I had this question waiting for me in an email this morning. It's a compelling question, isn't it? I couldn't resist making an attempt at an answer, so I will share openly with all of you out there in cyberspace. I hope it will prove insightful for each.
This is a compelling question that greeted me this morning when I opened my emails. Without hesitation, the first thought I had at an early hour was, “That’s easy. Marrying Patsy Hewlett.”
“The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “Agency or Inspiration?” New Era, Jan. 1975, 38, emphasis mine.)
President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught: “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.” (Marriage and Divorce [1976], 16, emphasis mine.)
I believe in soul mates, because I found mine in Patsy. Not everyone is as fortunate, however. It was my mother who first suggested the possibility of Patsy, and I immediately responded to the idea. It was heaven-sent inspiration. Happily for me, she agreed that I was also her soul mate. I get emails every week from our stake single adults group (36+), outlining social gatherings intended to promote “partnering” and I routinely discard them. At this stage in my life I have absolutely no thoughts of any plural marriage possibilities.
There are many of the rising generation among us, however, who are poised to make these momentous choices, and I certainly encourage that pursuit for each of you. I give you my counsel in this regard. Do NOT be discouraged by the misfortunes of others you may know in your age group. What is true for many of them does not have to be true for you. Your Father in Heaven is interested in helping and encouraging you in your righteousness as you contemplate an eternal marriage. The way is open as never before for making a success of your lives through seeking your eternal companion. In every sense it is a mutual decision between two consenting adults determined to make it work by putting the other person first in your lives.
I watched a couple who hesitated for many years before marrying, and then when they decided to move ahead with their temple marriage were never able to combine their prodigious talents together to make it into a success. Selfishness and greed entered into their relationship over things as trivial as dividing the space in the refrigerator into “his” and “hers” sections for food preferences. They also maintained separate bank accounts. Their marriage ended in divorce only months later, citing “irreconcilable differences.” I knew them both, and each sought my counsel, along with their bishop whom I also knew well. It all came crashing down.
We all know those kinds of stories. They should never be a deterrent to our faith in what is possible, however. Not everything has to be “perfectly in place” before proceeding to the altar of the temple in a sealing room where eternal marriage commences.
Truthfully, for Patsy and me it only required the desire in faith to take those first furtive steps into the unknown. And, yes, you can accuse us of naivete as you wish. Looking back these days is what I do best it seems. My lonely existence within these walls without her is buttressed by that eternal belief that I will one day be reunited with her. That hope sustains me now.
We have concluded the widespread celebrations of America’s 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence this weekend. It culminated under the bowery here in Pine Valley with an outdoor sacrament meeting comprised of a testimony meeting. Family members bore witness of the Savior for a sacred hour.
The First Presidency had invited us all as a Churchwide membership to fast and pray for “religious liberty” to be expanded to all the nations of the earth, a prodigious goal to be sure. Our testimonies to one another focused on the blessings of the Savior in our lives.
No one mentioned a political party. Instead, we united our faith on behalf of all those inhabitants of nations where religious freedom is not yet a possibility. It was an evidence to me that the Brethren whom we sustain as living prophets among us are continuing to look outward for the blessing and benefit of our brothers and sisters everywhere.
I am keenly aware of my blessings as a resident of Utah. I am surrounded by temples of my choosing in which I can do my little part in extending those blessings to my ancestors from whence I sprang in England. And now I can also feel the promptings of Patsy to continue that work here in Utah in which she is still no doubt engaged full-time in the spirit world.
My decision to marry Patricia Brazier Hewlett Goates in the Salt Lake Temple on December 19, 1969, continues to be the crowning blessing in my life in time and eternity. I assure each of you that a similar blessing is within your reach too.
That single “best decision” has proven again and again to be efficacious in everything I do today.
