampling of the questions I have heard over the weekend and into this morning as I write this chapter. Clearly at the forefront to all the speculation about what it all means for me is the abiding question: Do I believe in the future as outlined by the Savior and His prophets, or am I inclined to be tossed about with every wind of doctrine that blows in my face, no matter the source?

It comes down to a simple question for me: Am I filled with FAITH in the Savior Jesus Christ, or filled with those who would promote FEAR?

President Kevin W. Pearson

Elder Kevin W. Pearson, Utah Area President and a frequent visitor to our little Woodland Ward (he owns a summer home nearby), has offered this observation back in 2009:

“Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. The simple fact is we all need to constantly build faith and overcome sources of destructive disbelief. The Savior’s teaching comparing faith to a grain of mustard seed recognizes this reality (see Matthew 13:31–32). Consider it this way: our net usable faith is what we have left to exercise after we subtract our sources of doubt and disbelief. You might ask yourself this question: ‘Is my own net faith positive or negative?’ If your faith exceeds your doubt and disbelief, the answer is likely positive. If you allow doubt and disbelief to control you, the answer might be negative.

“We do have a choice. We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that erode our faith. Some are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change…

“Challenging times require greater spiritual power. Consider carefully the Savior’s promise: ‘If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me’ (Moroni 7:33).

“I humbly declare that God, our Heavenly Father, lives and loves each of us, His children. Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. He lives and personally leads His Church through President Monson, His anointed prophet. Because He lives, there is always hope smiling brightly before us. In a household of faith, there is no need to fear or doubt. Choose to live by faith and not fear.” (Emphasis mine).

Let me add my witness. We will see the ongoing development of a complete separation between the righteous and the wicked parts of human family in the years ahead. We will be compelled by the events ahead in the world to choose our own path. There will be no coercion whatsoever that would violate our agency. We will respond to the impressions of the spirit of the Holy Ghost freely and without compulsion of any kind. Fence straddling will no longer be possible. The gap will simply become too wide.

I coincidentally was teaching the Elders Quorum lesson yesterday. We touched briefly on the events of Saturday, but that was not the main focus of the lesson. We were reviewing the General Conference talk of Sister Tamara W. Runia about our need for daily repentance. I commend her thoughts to all of us.

As we turn our thoughts to our Savior and accept that He is our Redeemer in all things temporal and spiritual, we are inclined to put our trust in Him and reject all the machinations of those who would discount His role in our lives.

I made a tangential reference to my compilation of all the scriptures that mentioned the word “ZION” back in 2008. I had worked on it many years prior to that. I had three brethren in the meeting yesterday ask me for a copy of the pdf file that resulted after I had completed the manuscript. I thought, well, there’s nothing like a few bunker busting bombs falling in Iran to stir up the soul to action, I guess.

That’s all well and good, you might say, but what about the REALITIES of war that are now more prevalent than they might have been before the events of the weekend? Are we to accept the military superiority of the United States of America as the arm of strength that will produce peace, or should we be taking defensive steps like building up our food storage, etc.?

“For I am no respecter of persons, and will that all men shall know that the day speedily cometh; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand, when peace shall be taken from the earth, and the devil shall have power over his own dominion.” (D&C 1:35).

Let me add my perspective as an old (and hopefully wiser) man. I have seen these geopolitical upheavals and worldwide events play out before during my lifetime. At the time they seemed catastrophic, and as subsequent years unfold we see them as mere steppingstones all leading to the culmination foreseen and foretold by the prophets who left their witnesses for us in the compiled scriptures.

As you fill your hearts and minds with the written words of scripture, you will be assured time and again of the majesty of the impeccable foreknowledge of our Father in Heaven. He has the times and the seasons of our mortal lives in His hands. He has given assurances through all the ages that we are His children, and our ultimate destiny is in His hands. We are free to choose to be fearful about all that, or we can accept the peace and the comfort He offers through His prophets.

The choice is clearly ours to make:

FAITH IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST

OR FEAR IN THE WAYS OF MAN

I am confident in your ability to choose the better part, for I have seen you grow and develop spiritually. I know you have been held in reserve to come forward in these troubled last days as the chosen generation of our Father in Heaven’s children.

I encourage you to set aside the tendency to fear that which you do not fully understand. Embrace the path of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Stay on the covenant path and encourage others to join you there.

That is the way of truth and light. 

*****

The “ink” on this post wasn’t even dry before President Trump announced that a ceasefire agreement had been reached between Iran and Israel to end this twelve-day war.

Now it remains to be proven that both countries will abide by the terms they have hammered out together. These events are being played out so quickly and decisively that it takes one’s breath away.

Beware of all the predictions being made by the political pundits. Events on the ground in the Middle East have forever befuddled all the false prophets.

I pray peace may break out, and be lasting.

Is That Fair?

I have been wondering of late what is fair. Many complain that what is happening to them is not fair. I hear people say it just isn't fair that so many seem to be doing better than they are. Others complain that life isn't fair. I heard someone this morning complaining at the check out counter that an item they were purchasing at the hardware store was not fairly priced. It seems everyone has a legitimate complaint about something, and much of the strife in the world can be traced to the inherent inequities we all confront.

The Christus

Imagine what a different world it would be if we accepted the premise that life just isn't fair. Trying to adjudicate fairness never seems to work out. What may seem fair to you will often not meet with another's definition. It's how arguments break out, even among family members and the best of friends. Isn't it curious how often we are put in a situation when what is perfectly reasonable to us may be unfair to the other party? Some are simply gifted musically, whereas others are not and couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if you handed them the bucket to make it easier. Some are stunningly beautiful, whereas the vast majority of us are just plain looking. Some have inherited vast sums of money, and appear to live with ease and prosperity through little or no effort on their part, whereas the world attests that the bulk of humankind is compelled to work hard for their living without the privilege of inherited wealth. How is any of this "fair?"

I confess I do not understand how anything associated with mortality is fair. Isn't that why it is a perfect laboratory? We are here to be tested, to be proven faithful, and to grow spiritually in the face sometimes of seemingly insurmountable odds. God's infinite and eternal plan of happiness depends upon us accepting the premise of fundamental unfairness. Parents sometimes favor one child over another, especially those who are inherently obedient and cheerful to be around. I often wonder if God has His favorite children. I'll bet He isn't unlike us - He has to love obedience in the face of obstacles and insurmountable odds. Is He always fair in the treatment of His children? Does He not promise "all that I have" to each repentant child? 

Christ in Gethsemane

Was anything fair about how the Savior was treated in morality? Was His crucifixion fair? Did He forgive those who murdered Him? As they drove nails into His hands, His wrists and His feet did anyone at the scene apply a fairness test of any kind?

He loves us "unconditionally," we often say to each other, but is that really true? There are conditions to inheriting all that the Father hath. He offers five laws to us, and invites us to covenant with Him to obey those laws: The law of obedience, the law of sacrifice, the law of the gospel, the law of chastity, and the law of consecration. We are promised that exactness and honor in keeping our covenants will keep us on the path leading to eternal life after our sojourn in mortality is complete. The crowning covenant is the sealing covenant between a man and a woman in one of the holy temples, and those children born into such a covenant home are said to be "born under the covenant." If there is fairness in this plan, it is that those who died before obtaining those blessings in mortality may have the opportunity for a full inheritance in the spirit world. We who remain here may obtain those blessings for our kindred dead through proxy representation for them, and they are free to accept that work and inherit exactly what we are promised.

Sometimes our journey in mortality is cut short by our calculations. I am not one of those whose life was shortened, indeed my recovery from debilitating brain surgery was declared a 100% cure and my life has been extended. It was nothing short of miraculous. Is it "fair" that my life continues where others' lives are ended prematurely? Is it fair that I had access to an extremely talented and experienced brain surgeon, where others may not have been so favorably situated? Are miracles handed out by God based on some unknown arbitration system? Can anyone apply? Who is blessed with a miracle, when others are not?

I for one can accept the fundamental inequities and seemingly unfair outcomes of mortality. I love to observe the way in which people grapple with their tests in life. I am inspired by the stories of those who overcome and produce positive examples for all the rest of us to emulate. 

As I watched the snow continue to pile up this winter, and continued to burn what seemed to be an inexorable pile of cash to plow the road leading to our home, there were times when I have to admit I became discouraged. Others chipped in to allay the burden it represented, but in my down moments I often reminded myself, "The sun always wins." I could extend that to, "The Son always wins." Indeed, the snow is yielding finally under the bright spring sun. 

Christ Conquered Death

And the Son's love and supreme example continues to shine down upon us poor mortals to warm us up, give us renewed hope of better days to come, and assure us of eternal life if we do our best to obey and to claim His redemptive sacrifice that wipes out our imperfections and all the unfairness we encounter.

I love the Savior Jesus Christ, come what may. He always wins.

Prayer, The Access To Heaven's Portal

Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,
Uttered or unexpressed
The motion of a hidden fire

That trembles in the breast. (Hymns, No. 145)

The words of that familiar hymn have been impressed upon my mind this week. From the dawn of creation prayer has given all of God's children direct access to Him. Prayers do not go through some intermediary like the Virgin Mary, the Savior Jesus Christ, or the beads of a rosary. Prayers are direct communication with our Heavenly Father, even the Great Elohim. We pray to God the Father in the name of God the Son, by the power of God the Holy Ghost. Prayer is the universal language between God and His children. It matters not what color our skin, which nationality we claim or which denomination. The clean, the unclean, the rich, the poor, the mighty and the humble all have an open invitation to pray. All that is necessary is the desire to reach out to our Higher Power for help, anytime, anywhere, and in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.

It was the Apostle Paul who reminded us:

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 3:16, emphasis mine).

Paul has admonished us to have faith in the perfection of Christ's atoning sacrifice for all His Father's children in these words:

"For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.

"Wherefore in all things it behooved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.

"For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted." (Hebrews 2:16-18).

The Book of Mormon prophet Alma assures us, speaking of Christ's mortal ministry:

"And he shall go forth suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12).

The Greek equivalent of "succor" is literally "to run quickly to help." Christ descended below all things as a mortal so He would know HOW to succor us when we encountered situations in which we need to cry out in our desperation for help.

Of course, prayer is also a way in which we can thank our Heavenly Father for all our blessings in acknowledgement of His abundant blessings we enjoy during our sojourn in mortality. There are so many people who ignore this facet of the diamond of prayer. It's easier perhaps to cry out in need when things are going badly, but much harder to remember God in the days of our abundance and prosperity. The Book of Mormon is replete with stories about those who turned to God in need, then forgot Him in the very moment they were blessed and turned away.

Try this experiment sometime. When you kneel to pray, spend your time on thanking Heavenly Father for all your blessings, and name them one by one. Don't simply go down your checklist of prayer requests, instead, confine yourself to acknowledging all the blessings you have observed in your life. See how long you can stay in the attitude of prayer. Then when you arise from your knees go about your day with a song in your heart and continue counting your blessings. I would hope you develop a new appreciation for all that God has done to bless you, and cease to view Him as a heavenly vending machine for blessings.

One of my contemporary heroes was always Hugh Nibley. Toward the end of his interview called Faith of An Observer, Nibley concluded that all he learned during his life (and it was a prodigious amount of knowledge) could be summarized into getting really good at two things: repentance and forgiveness. When it is most difficult to forgive another, focus on your blessings and the gifts you have received from Heavenly Father. The first gift He offered to all of us was the Light of Christ, then later the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Those are gifts of inestimable value to assist us on our quest for eternal life. When you focus on gratitude and offer back that gratitude in prayer, it will be much easier to repent of our failings and to forgive others of theirs. 

"And now my beloved brethren, I have said these things unto you that I might awaken you to a sense of your duty to God, that ye may walk blameless before him, that ye may walk after the holy order of God, after which ye have been received.

"And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need; both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

"And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. 

"And may the Lord bless you, and keep your garments spotless, that ye may at last be brought to sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the holy prophets who have been ever since the world began, having your garments spotless even as their garments are spotless, in the kingdom of heaven to go no more out.

"And now my beloved brethren, I have spoken these words unto you according to the Spirit which testifieth in me; and my soul doth exceedingly rejoice, because of the exceeding diligence and heed which ye have given unto my word.

"And now, may the peace of God rest upon you, and upon your houses and lands, and upon your flocks and herds, and all that you possess, your women and your children, according to your faith and good works, from this time forth and forever. And thus I have spoken. Amen." (Alma 7:22-27).

Today our youngest grandson was blessed and given his name by his father Michael Litchfield in a home of his aunt on the shores of Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. The blessing was attended by only a hand-fold of relatives from among a huge extended family on both sides. How grateful we were today for the miracle of face-time technology that permitted us to listen in  and watch remotely from many miles away. Nolan Michael Litchfield was blessed by his father in the authority of the Holy Priesthood, not merely prayed over, and it was a beautiful and powerful blessing. 

Tonight, as we do every night, we will thank our Heavenly Father once again upon bended knees in prayer for the blessing of a righteous posterity. Truly we have been blessed abundantly, and we rejoice!

(Look for Mark Pahnke, the handsome young man in a yellow tie, who is also our nephew).

Eternity in the Making

The morning of December 19, 1969 dawned crisp and clear in Salt Lake City, Utah. I picked up my bride-to-be, Patsy Hewlett, early on our way to the Salt Lake Temple to be sealed for time and for all eternity to each other. My Grandfather, Harold B. Lee, then one of the senior Apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was scheduled to officiate at the ordinance that would bind us to one another. He was very emotional during the brief ceremony, sensing, I felt, the spirits of those who would come through our union. I believe he knew the identities of each one who would come to join our family.

On another December day fifty years later in 2019 we would gather as many of our children and grandchildren as we could to participate in a sealing session in the Salt Lake Temple just before it closed for what will be an extensive four-year renovation. We were assigned to the sealing room behind the old sealing office just off the Celestial Room to perform proxy ordinances of marriage for our deceased ancestors – all family names our family had prepared. One by one we took our turns at the altar in the center of the room and relived again the morning it all began with just the two of us in 1969. This time the altar was surrounded by our cherished posterity, all of whom had been sealed as couples in previous live ordinances for themselves. The realization of that blessing pronounced upon us fifty years earlier had come to pass, fifty years in the making.

Patsy and I have been through many wonderful and challenging times together over those fifty years. Perhaps the most humbling of all has been this last several years as we sought diligently to petition our Father in Heaven for answers to my deteriorating health. The downward slide accelerated in the last six months. I know it is good to be humble without being compelled to be humble, but this last six months especially we have been compelled to be humble. Our circumstances are not unusual for most people as they grow older. Few old people I have known are afraid to die, it’s just the getting there that is so difficult.

We simply could not find that elusive answer to why I was “off” from what everyone had known me to be earlier in my life. Then the meningioma brain tumor was diagnosed, and the answer to the medical mystery was staring right back at us from the doctor’s computer screen. It was the brain that had been squeezed and compressed over a long period.

So compromised had I become pre-surgery that I calculated I was at about a 2 on a 100 scale. I had my heart and my lungs that were still functioning well – everything else had been shut down as my brain’s way of compensating to keep me alive. Simple tasks in earlier years were now seemingly impossible to accomplish. My brain told me I could do these things – I had always done these things – but I had lost the ability to do them. My doctor had told me, “Anybody can exercise for ten minutes a day,” and I agreed in principle to that statement. I had gone for much longer periods of heavier exercise before. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I could barely get out of bed, and then I wobbled badly on my weak leg muscles.  

Post-surgery I wasn’t much better for three weeks. I was childlike. I had to master the control of my bladder and my bowels again like a little child in diapers, and I was wearing adult diapers. I was compelled to be humble. I had to learn to eat for myself again. I had to learn to balance and to walk again, at first mastering only a few steps to the bathroom and back using a walker for balance. I couldn’t do any of those things I had always done until my brain fog cleared and the blood clot that occupied the space where the tumor had been in my brain at the incision spot had dissipated. It took about three weeks.

Now our prayers have been fully answered. I have been cured and I have been healed. Humility is now once again a choice for me.

Fifty years is a long time to be married to the same person. It’s a golden time in our lives now. That’s why no one knew me better than Patsy, and why her instincts (impressions of the Spirit) could not be dismissed so easily. She knew me better than I knew myself, and she certainly knew me better than all the doctors and their scientific training. Once they listened to her and responded to her demands for the MRI, the source of our long struggle for answers was finally revealed.

We have been studying together the outlines of the Book of Mormon chapters in Come Follow Me. We are now into the book of Helaman. There is a constant ebb and flow among the Nephites and Lamanites at this point in their history. One year the Lamanites are repenting and receiving great blessings from the Lord, then they become prideful. Another year the Nephites are repenting, and they become more righteous than the Lamanites and they are blessed continually. Then this one verse leaps out as a pattern scripture for us to learn to live by, whether we are “Lamanites” or “Nephites:”

Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts,  which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God. (Helaman 3:34).

My children are old enough now to see some of their friends who were once faithful members of the Church begin leaving and taking their families with them into the wilderness of apostasy because they have “done their research” and learned about “facts” they were never taught in the Church. They often come to me with their stories about their friends who have left, and they are saddened by the stories they read on their friends’ social media pages about their reasons for leaving. I encourage my children to be patient and to try to be like Heavenly Father. Can you imagine Him pacing around His throne wringing His hands over every soul who turns away for a season? Having vouched safe the moral agency of His children from the beginning and put a Redeemer in place to assure the demands of justice are fully satisfied through mercy conditioned upon the repentance of His children, He waits patiently for the fruits of the vineyard to come forth in the glorious harvest He envisions for each of His children. That’s the perspective we must have too – be patient and wait for the harvest that will surely come.

Mormon uses a phrase “thus we see” as an editorial comment in his editorial work of summarizing the records:

Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked – And land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers to go no more out. (Helaman 3:29-30).

Let us all “lay hold” upon the word of God, slow down, turn down the noise in our busy lives, take a deep breath, ponder and pray, follow the pattern given to us as cited above, and land our souls at the right hand of God.

 We are in a war for our souls. Believe me I know that as never before. In the varied battles of life Satan takes many prisoners and inflicts many injuries and even deaths. But if we are true and faithful, we will prevail in the final battle of this war, for so it has been written and the scriptures are true. We are building for the eternities, and we are just now beginning to discern the light at the end of the long tunnel of sin and deception.

Meningioma: My Odyssey to Wellness

I am a reborn man. I have managed to live my entire life without much concern about my health. Until a car accident a few years ago I had never spent a night in a hospital. I certainly had never encountered the condition that is the subject of this blog post - MENINGIOMA.

A meningioma is a tumor that arises from the meninges - the protective membranes that surround the brain and spinal cord. Although it is technically not a brain tumor, it is included in this category because it may compress or squeeze the adjacent brain, nerves and vessels.

I learned recently that most meningiomas grow slowly over a period sometimes of many years without causing symptoms. However, in my case as the tumor grew there were never any headaches associated with my symptoms and the symptoms were manifested so randomly that I had dismissed them as simply signs of old age creeping up on me. The reality was so subtle to me that the effects on nearby brain tissue, nerves or vessels were beginning to cause serious disability. My wife Patsy is the true heroine in this story, since she could discern what was happening to me so much clearer than I.

Many visitors to this page will be aware that I have not posted for a very long hiatus. I had lost my ability to find the motivation to express my thoughts on paper. My desire to write again since my retirement has been virtually gone.

My first symptom of note was the loss of my sense of smell some seven years ago. Then I fell asleep at the wheel while driving and totaled my car against a sturdy cottonwood tree, breaking six ribs in my back. No headaches were associated with the accident so all the imaging focused on my ribs and my chest. Had they checked for brain damage in that accident with a CT scan of my brain, perhaps the tumor would have been discovered back then. But no headaches pointed to no brain involvement.

There are a number of other symptoms associated with meningioma, and I checked nearly all the boxes. At one point I was unsuccessfully treated for depression. I called on one of my dear friends who is a psychologist and we had some great conversations, but none of it was leading to a cure.

I began to experience weakness in my arms and legs. Last October as temple ordinance workers we ascended the winding staircase leading up to the Solemn Assembly Room in the Salt Lake Temple for a devotional before it closed the end of December. When I reached the top step my left knee buckled completely and I nearly fell down. Fortunately, someone reached out to catch me and steady me while I regained my balance. Again, another sign, but easily dismissed as a fluke.

Then my vision in my right eye went suddenly blurry and I had some double vision similar to the condition I had experienced before my successful intraocular lens implant surgery to remove my cataracts. A visit to the ophthalmologist and then a retinal specialist yielded no answers. They simply had no explanation for the change in vision, but at the time my optic nerve was being impacted by the meningioma tumor.

Patsy started attending my appointments with me, since she was not satisfied we were making any progress. For months she suggested to the doctors that perhaps my brain was involved somehow. But they dismissed her suggestion of a possible brain tumor since, again, I never experienced any headaches. It was a true medical mystery to most who were trying to help us unravel the meaning of the symptoms, and not seeing them tied together did not point to a single source.

By March of this year I was going downhill fast. She began keeping a log of what was really going on with me. At one point I was sleeping for twenty hours a day, eating one meal a day when she could get me up, and I failed to shower for twenty-one days in a row. Those facts, once she showed me after I was recovering from surgery appalled me. I began growing a beard, something I have rarely done in my life. I just didn't care about my personal appearance. I would learn last that loss of motivation and personality were two of the first things to go when the tumor begins taking hold.

Patsy was a model of patience and consistency throughout this long odyssey. I was unable to communicate with her on even an elemental level. Finally, in an appointment in May she insisted that the doctor order an MRI on my brain. I was becoming increasingly agitated that we didn't seem to be doing anything but experimenting with possible outcomes that were ineffective. "I am tired," I explained to the doctor, "of being treated like an experimental lab rat chasing symptoms down first this rabbit hole, then another one, and hitting dead ends." He finally relented to Patsy's demands for an MRI, and wrote the order that day.

The hospital scheduled it for Friday. We had the result on Monday. Staring back at me from the screen in the doctor's office was a large round meningioma tumor in the center of my forehead about three and a half inches in diameter. Our primary care physician apologized profusely to Patsy when he showed us the imaging. He could not be faulted, however. No one but Patsy could have thought the brain was at fault. And, remember, I never had a headache, either before surgery, during surgery or in the aftermath. I thought other people had brain tumors, certainly not me.

I was scheduled with a wonderful neurosurgeon at the University of Utah Medical Center for a consultation, and simultaneously our son Andrew, who is a resident at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, also scheduled a consult with one of his experienced neurological mentors so we could make an informed decision about how to proceed. Both doctors concurred with the diagnosis of the meningioma, and both recommended that surgery to remove the tumor as soon as possible was the right course of action. They even agreed on the methodology of how the operation should be conducted. It lasted for twelve and a half hours. When one of my old friends offered that it must have been a "minor" brain surgery since the tumor was benign, I said, "What I have learned about brain surgery is that there is no such thing as 'minor' brain surgery."

I was for three weeks afterwards in a "stupor," stumbling around blindly, unable to adequately express myself..My brain and my body refused to communicate. My son Rich was named as my personal representative for medical decisions in my advanced medical directive some years ago in the event of my incapacity. He was magnificent in his inspiration into my situation during those three weeks. Patsy, Andrew, Joe (a physical therapist son living in Washington state, who provided expert advice repeatedly), Rich and Dianne effectively helped to save my life, not to mention a cast of hundreds of medical personnel and those who fasted and prayed for our deliverance. Emily selected a surgery rehab wardrobe for me that drew rave reviews from the nurses and aides for the Hawaiian shirt she included. She also cut my hair pre-surgery and post-surgery. That's tricky when the incision extends over the top of your head from ear to ear, but she made me look presentable. My growing hair now covers the almost indiscernible scar. Allie brought pizza to Dianne's one night (which I didn't remember), and visited me every day through the window at the rehab center. To say that I had the support of my children, spouses, grandchildren and great-grandchildren would be an understatement. One of the "littles" prayed that Grandpa's brain would get fixed and that his scary face would be nice again. Those who weren't able to come to visit compiled a "scholarship fund" for Grandma and Grandpa to use for all the incidentals.

Andrew was present for both calls, and he was instrumental in helping us to decide what to do. The months and years of praying and fasting for a conclusive answer had finally arrived. "All these symptoms," explained the neurosurgeon at the U of U, "can be explained by the presence of this tumor in your brain. Once it is removed you will begin day by day to feel better. It will be some time as you regain your strength, but you will be cured." The day after surgery he declared that indeed I was cured ("We got it all"), and as he left my room after his rounding with me he thanked me for the cure. Strange, I thought, shouldn't I be thanking you for the cure?

I wanted to hug and shower him with kisses, but I didn't - you know, the COVID-19 pandemic had something to do with that. He scheduled surgery two weeks hence and May 21st was the first day of the rest of my life. There are a thousand more details, but I will spare you the drama.

Suffice it to say that I am thoroughly reborn. I have my motivation and my personality back. For those who always thought I was something of a numb skull that won't be such a good thing perhaps, but I am just now beginning to realize how wonderful life really is and how significant our relationships are. I have been talking to my friends and family, and have begun calling it "the 2020 apology tour," as I recount the withdrawn and dismissive old me who probably seemed aloof and disinterested. Some even said they thought I now hated them. But I have a ready explanation - it was the tumor talking (or not talking), not me.

I have brushed against the veil in this experience. I know that God loves all His children. I know that He is merciful, as we are reminded in Moroni's last chapter (see verse 3). I know that I have been rescued from this experience, not unlike those wonderful Book of Mormon characters like Alma and King Lamoni, who spent days in slumber, then arose to a new life. I have a renewed appreciation for our ancestors, particularly those in our immediate families who minister to our needs from the other side of the veil. I have experience with them and they are closer than you have any imagination. The atonement of Jesus Christ is real. He truly did descend below all things so He could raise us up from the depths of our sufferings in this life. All He asks is that we trade our sins for His deliverance.

As we were studying The Book of Mormon in our daughter Dianne's home during my rehab while I was working with the physical therapists, she handed me this quote from Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple:

"You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said it this way: "Faith in God requires faith in His timing."

I have a greater understanding of the great plan of happiness, even the plan of salvation since this latest episode in my life. Our deceased relatives are never really gone, they are as close as the next room and they are watching over us and protecting us when needed. I believe in guardian angels. I do know these things are true. I thank God for extending the expiration date on my mortal body a little longer through the expertise of skilled surgeons and the healing of the Great Physician. I hope my experience can be instructive to others who may be walking a similar path.

On Becoming a First Watch Disciple

After reading yesterday's post, someone sent me an e-mail asking, "Do we really have to wait on God until the very last minute before we can be rescued?" As I pondered an answer to that question, I reflected on whether or not there might be an exception to the fourth watch observations I had made.

The world about us is increasingly chaotic and troublesome. In recent days as 2014 ebbed to a close, we have witnessed unrest in the streets of America over racial tensions arising from police shootings of black teenagers and the seemingly retaliatory brutal assassination in Brooklyn of two of New York's finest. We can debate the causes for this uprising, but that is not the point. Our collective faith and determination to right our national ship of state must continue to be in evidence in the days and years ahead, or we will default to this kind of lawlessness in the streets.

The imagery of a ship being tossed to and fro on the mighty deep is a familiar theme in the scriptures. It could be true for nations as well as individuals. As my little individual ship is tossed to and fro amid the mighty waves of mortality, like the barges Mahonri Moriancumer built, I have become convinced it must be “tight like unto a dish,” otherwise it would have sunk a long time ago.  (See Ether 2:17).

There is insight here that is priceless. The barges in the scriptural account are prepared for a journey to the promised land. The journey would provide “waves of the sea,” “winds,” “rains and floods,” and even “mountain waves.” The account tells us “the winds have gone forth out of my mouth” – in other words, God is the cause of the wind that causes the mountain waves. So why didn’t Moriancumer just say to the Lord when asked how to solve the problem of the light in the vessels, “Lord, why don't you just NOT blow the wind so hard?” However, leaving the problem to be solved by Moriancumer, the Lord offered this comfort:  “I prepare you against these things.” (Ether 2:23-25). Note, the preparation the Lord was focusing on here was Moriancumer's personal preparation for that which was to come, not on preparing the vessels, which was Moriancumer's primary objective. I think, painful as it is right now, that we are being prepared for the Lord's Second Coming.

C.S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis said lots of cool stuff, and this is just one example:

. . .ye cannot in your present state understand eternity. . . But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. . . all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. . . That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say "Let me have but this and I'll take the consequences:" little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say "We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven," and the Lost, "We were always in Hell." And both will speak truly. (Lewis, C. S., The Great Divorce, a Dream. HarperSanFrancisco, (c)1946, 1973, 2001, 69).

As perhaps an addendum to what I wrote about yesterday and in answer to the e-mail writer's concern, I can declare there is one area in our lives where the Lord is a “First Watch God.” Whenever I have sought to be forgiven in my life His response is always immediate and overwhelming. Have you ever been so “filled with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh?” (2 Nephi 4:21). I have. When we repent and come unto Him seeking forgiveness, the response is instantaneous. I can cite several scriptural examples from The Book of Mormon to prove the point.

Enos tells us he received an immediate answer to his plea for forgiveness:

And I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins.
Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart.
And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.
And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.
And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.
And I said: Lord, how is it done?
And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole.  (Enos 1:2-8, emphasis mine).

Amaleki, when he began to be old, said by way of invitation and promise:

And now, my beloved brethren, I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved.  (Omni 1:26, emphasis mine).

King Benjamin’s people were forgiven instantly:

And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.  (Mosiah 4:2-3, emphasis mine).

Zeezrom, one of the infamous converted Anti-Christs, was similarly healed:

And it came to pass that Alma said unto him, taking him by the hand: Believest thou in the power of Christ unto salvation?
And he answered and said: Yea, I believe all the words that thou hast taught.
And Alma said: If thou believest in the redemption of Christ thou canst be healed.
And he said: Yea, I believe according to thy words.
And then Alma cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord our God, have mercy on this man, and heal him according to his faith which is in Christ.
And when Alma had said these words, Zeezrom leaped upon his feet, and began to walk; and this was done to the great astonishment of all the people; and the knowledge of this went forth throughout all the land of Sidom.
And Alma baptized Zeezrom unto the Lord; and he began from that time forth to preach unto the people.  (Alma 15:6-12, emphasis mine).

Ammon, who converted King Lamoni, described it this way:

And it came to pass that after he had said all these things, and expounded them to the king, that the king believed all his words.
And he began to cry unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, have mercy; according to thy abundant mercy which thou hast had upon the people of Nephi, have upon me, and my people. . .  (Alma 18:40-41).
[Then he’s in a little trance for awhile, and when he awakens he declares to his wife the queen:]
And it came to pass that he arose, according to the words of Ammon; and as he arose, he stretched forth his hand unto the woman, and said: Blessed be the name of God, and blessed art thou.
For as sure as thou livest, behold, I have seen my Redeemer; and he shall come forth, and be born of a woman, and he shall redeem all mankind who believe on his name. Now, when he had said these words, his heart was swollen within him, and he sunk again with joy; and the queen also sunk down, being overpowered by the Spirit.  (Alma 19:12-13, emphasis mine).

The queen also received instant help when she awakened with this testimony on her lips:

And it came to pass that she went and took the queen by the hand, that perhaps she might raise her from the ground; and as soon as she touched her hand she arose and stood upon her feet, and cried with a loud voice, saying: O blessed Jesus, who has saved me from an awful hell! O blessed God, have mercy on this people!  (Alma 19:29, emphasis mine).

Then Lamoni’s father gets immediate forgiveness when Aaron teaches him:

And it came to pass that after Aaron had expounded these things unto him, the king said: What shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy.
But Aaron said unto him: If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God, yea, if thou wilt repent of all thy sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, then shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest.
And it came to pass that when Aaron had said these words, the king did bow down before the Lord, upon his knees; yea, even he did prostrate himself upon the earth, and cried mightily, saying:
O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day.  (Alma 22:15-18).
[Then he too sleeps for awhile and when he awakens, this:]
Now this was done in the presence of the queen and many of the servants.  And when they saw it they greatly marveled, and began to fear.  And the king stood forth, and began to minister unto them, insomuch that his whole household were converted unto the Lord.  (Alma 22:23, emphasis mine).

When Alma later told his conversion story, he related how quickly salvation came to him:

And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.
Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.  (Alma 36:17-21, emphasis mine).

Even the wicked people who came to kill Lehi and Nephi, sons of Helaman, received an instantaneous deliverance:

And Nephi and Lehi were in the midst of them; yea, they were encircled about; yea, they were as if in the midst of a flaming fire, yet it did harm them not, neither did it take hold upon the walls of the prison; and they were filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.
And behold, the Holy Spirit of God did come down from heaven, and did enter into their hearts, and they were filled as if with fire, and they could speak forth marvelous words.
And it came to pass that there came a voice unto them, yea, a pleasant voice, as if it were a whisper, saying:
Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world.
And now, when they heard this they cast up their eyes as if to behold from whence the voice came; and behold, they saw the heavens open; and angels came down out of heaven and ministered unto them.
And there were about three hundred souls who saw and heard these things; and they were bidden to go forth and marvel not, neither should they doubt.
And it came to pass that they did go forth, and did minister unto the people, declaring throughout all the regions round about all the things which they had heard and seen, insomuch that the more part of the Lamanites were convinced of them, because of the greatness of the evidences which they had received.
And as many as were convinced did lay down their weapons of war, and also their hatred and the tradition of their fathers.
And it came to pass that they did yield up unto the Nephites the lands of their possession.  (Helaman 5:44-52, emphasis mine).

We live in a day when hatred among people of different ethnic backgrounds (think Lamanite and Nephite civilizations) extend back to the beginning of Abraham’s tribal family feuds. All are related to Father Abraham, but the differences between these peoples are often dramatized and exacerbated, much as the race relations in America rise to unwarranted heights when the flames are fanned as they are today. Ishmael was saved in the wilderness to give rise to a vast Islamic world population today, a small percentage of which is wreaking havoc not unlike the Gadianton robbers of another time. Who can doubt when we read of these miraculous conversions that the same thing could not happen again as liberty and freedom spreads abroad in the war against terrorism today? Despotism, while it may flourish here and there for a season, cannot be sustained. It is the yearning for freedom, however, that endures.

When we seek forgiveness, there is no doubt the God we worship is a "First Watch God."  But that degree of forgiveness implies we must do “all that we could do” (see Alma 24:11; 15) to receive the blessings sought. The key lies not in God’s power to grant. The key that unlocks salvation in our lives rests in our hands – when we knock, He opens immediately. As powerful as the atonement is, it never has power in our lives until we give Him permission to heal us.

Hugh Nibley

I love the perspective of Hugh Nibley, who when asked to sum up all he had learned, replied that we must become really good at two things in mortality - to repent and to forgive. He fleshes it out this way:

The test for this life is not for knowledge; it is not for intelligence, or for courage, or for anything like that. That would be a huge joke. None of us knows very much, none of us is very brave, none of us is very strong, none of us is very smart. We would flunk those tests terribly. As Alma said, we are only to be tested on one thing - the desires of our heart (Alma 41:3); that is what we are really after. . . Thus we don't need to go on forever suffering the same nonsense in order to see the things we can be tested for, namely the two things and the only two things we are good at: we can forgive and we can repent. These are the two things the angels envy us for. (Approaching Zion, 300-301).

In Luke 17, the Lord Jesus Christ admonishes the disciples to “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4).

He raises the stakes even higher in our dispensation with this: “My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened. Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” (D&C 64:8-10).

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

If that is the standard He expects of us, isn’t it reasonable to suppose we could expect Him to do at least as much for us when we need forgiveness – even if it’s seven times in a single day? But how do we get to be so good at forgiveness just like Him? Practice, practice, practice. We are organized into families for that express purpose, so that we may have (as Neal A. Maxwell used to say) “laboratory material” on which to work.

I know that small slights and offenses are all part of rubbing against each other. I know I may have been the cause of some of that among all of you, and for that I seek your forgiveness. Such was never my intent to hurt anyone. But it happens. I try to do my best and years go by, it seems, before I take action to make needed repairs. Like many of you, I am a great procrastinator, but I hope to be better and better as the slippery slope before me and death looms ever more slippery. I love you all and I seek your forgiveness for whatever it is I may have done, not done, or said or not said to have given offense.

In that spirit, while toiling forward in my discipleship late into the Fourth Watch and beyond, my desire is to become a First Watch Disciple who dispenses immediate forgiveness and seeks to swiftly repent as often as seven times a day when needed. That it may be so for all of us, I pray.

And don't be surprised, having done all you know how to do in the way of repenting, if the wait for deliverance continues on for a little while longer. It's all part of your preparation to bring you forth a little more burnished and finished from the fires of adversity. In the immortal words of Earl Hayes, "Pure gold was never refined in an air-conditioned chamber."

We Worship a Fourth Watch God

On this Christmas afternoon in Pine Valley, the snow is piling up, the trees are adorned in a covering of white, and I'm listening to Christmas carols in the quietude of the scene spread before me. I'm in a reflective mood, and cleaning up some old files on the computer. I found an entry I had written during a bleak time of doubt and fear about the future. All these years later things did work out for us. I wrote these words when the hour was the darkest, just before the dawn's light began to shine. The answers that had seemed so elusive eventually emerged, and yielded themselves after persistence, faith, hard work and consistency. This was "self talk" back then, now I share it with those who may be toiling in the darkest time of their lives:

Several years ago I was given a Christmas gift that endures. It was a talk on CD given by Michael Wilcox titled “The Fourth Watch.” It was right on point for us. Echoing back to me in my ears was the advice and counsel I have given to so many over the years. But looking back, it’s always different when you’re the one in the barrel going over the falls. It’s so much easier to be the dispenser than the recipient. I am grateful to Julie for giving us this gift of inestimable worth to remind us that even when it seems we are receiving no answers that there is still hope to be found in the journey!

A useful bit of historical trivia to help you understand the New Testament scriptures: Brother Wilcox explains that the Hebrew day was divided into four three-hour segments beginning at 6:00 a.m. The third hour is 9:00 a.m., the sixth hour is noon, and the ninth hour (when the scriptures say the Savior was crucified) is 3:00 p.m.

At night, the three-hour segments are divided into “watches.” The first watch is 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m., the second watch is 9:00 p.m. to midnight, the third watch is midnight to 3:00 a.m., and the fourth watch – the object lesson of his talk – is 3:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m.

He teaches some powerful principles to those of us who have toiled in faith, seemingly with no answers coming our way. He gives the example of the Savior’s walk on the water as the illustration. Many of you, perhaps, have not come to realize yet that His coming to the troubled and weary disciples who had rowed all night on the Sea of Galilee was in the darkest and most foreboding time of the night – just before dawn.

He had fed the multitudes earlier in the day (five thousand men plus the women and children), sent them away, and told the disciples to get into a ship and row to the other side. Then the scriptures say (Matthew 14:23) he “went up into a mountain apart to pray,” and he must have prayed into the evening and well into the night all alone.

Meanwhile, the ship “was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.” Mark in his record (Mark 6:48) adds the detail that “he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them.” John says “it was now dark, and the Jesus was not come to them. And the sea arose by reason of a great wind that blew. So when they had rowed about five and twenty or thirty furlongs (a “furlong" is about 220 yards, so you do the math – they were no doubt tired and exhausted by now), they see Jesus walking on the sea.” (John 6:17-19).

Well, what are the lessons to be learned by this extreme example from the scriptures? 1) He sees us toiling in our discipleship from a vantage point far higher and more superior to ours; 2) He knows we are often exhausted and apt to grumble about our circumstances, yet loves us anyway; 3) He has power over all the elements that conspire to create the waves of adversity and has the power to calm them; 4) He tells us not to be afraid. I would add one more – when He does come to us in the fourth watch “immediately the ship was at the land whither they went.” (John 6:21).  In other words, the timetable of when He comes to us is His not ours, and when the time is fully ripe in the fourth watch it seems the miracle is immediate.

Brother Wilcox suggests that we worship a “fourth watch” God. I used to say, “God loves a cliffhanger.” It seems when all help is seemingly spent, when the last extremity has been reached, then and only then – in the fourth watch – does He respond in mercy and kindness. I suppose that fact is mandated in discipleship to determine whether or not we will really – REALLY – learn to trust Him.

Brother Wilcox cites the example of Hagar with Ishmael in the wilderness, when the “water was spent in the bottle.” (Genesis 21:15). He gently chides her with “What aileth thee, Hagar?” Oh, I don’t know, she had just been cast out of Abraham’s household, was at the point of starvation and dehydration, near death, and she could not have had much to complain about, could she?  He told her (and all of us) that someday, “I will make him a great nation” (verse 18). God “opened her eyes” when all hope was lost and “she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink” (verse 19). He came in the fourth watch, but He DID come!

Another example was the widow in Zarephath who was commanded to sustain Elijah in the moment of his extremity, when all she had was “a little water in a vessel,” and "a morsel of bread,” “a handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse,” just enough to make her last meal for herself and her son in preparation of their death. (1 Kings 17:8-16). The promise was once again fulfilled, and “the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD, which he spake by Elijah.” He came in the fourth watch, but He DID come!

I’ve also wondered about Abraham and his sacrifice of Isaac (see Genesis 22).  In that example I have learned not to fear the long hike up the mountain of preparation. I’ve learned to embrace the tests that come along the way. And I’ve learned that by accepting the invitation to join the church of the Firstborn, consecration defies (and is in direct contradiction) to the natural man within us. There is no evidence that Isaac resisted even a little bit. He went forward in his uncertainty trusting his father. “Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. And the angel of the LORD called upon him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham; and he said, Here am I. And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him; for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me (verses 10-12). Again, He came in the fourth watch, but He DID come!

Extreme examples? Yes, each one. But are our lives any less dramatic? When all seems to be lost in our lives, we can paint ourselves into these stories and learn to trust God at all costs. That’s what the path of discipleship is all about, and yes, it is a dangerous doctrine.

What is coming up ahead of us on the path of discipleship as we live our lives on borrowed time well into the sixth seal is a darker night and more fierce winds on the sea. It will take fourth watch faith if we are to successfully navigate our dark night of stormy seas up ahead. But remember, He WILL come even in our fourth watches!

We really do worship a Fourth Watch God! He hears your desperate pleas for help. He will succor you in your afflictions. He will be merciful and kind.