How Do You "Outlive Your Funeral?"

Strange title, eh? Well, I will attempt an answer here today. It's Boxing Day today, much more widely observed in England than here in America. The day after Christmas settled upon me early this morning with the afterglow of a glorious celebration with family. Each year we gather for our Christmas "Adam" evening for dinner, a program, then the highlight everyone looks forward to - the opening of our new Christmas tee-shirts, a long-standing tradition among the Goates Kids. Each year one of the families accepts the assignment to come up with a new design, and this year the Warnicks knocked it out of the park with their design. Everyone loved them. Someone observed, "They sure are GREEN!"

The 2025 Gathering at the Ranch

Others scattered around the country also observed our tradition of opening the tee-shirts. It's always a unifying activity we all enjoy no matter where we are. 

Volume 6

We shared a program, and then I offered my testimony in conclusion. As I did so, I distributed Volume 6 of my collected family stories. I am currently working on Volume 7. Patsy joked one day following my brain surgery that those events in my life had taken 10 years off her life, but perhaps they had added 10 more to mine. It's now been 5 1/2 years since my surgery and at the time she passed away in 2023, I stated I would write the definitive 7 Volume set on our lives together for those who did not know her personally. I'm well on my way now to fulfilling that promise. Little did I know. . . and so I now live for its completion, and maybe a few extra volumes (time on this Earth still permitting). 

The Warnicks Design Team

Here's what I have learned as I have written our family's history. There always seems to be at least one more chapter that suggests itself as I am fed weekly questions by Story Worth that are submitted by various family members. Someone, observing this latest volume quipped, "Well, Dad, it looks like you've found another way to outlive your funeral with these volumes." And I thought later, he's right, I have indeed! Here's the thing: After I'm gone there won't be anyone left to refute whatever it is I have come up with as our family historian. I will have had the final word that will stand, flaws if there be any and all that goes with it. That's the value of a written record that will clearly outlive me now.

Team Venema 2025

I am so thrilled with 2025, because there have been many missionaries among my grandchildren who are coming and going all around the world right now. They have all had rich and fulfilling experiences, and they are so much further down the road of discipleship than my generation ever was. That's to be expected, I surmise, because we have been told this would be a day in which the weak things would come forth and prevail in the gathering of Israel.

26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:26-27).

The brother of Jared also demonstrated his humility and his conviction that he would be made strong in service to the Lord:

2 O Lord, thou hast said that we must be encompassed about by the floods. Now behold, O Lord, and do not be angry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee; for we know that thou art holy and dwellest in the heavens, and that we are unworthy before thee; because of the fall our natures have become evil continually; nevertheless, O Lord, thou hast given us a commandment that we must call upon thee, that from thee we may receive according to our desires. (Ether 3:2).

The people of King Benjamin had a similar belief:

2 And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men. (Mosiah 4:2).

I have purposefully cited three references from the Book of Mormon to illustrate how precise the language of the prophets who compiled their record were in their testimonies of their need for their Savior in accomplishing all they did in His name. We are all enlisted in the ongoing work they started. Think of how patient our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son Jesus Christ have been in the unfolding of the fulness of the gospel in these last days. We are the blessed recipients of their long-suffering and their perpetual surety of the work of salvation that is accelerating in our own time.

I find it difficult to believe in these enlightened last days that there are still some "out there" in the world who would deny our steadfast allegiance to the Restored Gospel through the Lord Jesus Christ. It was delivered to the Earth through the Prophet Joseph Smith and his inspired translation of the Book of Mormon, as cited above. For those who may at this late date be clinging to the old refrains of yesteryear that "Mormons are not Christians,” I would offer my testimony here on this page that we are indeed the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ with living prophets in place today. 

President Russell M. Nelson

I have treasured these words since President Russell M. Nelson first spoke them:

My dear brothers and sisters, in a coming day, Jesus Christ will return to the earth as the millennial Messiah. So today I call upon you to rededicate your lives to Jesus Christ. I call upon you to help gather scattered Israel and to prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord. I call upon you to talk of Christ, testify of Christ, have faith in Christ, and rejoice in Christ!

Come unto Christ and “offer your whole [soul]” to Him [Omni 1:26]. This is the secret to a life of joy!

The best is yet to come, my dear brothers and sisters, because the Savior is coming again! The best is yet to come because the Lord is hastening His work. The best is yet to come as we fully turn our hearts and our lives to Jesus Christ.

I bear my solemn witness that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I am His disciple. I am honored to be His servant. At His Second Coming, “the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.” That day will be filled with joy for the righteous!

Through the power of the sacred priesthood keys I hold, I declare this truth to you and to all the world! (“The Lord Jesus Christ Will Come Again,” Liahona, Nov. 2024, 122).

I am grateful to be alive as I look forward to the year 2026. With a prophetic promise that "the best is yet to come," who wouldn't be?

Perhaps I could offer one simple suggestion for your gospel study during the coming year. I have recently been re-reading The Infinite Atonement by Elder Tad R. Callister of the Seventy as I learned about his recent death. His words are inspired in every page, citing ample scriptural references throughout his chapters. I submit humbly that this book like few others will anchor your study of the "Come, Follow Me" curriculum in Sunday School as we now take up the Old Testament. 

May you each enjoy your anticipation of what comes next in 2026, I pray.

Happy Boxing Day, 2024

In England it's bigger than Christmas, yet widely ignored as a "holiday" in the United States. What exactly is Boxing Day?

I quote from Wikipedia:

Boxing Day is a holiday celebrated after Christmas Day, occurring on the second day of Christmastide (26 December). Boxing Day was once a day to donate gifts to those in need, but it has evolved to become a part of Christmas festivities, with many people choosing to shop for deals on Boxing Day. It originated in the United Kingdom and is celebrated in several Commonwealth nations. The attached bank holiday or public holiday may take place on 27 or 28 December if necessary to ensure it falls on a weekday. Boxing Day is also concurrent with the Christian festival Saint Stephen's Day.

In parts of Europe, such as Catalonia, the Czech Republic, Germany, Austria, Hungary, Netherlands, Italy, Poland, Slovakia, Slovenia, Croatia, Denmark, Finland, Romania, Sweden, Belgium, Norway, Latvia and the Republic of Ireland, 26 December is Saint Stephen's Day, which is considered the second day of Christmas.

Etymology:

There are competing theories for the origins of the term, none of which is definitive.

The European tradition of giving money and other gifts to those in need, or in service positions, has been dated to the Middle Ages, but the exact origin is unknown; it may refer to the alms box placed in the narthex of Christian churches to collect donations for the poor. The tradition may come from a custom in the late Roman and early Christian era, wherein alms boxes placed in churches were used to collect special offerings tied to the Feast of Saint Stephen, which, in the Western Christian Churches, falls on the same day as Boxing Day, the second day of Christmastide. On this day, it is customary in some localities for the alms boxes to be opened and distributed to the poor.

The Oxford English Dictionary gives the earliest attestation from Britain in 1743, defining it as "the day after Christmas day", and saying "traditionally on this day tradespeople, employees, etc., would receive presents or gratuities (a "Christmas box") from their customers or employers."

The term "Christmas box" dates back to the 17th century, and among other things meant:

A present or gratuity given at Christmas: In Great Britain, usually confined to gratuities given to those who are supposed to have a vague claim upon the donor for services rendered to him as one of the general public by whom they are employed and paid, or as a customer of their legal employer; the undefined theory being that as they have done offices for this person, for which he has not directly paid them, some direct acknowledgement is becoming at Christmas.

In Britain, it was a custom for tradesmen to collect "Christmas boxes" of money or presents on the first weekday after Christmas as thanks for good service throughout the year. This is mentioned in Samuel Pepys' diary entry for 19 December 1663. This custom is linked to an older British tradition in which the servants of the wealthy were allowed the next day to visit their families since they would have had to serve their masters on Christmas Day. The employers would give each servant a box to take home containing gifts, bonuses, and sometimes leftover food. Until the late 20th century, there continued to be a tradition among many in the UK to give a Christmas gift, usually cash, to vendors, although not on Boxing Day, as many would not work on that day.

* * *

I became acquainted with Boxing Day as a young missionary serving in England in 1967-69, for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We found it was a marvelous time to knock on doors in our neighborhood, and we often found men at home with their families in a relaxed and joyful setting. It was a happy time for all concerned, especially us. We were the recipients (and sometimes the givers) of unexpected gifts from those we contacted. Everyone just seemed friendlier and more welcoming.

Christmas is historically a wonderful time in general. However, for those who are suffering it is a sacred opportunity for those who have to give to those who do not. Everyone seems more inclined to look to the needs of others outside themselves. It is the spirit of Christmas, indeed the spirit of Christ, that infuses each soul with a spirit of generosity and kindness. 

Boxing Day seems to emulate all these best traditions, and I have always wished that in America we could ennoble the practices cites above more completely. Unfortunately, we don't have the longstanding traditions we observe in the United Kingdom. That's why, I suppose, we jettisoned the tradition of Boxing Day at some point.

When I stop to consider why we don't have more of the attitude of preserving the best of Christmas Day on every other day of the year, I must confess it's hard to implement high ideals no matter what the correlation between an elevated sense of goodness and surrendering to our baser instincts. It's just hard, isn't it, to rise above the crowd going about their selective brands of misery. We can catch a glimpse of greatness like we see embodied in Jesus Christ's life when we celebrate Christmas, but it isn't easy to maintain His high ideals on every other day of the year.

So now we stand on the threshold of another New Year that looms around the next corner next week. We can view it as another opportunity to resolve to do better in whatever ways we wish. I remember a good brother in our ward many, many years ago who was asked to talk about "New Year's Resolutions" in sacrament meeting the week after Christmas. He astoundingly took the position that such an exercise was futile and he had never engaged in such a trivial and worthless pursuit. This was a man who had emigrated from England some years before that, and had carved out a wonderful life for himself and his family as a very skilled tradesman. He caught us all off guard because his assigned topic would have suggested his assent to the premise of setting good goals for the coming year.

I have reflected this morning, all these years later, on his position. Like most Englishmen I have known, he was outspoken, assertive and not the least bit shy about sharing his headstrong opinions. The fact I am remembering so vividly what he had to say is an evidence of the impact he had on me. 

So let us resolve here and today on Boxing Day that we will live better one day at a time in 2025. Let's agree that we will not make sweeping and lifelong commitments to ourselves that we may not be able to attain because they might be too grandiose or unattainable from where we stand today.

Rather, let's be generous with ourselves, relying alone upon the merits of our Savior Jesus Christ and His perfection instead. Consider these verses to refute the idea advanced by some enemies of the Church (even at this late date) that we are not Christians because we accept the Book of Mormon as the inspired word of God:

"And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

"And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen." (2 Nephi 31:19-21, emphasis mine).

Not only are we devoted Christians, we ARE the restored Church of Jesus Christ, the ONLY true Church with the fulness of the doctrine of Christ, the ordinances, and the approved path leading to eternal life. 

It is my witness after living a long time on this blessed planet that we are led by living prophets today, President Russell M. Nelson in his 101st year being the senior Apostle among his brethren. I love them, and I love the Church they lead because it is Christ's Church on the earth today.

Let's agree, like my friend from England, that we can embrace each day, one day at a time as it presents itself to us in 2025, and not stress unduly over our goals of a lifetime that may seem unattainable today and cause us an undue burden we needn't carry all alone. 

"Few, If Any. . ."

I’m awake this morning at 6:00 a.m., still basking in the afterglow of our shared sealing session last night in the Orem Temple. My dear friend Hank Nelson, along with his wife Kristy who was seated at the sealing desk in the office, conducted the session at my request. 

It was a heavenly outing for me, exactly what I prayed it would be. We had 19 of our family members, including Harold and Catherine, acting as proxies for 44 of our deceased ancestors. We sealed couples and children to parents. It was a happy time for all who attended, and some silent tears were shed in acknowledgement of the rich outpouring of the spirit that attended us. I noted every teardrop that fell in quiet reverence.

I will add that I also noted son-in-law Clark’s temple shoes, originally owned by President Harold B. Lee, then by me, now by Clark, and I pondered anew where those shoes have been and what they have surely seen. He first wore them when he was a newly-sustained Apostle in 1941 on April 10th. Their tattered and well-worn appearance testified anew to me of the true calling of living prophets. To qualify for ownership of those shoes one must be a proper size 9, and Clark and I both qualified.

Our session went a little late, since we were the last group to occupy a sealing room last night. We exited the temple in darkness, but a group of young adult young women snapped this picture for us as a treasured memory. 

There are those who have asserted over the years in the Church that we don’t really know whether or not the departed spirits of our family members will accept the proxy work we do in the temples, but I have a different view. 

I remembered this following statement last night, and suggested it to daughter Dianne as we rode down the elevator after the session had concluded, then I checked the reference this morning:

President Wilford W. Woodruff

“’All who have died without a knowledge of this Gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God; also all that shall die henceforth without a knowledge of it, who would have received it with all their hearts, shall be heirs of that kingdom, for I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.’ [D&C 137:7–9.] So it will be with your fathers. There will be very few, if any, who will not accept the Gospel. … The fathers of this people will embrace the Gospel.” (Millennial Star, May 28, 1894, 339–40, emphasis mine).

Brigham and Wilford in St. George Temple

At the time, President Wilford W. Woodruff had lived to witness the construction of the first four temples in Utah, and dedicated the magnificent Salt Lake Temple that took 40 years to build. He and President Brigham Young had worked in tandem in St. George to fulfill the Prophet Joseph’s request to arrange the temple ceremonies more accurately, and that is exactly what they did.

“President Young has said to us, and it is verily so, if the dead could they would speak in language loud as ten thousand thunders, calling upon the servants of God to rise up and build Temples, magnify their calling and redeem their dead.” (Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, March 26, 1878, 1).

“If [we] knew and understood the feelings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, and those of his brethren associated with him, and the feelings of the millions of the human family who are shut up in their prison houses, we would not tire. … We would labor for the redemption of our dead.” (Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, October 26, 1880, 1).

“The eyes of the heavens are over us; the eyes of God himself, the eyes of every Prophet and Apostle in the spirit world, are watching you, watching this Priesthood, to see what they are doing and what they are going to do. It is of far more importance than we realize and comprehend. Let us awake to the ordinances of the House of God and do our duty, that we may be justified.”  (In Conference Report, October 1897, 47).

Think for a moment how powerful Wilford Woodruff’s statement is that there would be few, if any, of our deceased ancestors who will not accept the fulness of the gospel in the spirit world. 

Those, for example, who rejected the Book of Mormon in this mortal life will surely be attending a class somewhere in the spirit world taught by the Lamanites and the Nephites and all the other “ites” mentioned in the record. Imagine the surprise on the faces of those recalcitrant spirits who hear their firsthand testimonies in the spirit world and ask yourself how they could possibly resist any longer. 

I am a great believer that repentance and progress occurs in the spirit world. We certainly believe people can change here in mortality because we have witnessed it. So why not believe people can and do change in the spirit world? I KNOW they do.

President Russell M. Nelson

It’s why our living prophet today, President Russell M. Nelson, now nearing this 100th birthday on September 9th, is the very embodiment of the leadership President Woodruff foresaw in the building of temples worldwide. And we are living witnesses of the fulfillment of the prophecies of President Woodruff.

“Eternal progression” is a concept that is often misunderstood, more so in years gone by than it is today. I have always valued the perspective of Brigham Young on this topic:

“Instead of pleading with the Lord to bestow more upon you, plead with yourselves to have confidence in yourselves, to have integrity in yourselves, and know when to speak and what to speak, what to reveal, and how to carry yourselves and walk before the Lord. And just as fast as you prove to him that you will preserve everything secret that ought to be — that you will deal out to your neighbors all which you ought, and no more, and learn how to dispense your knowledge to your families, friends, neighbors, and brethren, the Lord will bestow upon you, and give to you, and bestow upon you, until finally he will say to you, ‘You shall never fall; your salvation is sealed unto you; you are sealed up unto eternal life and salvation, through your integrity.’” (Discourses of Brigham Young, 93).  

I have assurances borne to me by the Holy Ghost that we are in the correct path leading to exaltation and eternal life in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. I can never hear those inspired words of the temple sealings without my whole soul reaching out to my Heavenly Father and longing for the fulfillment promised in those sacred ordinances. 

Patsy Goates

I pondered all night last night what Patsy must have surely been feeling as she witnessed her posterity doing that sacred service. I’ll bet she was certainly assisting “at the veil” and hugged and kissed each one we served. Her spirit filled me with that assurance as I laid my head on my pillow later.

Thank you, each one of you in my posterity, who participated. We have done our small part in reaching out to the “ones” who President Nelson invited us to search out and bless with the promises of eternal life. Do not despair or lose faith in family members who may not yet have accepted the gospel. Remember these promises permeate every stage of our existence and hope on without reservation or doubt. These are BIG ideas, truly, and they require BIG and CONTINUING faith in their fulfillment. 

Our forefathers for whom we serve in the temples are the seminal trees from which we sprang - they are the roots and we are the branches. Those roots will flourish when nurtured and groomed with the message of the fulness of the gospel in the spirit world. 

I love you all now and eternally. We will never be separated in this life or the next because of our faith and our faithfulness. We are bound together by sacred and enduring covenants, the keys to which are held by living Apostles and Prophets.

Patriarchs in the Church and in Families

A question was posed to me recently by grandson Noah Sharp. He asked about the history of the calling of the patriarch in the Church. Many of his cousins are at that age where they are anticipating receiving their patriarchal blessings. In fact, his cousin Aleyah Goates received her blessing this last week.

A patriarchal blessing is a treasure of a lifetime available to all in the Church who desire one. The essential elements include the naming of your lineage in the house of Israel. Most of us in our family will discover we are of the tribe of Ephraim through Joseph, but in today’s Church we have identified all the tribes of Israel from which we are descended. The most important element of the blessing is inspired counsel and even prophecy through the inspiration provided by the patriarch. 

For example, here’s what the patriarch told me in part as he gave me my blessing when I was 18 years old: 

“I bless you that in the Lord’s own time that you may meet a daughter of Zion, one pure and virtuous that you will court her and marry her in the house of the Lord for eternity, that your posterity will reflect honor upon you, on the Church, and on our great nation. 

“I bless you that you may have health and strength and that you may live to a good age, even until you are ripe in years and prepared to go to your Maker. Your life will be full of achievements, you will go into the mission field and there be a source of strength in testimony. Your spirituality will touch the lives of those with whom you associate and you will be the means of bringing many of our Father’s children to a knowledge that the gospel has been restored in these latter days. As you go forward you will prepare yourself to hold responsible positions in the Church, and the Lord will be at your side if you are prayerful and remember Him in all things.”

The patriarch in our stake at the time was Rulon T. Hinckley, who also lived in our ward. His blessing to me has provided direction, comfort, assurances and inspiration to me throughout my life. It was marked as "Blessing No. 3." And now, even now, when I am “ripe in years” I continue to live for the fulfillment of those blessings.

Noah asked about the history of the patriarchs in the Church, so let’s talk about that. (https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/blog/a-history-of-patriarchs-and-patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng).

One of the largest and oldest collections in the Church History Library is the patriarchal blessing collection, which spans nearly the entire history of the Church. Faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints still receive blessings today that provide meaning and insight unique to each individual.

Due to the sacred and private nature of the blessings, the collection is closed to research. However, I learned recently from my brother Tim who works for Family Search that individuals may request copies of their personal blessings and those of deceased, direct-line family members through an online system managed by staff at the Church History Library.

Patriarch to the Church

The office of Patriarch began in 1833 when Joseph Smith Sr. was ordained as the first Patriarch. His responsibilities were to provide patriarchal blessings and bestow blessings to the fatherless.

Through the years the office has been known by many names: Patriarch over the whole Church, Patriarch of the Church, Presiding Patriarch, and Patriarch to the Church. Patriarch to the Church became the official title in 1845. Patriarchs to the Church continued to be called well into the twentieth century.

Hyrum Smith (second patriarch to the Church), John Smith (third patriarch to the Church), and John Smith the younger (fourth patriarch to the Church) set the precedent that continued for many generations. Each was a direct descendant of Joseph Smith Sr.

During the October 1979 General Conference, the office was discontinued due to the increased number of local stake patriarchs. Eldred G. Smith, who was serving as Patriarch to the Church at the time, was honorably released from the calling and given emeritus status.

Local Patriarchs

The calling of local patriarchs began in 1837 when Isaac Morley was called as the first local patriarch. The responsibilities associated with the calling have remained the same over the years, which is to provide an inspired declaration of lineage and blessings to the recipient. In 1840 Peter Melling was called as the first international patriarch, serving in the British mission. Just one year later, a second patriarch, John Albisten, was called to serve as patriarch in the mission as well. 

Currently there are approximately 3,300 local patriarchs serving worldwide. These men report to the stake president but work under the direction of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. A member of the Quorum of the Twelve approves the call of each patriarch. It is not uncommon for Apostles who visit stakes to select local patriarchs when they are in the stakes throughout the world, though most are now called by the stake presidents and approved by the Twelve.

I remember Elder Bruce R. McConkie issuing a call to serve as a stake patriarch to George I. Cannon when he visited our Parleys Stake conference. President Cannon was later called to serve as president of the stake.

Blessing History

Today, blessings are given in private meetings that include the patriarch, the blessing recipient, and in some cases close family members. Patsy had copies of each of her children’s patriarchal blessings among her papers, and were handed to me recently when Dianne discovered them. They are priceless reminders to me of how I walk among giants in the kingdom of God on earth today, and I am speaking about each of them. Their inheritances in the spiritual blessings accorded to us by our loving Heavenly Father are rich indeed!! I am humbled and grateful to be their father and grandfather.

In the early days, blessings were recorded by a scribe and the copy was given to the recipient, who then determined whether they wanted the patriarch to keep an official record of the blessing. If the recipient decided to share their blessing, the scribe would borrow the blessing to record it in a book, which became a part of official Church records. In some cases, Church members would opt out of contributing a copy of their blessing.

Initially, patriarchs did not submit blessings to the Church. Each patriarch kept his own records of the blessings he gave. In 1856 the Church Historian’s Office was established, and it is believed that some patriarchal blessings were stored within the archives at that time. It is not known when it became a requirement for patriarchs to submit blessings to the Church archives, but it is estimated to be sometime in the 1920s.

Today, patriarchs regularly submit blessings they have given to the Church History Library. Those who submit blessings online submit each blessing individually. When patriarchal blessings are received, the Church History Library preserves them in multiple locations and formats to ensure their security and preservation. The preservation process assures that your blessing, and the blessings of those in your direct line, are available to you upon request.

That being the case today, I am happy to share the full contents of my blessing to anyone who wants it.

Some of the Goates Kids

Patriarchs in Families

Noah also wanted to know what I think is the role of patriarchs in families. Many years ago I wrote about "the patriarchal order of the priesthood," and would refer you to it for a comprehensive answer. 

I will say, however, that being a patriarch in a family setting is what the temple points us to in the Church’s dispensation of temple blessings, crowned by the sealing ceremony we recently witnessed with Molly and Jayden’s sealing last Friday. 

Patriarchs cannot be patriarchs without a matriarch at their side. Mothers and fathers are a "package deal" in the patriarchal order of the priesthood. It is true that father stands at the head in a family, but mother is right there with him, not one scintilla behind or below him in importance to their family. 

We have a perfect explanation of these roles in the inspired declaration of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” dated September 23, 1995. (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng).

Here is the essential paragraph:

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

That inspired proclamation came at the precise time in the world’s history when gender roles and identities were in a state of confusion which has only deepened since. It is pure revelation for a wayward world and we can study it and appreciate it more with each passing year. It is my humble testimony that it should one day be canonized officially as revelation and bound with our collected scriptures, which is where it resides in my own set of scriptures. 

The Living Apostles in Rome, Italy

I love and sustain the living Prophets and Apostles among us. Some complain (and have for my entire life) that these men are too old, too weak and too infirm to do what they purport to do and to be. 

To their critics I respond with a resounding rebuttal. I have known many of them personally during my life. I watched all the infirmities of old age overtake many of them, I absorbed all the criticisms, as they have, and felt the sting of their enemies within and without the Church. I know their hearts are pure gold. They are the inspired channel of revelation the Lord has put in place for our direction and guidance. It is a pure channel of ever-flowing knowledge and truth that will never fail us here in mortality. 

Speaking as my family's patriarch, I urge us all to uphold them with our faith and prayers. We will never be led astray as your own patriarchal blessings will attest to each of you.

Staring Down the Barrel of 2024

I went to the Provo City Center Temple the other day an hour before the start of an endowment session. I was all alone amidst a full session. I read the opening pages of The Book of Mormon, including this last verse of the first chapter. He made a quick departure from his historical account to make this editorial insert in the record:

I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. (1 Nephi 1:20).

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced recently that there have been 200,000,000 copies of that inspired book of scripture published since the first press run of 5,000 copies in 1830. The coming forth of the Church and the publication of the book are themselves miracles that conventional wisdom would suggest never should have happened. The fact that makes conversion of each individual soul a miracle is the power of the spiritual blessings that accompany each conversion. 

I was asked for my birthdate the other day by a banker to confirm my identity. As the numbers rolled off my tongue, I commented, "That just seems like it was so long ago!"

And, indeed, as I stare down the barrel of a looming 2024, the gap between birth and death only grows larger. Someone wrote a poem about "the dash" years ago. I looked her up this morning and give her full attribution here:

The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own --
the cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more,
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash? 

As one who has recently entered the realm of widowerhood (is that even a word?), I find myself wondering what the date beyond my dash will be. I have the headstone for Patsy in the works in a quarry somewhere in Georgia as I write this. My name is inscribed on the granite block next to hers, but all that is missing now is that final date. So I'm still spending my dash. I wonder how I will be remembered. 

We have a large and wonderful posterity we created during our dash together here in mortality. At the threshold of this New Year, the slate is clean. What will I write upon it this year? It begins with this post to my blog. It has been said you can only wish people a "Happy New Year" for one week. I am within bounds here. 

We are embarking on a revision of my estate plan now. I am sponsoring an open forum among the children and their families to discuss their wishes for how I spend the rest of my dash. I welcome their input in the process. 

It sometimes seems like a daunting task with so many of us, all possessed of strong opinions and individual concerns. And, I would quickly add, really smart people. I have heard two words a lot recently - "impossible" and "unsustainable." Those two words have been weighing on my mind this morning as I write. Without context they are meaningless. I need more definition around the substance of WHAT seems so impossible, and HOW is whatever we are going to do unsustainable? 

The conventional wisdom from mental health experts suggests that we wait for at least a year before undertaking (see what I did there?) this task. No sudden moves, no major decisions, no lifelong ramifications just yet. We're still grieving Patsy's death. We are emotional beings. We are fragile. We can wait, we can assemble facts, we can posit solutions, and we can consult with estate planners. But let's go slow through the fact gathering stage.

I'm on board with all that. I love a deliberative approach. I want to do only those things that will bless and strengthen my posterity. Can a "one size fits all" solution be crafted? Probably not. Can we love one another when financial disparity enters the discussion? Can the "Pollyanna" high-level strategic vision be made to conform with a tactical plan that works? Can our feelings be held inviolate as we debate the merits of this or that? Can we make the impossible possible? Can we sustain the unsustainable? All these topics and more will be uncovered as we move ahead, ready or not, into a new year in 2024.

I wonder if anyone else "out there" might offer some perspective. I'm living what's left of my dash and I so want to get this right.

President Russell M. Nelson

I often turn to President Russell M. Nelson, now in his 100th year on earth, for his inspired insights. The man has experience - lots of it. He said:

"When you are confronted with a dilemma, think celestial! When tested by temptation, think celestial! When life or loved ones let you down, think celestial! When someone dies prematurely, think celestial. When someone lingers with a devastating illness, think celestial. When the pressures of life crowd in upon you, think celestial!" 

So, while I muddle along here in mortality I am attempting to do the "impossible" and the "unsustainable." I want to "think celestial."

How Can One Man Be So Blessed?

Allie, Dianne, Dad, Emily

Yesterday, I was in the Mount Timpanogos Temple with three of my daughters. We are pictured in front of a manger scene on a blustery day after our endowment session. It was the "warm before the storm," a fitting analogy when the sky was blue overhead and the temperature was warmer than normal for a winter day.

Today, in Pine Valley where I live up in the mountains, I awoke to blowing snow. The temperature had plunged to 20 degrees. 

I am always in awe of weather patterns here in Utah. A few years ago for the first time I learned about "atmospheric rivers." That's where the upper level wind patterns set up in a direct path that points directly at us originating somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. In the winter those winds aloft bring prodigious amounts of weather, usually snowstorms, with them. Like the phrase implies, the weather flows like a river with little or nothing to stop it.

Some have asked me if I intended to stay alone in my home this winter since the passing of my wife, Patsy, earlier this summer. I hadn't thought, really, about doing anything else. This is where I built my wooden "palace" in the mountains all those years ago, and it's where I thrive the most. It's familiar. 

I know every nuance of this little shack. I am astounded at its appraised value today. How did that happen? At night I hear the rippling of the flag that flies just outside my bedroom window. I actually had to take it down recently to aid my ability to fall asleep. I hear the coyotes sing their lullabies. 

I hear the propane boiler cycling on and off in the crawl space that heats the water circulating in the baseboard heating system. I love the sound of the crackling firewood in the wood burning stove in the other side of the house where I installed it when all I used it for was to generate heat in cool summer mornings. 

And now I live here year-around and fight off the cold winter blasts that come barreling down upon me when the atmospheric river does its best to discourage me, especially when it sets up directly north in the Polar region.

Once in awhile, I hear my faithful snowplow guy outside my window when he comes early in the morning to clear the road for us. That was a steep learning curve for cousin Steve Smoot and me when we had to learn how to do it all those years ago. We managed through record-breaking 100-year winters like last year, and years when we only plowed four or five times. 

Through it all, here we are, still standing as it were on a rock in the middle of the atmospheric river flowing all around us. 

Now, I have a Starlink satellite internet system to link me to the outside world. It is astoundingly more robust and reliable than anything I could have ever envisioned when I put this plan in place all those years ago to live here. But new revelation was given. What did we ever do before Elon Musk?

When the wind is howling outside late at night and in the early morning hours, I can hear the wooden members that hold the structure together. I hear the wood shifting and creaking slightly. Am I ever worried about it crashing down around my head? Nope. I built it. I know why I hear what I hear, and I am seldom alarmed. I am the creator, and I know my creation. Therefore, I do not wring my hands in anxiety over what will happen to it. 

I find a spiritually analogous meaning in it all. Our Father in Heaven is our Creator. He knows us all - every one of us. He has made ample provision for us. 

He vouched safe our moral agency before the foundations of this Mother Earth were laid. 

He knew exactly the number of His children who would come here to inhabit it. 

He made the provisions for the amount of natural resources we would need to sustain ourselves. 

He anticipated there would be some "bad actors" among us who would reject Him. 

He also knows there are many of His children who would triumph over all their enemies and honor and serve Him. 

He has raised up prophets from the beginning who would give guidance to all His children. 

He gave them inspiration and revelation, and made revelation a possibility for all of us who would obey and value their writings in the scriptures. 

He sent His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to atone for all our sins.

He promised and delivered the Holy Ghost to guide us in all we do while we live here.

To which I add my humble amen, and amen, and amen.

What Can I Do to Help Others Who Decide to Leave the Church?

Today's post is prompted by a recent conversation with my children and grandchildren who are reporting what to them seems like an epidemic of their peers who are leaving the Church. I assured them this is not something new in the history of the Church. I have not lived through all the history of the Church personally, but I do have 76 years of it under my belt and I've seen a lot of it "up close and personal."

Jesus Christ
by Liz Lemon Swindle

When I was a young elders quorum president, I discovered there were a few of my elders who were in various stages of leaving the Church for just as many various reasons. Some were on their way out the door because they felt the Word of Wisdom was too restrictive. Others didn’t like the way Elder Ezra Taft Benson mixed his religion with politics. Still others took exception to various policy positions the Church had taken. 

Back in those days it was the equal rights for women amendment to the U.S. Constitution that was the hot button issue. One man brought to his monthly PPI with me a box loaded with anti-Mormon literature, declaring that until I had read it all he wouldn’t take me seriously. I informed him I had already seen every document he supplied to me, and asked him what else he wanted to discuss. My response left him speechless. 

Another young man (all of these were returned missionaries) had committed adultery with a married woman in our ward and had been excommunicated. 

I also remember a young man who had “come out” as gay, and didn’t feel the Church was the least bit sympathetic to his situation. Others quietly kept up a drum beat against the Church’s policy to restrict Blacks from having the priesthood.

That’s a sampling of the cases I remember. 

Since those early years, there have been many more to whom I have been exposed and was asked by local leaders to help. These include eventual apostates who declared they simply "knew more" than the Brethren. They could not be taught. Adultery continues to be a stumbling block for many, as it has been since the beginning of time. 

Some became wealthy and objected to tithing robbing them of their worldly success. I've even known some who told me they were just "too lazy" to be active in the Church - it was just "too much work" for them. 

Stop me if you've heard this one: "The Church is just too wealthy - look at all that money they're spending on temples around the world, and all the humanitarian donations they are making everywhere." It seems the enemies of the Church will never stop their diatribes. It is more common now to see legal court cases challenging the use of tithing money in open opposition to the Church's senior leadership. 

Most recently it seems there has been a wave of criticism for the "aged" leaders who are out of touch with the younger generation in the Church. Look on the faces of these men, and tell me you cannot love them.

The First Presidency

There is a common denominator I have witnessed over the years. To me, none of these complainants seemed very humble, nor were they teachable. Each had seemingly reached the point of no return, anchored in their belief that they knew better than anyone else, and that those who remained in the Church were merely deceived lemmings who were simpletons only going along to get along. They all expressed anger and judgment about their own experiences. 

Scott Strong, my dearest friend of a lifetime, introduced me to two of his friends who had served with him on a writing committee for the Young Men curriculum many years ago. The more famous of the two was Paul Toscano. Both were eventually excommunicated as apostates, and in the case of the lesser known of the two he became a polygamist and moved to Oklahoma with his wives and children.

In interviewing and listening to their views in frequent “study sessions” with them, it became obvious by their statements that they felt the Church was being led by the “B” Team of General Authorities, and that they belonged on the “A” Team. That’s why they were stating they were happy to leave the Church. 

They spoke of secret prayer circles, and other secret activities they were keeping hidden. They were receiving visions and visitations from angels who were instructing them to do certain things that were abhorrent and in open rebellion against the Brethren. It was all based on knowledge they possessed that no one else in the Church was privy to. Nothing they taught Scott and me was a surprise. It was predictable, and tragically, it was leading to the place where each ended up. 

Someone said it best: “There are a thousand reasons to leave the Church, but you only need to find one to remain true and faithful.” 

Things have changed in Church administration over the years. Excommunication was often the outcome of what was called a “Church court,” then disfellowshipping became the solution of choice under “Church councils.” Now many of those decisions are left to bishops under “membership councils.”

So what can we do when someone we know and love decides to leave the Church for whatever reason they choose? Here are some ideas:

1. Continue to minister unto them in love. 

The Savior taught:

And behold, ye shall meet together oft; and ye shall not forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer them that they may come unto you and forbid them not;

But ye shall pray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name.

Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up — that which ye have seen me do. Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed.

And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation…

Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them. (3 Nephi 18:21-25; 32, emphasis mine).

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Their reasoning may seem tricky to us - they think we are deceived for staying in the Church, while we believe they are deceived for leaving it. We never know what life situation may befall someone to “wake them up” to taking the things of the spirit more seriously. As we continue to minister in faith each day of our lives, we often come to a point when they return and cite our ministrations as one of the reasons they came back. Or maybe they will never return. 

George P. Lee

2. Don’t be too surprised to see what happens to people who lose the spirit of the Holy Ghost in their lives. 

The most stark contrast I ever witnessed was Elder George P. Lee. He was excommunicated, and later arrested on a drunk driving charge. To the right you will see his "mug shot" after his arrest. He was a General Authority Seventy at one time in his life until his inglorious fall from his lofty position. His picture has always served as a terrible reminder to me about what happens when we lose the spirit in our lives.

Another of those elders in our young married lives was D. Michael Quinn, a famed Church historian, who would go on to publish a string of scurrilous and critical works against the leadership of the Church. I remember him being so agitated with me that President Harold B. Lee wasn’t actively praying for the Blacks to be given the priesthood. He, of course, had no idea what President Lee was or was not praying about, but he believed I should be exerting my influence upon him as his oldest grandson to bring about that change in Church policy. 

Quinn had married a good friend of ours, Janice Darley, and they had a wonderful family. He was excommunicated eventually for apostasy and ended up in San Francisco as an avowed homosexual. He died recently (2021), never having made steps back to the Church. His was a life among the “A” List bench of talented men who could not humble themselves enough to submit to the humble prophets God had raised up in these last days.

3. Pray for them constantly. 

Keep them in your prayers, and mention them by name to your Heavenly Father. Even if they choose to reject you and your ministrations, prayer is one of the most powerful conduits you can use to open up the heavens on their behalf. 

Addictions of all kinds keep people out of the Church. Take away addictions and mental illness and we will see many pure souls who long to be with the saints again. See those souls as the powerful spirits who they are. Keep in mind that while their lives here in mortality might appear to be a big messy glob of nastiness, they may always be remembered for the pure innocent children they once were before the temptations of the flesh overtook them. Always look for that spark of divinity within each one when you are saddened by their choices. Prayer will reveal more ways to you about how to help them. 

Always remember God loves all his children, and He wants them all to come back home. He will be more than willing to help you help them through the inspiration He will send to you through the Holy Ghost as you listen carefully for those promptings.