What's The One Thing You Wish You Had Known Before Becoming a Parent?

This question comes from eldest daughter Dianne. I haven’t given this much thought until I saw it in my questions this morning. It was intended for internal consumption within our family circle, but without reservation I now share it with the world at large on my blog page. In so doing I trust in your acceptance in advance, and your forgiveness as necessary. 

Let me begin by saying that becoming parents for Patsy and me wasn’t ever a question in our minds. We were married in 1969. We knew instinctively that our marriage would produce offspring, and in Patsy’s case her answer to those who asked how many children we thought we would have was a consistent, “At least twelve.”

I would hear her response made to many people, and when I did I always swallowed hard and merely soldiered on in faith that she was probably right. In fact, she had thirteen live births. I’ve learned in the ensuing years that a woman is born with a certain amount of eggs within her reproductive system, and I’ve wondered if she just instinctively knew she was blessed abundantly with a large number. Whatever the case, this was a woman who was blessed not only with great faith in her Father in Heaven, but also the maturity required to make that instinctive faith a reality in her life.

The miracle of birth is astounding to me. We’ve all learned by our own experiences that there are so many variables in the birth process, and it is such a miracle in each case. Patsy had at least six miscarriages along the way to birthing our thirteen children, and in our youngest Adrienne’s birth we had her with us for only 49 short days in mortality. They are now reunited in the spirit world, and their grave markers lie side by side in the Woodland Cemetery. Two stone slabs in memory:

Woodland Cemetery

The question from Dianne is asking me to disclose the ONE THING I wished I had known before becoming a parent. My answer is simple: I wish I had known just how intricate and how miraculous each subsequent birth would be.

Patsy’s ability to birth babies was relatively straightforward and uncomplicated by comparison to many of our peers. She would have miserable pregnancies with multiple aches and pains along the way. The list of complications is too long to enumerate here on these poor pages, and it would probably only serve to enthrone her on a higher pedestal than the one she currently occupies. Her ability to absorb and overcome her pains and uncertainty in those days was always astounding to me, and I lived with her 24-7 and observed it all up close and personal. You can just take my word for it, okay?

One time we sat down together and estimated the number of years she had spent in a pregnant state during our married lives together. I don’t recall the actual number today as I write, but trust me when I say it was LARGE. By today’s false judgments about marriage she was a miracle worker indeed!

Patsy was routinely criticized by the sisters in our various wards for her “baby-making ability.” For the most part they kept it on the downlow, but occasionally some would confront her face to face with their pejoratives and she would simply smile without offering a rejoinder. She knew who she was, and she was never deterred. The days of “women’s liberation” were just emerging back then.

I wish I had known how blessed I would become as each new infant joined us. I wish I had the capacity to see and know each one before they joined our family circle here on earth. Who were you in the spirit world before you were born? I have no doubt we ALL knew each other then and there.

I believe the most choice of our Father in Heaven’s children have been reserved to come forth in this final dispensation of the fulness of times. I wish I could have had even a peek into the spirit world from whence you all came forth into mortality and have a glimpse of what you were back then. I know I would not be surprised!!

I have attended the patriarchal blessing for each of you, and I have in my possession a copy of each of your blessings from various patriarchs. What is consistent in each one is a hint of your individual greatness. I am humbled by what little I know, but it is enough to assure me of who you were then, who you are becoming here and now, and I believe I am assured we will all be reunited in the spirit world one day up ahead if we remain true and faithful to our covenants. Of that certainty I am assured.

Let me extend my thoughts this morning a little bit further. I do not intend any offense by what is coming up. However, I feel compelled to weigh in a bit.

There is much being said about gender identity in today’s world. Confusion is rampant “out there.” This confusion is largely among those who do not share what we know as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Somewhere in the not too distant past, June became “Pride Month,” to celebrate a satanic notion that transgenderism and other perverse sexual false doctrines were not only acceptable but should be paraded and promoted in the public square. The iconic rainbow for generations was highjacked as a symbol. Pride flags adorned the White House, and eventually found their way into the classrooms of our children in elementary schools. I applaud the home schoolers among you. Even textbooks were produced to promote gay and lesbian agendas among our youngest and most vulnerable.

Mercifully, there is now an informal pushback emerging to replace Pride Month with “Veterans Appreciation Month.” Legislation is being proposed to ban transgender operations among our children. I follow these developments on social media platforms each and every day. I see and witness the ongoing debates in America designed to divide us and prevent us from coming together as a nation over something so simple. The separation between good and evil grows wider each day.

Why do I say “simple?” Because the Bible from the first book of Genesis could not be more plain than it is:

26 ¶ And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; MALE and FEMALE created he them.

28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (Genesis 1:26-28, emphasis mine).

A male and a female, two sexes only. Manmade allowances for identifying and promoting multiple species are not in harmony with God’s eternal vision for His children. Do not let the confusion of others infect your thinking. Procreation between a man and a woman is the Divine definition of marriage, and the purpose of that marriage is to bring forth children so the posterity of Adam and Eve may continue to prosper and multiply upon the face of the earth. From the beginning until this very moment in time the plan of our Father in Heaven has NEVER been modified by Him and our Savior Jesus Christ.

I noted recently that “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” originated thirty years ago in 1995! It was authored by 15 living Apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ. Many of you have a copy hanging on the walls of your homes. I encourage you to study it together routinely. In part it reads:

“All human beings — male and female — are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.” (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

So, Dianne’s question asks, “What’s ONE thing you wish you’d known before becoming a parent?” Having laid out what I have written above, I can now say assuredly that we walked by faith in procreation as a couple in our married life together. We didn’t know much about the mysteries associated with having a family, but we pressed forward in faith anyway. We could not have known in advance that the living prophets in this dispensation would someday make such a comprehensive declaration of doctrine about parenting.

I invite you to learn more and to do as we did. Press forward in faith. As I’ve observed granddaughter Katelyn’s travails right now in her first trimester of pregnancy, I am reminded of her Grandma Patsy and all she suffered to bring forth our family of Goates Kids so valiantly.

Believe me when I observe on this page today that she is surely delighted with each of you who have sprung from her loins as you proceed down life’s path leading toward eternal life with her someday.

I don’t know the end from the beginning as our Father in Heaven surely does. What I do know absolutely is He is with us every step of our journey here in mortality, and He is anxious to bless and sustain us no matter what comes next!

Patriarchs in the Church and in Families

A question was posed to me recently by grandson Noah Sharp. He asked about the history of the calling of the patriarch in the Church. Many of his cousins are at that age where they are anticipating receiving their patriarchal blessings. In fact, his cousin Aleyah Goates received her blessing this last week.

A patriarchal blessing is a treasure of a lifetime available to all in the Church who desire one. The essential elements include the naming of your lineage in the house of Israel. Most of us in our family will discover we are of the tribe of Ephraim through Joseph, but in today’s Church we have identified all the tribes of Israel from which we are descended. The most important element of the blessing is inspired counsel and even prophecy through the inspiration provided by the patriarch. 

For example, here’s what the patriarch told me in part as he gave me my blessing when I was 18 years old: 

“I bless you that in the Lord’s own time that you may meet a daughter of Zion, one pure and virtuous that you will court her and marry her in the house of the Lord for eternity, that your posterity will reflect honor upon you, on the Church, and on our great nation. 

“I bless you that you may have health and strength and that you may live to a good age, even until you are ripe in years and prepared to go to your Maker. Your life will be full of achievements, you will go into the mission field and there be a source of strength in testimony. Your spirituality will touch the lives of those with whom you associate and you will be the means of bringing many of our Father’s children to a knowledge that the gospel has been restored in these latter days. As you go forward you will prepare yourself to hold responsible positions in the Church, and the Lord will be at your side if you are prayerful and remember Him in all things.”

The patriarch in our stake at the time was Rulon T. Hinckley, who also lived in our ward. His blessing to me has provided direction, comfort, assurances and inspiration to me throughout my life. It was marked as "Blessing No. 3." And now, even now, when I am “ripe in years” I continue to live for the fulfillment of those blessings.

Noah asked about the history of the patriarchs in the Church, so let’s talk about that. (https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/blog/a-history-of-patriarchs-and-patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng).

One of the largest and oldest collections in the Church History Library is the patriarchal blessing collection, which spans nearly the entire history of the Church. Faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints still receive blessings today that provide meaning and insight unique to each individual.

Due to the sacred and private nature of the blessings, the collection is closed to research. However, I learned recently from my brother Tim who works for Family Search that individuals may request copies of their personal blessings and those of deceased, direct-line family members through an online system managed by staff at the Church History Library.

Patriarch to the Church

The office of Patriarch began in 1833 when Joseph Smith Sr. was ordained as the first Patriarch. His responsibilities were to provide patriarchal blessings and bestow blessings to the fatherless.

Through the years the office has been known by many names: Patriarch over the whole Church, Patriarch of the Church, Presiding Patriarch, and Patriarch to the Church. Patriarch to the Church became the official title in 1845. Patriarchs to the Church continued to be called well into the twentieth century.

Hyrum Smith (second patriarch to the Church), John Smith (third patriarch to the Church), and John Smith the younger (fourth patriarch to the Church) set the precedent that continued for many generations. Each was a direct descendant of Joseph Smith Sr.

During the October 1979 General Conference, the office was discontinued due to the increased number of local stake patriarchs. Eldred G. Smith, who was serving as Patriarch to the Church at the time, was honorably released from the calling and given emeritus status.

Local Patriarchs

The calling of local patriarchs began in 1837 when Isaac Morley was called as the first local patriarch. The responsibilities associated with the calling have remained the same over the years, which is to provide an inspired declaration of lineage and blessings to the recipient. In 1840 Peter Melling was called as the first international patriarch, serving in the British mission. Just one year later, a second patriarch, John Albisten, was called to serve as patriarch in the mission as well. 

Currently there are approximately 3,300 local patriarchs serving worldwide. These men report to the stake president but work under the direction of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. A member of the Quorum of the Twelve approves the call of each patriarch. It is not uncommon for Apostles who visit stakes to select local patriarchs when they are in the stakes throughout the world, though most are now called by the stake presidents and approved by the Twelve.

I remember Elder Bruce R. McConkie issuing a call to serve as a stake patriarch to George I. Cannon when he visited our Parleys Stake conference. President Cannon was later called to serve as president of the stake.

Blessing History

Today, blessings are given in private meetings that include the patriarch, the blessing recipient, and in some cases close family members. Patsy had copies of each of her children’s patriarchal blessings among her papers, and were handed to me recently when Dianne discovered them. They are priceless reminders to me of how I walk among giants in the kingdom of God on earth today, and I am speaking about each of them. Their inheritances in the spiritual blessings accorded to us by our loving Heavenly Father are rich indeed!! I am humbled and grateful to be their father and grandfather.

In the early days, blessings were recorded by a scribe and the copy was given to the recipient, who then determined whether they wanted the patriarch to keep an official record of the blessing. If the recipient decided to share their blessing, the scribe would borrow the blessing to record it in a book, which became a part of official Church records. In some cases, Church members would opt out of contributing a copy of their blessing.

Initially, patriarchs did not submit blessings to the Church. Each patriarch kept his own records of the blessings he gave. In 1856 the Church Historian’s Office was established, and it is believed that some patriarchal blessings were stored within the archives at that time. It is not known when it became a requirement for patriarchs to submit blessings to the Church archives, but it is estimated to be sometime in the 1920s.

Today, patriarchs regularly submit blessings they have given to the Church History Library. Those who submit blessings online submit each blessing individually. When patriarchal blessings are received, the Church History Library preserves them in multiple locations and formats to ensure their security and preservation. The preservation process assures that your blessing, and the blessings of those in your direct line, are available to you upon request.

That being the case today, I am happy to share the full contents of my blessing to anyone who wants it.

Some of the Goates Kids

Patriarchs in Families

Noah also wanted to know what I think is the role of patriarchs in families. Many years ago I wrote about "the patriarchal order of the priesthood," and would refer you to it for a comprehensive answer. 

I will say, however, that being a patriarch in a family setting is what the temple points us to in the Church’s dispensation of temple blessings, crowned by the sealing ceremony we recently witnessed with Molly and Jayden’s sealing last Friday. 

Patriarchs cannot be patriarchs without a matriarch at their side. Mothers and fathers are a "package deal" in the patriarchal order of the priesthood. It is true that father stands at the head in a family, but mother is right there with him, not one scintilla behind or below him in importance to their family. 

We have a perfect explanation of these roles in the inspired declaration of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” dated September 23, 1995. (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng).

Here is the essential paragraph:

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

That inspired proclamation came at the precise time in the world’s history when gender roles and identities were in a state of confusion which has only deepened since. It is pure revelation for a wayward world and we can study it and appreciate it more with each passing year. It is my humble testimony that it should one day be canonized officially as revelation and bound with our collected scriptures, which is where it resides in my own set of scriptures. 

The Living Apostles in Rome, Italy

I love and sustain the living Prophets and Apostles among us. Some complain (and have for my entire life) that these men are too old, too weak and too infirm to do what they purport to do and to be. 

To their critics I respond with a resounding rebuttal. I have known many of them personally during my life. I watched all the infirmities of old age overtake many of them, I absorbed all the criticisms, as they have, and felt the sting of their enemies within and without the Church. I know their hearts are pure gold. They are the inspired channel of revelation the Lord has put in place for our direction and guidance. It is a pure channel of ever-flowing knowledge and truth that will never fail us here in mortality. 

Speaking as my family's patriarch, I urge us all to uphold them with our faith and prayers. We will never be led astray as your own patriarchal blessings will attest to each of you.

The Old Morality

I admit it freely - I am a cultural laggard. When you ask me to name a current pop icon in any venue, I am stumped for an answer. My idea of cutting edge entertainment these days is Michael Buble, and he's a throwback to Frank Sinatra.

I watch a lot of old movies these days with my dear wife. TCM is our very favorite cable channel. That's Turner Classic Movies for the uninitiated. During the Christmas holidays we watched sappy, emotionally-charged melodramas on the Hallmark Channel, so predictable it felt like a cookie-cutter script factory was hard at work behind the scenes. Because I now own one, I was stunned to observe how many of the heroes in those movies also drove the Toyota Prius. So maybe at least in that one respect I can qualify as an "early adopter" of a cutting edge technology. But to give you some idea of the real me, the last movie we saw in a theater was "Saving Mr. Banks". I'm not ashamed to admit I shed tears watching Emma Thompson's portrayal of the stiff upper lipped Englishwoman, P.L. Travers (she was really Australian), who brought the character of Mary Poppins to life in her books. So cutting edge, right?

I offer this background to illustrate why I am dragging my feet on same-sex marriage initiatives that will be wending their way through the courts for as far as the eye can see into the future. I have tried to make clear in previous posts to this page that I am intimately familiar with the personal struggles of people with same-sex attractions. Though I am not a pop culture progressive liberal-minded individual, I am also not a homophobic bigot either. I have empathy for those who are confused by this issue.

My purpose today is to state the stark contrasts I see in the way the debate keeps playing out - legal activists pitted against (sometimes) self-righteous moralists. While those who would lobby for legal rights in the courts have made their arguments based primarily upon an "equal rights" and "equal protection" Constitutional platform, and that sounds perfectly legitimate in many minds, what has gone missing and is completely obscured is the inefficiency of the legal system to rule in matters with a moral component as religiously charged as homosexuality. Those who take the moral side, arguing that homosexuality is sin, fail to recognize the legal courts and the courts of public opinion have never been the place for making the moral argument stick. Morality is something quite separate and apart from legal machinations, and we would do well to keep them distinctly separate.

When I was a boy I remember a weak argument I always made with my Mother. I would say, citing some cool new thing "everyone" was doing, "But Mom, everybody's got one, or is doing it, or is going to it, or is (fill in the blank)." To which she would invariably respond, "David, just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right." Ah, the indispensable wisdom of Mom.

America is now on the precipice of slipping off its perch as a moral beacon for the world. Some would argue America never was moral and never should be judged on that basis. Very well, have it your way if you wish. However, our early Founders spoke about the need for Americans to remain a moral people, because only a moral people could stand a chance of self-governance. They set an admirable, though not flawless, example for us to follow. At their core, however, these were remarkable men who acknowledged the right to freedom was granted by an all-wise Providence who was the Lawgiver. I have written extensively in many past blog posts about them. Moral agency was enthroned in the founding documents as the means through which freedom won in such a bloody enterprise as the Revolutionary War could be maintained. It was from God we gleaned our rights as free men, they told us, and from no other source. They argued freedom could not be obtained in any other way and from any other fountainhead.

Fast forward to 2014. God's laws have never changed. Policies, practices, procedures and politics have changed. Many of the practices of the past, while legal, were never moral. Slavery is one. Alcohol is another. Nazism and Adolf Hitler flourished in Germany before World War II in an environment legally permitting their existence. Cigarettes are legal, but all of these stand on weak ground when making a moral judgment. Apartheid in South Africa was legal until Nelson Mandela challenged the law with a more well-defined moral argument. Walter Williams correctly observed, "Legality, alone, cannot be the talisman of moral people." He also argues that private immorality (homosexuality) cannot suddenly somehow become moral just because it is openly practiced collectively and gains widespread acceptance. None of those facts change the underlying core reality it is morally wrong. Does the fact that marijuana has been declared legal in some states change smoking it into a moral activity merely because the courts have ruled it is legal and people now line up at a retail outlet to purchase it instead of in some back alley? Does same sex marriage, permitted in some states as legal, now alter the moral requirement of God?

Indeed, all those things are always in transition. Just because Obamacare is the law of the land today, is it morally defensible to fund it with the most massive theft of personal wealth ever attempted by economic redistribution? I hope Richard Lugar (former Republican Senator from Indiana) is right. The fundamental moral principles upon which America was founded are anchored in the bedrock principle of moral agency - the freedom to make moral judgments for the benefit of individuals and the whole society.

The moral law of sexual purity before and during marriage remains valid. The Church cannot condone immorality in any form it takes. Because we are all sinners and come short of the mark, Christ's atonement cleanses those who purify themselves in His perfection. (Moroni 10:32-33). The leaders of the Church, while sympathetic to the struggles of those with same-sex attraction, are not empowered nor authorized to alter the moral law upon which the plan of salvation rests, and in The Family: A Proclamation to the World (1995), they made the eternal law explicit and understandable. Gender differences are foreordained and were in place in our pre-existent unembodied spirits, just as they are in our mortal bodies now, and will be in our disembodied spirits awaiting our resurrected bodies hereafter. Neither can the leaders of the Church give a free pass to this supposed "protected class" of sinners over that imaginary "unprotected class." We are all sinners. All are subject to the principle of repentance. None is exempt. No One. So plain is that straight-forward declaration, it would seem, no one reading it could possibly misunderstand. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true.

But the debate rages on, even among those in the Church who should know better. I would suggest there is little that can be done in the courtroom of popular opinion or within the courthouse to alter wrong-headed thinking on this topic. The moral agency to make errors in judgment is also part of the plan of salvation. The latter-day reality has come when homosexuality is as rampant and acceptable as it was in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, and one can only speculate on how wicked the world must become before it is ultimately cleansed by fire.

The old morality is still the new morality and it is chiseled in stone. It has never changed. The requirements for happiness here and hereafter will never change. But don't be one of those who is beguiled by the siren call of immorality disguised as acceptance and tolerance at the expense of your own moral convictions. You hold fast to what you know is true, even if you lose badly in the court of public opinion.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Elder Dallin H. Oaks framed this debate very well in his last General Conference sermon, entitled "No Other Gods":

"There are many political and social pressures for legal and policy changes to establish behaviors contrary to God’s decrees about sexual morality and contrary to the eternal nature and purposes of marriage and childbearing. These pressures have already authorized same-gender marriages in various states and nations. Other pressures would confuse gender or homogenize those differences between men and women that are essential to accomplish God’s great plan of happiness.

"Our understanding of God’s plan and His doctrine gives us an eternal perspective that does not allow us to condone such behaviors or to find justification in the laws that permit them. And, unlike other organizations that can change their policies and even their doctrines, our policies are determined by the truths God has identified as unchangeable.

"Our twelfth article of faith states our belief in being subject to civil authority and “in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” But man’s laws cannot make moral what God has declared immoral. Commitment to our highest priority — to love and serve God — requires that we look to His law for our standard of behavior. For example, we remain under divine command not to commit adultery or fornication even when those acts are no longer crimes under the laws of the states or countries where we reside. Similarly, laws legalizing so-called “same-sex marriage” do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it. We remain under covenant to love God and keep His commandments and to refrain from serving other gods and priorities — even those becoming popular in our particular time and place." (emphasis mine).

If you are living the moral law of chastity, I would predict you will never have the peace you seek in hoping the world will someday turn to righteousness because you believe the way you do in your heart of hearts. As in the days of Noah, the wicked will cling steadfastly to their wickedness and will be in denial until the floods of anger flow freely and they seek, too late, to be admitted into the sanctuary of the ark. In that day the flood took them into the spirit world where they could finally be in a place to learn the truths of the gospel.

In the latter days, when we live upon the earth, the unquenchable fire of destruction will also overtake the world, and the cleansing will be just as widespread, "equal rights" and "equal protection under the law" handed down by the suborned courts notwithstanding.

Family Foreordination

Yesterday we had the blessing of witnessing the baptism of yet another grandchild. Recently, it was Molly and Spencer. These choice young spirits who have been sent to our family in the third generation continue to amaze and humble me. Present by invitation at yesterday’s baptism was Alex’s best friend, not a member of the Church. At age eight he is already a missionary. Even before that he gifted his kindergarten teacher with a Book of Mormon.

There is little doubt in my mind these spirits who are coming to earth in these last days are uniquely prepared for the days that lie ahead. Alex carries his scriptures with him in a special carrying case with the image of a basketball imprinted on it. Our grandchildren are all exceptional (you may discount these words if you choose, because it’s a grandfather talking about his grandchildren) but I fear no contradiction for those who know them well.

Alex

In a note to Alex I observed the new layer of snow on the ground (I know, April 30th, still snowing in Utah), and how the covering of white symbolized the purity of one who is baptized. Certainly, Alex will make mistakes, he will sin, but in the sacrament each week and in repentance the gospel offers purity going forward from one's baptismal day. 

Prompted by events, e-mails and questions lately, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this matter of parentage, foreordination and family life. How soon did we know about families? Where did we learn our first lessons about families? How were we organized before we came into this mortal world? We are organized into families here, we know we will be organized into families hereafter if we remain faithful, so how does that knowledge inform us about how we were organized before? How much agency was at work in our choices about which families we would come to?

These are some of the questions that arise. I doubt there is a single influence that permeates our existence more than the families into which we are born. The age-old debate about nature versus nurture will perhaps never be fully resolved to our satisfaction, but who we are, what we become and how our character is shaped is certainly the pre-eminent result of the laboratory of home and family. Regardless of how we start, it is how we finish that is important. Improvement is the goal, and we are free to choose outcomes. Nothing is pre-determined that will not yield to faith and perseverance.

There may be no more important facet of the doctrine of foreordination than how it plays out in the families to which we come. Is that ultimate designation made by assignment, by agency and freedom of choice, or by merit or by divine randomness? Without knowledge of the plan of salvation, most would conclude our family situation is merely a matter of the randomness of the universe.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie

It would be hard for a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to conclude anything less than the family unit being central to God's designs. With Scott Strong, I have written extensively about this topic in the past. Elder Bruce R. McConkie wrote, ". . .the Lord operates through families. He himself lives in the family unit; it is his eternal system of government in heaven and on earth, and he always offers as much of his own system to men as they are willing to receive." (A New Witness for the Articles of Faith [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1985], 35).

In addition to foreordination to lineage, there is evidence to indicate that there is, at least in certain cases, foreordination to favored families. President Harold B. Lee affirmed that, generally, we come to certain families as a reward or blessing for our premortal lives.

President Harold B. Lee

Said he at the last General Conference where he presided,

Now then, to make a summary of what I have just read, may I ask each of you again the question, “Who are you?” You are all the sons and daughters of God. Your spirits were created and lived as organized intelligences before the world was. You have been blessed to have a physical body because of your obedience to certain commandments in that premortal state. You are now born into a family to which you have come, into the nations through which you have come, as a reward for the kind of lives you lived before you came here and at a time in the world’s history, as the apostle Paul taught the men of Athens and as the Lord revealed to Moses, determined by the faithfulness of each of those who lived before this world was created. (“Understanding Who We Are Brings Self-Respect," Ensign, January 1974, 7).

It was his view there had been a premortal assignment to specific families based upon our faithfulness in the pre-existence.

President Brigham Young

Joseph Smith appeared in vision to Brigham Young at Council Bluffs, Iowa, on February 17, 1847. The full account is longer, but here's the partial quote that applies to this topic:

Our Father in Heaven organized the human family, but they are all disorganized and in great confusion.

Joseph then showed me the pattern, how they were in the beginning.

This I cannot describe, but I saw it, and saw where the Priesthood had been taken from the earth and how it must be joined together, so that there would be a perfect chain from Father Adam to his latest posterity.

Joseph again said, “Tell the people to be sure to keep the Spirit of the Lord and follow it, and it will lead them just right." (Journal History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, February 23, 1847, LDS Church Archives).

I’ll lay out a few more statements, then draw a conclusion. There can be little doubt of the noble heritage of our prophets from Joseph Smith to Thomas S. Monson. They were certainly among the “noble and great ones” in the pre-existence. (Abraham 3:22). Brigham Young described it this way, pertaining to the foreordination of Joseph Smith:

It was decreed in the counsels of eternity, long before the foundations of the earth were laid, that [Joseph Smith] should be the man, in the last dispensation of this world, to bring forth the word of God to the people, and receive the fulness of the keys and power of the Priesthood of the Son of God. The Lord had his eye upon him, and upon his father, and upon his father's father, and upon their progenitors clear back to Abraham, and from Abraham to the flood, from the flood to Enoch, and from Enoch to Adam. He has watched that family and that blood as it has circulated from its fountain to the birth of that man. (JD, 7:289-290).

President Spencer W. Kimball

When President Spencer W. Kimball was sustained as President of the Church, Elder Bruce R. McConkie made this statement:

May I take President Spencer W. Kimball as an illustration and pattern of one who was prepared, foreordained, and called to leadership among the Lord's people. He was, it is true, born in the household of faith. . .

But more than mortal birth. . . [is] involved. He was born in the household of faith for a reason. . . The fact is, he is a spirit son of God who was called and chosen and foreordained before the foundations of the earth were laid, and he is now fulfilling the destiny designed for him from the pre-existence. ("God Foreordains His Prophets and His People," Ensign, May 1974, 72).

If this assignment of spirits based upon pre-existent spirit faithfulness can be applied to prophets who come to faithful families, it can certainly be applied to others who are not among the “pre-eminent” families who govern the Church. It is also important to point out that the details have not been fully revealed. Let’s be careful, therefore, in making broad generalizations.

President John Taylor

Elder John Taylor published an article entitled "The Origin and Destiny of Woman" in the August 29, 1857 edition of The Mormon. He hinted, "You also chose a kindred spirit whom you loved in the spirit world (and who had permission to come to this planet and take a tabernacle), to be your head, stay, husband and protector on the earth and to exalt you in eternal worlds. All these were arranged, likewise the spirits that should tabernacle through your lineage." (Cited in N. B. Lundwall, compiler, The Vision [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, n.d.], 145-148).

Was he giving a specific answer to one woman here, or did he intend a wider interpretation?

Two prophets at a much later date seemed to suggest the former. President Joseph Fielding Smith taught there is "no scriptural justification. . . for the belief that we had the privilege of choosing our parents and our life companions in the spirit world." (The Way to Perfection [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1972], 44).

In 1966, Elder Harold B. Lee stated, "we have no revealed word" on the extent to which premortal choices of family members were made. He then cautioned we should not accept or teach ideas that cannot be firmly established in the standard works or by inspired utterances of the living prophets. 

First Presidency, 1971

In 1971, while serving in The First Presidency, both men once again declared, "We have no revealed word to the effect that when we were in the preexistent state we chose our parents and our husbands and wives." (The First Presidency, 1971, cited by Steve F. Gilliland in, "I Have a Question," Ensign, June 1977, 40).

When we examine the make-up of some families, isn’t it obvious there are disparities, and that all are not alike? There's an old expression that you can choose your friends, but you don't get to choose your brother. So did we? The ranks of the disaffected former members of the Church are filled with those who were closest to the prophets. One prominent Church family may produce a deviant sex offender whose brother may be a stake president. Even some political observers I've spoken with have asked, observing Mike Lee and Harry Reid, "How can the same Church 'family' produce two such diametrically opposed points of view?" But I digress. I wonder if our Heavenly Father sends some of his most noble and great spirits to the least likely families because he knows his choice spirit sons and daughters may bring spiritual blessings to the rest of the family that might not otherwise be available. We must never judge someone's premortal character or performance based on current parentage or family conditions. Certainly, that applies to the political 'family' of the U.S. Senate, where Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch could befriend one another.

Again, God’s foreknowledge never impedes our ability to freely choose, not in the pre-existence, not here, and certainly not later in the spirit world or into the resurrection. I have come to conclude this about God, largely through my observations of a lifetime. (It's not doctrinal, only an observation). As a parent, wouldn't He want as many of His children as possible to achieve exaltation and eternal life with Him? I'm only beginning to understand that perspective as a grandfather of many in the third generation. I would want each to be with me again someday after this life. Wouldn't God? Wouldn't every father? Wouldn't any father and grandfather reach through the veil to the extent he were permitted to assist in bringing about that eventuality? To as many as will come, He will afford each child at whatever stage in their existence, ample opportunities to “get it right.” Life is a continuum, and this mortal probation is a blink in the eyeball of eternity.

President Boyd K. Packer

Noting the power of our covenants, I believe it is what led President Boyd K. Packer to conclude in an address to our stake, “When we go beyond the veil we will be surprised at how different things are. But we’ll also be surprised at how similar things are. If we don’t get things fixed here we’ll get them fixed there, but don’t give up.”

There is simply too much breakage in our mortal probation to draw hard and fast conclusions about eternal life before we get there. When one is young and idealistic, it is easy to picture oneself as one of the "few" who is chosen. It smacks of the precise number of 144,000 of Jehovah's Witnesses who will be saved.

What do I mean by "breakage?" After writing this post this morning we attended a ward fast and testimony meeting. It was a cascade of witnesses, six in all, who testified of their gratitude for second marriages, a chance to begin anew and to foster hope for their eternal inheritance despite an earlier failure for undisclosed reasons in their first marriages. Each of the sisters wept openly for the privilege of finally having a righteous priesthood holder in her home, a blessing for which many had longed for years.

So in old age, the kind of thinking tending toward unfettered idealism gives way to quiet contemplation and hope for a large dose of mercy administered to those who fall in this life. And not just for those who fall, but perhaps more importantly for those who are innocently affected by the sins of other family members. We certainly have enough information to reach for eternal life here and now, and through the power of the atonement we may yearn for it, hope for it and expect it. The "breakage" can be swept up, the broken things can be mended, and hope can triumph even when it isn't perfect the first time around.

No longer is it a question for me of what we've earned, what we're entitled to by our birthright or our relative righteousness ("I did better than you at keeping the commandments"), but rather what follows perfectionism is a quiet assurance of the majesty of the atonement in all its perfections. Do we really know everything about what constitutes a full opportunity to receive what He referred to as "the greatest of all the gifts of God" yet? (See D&C 6:13). I doubt it. Ask yourselves, would Heavenly Father prefer a small number of exalted beings ("but few are chosen"), or the vast majority of His children to be exalted? As a grandfather, I feel like I am barely coming to understand the answer.

In the meantime while we see through the glass darkly today, all the principles of the gospel still apply here and now – repent early, often and continuously – regardless of who your birth fathers and mothers might be. Live the gospel the best you know how, despite a parent who may have set a poor example and turned away in shame or guilt who hasn't returned yet. In the big eternal picture we are all sons and daughters of God, giving us all the nobility we need to inherit eternal life, if obedient in whatever stage we may find ourselves in our progression.

"If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." (D&C 6:13).

"They Shall Not Be Moved Out of Their Place"

When I was reflecting the other day on the early days of the Welfare Program, and Harold B. Lee's role in it, I was reminded again how imperative it was then to encourage the members of the Church to follow the Brethren the Lord had raised up in these last days.  If there is a recurring theme in the sermons of Harold B. Lee, it would have to be the counsel to "follow the Brethren."

He was fond of quoting this scripture: 

Wherefore, meaning the church, thou shalt give heed unto all his [Joseph Smith's] words and commandments which he shall give unto you as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me;
For his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith.
For by doing these things the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name's glory.
For thus saith the Lord God: Him have I inspired to move the cause of Zion in mighty power for good, and his diligence I know, and his prayers I have heard.
Yea, his weeping for Zion I have seen, and I will cause that he shall mourn for her no longer; for his days of rejoicing are come unto the remission of his sins, and the manifestations of my blessings upon his works.
For, behold, I will bless all those who labor in my vineyard with a mighty blessing, and they shall believe on his words, which are given him through me by the Comforter, which manifesteth that Jesus was crucified by sinful men for the sins of the world, yea, for the remission of sins unto the contrite heart.  (D&C 21:4-9).

That revelation was given on the day the Church was organized, April 6, 1830.  It always struck me as significant that even before the Church was organized, apparently Joseph Smith had "wept" for Zion.  In those formative years as revelation upon revelation burst upon him, it is striking to think what the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him must have been.  From the moment the Church was organized until this very writing, the cause of Zion has grown throughout the world.  We are witnessing its steady progress across the earth today.

Did anyone foresee the day when there would be temples in Russia?  On August 29, 2010, the temple in Kyiv Ukraine was dedicated by President Thomas S. Monson, making it the 134th operating temple worldwide.  We are living in the day foretold in that first formative revelation on April 6, 1830, when the cause of Zion is literally being fulfilled before our eyes.

There was a difficult time in Church history, when the Lord gave perhaps the sternest warning appearing anywhere in scripture.  It was when the first Nauvoo Temple was being built.  We still encounter opposition whenever a new temple is announced, that is true, but it was nothing like what it was in those days.  For that reason, it seems, the Saints delayed in commencing the work to build the Nauvoo Temple, knowing that the minute they set about the task persecution would surely come. 

In His patience, the Lord extended the time, but the extension also brought about the stern warning:  "If you do not these things at the end of the appointment ye shall be rejected as a church, with your dead, saith the Lord your God."  (D&C 124:32). 

But as is so often with the Lord, there are marvelous blessings coupled with the warnings.  This time was proof of that:  "If my people will hearken unto my voice, and unto the voice of my servants whom I have appointed to lead my people, behold, verily I say unto you, they shall not be moved out of their place." (D&C 124:45). 

There are many people struggling in this worldwide economy and society to hold on to their families in the midst of the gathering storms ahead.  This promise should give great comfort.  Who doesn't want to hold on to the hope that if faithful they will have a place of inheritance?

We live now in an openly hostile and wicked world seeking to not only undermine traditional family values, but to topple the very pillars by which they are upheld.  I never would have believed that by statute and by constitutional amendment state by state, we would see a day when marriage would of necessity have to be defined legally as between a man and a woman.  Living prophets have declared: 

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings — male and female — are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.  ("The Family:  A Proclamation to the World," read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah).

The promise we shall not be moved out of our place is a restatement of what the Lord told the multitude: "Blessed are ye if ye shall give heed unto the words of these twelve whom I have chosen from among you to minister unto you, and to be your servants." (3 Nephi 12:1). 

I repeat the promise that those who hearken to the voice of these men whom the Lord has raised up "shall not be moved out of their place."' (D&C 124:45). 

But the promise was followed with this caution: "But if they will not hearken to my voice, nor unto the voice of these men whom I have appointed, they shall not be blest." (D&C 124:46).

There are among us today some very erudite and persuasive voices who would have us believe that changing the views of the leaders of the Church on the bedrock eternal principles they have published in the Proclamation is akin to "waiting them out" until their views soften and they finally cave under pressure from the world as they did on plural marriage and the blacks and the priesthood.  These voices are not in harmony with the living prophets, and gay and lesbian marriage stands in stark opposition to the revealed will of God through His servants. 

We can and should reach out in love to all, but to believe for one instant this fundamental truth can be altered somehow is folly and will end in misery if pursued to its logical conclusion.

I say that because the definition of marriage is in a separate category.  The leaders of the Church are either inspired or they are mere mortals free to alter doctrine as they might policies and procedures at their whim and fancy.

In order to have the promise not to be moved out of our place, we must stand with the living prophets and smite the threatening waves before us, even though our stance will be increasingly unpopular.

In the October 1970 General Conference, President Harold B. Lee made some prophetic remarks as he introduced President Joseph Fielding Smith.  This is what he said:

We have some tight places to go before the Lord is through with this church and the world in this dispensation, which is the last dispensation, which shall usher in the coming of the Lord. The gospel was restored to prepare a people ready to receive him. The power of Satan will increase; we see it in evidence on every hand. There will be inroads within the Church. There will be, as President Tanner has said, "Hypocrites, those professing, but secretly are full of dead men's bones." We will see those who profess membership but secretly are plotting and trying to lead people not to follow the leadership that the Lord has set up to preside in this church.

Now the only safety we have as members of this church is to do exactly what the Lord said to the Church in that day when the Church was organized. We must learn to give heed to the words and commandments that the Lord shall give through his prophet, "as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me. . . as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith." (D&C 21:4-5). There will be some things that take patience and faith. You may not like what comes from the authority of the Church. It may contradict your political views. It may contradict your social views. It may interfere with some of your social life. But if you listen to these things, as if from the mouth of the Lord himself, with patience and faith, the promise is that "the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name's glory." (D&C 21:6).  (CR, October 1970, 152-3).

In three short weeks we will have the privilege once again of sitting at the feet of the living prophets among us and taking counsel from them.  As we sustain them and uphold them with our faith and prayers, the promise that the gates of hell will not prevail against us and that we will not be moved out of our place will come to pass. 

Ignore them, and we will not be blessed.