I am a reborn man. I have managed to live my entire life without much concern about my health. Until a car accident a few years ago I had never spent a night in a hospital. I certainly had never encountered the condition that is the subject of this blog post - MENINGIOMA.
A meningioma is a tumor that arises from the meninges - the protective membranes that surround the brain and spinal cord. Although it is technically not a brain tumor, it is included in this category because it may compress or squeeze the adjacent brain, nerves and vessels.
I learned recently that most meningiomas grow slowly over a period sometimes of many years without causing symptoms. However, in my case as the tumor grew there were never any headaches associated with my symptoms and the symptoms were manifested so randomly that I had dismissed them as simply signs of old age creeping up on me. The reality was so subtle to me that the effects on nearby brain tissue, nerves or vessels were beginning to cause serious disability. My wife Patsy is the true heroine in this story, since she could discern what was happening to me so much clearer than I.
Many visitors to this page will be aware that I have not posted for a very long hiatus. I had lost my ability to find the motivation to express my thoughts on paper. My desire to write again since my retirement has been virtually gone.
My first symptom of note was the loss of my sense of smell some seven years ago. Then I fell asleep at the wheel while driving and totaled my car against a sturdy cottonwood tree, breaking six ribs in my back. No headaches were associated with the accident so all the imaging focused on my ribs and my chest. Had they checked for brain damage in that accident with a CT scan of my brain, perhaps the tumor would have been discovered back then. But no headaches pointed to no brain involvement.
There are a number of other symptoms associated with meningioma, and I checked nearly all the boxes. At one point I was unsuccessfully treated for depression. I called on one of my dear friends who is a psychologist and we had some great conversations, but none of it was leading to a cure.
I began to experience weakness in my arms and legs. Last October as temple ordinance workers we ascended the winding staircase leading up to the Solemn Assembly Room in the Salt Lake Temple for a devotional before it closed the end of December. When I reached the top step my left knee buckled completely and I nearly fell down. Fortunately, someone reached out to catch me and steady me while I regained my balance. Again, another sign, but easily dismissed as a fluke.
Then my vision in my right eye went suddenly blurry and I had some double vision similar to the condition I had experienced before my successful intraocular lens implant surgery to remove my cataracts. A visit to the ophthalmologist and then a retinal specialist yielded no answers. They simply had no explanation for the change in vision, but at the time my optic nerve was being impacted by the meningioma tumor.
Patsy started attending my appointments with me, since she was not satisfied we were making any progress. For months she suggested to the doctors that perhaps my brain was involved somehow. But they dismissed her suggestion of a possible brain tumor since, again, I never experienced any headaches. It was a true medical mystery to most who were trying to help us unravel the meaning of the symptoms, and not seeing them tied together did not point to a single source.
By March of this year I was going downhill fast. She began keeping a log of what was really going on with me. At one point I was sleeping for twenty hours a day, eating one meal a day when she could get me up, and I failed to shower for twenty-one days in a row. Those facts, once she showed me after I was recovering from surgery appalled me. I began growing a beard, something I have rarely done in my life. I just didn't care about my personal appearance. I would learn last that loss of motivation and personality were two of the first things to go when the tumor begins taking hold.
Patsy was a model of patience and consistency throughout this long odyssey. I was unable to communicate with her on even an elemental level. Finally, in an appointment in May she insisted that the doctor order an MRI on my brain. I was becoming increasingly agitated that we didn't seem to be doing anything but experimenting with possible outcomes that were ineffective. "I am tired," I explained to the doctor, "of being treated like an experimental lab rat chasing symptoms down first this rabbit hole, then another one, and hitting dead ends." He finally relented to Patsy's demands for an MRI, and wrote the order that day.
The hospital scheduled it for Friday. We had the result on Monday. Staring back at me from the screen in the doctor's office was a large round meningioma tumor in the center of my forehead about three and a half inches in diameter. Our primary care physician apologized profusely to Patsy when he showed us the imaging. He could not be faulted, however. No one but Patsy could have thought the brain was at fault. And, remember, I never had a headache, either before surgery, during surgery or in the aftermath. I thought other people had brain tumors, certainly not me.
I was scheduled with a wonderful neurosurgeon at the University of Utah Medical Center for a consultation, and simultaneously our son Andrew, who is a resident at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, also scheduled a consult with one of his experienced neurological mentors so we could make an informed decision about how to proceed. Both doctors concurred with the diagnosis of the meningioma, and both recommended that surgery to remove the tumor as soon as possible was the right course of action. They even agreed on the methodology of how the operation should be conducted. It lasted for twelve and a half hours. When one of my old friends offered that it must have been a "minor" brain surgery since the tumor was benign, I said, "What I have learned about brain surgery is that there is no such thing as 'minor' brain surgery."
I was for three weeks afterwards in a "stupor," stumbling around blindly, unable to adequately express myself..My brain and my body refused to communicate. My son Rich was named as my personal representative for medical decisions in my advanced medical directive some years ago in the event of my incapacity. He was magnificent in his inspiration into my situation during those three weeks. Patsy, Andrew, Joe (a physical therapist son living in Washington state, who provided expert advice repeatedly), Rich and Dianne effectively helped to save my life, not to mention a cast of hundreds of medical personnel and those who fasted and prayed for our deliverance. Emily selected a surgery rehab wardrobe for me that drew rave reviews from the nurses and aides for the Hawaiian shirt she included. She also cut my hair pre-surgery and post-surgery. That's tricky when the incision extends over the top of your head from ear to ear, but she made me look presentable. My growing hair now covers the almost indiscernible scar. Allie brought pizza to Dianne's one night (which I didn't remember), and visited me every day through the window at the rehab center. To say that I had the support of my children, spouses, grandchildren and great-grandchildren would be an understatement. One of the "littles" prayed that Grandpa's brain would get fixed and that his scary face would be nice again. Those who weren't able to come to visit compiled a "scholarship fund" for Grandma and Grandpa to use for all the incidentals.
Andrew was present for both calls, and he was instrumental in helping us to decide what to do. The months and years of praying and fasting for a conclusive answer had finally arrived. "All these symptoms," explained the neurosurgeon at the U of U, "can be explained by the presence of this tumor in your brain. Once it is removed you will begin day by day to feel better. It will be some time as you regain your strength, but you will be cured." The day after surgery he declared that indeed I was cured ("We got it all"), and as he left my room after his rounding with me he thanked me for the cure. Strange, I thought, shouldn't I be thanking you for the cure?
I wanted to hug and shower him with kisses, but I didn't - you know, the COVID-19 pandemic had something to do with that. He scheduled surgery two weeks hence and May 21st was the first day of the rest of my life. There are a thousand more details, but I will spare you the drama.
Suffice it to say that I am thoroughly reborn. I have my motivation and my personality back. For those who always thought I was something of a numb skull that won't be such a good thing perhaps, but I am just now beginning to realize how wonderful life really is and how significant our relationships are. I have been talking to my friends and family, and have begun calling it "the 2020 apology tour," as I recount the withdrawn and dismissive old me who probably seemed aloof and disinterested. Some even said they thought I now hated them. But I have a ready explanation - it was the tumor talking (or not talking), not me.
I have brushed against the veil in this experience. I know that God loves all His children. I know that He is merciful, as we are reminded in Moroni's last chapter (see verse 3). I know that I have been rescued from this experience, not unlike those wonderful Book of Mormon characters like Alma and King Lamoni, who spent days in slumber, then arose to a new life. I have a renewed appreciation for our ancestors, particularly those in our immediate families who minister to our needs from the other side of the veil. I have experience with them and they are closer than you have any imagination. The atonement of Jesus Christ is real. He truly did descend below all things so He could raise us up from the depths of our sufferings in this life. All He asks is that we trade our sins for His deliverance.
As we were studying The Book of Mormon in our daughter Dianne's home during my rehab while I was working with the physical therapists, she handed me this quote from Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple:
"You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future."
Elder Neal A. Maxwell said it this way: "Faith in God requires faith in His timing."
I have a greater understanding of the great plan of happiness, even the plan of salvation since this latest episode in my life. Our deceased relatives are never really gone, they are as close as the next room and they are watching over us and protecting us when needed. I believe in guardian angels. I do know these things are true. I thank God for extending the expiration date on my mortal body a little longer through the expertise of skilled surgeons and the healing of the Great Physician. I hope my experience can be instructive to others who may be walking a similar path.
Showing posts with label mercy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mercy. Show all posts
Sunday, July 19, 2020
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Harold B. Lee's BYU 1954 Lecture Series
Many years ago (April, 1981), I attended a stake conference where I had a chance to get better acquainted with Dean H. Lee, a son of S. Perry Lee, who was the older brother of Harold B. Lee. We had a delightful visit. He was visiting our stake in his assignment as the region's Church Welfare Agent.
When his father Perry died, then-Elder Thomas S. Monson was a speaker at his funeral on August 17, 1978. In his remarks Elder Monson made reference to a book Perry had given him, one of only ten copies that had been published. The contents, he explained, were a compilation of the teachings of Harold B. Lee to Seminary and Institute instructors on the campus of BYU during the summer of 1954.
While my father, L. Brent Goates, was writing the definitive biography about President Harold B. Lee, he discovered several references in President Lee's diary in that year about the lecture series. It was obvious from his entries that this experience was a source of joy for Elder Lee. He frequently traveled day after day from Salt Lake to Provo in the company of many of his brethren whom he had invited to participate as presenters on particular doctrinal topics.
I told Dean about Dad's efforts in preparing his manuscript for the Harold B. Lee biography, and asked him if he had a copy of the content of the 1954 lecture series. He said he did, and let me borrow his copy. Dad's book was later published as Harold B. Lee: Prophet and Seer.
For many months thereafter I laboriously reworked the content after discovering several missing scriptural references, punctuation and grammatical errors, and confusion over which words were original with Harold B. Lee and which were quoted from other sources. When I was done, I gave my corrected copy to Dad and he and Mom printed a few limited copies for the family. I never had the original manuscript in my hands that was prepared by Uncle Perry until last week after my brother Drew died.
I'm not certain how it came into Drew's possession, but when his son Chris asked me if there were any mementos I would like to have from among his father's personal effects, that was the only thing I could think of that was of interest to me. Drew had shown it to me several years ago, but had been unwilling at the time to part with it for sentimental reasons.
This last week I have been comparing the original manuscript with what I produced. I was delighted to discover Uncle Perry's copy from which I had worked compared favorably.
Now that I have assurance of its accuracy, from time to time I will refer to it going forward. It reminds me of the long-standing reluctance we had in the Church of quoting from the Inspired Version. Since the Reorganized Church had the original manuscript of Joseph Smith's revisions, and we had never been able to verify the content, the Inspired Version was always looked upon as being suspect. Not until Robert Matthews was invited to inspect the original in the archives of the Reorganized Church, did we gain confidence, and now it has been properly enthroned as the "Joseph Smith Translation" and is incorporated extensively in footnotes throughout our canon of scripture.
When visiting my father's ward in recent years, Elder Quentin L. Cook confirmed he was being taught with his other newly ordained contemporaries in the Twelve by President Boyd K. Packer, using this compilation as their shared text. It's a treasure trove of doctrinal insight for which I have been grateful since it came into my possession as a gift from Dean H. Lee.
The Holy Spirit of Promise
Since it is topical and sheds light on my hope and my anticipation of a yet-future reunion with my recently departed brother, Drew, I choose this morning to focus on the topic of the Holy Spirit of Promise.
Here are the words of Elder Harold B. Lee in 1954, as part of his lecture series:
Now to the question of the meaning of the Holy Spirit of Promise. Very often there have been some peculiar ideas with reference to that, ofttimes stemming from those who attempted to make an explanation with not very much understanding. In a sermon by the late Elder Melvin J. Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve, on the "Three Degrees of Glory," he said this in explanation of the word of the Lord as contained in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 76:
[These are they] who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true. (Verse 53).
Elder Ballard makes this explanation:
I would like to pause and emphasize that passage, because, while we receive eternal blessings at the hands of the priesthood which has the right to seal on earth and it shall be sealed in Heaven, this revelation clearly states it must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise also.
Now mark you!
A man and woman may by fraud and deception obtain admittance to the house of the Lord and may receive the pronouncement of the holy priesthood, giving to them, so far as lies in their power, these blessings. We may deceive men, but we cannot deceive the Holy Ghost, and our blessings will not be eternal unless they are also sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, the Holy Ghost, one who reads the thoughts and hearts of men and gives his sealing approval to the blessings pronounced upon their heads. Then it is binding, efficacious and of full force. I thank the Lord that there is this provision, so that even though men are able to deceive their brethren, they are not able to deceive the Holy Ghost and thus come into possession of their blessings unless they prove in word, in thought, and in deed their worthiness and righteousness. (Missionary pamphlet, "Three Degrees of Glory," by Melvin J. Ballard, Ogden Tabernacle, Sept. 22, 1922, emphasis mine).
If you have that in mind with respect to the sealing by the Holy Spirit of promise, not only must the marriages to which that had reference be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, but the Priesthood itself, baptism must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, and all eternal covenants before they are to be ours for eternity. You, who go to the temple, if you will listen carefully to the sealing ceremony, you will find that truth clearly taught to dissipate that idea that is ofttimes taught by some (see D&C 132:26) that if one, by some hook or crook, can get into the temple and be married they are assured of an exaltation no matter what they do short of committing the unpardonable sin. If we added three more words to that one verse, "if they repent," we would have what the Lord is trying to tell us. They will receive an exaltation if they repent and receive a forgiveness of their sins if they have not committed the unpardonable sin. But before that time, "they shall be turned over to the buffetings of Satan and they shall be destroyed in the flesh until the day of their redemption." When you understand that, and decide what these words mean, then you will have the terms on which one, who has been blessed and falls short of them, may eventually receive the promised blessings later. (Emphasis mine).
I invite us all to consider more mercy for others.
Even if you're wrong, you'll be at peace and certainly less judgmental.
 |
| Elder Thomas S. Monson |
While my father, L. Brent Goates, was writing the definitive biography about President Harold B. Lee, he discovered several references in President Lee's diary in that year about the lecture series. It was obvious from his entries that this experience was a source of joy for Elder Lee. He frequently traveled day after day from Salt Lake to Provo in the company of many of his brethren whom he had invited to participate as presenters on particular doctrinal topics.
I told Dean about Dad's efforts in preparing his manuscript for the Harold B. Lee biography, and asked him if he had a copy of the content of the 1954 lecture series. He said he did, and let me borrow his copy. Dad's book was later published as Harold B. Lee: Prophet and Seer.
For many months thereafter I laboriously reworked the content after discovering several missing scriptural references, punctuation and grammatical errors, and confusion over which words were original with Harold B. Lee and which were quoted from other sources. When I was done, I gave my corrected copy to Dad and he and Mom printed a few limited copies for the family. I never had the original manuscript in my hands that was prepared by Uncle Perry until last week after my brother Drew died.
I'm not certain how it came into Drew's possession, but when his son Chris asked me if there were any mementos I would like to have from among his father's personal effects, that was the only thing I could think of that was of interest to me. Drew had shown it to me several years ago, but had been unwilling at the time to part with it for sentimental reasons.
This last week I have been comparing the original manuscript with what I produced. I was delighted to discover Uncle Perry's copy from which I had worked compared favorably.
Now that I have assurance of its accuracy, from time to time I will refer to it going forward. It reminds me of the long-standing reluctance we had in the Church of quoting from the Inspired Version. Since the Reorganized Church had the original manuscript of Joseph Smith's revisions, and we had never been able to verify the content, the Inspired Version was always looked upon as being suspect. Not until Robert Matthews was invited to inspect the original in the archives of the Reorganized Church, did we gain confidence, and now it has been properly enthroned as the "Joseph Smith Translation" and is incorporated extensively in footnotes throughout our canon of scripture.
When visiting my father's ward in recent years, Elder Quentin L. Cook confirmed he was being taught with his other newly ordained contemporaries in the Twelve by President Boyd K. Packer, using this compilation as their shared text. It's a treasure trove of doctrinal insight for which I have been grateful since it came into my possession as a gift from Dean H. Lee.
The Holy Spirit of Promise
Since it is topical and sheds light on my hope and my anticipation of a yet-future reunion with my recently departed brother, Drew, I choose this morning to focus on the topic of the Holy Spirit of Promise.
 |
| Elder Harold B. Lee, circa 1954 |
Now to the question of the meaning of the Holy Spirit of Promise. Very often there have been some peculiar ideas with reference to that, ofttimes stemming from those who attempted to make an explanation with not very much understanding. In a sermon by the late Elder Melvin J. Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve, on the "Three Degrees of Glory," he said this in explanation of the word of the Lord as contained in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 76:
[These are they] who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true. (Verse 53).
Elder Ballard makes this explanation:
I would like to pause and emphasize that passage, because, while we receive eternal blessings at the hands of the priesthood which has the right to seal on earth and it shall be sealed in Heaven, this revelation clearly states it must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise also.
Now mark you!
A man and woman may by fraud and deception obtain admittance to the house of the Lord and may receive the pronouncement of the holy priesthood, giving to them, so far as lies in their power, these blessings. We may deceive men, but we cannot deceive the Holy Ghost, and our blessings will not be eternal unless they are also sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, the Holy Ghost, one who reads the thoughts and hearts of men and gives his sealing approval to the blessings pronounced upon their heads. Then it is binding, efficacious and of full force. I thank the Lord that there is this provision, so that even though men are able to deceive their brethren, they are not able to deceive the Holy Ghost and thus come into possession of their blessings unless they prove in word, in thought, and in deed their worthiness and righteousness. (Missionary pamphlet, "Three Degrees of Glory," by Melvin J. Ballard, Ogden Tabernacle, Sept. 22, 1922, emphasis mine).
If you have that in mind with respect to the sealing by the Holy Spirit of promise, not only must the marriages to which that had reference be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, but the Priesthood itself, baptism must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, and all eternal covenants before they are to be ours for eternity. You, who go to the temple, if you will listen carefully to the sealing ceremony, you will find that truth clearly taught to dissipate that idea that is ofttimes taught by some (see D&C 132:26) that if one, by some hook or crook, can get into the temple and be married they are assured of an exaltation no matter what they do short of committing the unpardonable sin. If we added three more words to that one verse, "if they repent," we would have what the Lord is trying to tell us. They will receive an exaltation if they repent and receive a forgiveness of their sins if they have not committed the unpardonable sin. But before that time, "they shall be turned over to the buffetings of Satan and they shall be destroyed in the flesh until the day of their redemption." When you understand that, and decide what these words mean, then you will have the terms on which one, who has been blessed and falls short of them, may eventually receive the promised blessings later. (Emphasis mine).
* * *
As I have stated before, it seems to me the pre-eminent qualification for exaltation is repentance. There will be no heirs of that highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom but repentant sinners. The magnitude of those sins and their relative seriousness were all contemplated in the bloody sweat of Gethsemane and the agony of the cross at Golgotha.
I have witnessed the fulfillment of those words in President Lee's posterity in the passing of my brother Drew. He did everything he could in the flesh to repent of his sins, despite his obvious limitations. He was certainly buffeted by Satan and his minions. On several occasions I had the opportunity to lay my hands on his head and rebuke the evil spirits who tormented him, only to witness their return again and again.
He is now at peace from the buffetings that destroyed him in the flesh. However, his spirit is free to soar, and I have every assurance his progression will continue in the spirit world to enable him to ultimately and eventually obtain the promised blessings he sought.
Too often in the Church it is my belief we do two things incorrectly: 1) We limit the saving power of the atonement and grace as supernal gifts from our Father in Heaven and His Only Begotten Son; and 2) we measure and compare ourselves against the relative performances of others against the laws the gospel. We demand justice for others, while claiming mercy only for ourselves.
I invite us all to consider more mercy for others.
Even if you're wrong, you'll be at peace and certainly less judgmental.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Impossible Gospel
There are some false traditions that have a tendency to creep in among the saints of the latter days. If we are seeking to acquire spiritual power through zealous compliance to the long list of commandments, practices, rituals and policies in the modern Church, we are pursuing an “impossible gospel.”
Have you ever spoken to a little child about Jesus and marveled at their perfect faith in him? Children love stories about him. They believe his teachings. They trust him implicitly. The faith and humility of little children characterize the greatest folks in the kingdom of heaven. (See Matthew 18:1-5). We were all little children once, and to enter the kingdom of heaven we will each return to our childlike faith. Occasionally, prophets have to remind us of our true status when we forget who we are and where we came from. (See Mosiah 2:23-25).
“The Gospel”
We are deceived in this world as we partake of the forbidden fruit of Satan’s lies, and we are taught something called “the gospel” as the antidote. Frequently, however, we define the gospel incorrectly as a long list of commandments. We should teach compliance and observance of the commandments in the Church, but too often we witness people who have become discouraged with their quest for perfection. One slip, they think to themselves, and all is lost. Their lives enter a vortex of sin sometimes only because they misunderstood the principles of the atonement. The task before them to live this false gospel seems impossible. This assumption is just as faulty as the one that we can sin knowingly, then repent to our Church leaders at the appropriate time to get a temple recommend when needed. Only after we have gained sufficient seasoning to acknowledge our repeated failed attempts to measure up to the lofty expectations of the impossible gospel of checklists, it seems, do we learn the true gospel. (See D&C 18:11; 76:40-42).
The long list of commandments and outward ordinances is not unlike the “preparatory gospel” of the law of Moses in an earlier time -- to give Israel a “type and shadow” of the spiritual blessings inherent in the atonement of Christ. The law was never to become the salvation it typified (see Mosiah 13:30-31; 16:14-15), but as sin escalates our lists grow longer to hedge up the way. We zealously admonish one another that not one must be lost. We learn to measure performance and compare relative compliance. Instead of feeding the sheep, the danger is that we become adept at merely counting them.
The Savior reserved His most excoriating criticism for the leaders of Judaism in his day who exhibited inexhaustible zeal for long lists. (See Matthew 23). He despised those “who make yourselves appear unto men that ye would not commit the least sin, and yet ye yourselves, transgress the whole law.” (JST Matthew 23:21). They had their image to think about.
Paul told the church in Rome that living the law in and of itself will not justify us regardless of how righteous we may appear to other men. The outward sign of conformity to the law in Paul’s day was circumcision. In our day it is baptism. Speaking to modern saints Paul might say, “To be a Mormon is not just to look like a Mormon, and baptism is more than a physical ordinance. The real Mormon is the one who is inwardly a Mormon, and the real baptism is in the heart ‑‑ something not of the letter but of the spirit. A Mormon like that may not be praised by man, but he will be praised by God.” (See Romans 2:25-29). Not surprisingly, President Benson said the same thing frequently. (See Ensign, May 1986, pp. 4-7; also Ensign, May 1988, pp. 4-6).
Receiving Not Earning
Two valiant prophets, Nephi and Stephen, rebuked their persecutors as “uncircumcised of heart.” (See Helaman 9:21; Acts 7:51-53). Their tormentors had been circumcised, and yet remained uncircumcised of heart. The circumcision of heart, a spiritual rebirth, had eluded them even though they had complied with the physical ordinances required by the law. Abinadi agrees with Paul: “Salvation doth not come by the law alone.” (Mosiah 13:28).
Lehi tells Jacob redemption comes through the Holy Messiah to those who have a broken heart and contrite spirit, and that “by the law no flesh is justified.” (2 Nephi 2:4-9). Unto “none else,” says Lehi, can the ends of the law be answered through the “merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah.” Only Jesus and little children qualify as perfect.
In our public teaching in the Church today we sometimes give the impression there are some preconditions imposed by the law before men and women can receive the Holy Spirit. However, Paul teaches it is futile to suppose the works of the law will bring the Holy Spirit of promise to the saints. Let us always remember the Holy Ghost comes to us as a gift after we exercise faith in our Savior’s atonement for our sins, and not as a reward for our good works. Paul posed the rhetorical question, “Was it because you practiced the Law that you received the Spirit, or because you believed what was preached to you?” (Galatians 3:2-5).
Paul speaks of the preparatory gospel as being insufficient to save us from our sins. The outward works of the law are of “none effect” if not linked to a spiritual conversion by faith. (Romans 4:14). Paul says, “All that law does is to tell us what is sinful,” and we must “go on unto perfection” in the doctrine of Christ without our dead works. (Hebrews 6:1).
Abinadi echoes Paul’s teachings. We often consider gifts and grace as troublesome doctrines, thinking in our Protestant ethic that we must earn everything we receive, but remember prophets speak and write to those who have already received the initial outward ordinances of baptism and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost. The ordinances are essential for salvation, but “all mankind were lost” because of the fall, and would have been “endlessly lost were it not that God redeemed his people from their lost and fallen state.” (Mosiah 16:3-5). Nowhere do prophets speak of any preconditions for salvation except faith in Christ’s atonement, repentance, and baptism. Outward ordinances only typify inward spiritual realities, they guarantee nothing. Those who cannot humble themselves in repentance for their sins before their Redeemer “remain as though there had been no redemption made,” despite their empty works of compliance without the spirit.
Now examine Amulek’s teachings as another witness: “All are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.” (Alma 34:9). Through the redemption of Christ little children have escaped accountability for sin. The ordinances at age eight symbolize what happens to us later when we have partaken of the forbidden fruit and the effects of the fall are complete. That is what is meant by the baptism of the heart -- it is spiritual not physical.
How many of us assume we are saved merely by our nominal membership in the true Church? Too many of us perform closure on our spiritual progress, thinking we have all the knowledge we need in the law. Paul taught the outward ordinance of baptism has no power to save. Only faith in Jesus Christ “which worketh by love” results in the desired goal of salvation. (Galatians 5:6). This deception of focusing our efforts on outward behavioral checklists breeds self-righteousness and spiritual complacency, collective sins of the chosen people who are not yet “born again.” (Alma 5:14).
“So what becomes of our boasts?” demands Paul. “There is no room for them. On the contrary, it is the law of faith, since, as we see it, a man is justified by faith and not by doing something the Law tells him to do.” (See Romans 3:27-31).
Faith Like Abraham’s
Paul cites Abraham’s faith. Though it seemed Abraham’s hope for posterity could not be fulfilled, he hoped and he believed. Through doing so he became the father of many nations exactly as he had been promised. Nothing could shake his faith. Since God had promised it, Abraham refused either to deny it or even to doubt it, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, convinced that God had power to do what he had promised. There are many in the Church today whose faith and hope in an eternal posterity seems in every particular as impossible as Abraham’s. This is the faith that was “considered as justifying him.” Our faith too will be “considered” if we believe in him who was put to death for our sins and raised to life to justify us. (See Romans 4:13-25). It is easy to confess our faith in God once or twice in a lifetime. We only receive the blessings of Abraham as we live each day like Abraham.
Would Paul have us abandon the requirements under the law for the outward ordinances and commandments of salvation? Not at all. He says the law is not sufficient to save us -- he does not say the law is disposable. But the law, even if it could be lived perfectly as Paul says he lived it, does not save.
Salvation is perfect faith in Christ as our personal Savior, not perfect compliance with the checklist of commandments demanded by the law. Our doctrine is the doctrine of Christ. Once innocent children, we have all ingested the forbidden fruit of Satan’s lies. (D&C 93:37-40). Paul’s testimony was, “I am no longer trying for perfection by my own efforts, the perfection that comes from the Law, but I want only the perfection that comes through faith in Christ, and is from God and based on faith.” (See Philippians 3:4-14).
Alma taught the same doctrine. Each had a keen awareness of his fallen condition and his need for redemption. Each knew his deliverance from the bondage of sin. They were saved in the abyss of their sin and folly by faith, not because they were living the law perfectly. Alma’s salvation came “not of any worthiness of myself.” (Alma 36:2-5). Salvation for each of us comes as a gift of grace “after all we can do,” but we are commanded to teach our children “the deadness of the law.” (2 Nephi 25:23-30).
Too often, instead, we advocate the merits of the law, insist upon compliance from our children and never teach them the true gospel of Jesus Christ. We deny the twin doctrines of the fall and the atonement when we concentrate on their outward performance, and we rate them “good” or “bad” against a false standard. Therefore, our judgment of them is faulty.
Jesus taught only God was “good.” (Mark 10:18). So did Paul. (Romans 3:10-12). Eternal life is attainable only because of our faith in Christ’s atonement. We earn nothing as fallen beings, because any good in us comes from God. Either our good works are inspired by the Holy Ghost, or our works are merely works of men inspired by Satan and they perish. (3 Nephi 27:10-12).
No advocate of the gospel was as faithful and fearless as Paul following his vision of the Lord, yet his writings disclose he continued to struggle with temptation all his life. He referred to his mortal weakness as “a thorn in the flesh,” and each of us is blessed with similar thorns. He was silenced in his thrice-repeated petition to have the thorn removed with, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” The thorn is our corruptible mortal flesh we must submit through repentance to the sanctification of the Lord’s grace. Paul finally learned there was no glory in achieving his own worthy goals under the law. Rather, he found the source of his spiritual strength in his dependence upon Christ to deliver him from his temporal infirmities. (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). It is a lesson for us. Spiritless checklists and self-determined goals are powerless to save.
Moroni was weak in writing, and feared he would be mocked by the gentiles who received The Book of Mormon in the latter days. “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness,” promised the Lord. He did not mean He gives us our many mortal weaknesses and temptations. He reveals our true weakness as fallen mortals to humble us, a weakness we never overcome until death (the end of our probation if we have been faithful). His grace strengthens us in mortality, not our vain exertions to remove our own thorn. “My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me,” was the sweet whispering of the Holy Spirit to Moroni, who testifies, “I know that thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith.” (Ether 12:26-29). He lived like Abraham, and so must we.
We exchange our sins for His love, the “grace” or “charity” spoken of in the scriptures. His grace is his enabling power given as a gift to make salvation possible for the penitent. Charity for others is obtained by our faith in Christ’s redemptive power to save us from sin and death, which gives rise to the hope that our faith will not be in vain and our sins will be forgiven. We cannot give the love we have not yet received.
Moroni tells us the gift is given only when we “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.” (Moroni 7:48). That is what James meant by the necessity of good works to go with our faith. (James 2:20-24). Praying with “all the energy of heart” and acting on the answers is just the kind of good hard work James had in mind!
Every covenant we make with God condemns us, because we all fall short of perfect performance. The weight of the law if borne alone will crush us. That is the purpose of the law -- to teach us we are weak and need help shouldering the load. The real joy and peace of living the gospel lies in the infinite possibilities if we know how, what and who to worship, not in keeping score on our checklists hoping to prove ourselves worthy. (D&C 93:19).
Discipleship
Why is perfection in the law so impossible in the flesh? “All that the law does is to tell us what is sinful.” There is no salvation in living the law of carnal commandments perfectly, said Paul. Salvation consists in being perfected in Christ through our faith on him as our personal Savior. He is our only hope for perfection. (Moroni 10:32-33). Our doctrine is, “if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power,” only then are we sanctified.
Jacob taught a daily spiritual walk for the believer, not a one-time profession of belief. He said those who would claim salvation in Christ must “consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility.” (2 Nephi 9:41-42). Each day the true disciple denies himself all ungodliness and every worldly lust, takes up his cross, and follows the Savior. (JST Matthew 16:26). It becomes a way of life for the true disciple, not just a well-meaning slogan.
Nephi promised, “if ye will enter in by the way [baptism], and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show you all things what ye should do. Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ.” (2 Nephi 32:5-6). He spoke of “my doctrine,” when Jesus said, “whoso believeth in me, and is baptized, the same shall be saved, and they are they who shall inherit the kingdom of God. And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and become as a little child.” (3 Nephi 11:31-40).
Even the gates of hell shall not prevail against true disciples who build upon his rock. “This is my gospel,” taught Jesus when he invited us to “repent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be baptized in my name, that ye may be sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost.” (3 Nephi 27:19-21). The law, though always intended to yield a spiritual result, operates in a natural, carnal, and temporal world. The Holy Ghost is the supernatural sanctifier of the natural man. (Mosiah 3:18-21).
“This is my doctrine,” saith Christ, “whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church.” (D&C 10:68). God give us the wisdom to avoid making “more” of the gospel than it is. King Benjamin taught the disciple “should put his [her] trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life. . . This is the means whereby salvation cometh,” and there is no other way. (Mosiah 4:6-8).
Paul’s teachings on grace and the futility of excelling in the works of the law are simple. The doctrine of Christ applies today, and “shall suffice for thy daily walk, even unto the end of thy life.” (D&C 19:29-32).
The impossible gospel of searching for power by blind adherence and faith in our checklists under the law is just another false tradition with no power to save. Jesus never taught it, “for my commandments are spiritual.” (D&C 29:34-35). Only the Holy One of Israel can supply the perfect fruit of the tree of life. (1 Nephi 11:8-36; 2 Nephi 9; 25:23-30; 31:16-21). “Mercy cometh because of the atonement, and none but the truly penitent are saved.” (Alma 42:23-24). Rather than our own perfection in mortality, our quest must be for the mercy of our Redeemer.
Little children know the doctrine of Christ. They love Jesus. They know his love for them. As we wash our garments in his blood we become like them, “holy and without spot.” (Alma 13:11; Moroni 10:33). The possible gospel, the true gospel, is a very short list. It is so simple only little children understand it.
Have you ever spoken to a little child about Jesus and marveled at their perfect faith in him? Children love stories about him. They believe his teachings. They trust him implicitly. The faith and humility of little children characterize the greatest folks in the kingdom of heaven. (See Matthew 18:1-5). We were all little children once, and to enter the kingdom of heaven we will each return to our childlike faith. Occasionally, prophets have to remind us of our true status when we forget who we are and where we came from. (See Mosiah 2:23-25).
“The Gospel”
We are deceived in this world as we partake of the forbidden fruit of Satan’s lies, and we are taught something called “the gospel” as the antidote. Frequently, however, we define the gospel incorrectly as a long list of commandments. We should teach compliance and observance of the commandments in the Church, but too often we witness people who have become discouraged with their quest for perfection. One slip, they think to themselves, and all is lost. Their lives enter a vortex of sin sometimes only because they misunderstood the principles of the atonement. The task before them to live this false gospel seems impossible. This assumption is just as faulty as the one that we can sin knowingly, then repent to our Church leaders at the appropriate time to get a temple recommend when needed. Only after we have gained sufficient seasoning to acknowledge our repeated failed attempts to measure up to the lofty expectations of the impossible gospel of checklists, it seems, do we learn the true gospel. (See D&C 18:11; 76:40-42).
The long list of commandments and outward ordinances is not unlike the “preparatory gospel” of the law of Moses in an earlier time -- to give Israel a “type and shadow” of the spiritual blessings inherent in the atonement of Christ. The law was never to become the salvation it typified (see Mosiah 13:30-31; 16:14-15), but as sin escalates our lists grow longer to hedge up the way. We zealously admonish one another that not one must be lost. We learn to measure performance and compare relative compliance. Instead of feeding the sheep, the danger is that we become adept at merely counting them.
The Savior reserved His most excoriating criticism for the leaders of Judaism in his day who exhibited inexhaustible zeal for long lists. (See Matthew 23). He despised those “who make yourselves appear unto men that ye would not commit the least sin, and yet ye yourselves, transgress the whole law.” (JST Matthew 23:21). They had their image to think about.
Paul told the church in Rome that living the law in and of itself will not justify us regardless of how righteous we may appear to other men. The outward sign of conformity to the law in Paul’s day was circumcision. In our day it is baptism. Speaking to modern saints Paul might say, “To be a Mormon is not just to look like a Mormon, and baptism is more than a physical ordinance. The real Mormon is the one who is inwardly a Mormon, and the real baptism is in the heart ‑‑ something not of the letter but of the spirit. A Mormon like that may not be praised by man, but he will be praised by God.” (See Romans 2:25-29). Not surprisingly, President Benson said the same thing frequently. (See Ensign, May 1986, pp. 4-7; also Ensign, May 1988, pp. 4-6).
Receiving Not Earning
Two valiant prophets, Nephi and Stephen, rebuked their persecutors as “uncircumcised of heart.” (See Helaman 9:21; Acts 7:51-53). Their tormentors had been circumcised, and yet remained uncircumcised of heart. The circumcision of heart, a spiritual rebirth, had eluded them even though they had complied with the physical ordinances required by the law. Abinadi agrees with Paul: “Salvation doth not come by the law alone.” (Mosiah 13:28).
Lehi tells Jacob redemption comes through the Holy Messiah to those who have a broken heart and contrite spirit, and that “by the law no flesh is justified.” (2 Nephi 2:4-9). Unto “none else,” says Lehi, can the ends of the law be answered through the “merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah.” Only Jesus and little children qualify as perfect.
In our public teaching in the Church today we sometimes give the impression there are some preconditions imposed by the law before men and women can receive the Holy Spirit. However, Paul teaches it is futile to suppose the works of the law will bring the Holy Spirit of promise to the saints. Let us always remember the Holy Ghost comes to us as a gift after we exercise faith in our Savior’s atonement for our sins, and not as a reward for our good works. Paul posed the rhetorical question, “Was it because you practiced the Law that you received the Spirit, or because you believed what was preached to you?” (Galatians 3:2-5).
Paul speaks of the preparatory gospel as being insufficient to save us from our sins. The outward works of the law are of “none effect” if not linked to a spiritual conversion by faith. (Romans 4:14). Paul says, “All that law does is to tell us what is sinful,” and we must “go on unto perfection” in the doctrine of Christ without our dead works. (Hebrews 6:1).
Abinadi echoes Paul’s teachings. We often consider gifts and grace as troublesome doctrines, thinking in our Protestant ethic that we must earn everything we receive, but remember prophets speak and write to those who have already received the initial outward ordinances of baptism and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost. The ordinances are essential for salvation, but “all mankind were lost” because of the fall, and would have been “endlessly lost were it not that God redeemed his people from their lost and fallen state.” (Mosiah 16:3-5). Nowhere do prophets speak of any preconditions for salvation except faith in Christ’s atonement, repentance, and baptism. Outward ordinances only typify inward spiritual realities, they guarantee nothing. Those who cannot humble themselves in repentance for their sins before their Redeemer “remain as though there had been no redemption made,” despite their empty works of compliance without the spirit.
Now examine Amulek’s teachings as another witness: “All are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.” (Alma 34:9). Through the redemption of Christ little children have escaped accountability for sin. The ordinances at age eight symbolize what happens to us later when we have partaken of the forbidden fruit and the effects of the fall are complete. That is what is meant by the baptism of the heart -- it is spiritual not physical.
How many of us assume we are saved merely by our nominal membership in the true Church? Too many of us perform closure on our spiritual progress, thinking we have all the knowledge we need in the law. Paul taught the outward ordinance of baptism has no power to save. Only faith in Jesus Christ “which worketh by love” results in the desired goal of salvation. (Galatians 5:6). This deception of focusing our efforts on outward behavioral checklists breeds self-righteousness and spiritual complacency, collective sins of the chosen people who are not yet “born again.” (Alma 5:14).
“So what becomes of our boasts?” demands Paul. “There is no room for them. On the contrary, it is the law of faith, since, as we see it, a man is justified by faith and not by doing something the Law tells him to do.” (See Romans 3:27-31).
Faith Like Abraham’s
Paul cites Abraham’s faith. Though it seemed Abraham’s hope for posterity could not be fulfilled, he hoped and he believed. Through doing so he became the father of many nations exactly as he had been promised. Nothing could shake his faith. Since God had promised it, Abraham refused either to deny it or even to doubt it, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, convinced that God had power to do what he had promised. There are many in the Church today whose faith and hope in an eternal posterity seems in every particular as impossible as Abraham’s. This is the faith that was “considered as justifying him.” Our faith too will be “considered” if we believe in him who was put to death for our sins and raised to life to justify us. (See Romans 4:13-25). It is easy to confess our faith in God once or twice in a lifetime. We only receive the blessings of Abraham as we live each day like Abraham.
Would Paul have us abandon the requirements under the law for the outward ordinances and commandments of salvation? Not at all. He says the law is not sufficient to save us -- he does not say the law is disposable. But the law, even if it could be lived perfectly as Paul says he lived it, does not save.
Salvation is perfect faith in Christ as our personal Savior, not perfect compliance with the checklist of commandments demanded by the law. Our doctrine is the doctrine of Christ. Once innocent children, we have all ingested the forbidden fruit of Satan’s lies. (D&C 93:37-40). Paul’s testimony was, “I am no longer trying for perfection by my own efforts, the perfection that comes from the Law, but I want only the perfection that comes through faith in Christ, and is from God and based on faith.” (See Philippians 3:4-14).
Alma taught the same doctrine. Each had a keen awareness of his fallen condition and his need for redemption. Each knew his deliverance from the bondage of sin. They were saved in the abyss of their sin and folly by faith, not because they were living the law perfectly. Alma’s salvation came “not of any worthiness of myself.” (Alma 36:2-5). Salvation for each of us comes as a gift of grace “after all we can do,” but we are commanded to teach our children “the deadness of the law.” (2 Nephi 25:23-30).
Too often, instead, we advocate the merits of the law, insist upon compliance from our children and never teach them the true gospel of Jesus Christ. We deny the twin doctrines of the fall and the atonement when we concentrate on their outward performance, and we rate them “good” or “bad” against a false standard. Therefore, our judgment of them is faulty.
Jesus taught only God was “good.” (Mark 10:18). So did Paul. (Romans 3:10-12). Eternal life is attainable only because of our faith in Christ’s atonement. We earn nothing as fallen beings, because any good in us comes from God. Either our good works are inspired by the Holy Ghost, or our works are merely works of men inspired by Satan and they perish. (3 Nephi 27:10-12).
No advocate of the gospel was as faithful and fearless as Paul following his vision of the Lord, yet his writings disclose he continued to struggle with temptation all his life. He referred to his mortal weakness as “a thorn in the flesh,” and each of us is blessed with similar thorns. He was silenced in his thrice-repeated petition to have the thorn removed with, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” The thorn is our corruptible mortal flesh we must submit through repentance to the sanctification of the Lord’s grace. Paul finally learned there was no glory in achieving his own worthy goals under the law. Rather, he found the source of his spiritual strength in his dependence upon Christ to deliver him from his temporal infirmities. (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). It is a lesson for us. Spiritless checklists and self-determined goals are powerless to save.
Moroni was weak in writing, and feared he would be mocked by the gentiles who received The Book of Mormon in the latter days. “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness,” promised the Lord. He did not mean He gives us our many mortal weaknesses and temptations. He reveals our true weakness as fallen mortals to humble us, a weakness we never overcome until death (the end of our probation if we have been faithful). His grace strengthens us in mortality, not our vain exertions to remove our own thorn. “My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me,” was the sweet whispering of the Holy Spirit to Moroni, who testifies, “I know that thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith.” (Ether 12:26-29). He lived like Abraham, and so must we.
We exchange our sins for His love, the “grace” or “charity” spoken of in the scriptures. His grace is his enabling power given as a gift to make salvation possible for the penitent. Charity for others is obtained by our faith in Christ’s redemptive power to save us from sin and death, which gives rise to the hope that our faith will not be in vain and our sins will be forgiven. We cannot give the love we have not yet received.
Moroni tells us the gift is given only when we “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.” (Moroni 7:48). That is what James meant by the necessity of good works to go with our faith. (James 2:20-24). Praying with “all the energy of heart” and acting on the answers is just the kind of good hard work James had in mind!
Every covenant we make with God condemns us, because we all fall short of perfect performance. The weight of the law if borne alone will crush us. That is the purpose of the law -- to teach us we are weak and need help shouldering the load. The real joy and peace of living the gospel lies in the infinite possibilities if we know how, what and who to worship, not in keeping score on our checklists hoping to prove ourselves worthy. (D&C 93:19).
Discipleship
Why is perfection in the law so impossible in the flesh? “All that the law does is to tell us what is sinful.” There is no salvation in living the law of carnal commandments perfectly, said Paul. Salvation consists in being perfected in Christ through our faith on him as our personal Savior. He is our only hope for perfection. (Moroni 10:32-33). Our doctrine is, “if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power,” only then are we sanctified.
Jacob taught a daily spiritual walk for the believer, not a one-time profession of belief. He said those who would claim salvation in Christ must “consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility.” (2 Nephi 9:41-42). Each day the true disciple denies himself all ungodliness and every worldly lust, takes up his cross, and follows the Savior. (JST Matthew 16:26). It becomes a way of life for the true disciple, not just a well-meaning slogan.
Nephi promised, “if ye will enter in by the way [baptism], and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show you all things what ye should do. Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ.” (2 Nephi 32:5-6). He spoke of “my doctrine,” when Jesus said, “whoso believeth in me, and is baptized, the same shall be saved, and they are they who shall inherit the kingdom of God. And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and become as a little child.” (3 Nephi 11:31-40).
Even the gates of hell shall not prevail against true disciples who build upon his rock. “This is my gospel,” taught Jesus when he invited us to “repent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be baptized in my name, that ye may be sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost.” (3 Nephi 27:19-21). The law, though always intended to yield a spiritual result, operates in a natural, carnal, and temporal world. The Holy Ghost is the supernatural sanctifier of the natural man. (Mosiah 3:18-21).
“This is my doctrine,” saith Christ, “whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church.” (D&C 10:68). God give us the wisdom to avoid making “more” of the gospel than it is. King Benjamin taught the disciple “should put his [her] trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life. . . This is the means whereby salvation cometh,” and there is no other way. (Mosiah 4:6-8).
Paul’s teachings on grace and the futility of excelling in the works of the law are simple. The doctrine of Christ applies today, and “shall suffice for thy daily walk, even unto the end of thy life.” (D&C 19:29-32).
The impossible gospel of searching for power by blind adherence and faith in our checklists under the law is just another false tradition with no power to save. Jesus never taught it, “for my commandments are spiritual.” (D&C 29:34-35). Only the Holy One of Israel can supply the perfect fruit of the tree of life. (1 Nephi 11:8-36; 2 Nephi 9; 25:23-30; 31:16-21). “Mercy cometh because of the atonement, and none but the truly penitent are saved.” (Alma 42:23-24). Rather than our own perfection in mortality, our quest must be for the mercy of our Redeemer.
Little children know the doctrine of Christ. They love Jesus. They know his love for them. As we wash our garments in his blood we become like them, “holy and without spot.” (Alma 13:11; Moroni 10:33). The possible gospel, the true gospel, is a very short list. It is so simple only little children understand it.
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