A Thousand Million Gazillion

This will seem a little frivolous to some, given the tendency I have to being serious most of the time, but I will proceed anyway.

The fall is heralding the changing of seasons as a harbinger of winter that won't be far behind. The temperatures are moderating too, reduced to the 70s and 80s in contrast to the 90s and 100s of summertime. I even saw a light dusting of snow the other night.

But nothing can compare to the onslaught of houseflies that has invaded my living space when they seem to materialize from nowhere. Their numbers are what prompted the title of today's post. Keep your comments about satire and hyperbole to yourselves. I have no idea if that number is even a reality, but it gives some approximation of the fantasy world in which I am living. I suppose they are seeking what little remaining heat may be found indoors. They seem to prefer climbing all over the inside of the windows when the sun is out.

So all of that said, I went searching in an attempt to find some useful purpose that the common housefly might offer to humankind like me. Here's what I discovered this morning in a simple Google search.

Houseflies play several useful roles in the environment, including: 

Waste management

Housefly larvae can break down a wide range of decaying organic matter, including household waste and animal manure. This helps recycle nutrients and reduce the amount of waste that ends up in landfills. 

Food source

Housefly pupae are a food source for many animals, including birds, reptiles, and insects. Maggots are also used as bait by freshwater fishermen and as feed for tilapia. 

Pollination

Flies pollinate many cultivated crops, including apples, strawberries, carrots, onions, bell peppers, black pepper, and coriander. 

Wound treatment

Maggots can be used to treat gangrenous wounds without antibiotics. Sheep blowfly larvae can be used to treat diabetic ulcers, bedsores, and other wounds. 

However, houseflies can also transmit pathogens and are a nuisance to livestock. The most effective way to control housefly populations is to use an integrated pest management approach that targets both adults and larvae. 

Flies can be harmful to humans and animals in a number of ways, including:

Disease transmission: 

Flies can carry and spread pathogens that cause diseases like food poisoning, dysentery, cholera, typhoid fever, and more. They can contaminate food and surfaces by landing on them, regurgitating, and defecating.

Biting: 

Some types of flies, like mosquitoes, can bite humans and other animals to feed on their blood, which can transmit disease.

Economic losses: 

Flies can cause economic losses.

Nuisance: 

Flies can be a nuisance pest. Flies are attracted to rotting animal and plant waste, which can contain pathogens and parasites. They can also be found around pet waste, which they can carry bacteria from to other places. 

* * *

I can accept that there may be useful purposes for houseflies, but (and this is a BIG BUT) - I draw the line when I find them climbing into bed at night with me. 

So, having done my due diligence to satisfy my curiosity, I can clearly state I am in the category this morning of attempting to control housefly populations. I routinely spend an inordinate amount of time vacuuming up both dead and live houseflies. If you ask me to estimate the number of houseflies I have dispatched to the hell from whence they came into my home during this fall season, my conservative estimate is a thousand million gazillion to date and that's where I lost count.

For wholesale destruction of houseflies, I recommend the use of a fly bomb. My product of choice is always the Hot Shot, distributed by Spectrum Group, a division of United Industries Corporation in St. Louis, MO. It's a simple-to-use fogger you can find at your local grocery store in the pest control aisle. (That tells you all you need to know about categorizing houseflies). It comes in a handy spray can. You hit the trigger at the top after making certain all the windows and doors are closed, then evacuate for three hours. You will return to your home to find at least a thousand million gazillion dead flies everywhere and blessed silence prevails in your home.

Take out your vacuum and commence sucking them all up. It's a task, but compared to putting up with all the annoyance it's a small price to pay for your reclaimed independence, believe me. 

I have looked over the list of useful purposes the common housefly might provide, as cited above, but for me the best houseflies are the dead ones. I have learned that it only takes one male and one female to produce hundreds of larvae, so don't be surprised if you have to repeat the use of the fogger. It's worth it. 

There's another sure cure for ridding yourself of houseflies. 

It's called WINTER. 

"Few, If Any. . ."

I’m awake this morning at 6:00 a.m., still basking in the afterglow of our shared sealing session last night in the Orem Temple. My dear friend Hank Nelson, along with his wife Kristy who was seated at the sealing desk in the office, conducted the session at my request. 

It was a heavenly outing for me, exactly what I prayed it would be. We had 19 of our family members, including Harold and Catherine, acting as proxies for 44 of our deceased ancestors. We sealed couples and children to parents. It was a happy time for all who attended, and some silent tears were shed in acknowledgement of the rich outpouring of the spirit that attended us. I noted every teardrop that fell in quiet reverence.

I will add that I also noted son-in-law Clark’s temple shoes, originally owned by President Harold B. Lee, then by me, now by Clark, and I pondered anew where those shoes have been and what they have surely seen. He first wore them when he was a newly-sustained Apostle in 1941 on April 10th. Their tattered and well-worn appearance testified anew to me of the true calling of living prophets. To qualify for ownership of those shoes one must be a proper size 9, and Clark and I both qualified.

Our session went a little late, since we were the last group to occupy a sealing room last night. We exited the temple in darkness, but a group of young adult young women snapped this picture for us as a treasured memory. 

There are those who have asserted over the years in the Church that we don’t really know whether or not the departed spirits of our family members will accept the proxy work we do in the temples, but I have a different view. 

I remembered this following statement last night, and suggested it to daughter Dianne as we rode down the elevator after the session had concluded, then I checked the reference this morning:

President Wilford W. Woodruff

“’All who have died without a knowledge of this Gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God; also all that shall die henceforth without a knowledge of it, who would have received it with all their hearts, shall be heirs of that kingdom, for I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.’ [D&C 137:7–9.] So it will be with your fathers. There will be very few, if any, who will not accept the Gospel. … The fathers of this people will embrace the Gospel.” (Millennial Star, May 28, 1894, 339–40, emphasis mine).

Brigham and Wilford in St. George Temple

At the time, President Wilford W. Woodruff had lived to witness the construction of the first four temples in Utah, and dedicated the magnificent Salt Lake Temple that took 40 years to build. He and President Brigham Young had worked in tandem in St. George to fulfill the Prophet Joseph’s request to arrange the temple ceremonies more accurately, and that is exactly what they did.

“President Young has said to us, and it is verily so, if the dead could they would speak in language loud as ten thousand thunders, calling upon the servants of God to rise up and build Temples, magnify their calling and redeem their dead.” (Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, March 26, 1878, 1).

“If [we] knew and understood the feelings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, and those of his brethren associated with him, and the feelings of the millions of the human family who are shut up in their prison houses, we would not tire. … We would labor for the redemption of our dead.” (Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, October 26, 1880, 1).

“The eyes of the heavens are over us; the eyes of God himself, the eyes of every Prophet and Apostle in the spirit world, are watching you, watching this Priesthood, to see what they are doing and what they are going to do. It is of far more importance than we realize and comprehend. Let us awake to the ordinances of the House of God and do our duty, that we may be justified.”  (In Conference Report, October 1897, 47).

Think for a moment how powerful Wilford Woodruff’s statement is that there would be few, if any, of our deceased ancestors who will not accept the fulness of the gospel in the spirit world. 

Those, for example, who rejected the Book of Mormon in this mortal life will surely be attending a class somewhere in the spirit world taught by the Lamanites and the Nephites and all the other “ites” mentioned in the record. Imagine the surprise on the faces of those recalcitrant spirits who hear their firsthand testimonies in the spirit world and ask yourself how they could possibly resist any longer. 

I am a great believer that repentance and progress occurs in the spirit world. We certainly believe people can change here in mortality because we have witnessed it. So why not believe people can and do change in the spirit world? I KNOW they do.

President Russell M. Nelson

It’s why our living prophet today, President Russell M. Nelson, now nearing this 100th birthday on September 9th, is the very embodiment of the leadership President Woodruff foresaw in the building of temples worldwide. And we are living witnesses of the fulfillment of the prophecies of President Woodruff.

“Eternal progression” is a concept that is often misunderstood, more so in years gone by than it is today. I have always valued the perspective of Brigham Young on this topic:

“Instead of pleading with the Lord to bestow more upon you, plead with yourselves to have confidence in yourselves, to have integrity in yourselves, and know when to speak and what to speak, what to reveal, and how to carry yourselves and walk before the Lord. And just as fast as you prove to him that you will preserve everything secret that ought to be — that you will deal out to your neighbors all which you ought, and no more, and learn how to dispense your knowledge to your families, friends, neighbors, and brethren, the Lord will bestow upon you, and give to you, and bestow upon you, until finally he will say to you, ‘You shall never fall; your salvation is sealed unto you; you are sealed up unto eternal life and salvation, through your integrity.’” (Discourses of Brigham Young, 93).  

I have assurances borne to me by the Holy Ghost that we are in the correct path leading to exaltation and eternal life in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. I can never hear those inspired words of the temple sealings without my whole soul reaching out to my Heavenly Father and longing for the fulfillment promised in those sacred ordinances. 

Patsy Goates

I pondered all night last night what Patsy must have surely been feeling as she witnessed her posterity doing that sacred service. I’ll bet she was certainly assisting “at the veil” and hugged and kissed each one we served. Her spirit filled me with that assurance as I laid my head on my pillow later.

Thank you, each one of you in my posterity, who participated. We have done our small part in reaching out to the “ones” who President Nelson invited us to search out and bless with the promises of eternal life. Do not despair or lose faith in family members who may not yet have accepted the gospel. Remember these promises permeate every stage of our existence and hope on without reservation or doubt. These are BIG ideas, truly, and they require BIG and CONTINUING faith in their fulfillment. 

Our forefathers for whom we serve in the temples are the seminal trees from which we sprang - they are the roots and we are the branches. Those roots will flourish when nurtured and groomed with the message of the fulness of the gospel in the spirit world. 

I love you all now and eternally. We will never be separated in this life or the next because of our faith and our faithfulness. We are bound together by sacred and enduring covenants, the keys to which are held by living Apostles and Prophets.

What Is Your Best Advice for Raising Children?

The first thought when I saw this question this morning was, “Well, I’d do it just the way we did it.” I’m not kidding here, because all I have to do is judge our efforts by the results. We raised awesome (not perfect but awesome) children. And we were together in that endeavor. We would all have to credit Patsy for her prodigious contributions in raising our children. It’s a team effort in parenting, I believe.

To answer the question more directly I would quickly add this perspective: Heavenly Father is probably the best role model we could offer as an example of powerful parenting. Here are some of my humble observations about how He goes about raising His children:

1. He offers moral agency to His children right off the jump in the Garden of Eden. He lets them choose for themselves. He gives them choices to make and encourages good choices with ample (I would say almost unfathomable) opportunities coupled with incredible promises that perpetuate themselves into the eternities ahead. There are no limits in His plan. He tells His children “All that I have is yours on conditions of obedience.”

2. He makes ample provisions for failure. He knows all things in advance and He makes allowances for our mistakes as children. He doesn’t pace up and down in the vast expanse of the universe wringing His hands and fretting and worrying about the poor choices we make as His children. No, He has provided His Beloved Son as a Savior who has paid “the uttermost farthing” in answering the demands of the laws we have broken upon the condition that we repent. Then He forgives and He forgets without reservation and He remembers our sins no more. He allows for our growth and maturity.

3. He never micromanages our decisions. He in essence gives us the keys to drive the family vehicles, insures against the losses that may ensue, and gives us a wide enough berth to stretch our wings. Even as our premiums increase He remains calm, trusting in His gospel truths that have stood the tests of time in a universe full of other worlds and other children. He encourages the expanding of our opportunities, knowing we have it within us to excel because He trusts the Parentage that brought about our existence in the first place. He teaches us correct principles, and then allows us the space in which to put those principles into action. In short, He allows us to expand naturally and normally without fear of a few fender-benders. Miraculously, in our family there were plenty of totaled vehicles, but no fatalities.

4. Psychologists will confirm that the human mind is not fully developed until well into the twenties, and that’s usually when our children are out of our homes. They may have harbored resentment as teenagers at the way they were raised, but in time as maturity sets in there is often forgiveness as they become parents themselves and they conclude their parents did a pretty good job of raising them. Then they learn how to forgive the trespasses of their own teenagers and we see a sweet pattern of ongoing development that leads to outcomes for which we hope.

5. So what’s my profound advice for raising children? It’s simple really - trust in God's plan of salvation. It’s what we assented to in the pre-existent council in heaven. Sometimes in the pressure of the moment we are tempted to abandon all hope in the exigencies we confront, but the path I would advocate is the covenant path that has stood the test of time worlds without end.

***

I salute each of my married children, self-styled as "The Goates Kids," for the work they are doing as parents. They are outstanding examples of all that is good and right in today’s fractured world. So many of them are seeing others who are struggling and who have left the Church for a myriad of reasons of their own making. But I advise that they continue in the path - they are true and faithful to that which they know to be true. 

To all of us, I encourage that we trust in those feelings and those answers to your prayers as they present themselves to you. When you are living by the guidance of the Holy Ghost, you will have all the assurances you need to move ahead with confidence. 

Most importantly, you can trust your children. Let them spread their wings and experience life on their own. Continue to teach them, love them unconditionally, point them to their Savior for redemption when they need His healing in their lives, assure them all is never lost and that all will be well with them when they seek the truth.

Be comforted and inspired by these words:

And our father Adam spake unto the Lord, and said: Why is it that men must repent and be baptized in water? And the Lord said unto Adam: Behold I have forgiven thee thy transgression in the Garden of Eden.

Hence came the saying abroad among the people, that the Son of God hath atoned for original guilt, wherein the sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children, for they are whole from the foundation of the world.

And the Lord spake unto Adam, saying: Inasmuch as thy children are conceived in sin, even so when they begin to grow up, sin conceiveth in their hearts, and they taste the bitter, that they may know to prize the good.

And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.

Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time.

Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children, saying:

That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory;

For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified;

Therefore it is given to abide in you; the record of heaven; the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.

And now, behold, I say unto you: This is the plan of salvation unto all men, through the blood of mine Only Begotten, who shall come in the meridian of time.

And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me. (Moses 6:53-63).

Let those words of scripture sink deeply into your hearts as parents. Trust in them, trust in your children, and trust in God our Eternal Father who really does know what is best for us. He is our divine Exemplar when it comes to parenting. 

As we learn to think like Him, we become more like Him in our decisions as parents. Let the scriptures become so familiar to you that you reflect their outcomes in your family lives here and now. 

These ancient words from prophets are real, they are true, and they are the stuff of which eternal lives are made now and forever.

Being "Born Again" - Alma's Teachings

I was once seated many years ago next to our stake patriarch outside the bishop's office while we waited to be interviewed for our temple recommends. He was a wonderful man in his mid-eighties still going strong. In a whimsical mood, I dared to ask him, "Brother Nelson, do you ever lose the desire to sin?" To which he responded with a wink, "Never the desire, only the ability." I've thought a lot about that response. To be truly born again is to submit willingly, not kicking and screaming when old age overtakes us.

And that is the process of true born again conversion. It is not a one time event. I have spoken to people who can give me a date and a time when they were born again. However, what is more accurate is to say we gradually grow into a powerful testimony obtained from the Holy Spirit when that member of the Godhead tells us that the work of God on this earth and in the spirit world and in the resurrection is true, and his great function in that field is to bear testimony of the truth.

For example, at seven weeks old when our youngest child, Adrienne, died unexpectedly in the night, there was burned into my soul by the power of the Holy Ghost a firm and unshakable conviction that the literal resurrection of her body (and by extension all of ours) would allow her to come forth from the grave someday, and that death could claim no permanent victory. When other much-beloved family members have died, similar droplets of testimony were vouched safe to us -- we knew then, and the witness grows stronger with each passing year we will someday see them and be reunited beyond the grave. The Holy Ghost is the source of those powerful assurances as the Testator bears witness to our souls.

Beyond the witness, we are cleansed from sin and are born again and become converted to the truth when we receive the constant companionship of that member of the Godhead. Remember, it is an invitation to accept a gift from our Father in Heaven of the Holy Ghost, not an automatic berth in which we repose without effort on our part to comply to the terms of the covenant. Each week in the sacramental prayers on the bread and water symbols we covenant to remember Christ's atonement for us so that we may always have the Spirit of the Holy Ghost to be with us. (D&C 20:77; 79).

It goes without saying that nobody actually has that companionship of the Holy Ghost all the time, because no one is perfect and no one lives in the ideal and perfect state consistently. But we are admonished by the Spirit continually to do the very best we can, and to get enough of the companionship of the Holy Ghost to have our sins burned out of us as though by fire. And that is what we mean when we say "the baptism of fire," meaning the baptism of the Holy Ghost. That is symbolism that means dross and evil are being burned out of us as thoroughly as if a fire were set ablaze within us. It is the only way to become a new creature, as Alma explained.

So you become "born again." You become something new -- a new creature. There has been a discernible if not a complete change. There has been a true conversion. In the past you walked after the manner of the world, but now you walk as becomes a saint of God. 

The question is often asked, and sometimes we become discouraged, and sometimes we wonder, "How do I know that this change is happening?" My answer is that there are token payments made in spiritual confirmation that may not seem like much as they happen, but the fact that they are happening routinely in your life means you are becoming a partaker of the divine nature (see 2 Peter 1:4), even though you may not be in the Spirit every waking moment of your life -- the tokens you receive -- the "still, small voice" experiences along your journey -- are ample evidence that you are on the strait and narrow path leading toward eternal life despite your remaining imperfections.

We are a testimony-bearing people. Everywhere and always in our meetings somebody is saying, "I know that the gospel is true, or I know the Church is true, or I know the plan of salvation is true." The ultimate expression of knowledge is to get the witness that we are true. This is sound and this is good; Joseph Smith even went so far as to say, "This is good doctrine. It tastes good. I can taste the principles of eternal life, and so can you." (TPJS, 355). I love that way of expressing it! This is the way things ought to be. We ought to bear testimony nearly all the time, because when we bear testimony it strengthens the testimonies of other people. We are then partaking of a delicious meal together, feasting at the ample banquet table of the Lord. We get to dispense the tokens of eternal life to one another by the power of the Holy Ghost!

Sometimes it is more important to bear testimony than it is to teach doctrine. We have each had experience with that. Some do not have a strong doctrinal or scriptural foundation, but they are pillars of power in testimony. Don't ever excuse yourself from an expression of testimony because you may fear your lack in doctrinal horsepower. Bear testimony of the things the Holy Ghost has revealed to you. Remember what Joseph Smith said: "It is one thing to see the kingdom of God, and another thing to enter into it. We must have a change of heart to see the kingdom of God, and subscribe the articles of adoption to enter therein. No man can receive the Holy Ghost without receiving revelations. The Holy Ghost is a revelator." (TPJS, 328). The doctrines can be accumulated in due course.

I'm always intrigued with Alma's sudden and miraculous 180 degree turnaround. His testimony was acquired suddenly, instantly. It is not always thus. We may have testimonies without being converted. But all of us ought to be in the process of getting converted — and it is a process.

A person may get converted in a moment, miraculously. That is what happened to Alma the younger. He had been baptized in his youth, he had been promised the Holy Ghost, invited to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, but he had never received it. He thought himself superior in some way -- too knowledgeable, too sophisticated. He went off with the sons of Mosiah to destroy the Church and to do away with the teachings of his father, who in effect was President of the Church. He was fighting in opposition to the truth. He was like the college freshman who thinks he knows more than the Lord because he has learned a little science, and he may think the theory of evolution is more fact than the mere testimony of his parents. Alma was immersed in his rebellious state when this miraculous new light came into his soul. He was changed in an instant from his fallen and carnal state to a state of righteousness. His conversion is what the parents of wayward children dream about and hope for their own.

However, do not be deceived. This is not the way it happens with most people. With most of us true conversion, being born again, is a process. We go timid and furtive step by step by step, degree by degree, level by level, from a lower state to a higher, from grace to grace (see D&C 93:12-20 that describes this beautifully), until the time we can recognize within ourselves that we are wholly turned and passionately more interested in righteousness than wickedness. This means we gradually overcome -- one sin today, another sin tomorrow.

We perfect our lives by the power of the Holy Ghost building our altars of sacrifice brick by brick. I always liked the way Elder Neal A. Maxwell expressed it: "Real, personal sacrifice never was placing an animal on the altar. Instead, it is a willingness to put the animal in us upon the altar and letting it be consumed!" (Ensign, May 1995, 68). We daily sacrifice our tendency to do wickedly. We do it by offering up our moral agency, the only really unique gift we can give back to God, since He has imbued us with everything else already. The conversion process goes on until it is completed, until we become, literally, as King Benjamin admonishes, saints of God instead of natural men (Mosiah 3:19).

We overuse a word in the Church: striving. It's useful only if we recognize that striving is not arriving. What we are striving to do is to be converted. It is not enough to have a testimony. We read in D&C 76:71-80 about the terrestrial kingdom. And it says that those who are not valiant in the testimony of Jesus, do not obtain the kingdom of our God. If people who are not valiant in testimony go to the terrestrial kingdom, who is it that goes to the celestial, which is the kingdom of God? Obviously, the way you go to the celestial kingdom is to be valiant in testimony. I think it means we are working at it. Too often we see those who assent with their lips that the Church is a good idea, that it's a good way of life in which to raise a good family. We engage in a wishful "going along to get along" lack of commitment kind of fuzzy thinking. Instead, we need to make of our religion a working, living thing in our lives. The way we measure our performance in whether we are truly striving or just thinking we have arrived is embodied in three expressions: "Strengthen thy brethren," "Feed my sheep," and "Keep my commandments." (See John 15:7-14; 21:15-17; D&C 76:5-10).

Here's a self-correcting test proposed by Elder Bruce R. McConkie:

Try a little test on yourself. You know you have a testimony; that is not open to question. You already know the work is true. Are you converted? Have you been born again? Read the fifth chapter of Alma for the recitation of the tests [Alma poses 42 questions for your consideration] that tell a person whether he has been born again and how he knows. You know if you have been born again, or you know the degree to which you have been born again; it is the measure to which you keep the commandments and feed the Lord's sheep and strengthen your brethren. In other words, it is the measure of your involvement in the things of the Spirit, in the things of the Church.

Religion is not just a theological matter. It is not just a matter of analyzing some passages of scripture and coming up with some conclusions. Religion is a matter of doing something.

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world" (James 1:27). That is two things. It is involvement and service, which means righteous living. It is visiting the fatherless and the widows; it is strengthening your brethren; it is keeping the commandments, being thereby unspotted from the world.

Religion is a thing that has to live in the lives of people, and hence all these expressions to the effect that we show our faith by our works (James 2:18), and that we are not hearers only, but doers (James 1:22), or should be. You can be a hearer if all that is involved in religion is this matter of theology, of studying and analyzing passages of scripture. But you are a doer if you get religion into operation in your life. You are a hearer, in part at least, if all that you have is testimony. But you become a doer when you add to a testimony this pure conversion of which we are speaking. Peter is the classical example, as long as we understand that in the experiences of his life he was as he was because the Holy Ghost had not yet been given in full.

The Holy Ghost has been given in full in our day in the sense that the companionship of that member of the Godhead is available to us.

We want to be involved in the things of the Spirit. We do not want to sit on the sidelines and look in at some people who are converted. We want to be converted and participate in religion; we want to feel the promptings of the Spirit; we want to work miracles. We want to heal our sick; we want the gifts and graces that God gives the faithful. And they come when we get involved in the religion that he has so graciously and beneficently given us in this day. ("Be Ye Converted," BYU First Stake Conference, 11 February 1968).

The 1st Anniversary of Patsy's Death

It's almost a year since my beloved Patsy's death. It will be a year tomorrow - July 25th, 2024. I have been pondering the lessons learned since her passing. It's Pioneer Day in Utah, the statewide holiday when we commemorate the arrival of those noble pioneers who traversed the American wilderness in 1847 to settle in these valleys of the mountains in what would later become the great state of Utah. 

In so many ways, Patsy's life embodied the finest qualities of her ancestry who carved out their homes here. In 1976, we laid the footings and the foundation of our mountain home in Woodland, Utah, in her ancestral summer home of Pine Valley. In every way she was a modern pioneer woman blazing a trail for those who would follow after her in this idyllic setting.

I suppose it is not surprising that someone near and dear to me in the ward asked me recently what I’ve learned in the last year since Patsy’s death. Today I will boldly and publicly answer that question. I can now offer some lessons that have quietly distilled upon me.

Most will tell you to wait at least a year after the death of a loved one before making any major decisions. I have seen the wisdom of that advice. Here are some obvious observations:

1. I can’t imagine re-marrying anyone else. Patsy is cemented in my heart and soul as my eternal companion, and I’m not sure I want to muddy those waters by seeking a new relationship anytime soon. I watched it happen to others and it’s always appeared to be a complex situation when blending two new families. I'm opting for simplicity.

2. Thoughts have taken shape over this past year about what to do with the house. I’ve asked my attorney son, Rich, to put together some legal paper work to effectively transfer title to an entity yet to be determined, and owned by those who are willing and desire to take ownership in the future. Some will opt in and others will opt out. I want to make certain that we entertain everyone’s wishes and accommodate as many as possible in whatever contingency may arise. Stay tuned for details to emerge. I continue to welcome and solicit your input.

3. That brings up the outstanding mortgage. I wish I were debt-free, but that is not the case. Son Steve recently estimated that if every family - 12 in number - contributed $100 per month that could be applied directly to principal, the mortgage would be retired completely in 9 years! Of course, that contribution would be strictly voluntary, but it illustrates the power of a large number of contributors. This is just to plant a seed for discussion for now.

4. I’ve learned to be more loving, more patient and more forgiving than ever before. It’s because I am closer to following in Patsy’s footsteps than I ever envisioned until now. My weaknesses are many, and I continue to seek improvement in these specific areas. I have always believed the best in others, and this has sometimes been a weakness that has hurt me and our family.

5. There have been some amazing happenings in which I have learned I was correct in my earlier decision making, even though the outcomes were unknown back then. At the top of that list was my recent lunch with an old co-worker who confirmed my choices. Who knew it would take this many years to reach closure? A lesson in patience and faith for sure.

6. I have been more grateful than ever for good health. My recent doctors’ appointments have been affirming to me. There has been improvement in my brain, my eyes and my overall health profile as confirmed by the doctors. Of course, I am not unaware my mortal overall outcome will be death, as it is for each of us, but for the moment I am happy to be alive and thriving to the extent I am.

7. I’ve learned to savor my memories, which explains why I never seem to run out of topics about which I can write. My personal physician told me yesterday he believes writing helps my brain to continue to function well. He encouraged me to keep doing it. I agree, and hope you do too.

8. My life with Patsy was joyful and fulfilling in every way imaginable. My testimony of the gospel was enhanced and buttressed in every way by my eternal companionship with her. I still savor that last road trip we took out to Minnesota and back, stopping as we did in six temples in six states in six days. It was the fitting culmination of our lives together in loving and worshipping in the temples.

9. My lessons in loneliness continue unabated. “Is it good for man to be alone? It is NOT good that the man should be alone.” (See Abraham 5:14). Those words from scripture resonate in my heart every night and every day. I have settled into routines that are not nearly as complete and joyful as they were when we were still together in the flesh.

10. I have been asked about whether or not I still “feel” her nearby. The answer is “Yes.” It’s so real sometimes I expect to see her walking into the room at any moment. I still imagine hearing her bath water running in the other room while I am laying in bed at night. I am still waiting for her to join me when I realize I am drifting off to sleep all alone.

11. How would you summarize the last year without her? It’s simple. I miss her every moment of every day. The emptiness I feel is very tangible, and it’s a physical phenomenon having little or nothing to do with my faith and the spiritual truths I hold inviolate. It’s root-bound in my physical world that has been altered. I know the gospel is true, I know my Redeemer lives and died to take away all my sins, and I know the plan of salvation includes the hope of a resurrection and eternal life. All that said, however, there is a physical dimension in which I live that demands my ongoing attention. That includes meals, laundry, cleaning, chores, repairs, managing resources, and embracing the changing seasons. It’s all different now without her.

12. I know she lives on in the spirit world. I am thankful for the spiritual manifestations I have received that give me that assurance. Sometimes it is just a quiet prompting to do something good for someone. I’ve have dreams about her now. I often find myself envisioning what it will be like to go through the veil to be greeted by her and all my family members who have preceded me in death. I dreamt about that last night.

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There may be other lessons learned I have not written yet, and to that end I may amend this post in future days, but twelve is enough for now. By putting myself "out there" I only hope to inspire others who may be in similar circumstances, not to suggest I have all the answers. I've decided I'm just not that smart to qualify as a guru quite yet.

Please know how much I cherish each of you, my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who receive these updates. I hope they may be useful to you. That’s the only reason I write what I do so there may be a lasting testament that will outlive me.

I watched her funeral services again this morning. I was reminded how incredible each of you is as I shared that sacred hour with all of you a year ago. Her life was the embodiment of discipleship to her Savior Jesus Christ as a true and devoted pioneer. In you I see her. May each of us continue to follow the path she has set before us, the covenant path, with hearts brimming with faith and assurance that she will never be far from us. Of that fact I am a witness.