"Losing" Adrienne

Adrienne Goates -- 1992

When a child dies, we often say, "We lost our youngest daughter Adrienne to SIDS."  She was seven weeks old, exactly forty-nine days, seven weeks of seven days, a perfect symbol of fulness and completeness in Jewish tradition, and she was perfect in every way.  She went to sleep one night, and when we arose in the morning as a family she had quietly passed away during the night while we all slept.

I don't think about the agony of it much anymore.  It was December 9, 1992.  I was scheduled on a business flight to Chicago that morning.  Patsy was tired that night and Adrienne had been fussing, so I offered to stay up with her and comfort her until she quieted down for the night.  I sent Patsy to bed, thinking I could sleep on the flight the next morning.  I never did that. 

At around 2:00 a.m., Adrienne finally settled down and I was able to go to sleep too.  When we awakened as a family the next morning, Emily was the first to make the horrible discovery.  I have heard screams in my life, but never one like that.

As I said, I don't remember to think about those events on a conscious level anymore.  Only when prompted by a reflection, a current event, or a person who asks about what it was like to "lose" a child do I reopen that subject.

But last week two things happened to bring it all back to the fore. 

I read an article in the Deseret News about a young couple who "lost" their daughter in a freak accident at sacrament meeting in Park City in 2008.  The writer described the tragedy in sensitive and comforting terms, and talked about how this mother had dealt with her grief by starting to blog about their "loss" in a blog page she dubbed "A Good Grief." 

The title intrigued me.  I checked it out.  Emotion welled up within me, as I recalled so many similar feelings about Adrienne's death.

Because I was the last one to be with Adrienne, the feelings of guilt were almost unbearable.  There had to be a cause.  That's the first thing a rational pragmatic male thinks.  What is the logical explanation for her death?  Why did this happen?  What did I do (or not do) that caused her death?  I know I'm a sinner and totally unworthy of the blessing of her life, so it must be my sins that caused this death.  And then "rational," "reasoned," and "logical" pieces of my existence were totally shattered in the ensuing moments and the flood of possibilities.

The details are not as important after all these years.  There was an autopsy.  The results were normal.  I was comforted, strangely somehow, in being vindicated, but still perplexed about the "Why" question.  Absolutely no logical explanation suggested itself. Reason was defied.  Rational thought escaped the medical professionals who examined her body in the post-mortem.

And that is how her death got classified as a "SIDS" death, or "sudden infant death syndrome." 

The medical explanation was there was no explanation.

She just died.  

I said there were two events this last week prompting my recollections to suddenly come bursting to the surface.  The second was a visit last night from a dear friend who had "lost" her husband at a relatively young age in a tragic car accident a year and a half ago. 

I wrote about her husband, Dan Howells, in a previous blog post a year ago when I was recalling those events of his passing and his funeral.

We talked after dinner for awhile, and for some reason I opened my heart and shared the feelings and experiences I dealt with in Adrienne's passing, perhaps prompted by what I had read in the accounts on the blog.  I loved that title, "A Good Grief."  As anyone who has grieved will tell you, that title is oxymoronic in the highest expression of the word. 

I was always open about her death, I dealt with her death.  I don't think I left any stone unturned.  I played the tape of her funeral every day for months afterward.  I felt stuck.  I had a hard time moving on. 

I learned about all the steps of grieving one cannot avoid.  I got great counsel from everyone to comfort me.  "You just have to move on," was a favorite.  But nobody could tell me "HOW?"  I learned that grieving involves anger, helplessness, loss of control, deadness of spirit, lack of will, gradual acceptance, a gnawing sense of futility in everything that comes after, and a host of other emotions, thoughts and feelings with which I had never been previously acquainted.

As I spoke to Amy last night, I found myself doing all the talking, something rare for me.  I'd much rather listen, because I learn more.  But I talked and she listened.  As I poured out my heart and soul to her, I became aware I was saying things I hadn't really ever voiced to anyone out loud.  I felt as though Dan wanted all those things said, for whatever reason, to Amy.  But I didn't understand that until later last night when I pondered why I had done something so foreign to my basic nature.

Through all my grieving steps, I told her, I never lost my faith in God, in my Savior Jesus Christ, nor in my hope for eternal life.  That faith was rock solid throughout the ordeal.  But the one piece I simply could never dismiss in my grieving was the physical separation from that little baby girl who was "snatched" so suddenly out of our arms as a family.

She was our youngest child, the 13th of 13, our "baker's dozen" child.  Everyone at the time of her death offered, "But you have all those other children to comfort you, so you won't miss her."  That seemed like such an empty platitude to me.  Didn't they know this little girl was her own little person?  "Losing" her was a loss impossible to replace with all the other twelve.  She was unique to herself, and all those other children combined still could not assuage the sense of that physical separation from her. 

There was still a big hole in my physical, mortal heart that couldn't be repaired.

Life in mortality is filled with temporary farewells and partings.  Merilee has been away working this summer in the Bay area.  Andrew was away on his mission, as were six other siblings in their turns and seasons.  Families of our children and grandchildren come and go today, as they have this summer.  With each visit they are welcomed, then we say our farewells until we see each other again.  Life is all about separation, reunion, greetings and farewells. 

Our faith should dictate to us -- the spiritual part of our natures -- that death is nothing more than a parting for a season.  We can accept that as spiritual reality.  The reality of Christ's resurrection locks faith and hope into place in the very fabric of our souls.  "He is not here, He is risen."  We know it, we testify of it, and when these events we call death occur our faith usually sees us through.

Ask anyone, I don't care from what church they come or what their faith tradition may dictate, even if they profess NO faith whatsoever, and most will confess they hope their love for each other in marriage will somehow transcend the grave.  All the love songs ever written and the movies ever made, and the collective wisdom of the poets and philosophers are laced with the core hope love does not die, that it lives on into eternity, however that is defined.

But all that aside, some struggle mightily when the winds of adversity and premature death strike at us with the finality of a funeral, a casket, and a burial.  The one so loved and cherished is physically separated from us as the dirt fills the hole and we somehow attempt to pick up the pieces of our lives and move on.

No matter how hard we try, I explained last night to Amy, that hole in our heart never is fully healed.  There is always an empty place we go to when events remind us.

The passage of time helps a lot.  Life eventually does pick up a full head of steam again and hope re-emerges eventually.  Some measure of control is restored.  Gradually anger and blame subside.  It's no longer God's fault as we try to come out of the fog.  God still loves us, His Spirit is still alive within us to give comfort and guidance, peace and assurance all will be well if we are faithful.

Of all the well-wishers who came, who showered us with love and affection, who sent cards and notes of comfort, there is one phone call that still gives me the greatest peace.  It was a dear friend from a former ward, a deeply spiritual woman who was a paragon and tower of unshakable conviction.  She and her husband had also lost an infant daughter.  She said simply, "Now you have your first celestial child who will show all the rest of you the way home." 

I was filled with an image in her words.  I referred from that day forward to Adrienne as "Our Lighthouse in the Storm."  Those were the words we chose for her headstone.

The day we buried her on cemetery hill in Woodland, there was a snowstorm raging outside the chapel.  The wind was whipping snowflakes against the windowpanes throughout the service.  The Spirit in the meeeting was palpable.  But we knew the short trip to the cemetery would be challenging. 

It was a wintry day just like the morning she had died.  When we stood over the open grave, however, and dedicated her final resting place, the storm dissipated suddenly and the sun was shining brilliantly through the clouds for just those few moments.  When we were finished, the storm regained its fury and the snow continued to fall.

Last night Dan was whispering to all our spirits around that table, I think, that no one who dies is ever really "lost," because death is only a door into the next room -- a door through which each will pass in time.

Time is measured only to men.  Whether early or late by our feeble calculations, death will visit each of us.  But in death there is no victory because of Christ's atonement.

Our physical pain of separation now is all swallowed up someday in reunion.  What we feel here and now is conquered there and then.

Here and now we walk by faith not knowing the answer to the "Why" question.  But Dan knows, so does Adrienne, and so does everyone else you know who has passed that portal of death and awakened to their next stage of existence. 

It's universal.  The plan is perfect.  Hope lives on in each of us despite the temporary farewells.

Our Lighthouse in the Storm #LIGHTtheWORLD

Today marks another anniversary in our family life. On a cold wintry day in December - the 9th - in 1992, we awoke to the tragic realization that our youngest daughter, Adrienne, had died unexpectedly during the early morning hours. I wrote about her death in an earlier entry titled "Losing" Adrienne. It seems impossible to imagine her now as a twenty-eight year-old woman, but that's what she would be had she lived. 

I asked Patsy this morning while we were greeting a new day in bed, "Tell me your memories of Adrienne this morning." Somewhat wistfully she responded, "I wish I had more memories of her." 

She came to #LIGHTtheWORLD in our family. Her headstone identifies her as "Our Lighthouse in the Storm." Her mortal flame flared quickly and brightly and then it was extinguished too soon. 

It was fifteen days before Christmas. After the funeral and burial we continued to stumble around in a stupor of thought, unable to gather ourselves to get Christmas ready for the children. I remember distinctly wandering aimlessly through the old Crossroads Mall downtown looking helplessly for Christmas gifts without success. Nothing seemed appropriate or meaningful to us. I think we finally settled on sweaters for everyone in one store, wide selection in sizes and styles, and I don't even remember the brand name but they were cool enough to satisfy my numbed mind. I'm sure we picked up more than that, but honestly it was all a blur. Our hearts weren't ready to move on from Adrienne.

I was stuck. It took me about a year to finally get back to some semblance of normalcy again. What happens in traumatic events like this one is a sense that you have lost control over the simplest of tasks. The brain is assaulted and then shuts down. For months afterward emotion would come welling to the surface over seemingly disconnected stimuli. The trauma would start afresh and the memories were still raw and sharp.

Everything about Christmas suggests light during the darkest time of the year - until finally around Christmas day we hit the winter solstice and the longest night of darkness in the annual calendar. We know the correct time of the Savior's birth was in the spring at Passover time in Jerusalem because of modern revelation and the statements of the living prophets (see D&C 20:1). But we celebrate Christmas in the darkest time of the year as a powerful symbol of light conquering darkness.

I have been asked many times in the ensuing years by many people what the most traumatic experience of my life was, and most would assume it was this time of our lives. However, after the events of this past year I would say without hesitation that brain surgery eclipses everything else that resembles a definition of "traumatic." The paradox is that through the adversity has come an abiding and deepening conviction of Christ's love for me and my family.

I remember one night shortly before surgery when I was comforted with the knowledge that my father and my mother were nearby and fully aware of my circumstances. Another night after surgery while rehabbing Dianne told me she called down Adrienne to provide comfort and protection in case I fell down getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night. In that same period of time my departed brother Drew also provided protection. I was being aided by help from beyond the veil and they embodied #LIGHTtheWORLD ministrations for me personally when I was so compromised I could not do much of anything for myself.

So which Christmas do I remember best? The year of 1992 will always remind me of the Light of the World, the birth of a Holy Infant in a lowly manger stall in Bethlehem. He brought peace to all who would come to Him throughout his mortal ministry and to those of us who can still come today. 

But perhaps the COVID-19 year of 2020 will also be memorable as I look back. Though Adrienne's mortal life was a short seven weeks, the life of our Lord and Savior spans infinity and will never be extinguished. He assures us that our eternal lives also involve infinite boundaries. 

He conquered death, spiritual and physical, for all the inhabitants of this Earth and all the other worlds our Father has created.

The Two Plans

Moral (or free) agency is the gift we have been given by a loving Heavenly Father.  We have the right to choose good or evil.

The earliest record we have of its evidence is a suggestion from scripture that we were faced with a choice in the premortal realms before we came to inhabit this earth as mortals.  In the Church over the years we have heard "two plans" were presented for our consideration.  Here's an example from 1943:

President Harold B. Lee

I read in the first section of the Doctrine and Covenants that the Lord speaks of a time when the hour shall soon come, but is not yet, when peace shall be taken from the earth, and when the devil would have power over his own dominion (see D&C 1:35). I have wondered what that meant, for the devil to have power over his own dominion.

I read in the writings of Moses that there came a time in the Council in Heaven when "two plans" were proposed, and the children of our Heavenly Father were there assembled. There was one who said: Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor.

But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me — Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.

Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice.

His mission, then, was to destroy the agency of man. I think when I see the hand of dictatorship laid bare and the ugly monster that would subvert all mankind to the will of such dictatorship, I fancy I see in that nation thus guided the evidence of that power of this one who would thus destroy agency. When I see in an individual one who has been overcome largely because of habits or because of his becoming a slave to his passions or his appetites, I realize as well the person thus enslaved likewise has succumbed to the dominion of Satan's power. (Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 182-3; 43-03, 4, emphasis mine).

Elder Bruce R. McConkie

Elder Bruce R. McConkie ten years later took exception with the characterization of "two plans" being presented in the grand council:

Who created and presented the plan of salvation as it was adopted in the pre-existent councils in heaven? Did Christ offer one plan which would allow men their agency, and Lucifer sponsor another founded on compulsion?

Although we sometimes hear it said that there were two plans -- Christ's plan of freedom and agency, and Lucifer's of slavery and compulsion -- such teaching does not conform to the revealed word. Christ did not present a plan of redemption and salvation nor did Lucifer. There were not two plans up for consideration; there was only one; and that was the plan of the Father: originated, developed, presented, and put in force by him. . .

The chief cornerstone of the whole plan was to be the atoning sacrifice of a Redeemer, one of the Father's spirit sons who was to be born into the world as his literal Son in the flesh. By this means was to be effected a resurrection, a reunion of body and spirit in immortality, the two never again to be separated. (Bruce R. McConkie, "Who Is the Author of the Plan of Salvation?" Improvement Era, May 1953, 322, emphasis mine).

We must conclude based upon a careful reading of the scriptures that Elder McConkie is likely correct. The plan presented was the Father's plan. It was introduced on the same principles by which our Father in Heaven became God. (See TPJS, 345). It was given to us as His spirit children to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). The only question was which son would the Father send to implement the plan, and even in that choice there was no question as to which it would be because Christ was the firstborn pre-eminent one.

President Boyd K. Packer

Many years later, President Boyd K. Packer harmonized this seeming dichotomy nicely in this way, suggesting the scriptures do make reference to "a very subtle plan of the adversary" intended to destroy us:

This great plan of happiness was first presented in a grand council in our premortal life. Each of us was there, a son or a daughter of God. Each had a choice to accept or to reject it. There was a rebellion, and a war erupted over the plan. Our being here with a mortal body tells us we were on the right side.

The leader of the rebellion formulated a plan of his own. It is described in the revelations as the "cunning plan of the evil one" or the "very subtle plan of the adversary" (2 Nephi 9:28; Alma 12:4-5) or the "great plan of destruction" (3 Nephi 1:16; see also Helaman 2:8; D&C 10:12).

Each of us chose the great plan of happiness. We know this because otherwise we would not be here in mortality. (The Things of the Soul, 57, emphasis mine).

While it is true Satan was in a state of rebellion, it is not completely accurate to state he had an alternative plan to the great plan of happiness as described by the Father. As a Church it seems we grew up on that tradition without giving it a second thought -- there were two plans presented in the grand council of heaven, and we were given a vote as to which plan we would accept. Joseph Smith said:  "At the first organization in heaven we were all present, and saw the Savior chosen and appointed and the plan of salvation made, and we sanctioned it."  The fact we are here in mortal bodies is cited as evidence we chose correctly.  Those who followed Satan's "plan" were denied physical bodies, as explained by the Prophet Joseph Smith (see TPJS, 181, 189-90, 255, 305-6). "The punishment of the devil was that he should not have a habitation like men.  The devil's retaliation is, he comes into this world, binds up men's bodies, and occupies them himself.  When the authorities come along, they eject him from a stolen habitation." Joseph Smith never characterized the council in heaven as a choice between two plans. It seems that tradition grew up later over the years.

Because of our affirmation of Jesus Christ, our elder brother, in that grand council, we adopted the plan of the Father. That plan was to be one of agency and the possibility of failure but also redemption from our mistakes and sins. We must have had no doubt in that expression of faith that Christ could and would redeem us from our fallen state.

Each of us has been gifted time here in mortality. Our infant daughter Adrienne came for only a few weeks. Her parents live on, quickly approaching the proverbial "three score years and ten" or more. Adrienne has two great-grandparents who will turn 89 in the next two weeks. What is obvious (or should be) is the length of mortality is not as important as what you do with the time allotted.

Mortal life seems to be comprised of one decision after another. Once we overcome the basic choice between good and evil, often the allotment of our time revolves around two or more good choices, but even these must be carefully prioritized because we cannot have it all. Sometimes the weightiest decisions we face are involved with which of our many choices is good, better or best.

This freedom to decide for ourselves is perhaps the greatest blessing we could receive from a gracious Heavenly Father. Our growth and development through the sunshine and shadows of life could never be achieved if everything were forced upon us and all that were required of us is to blindly follow a preordained course of meaningless conformity. It seems government solutions take this path to our detriment.

The freedom to express and live by our choices is the basic issue we faced in the grand council of heaven.  Christ represented the embodiment of the Father's plan because only He qualified as the Firstborn, the Redeemer, the Mediator, and the Messiah.  Before we ever came to earth that seminal idea had to be defended by a "war in heaven."  The forces of truth have been defending this right ever since right here on earth, and the struggle gets no easier. 

The adversary continues to speak in very subtle but counterfeit languages to our spirits. He takes many prisoners in this war of attrition between good and evil. The deceptions grow stronger and more bold with each passing year. To the younger generation, my children and grandchildren, I suggest staying close to your parents, your file leaders in the Church, your bishop and other priesthood leaders. There is great safety and wisdom in their admonitions to you. When they wear the priesthood mantle, they speak with the voice of the Savior for your blessing. Their counsel is to be valued. If followed, they will not lead you astray. Align yourselves with them as they in turn point you to Heavenly Father and the Savior. Remember, true revelation never comes from the sides -- it comes from above in a vertical, not horizontal, line. Don't ever let anyone else offer you a revelation to direct your thinking without making certain your "alignment" is correct.

I offer the words of the great prophet Samuel the Lamanite: "And if ye believe on his name ye will repent of all your sins, that thereby ye may have a remission of them through his merits. . . And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.  He hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you." (Helaman 14:13; 30-31).

It is not enough to say all the right things with our lips. We must act upon our choices. Each of us has agency. Each is free to choose. Nothing is left undone for our ultimate joy and happiness if we choose it. What frees us -- ironically to some -- is careful adherence to our Heavenly Father's plan, and that means repentance. Nothing is more liberating spiritually than having heavy burdens of sin lifted from our shoulders by loving priesthood leaders acting in the stead of the Savior whose atonement made it all possible. He does not just make up the difference between our lapses and what we know is right -- He IS the difference. When we "retain a remission of our sins" by ongoing worthiness it is only achieved through constant and careful repentance.

We are constantly exposed to a lot of "shoulds" in the Church -- we should keep the Word of Wisdom, we should  pay tithes and offerings, we should sustain our leaders, we should study the scriptures, we should attend our meetings, we should go home and visiting teaching, we should pray often, we should live the gospel, we should teach our children, we should bake bread for our sick neighbors, we should attend the temple, we should love our enemies, we should forgive seventy times seven the trespasses against us, and the list goes on and on. Everyone, it seems, is "shoulding" on everyone else. What we must be careful about is not to do too much shoulding on each other. I promise not to should on you if you won't should on me. What we must come to realize for ourselves and others is this simple dictim: "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32).

The plan of happiness is not obvious in the Holy Bible. Only after one studies The Book of Mormon, particularly, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price, and then revisits the Bible, does one see elements of the great plan of happiness scattered throughout from beginning to end. Our enemies would accuse us of promulgating "another gospel" but what we have IS "the gospel" in its fulness and in its complete form.

We were involved in a premortal existence before we came to live on earth in mortality. It's hard to find a way to make sense out of this life without that knowledge. We lived as spirit children. We were individual intelligent sons and daughters of God. Our gender was an established fact before this world rolled into existence.

Our spirit existence spans a long, long period of time. Joseph Smith once gave us a working number, according to William W. Phelps: 2,555,000,000 years!  He said Joseph learned from the Egyptian papyri that life has been going on in this system of planets (not the world) for that long.

Here's where it came from: Seven days in a week, times 365 days in a year = 2,555. We learn in Abraham 3:4 and 2 Peter 3:8 that one day with the Lord is 1,000 years in man's reckoning. So, 7,000 x 365,000 = 2,555,000,000. (See Times & Seasons 5 no. 24 [1 Jan. 1844], 758).

It helps me to explain how two children born of the same earthly parents, so alike in physical appearance, frequently are so different in personality, temperament, and disposition. As parents of thirteen we have seen it play out again and again. Their individuality is innate. They came as a complete and unique package from the moment they were laid in our arms. Truth is, they remained in the presence of Heavenly Father longer than we did. Prophets throughout our dispensation have taught the more valiant spirits were held in reserve to come forth now. We've done all we can to foster and champion their individuality ever since they were born, while teaching them correct principles and leaving individual choice and accountability in tact. As their mortal parents we are merely the coaches of an "all-star team."

There is an expression that "all men are created equal" (not scriptural, by the way) and we attempt to reconcile it. Why is there so much inequity and unfairness in life? Why is there such a disparate distribution of talents and gifts, of advantages and disadvantages?

Without a knowledge of the pre-existence and the great plan of happiness how would you even attempt an answer?

We chose Christ in that pre-mortal world, and we chose the one and only plan offered to us. We chose the chance to fail and thereby learn from our own experiences how to discern good from evil. We opted in. We wanted exaltation. We wanted redemption from our fallen natures. We believed it was possible to transform our fallen natures into something extraordinary, even beyond our ability to imagine with our finite minds.

And the choices continue. Choose well.

The Millennium

A few weeks back the Melchizedek Priesthood and Relief Society lessons were devoted to the Prophet Joseph's teachings about the Millennium.

Our son Steve, living in Chicago with his family, had some questions after his lesson:

Dad - A question came up on Sunday in regards to the children that are to be born during the millennium. The discussion ended with our ward expert, Pres Hansen (Mel's Mission Pres), stating that children born to resurrected beings during the millennium would be spirit children and would not possess a physical body. Everybody seemed to accept that as a suitable answer and considering the source, that ended the discussion. It hasn't quite settled with me however and I was hoping you could clarify...

I found McConkie's explanation in Mormon Doctrine enlightening and he references several scriptures addressing what life will be like in the millennium but there is only one passage about children - quoting from section 101 (I think, going from memory here) where it talks about that they will reach the age like the trees then be changed in the twinkling of an eye...

As I understand it, these children will not be mortal in the same way that we are - as they will not be subject to disease, sickness, pain etc. but they also will not be immortal in the same way a resurrected being is. There will be that "twinkling of an eye" change that will take place which means there would be a momentary separation of body and spirit (albeit a sliver of a moment or a micro-second) and that makes them unique to a resurrected immortal being. Right?

So, the questions: 1. What is the physical state of these beings? Mortal or spirit children? Something unique to either? 2. At what point will spirit children begin to be born to exalted couples? 3. What do we know about this group of spirits to be born in the millennium? How is it that they will have a 'mortal' experience (obtaining of a physical body) in a time like the millennium where Satan is bound and there is no sickness, pain, etc...

Any references you can give would be great or at least point me in the right direction. I also pulled out your Zion transcripts and was looking in there but got a bit distracted - there's so much to digest there... Forgot my other additional question: How will the raising of children who died prematurely in mortality - like Adrienne - work in the millennium? What will be the state of her body (resurrected or somehow mortal again)?

My answers follow:

June 10, 2009

Steve –

There is a ton of speculation about life in the Millennium. You will search a long, long time in the scriptures for validation of anything resembling the conclusion President Hansen (with all due respect) reached in your discussion on Sunday. I suspect he drew his conclusion from the written opinion (and that’s what it is, nothing more, nothing less) of Elder McConkie cited below. It would be helpful if, when expressing opinions, we would cite our sources if they are not in the scriptures, but I digress:

Elder Bruce R. McConkie:

During the Millennium there will, of course, be two kinds of people on earth. There will be those who are mortal, and those who are immortal. There will be those who have been changed or quickened or transfigured or translated (words fail us to describe their state), and those who have gone through a second change, in the twinkling of an eye, so as to become eternal in nature. There will be those who are on probation, for whom earth life is a probationary estate, and who are thus working out their own salvation, and those who have already overcome the world and have entered into a fulness of eternal joy. There will be those who will yet die in the sense of being changed from their quickened state to a state of immortality, and those who, having previously died, are then living in a resurrected state. There will be those who are subject to the kings and priests who rule forever in the house of Israel, and those who, as kings and priests, exercise power and dominion in the everlasting kingdom of Him whose we are. There will be those who, as mortals, provide bodies for the spirit children of the Father, for the spirits whose right it is to come to earth and gain houses for their eternal spirits, and those who, as immortals (Abraham is one), are already begetting spirit children of their own. There will be those for whom the fulness of eternal glory is ahead, and those who, again like Abraham, have already entered into their exaltation and sit upon their thrones and are not angels but are gods forever and ever. (The Millennial Messiah, pp. 644-45).

I will supply you with further citations about the Millennium from the scriptures, and some from General Authorities that are about as far as we can safely go in attempting to describe conditions generally in the Millennium. That said, with respect to your specific question about Adrienne, the answer is a big fat “it depends.” Here are all the “if” statements that must be in place to give a definitive answer:

If Mom and I die before the Millennium is ushered in;

If we have lived our lives in such a way as to merit the highest degree of Celestial glory;

If we come up out of the grave on the morning of the first resurrection at Christ’s coming;

If we receive the keys of the resurrection;

If our righteous progenitors in the patriarchal order above us delegate to me the privilege and blessing of resurrecting our posterity;

If the gospel is true and there is a literal resurrection of physical bodies that have died (and I hasten to add that I believe it is and there is);

Then (and only if all those conditions are met), Adrienne’s body will come forth from the grave as it went into the grave as an infant. Her resurrected body (spirit and body inseparably connected) will then grow and mature as it would have had she been permitted to tarry in mortality in a telestial state, but she will be in a glorious Celestial resurrected body during the Millennium that will continue to grow and mature until it reaches a state described as its “proper and perfect frame” (see Alma 40:23), whatever that means.

Now, extrapolating further, let’s suppose there will be those who will in due course inherit the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, and such a judgment may be rendered prior to the Millennium being ushered in (having had their “calling and election made sure”). At Christ’s coming, we are informed by revelation that there is a specific order to resurrection – it’s referred to most comprehensively in D&C 88 where all the sounding of the trumps are heard. It’s really pretty cool and pretty specific, beginning with verse 96.

· First, those who are alive on the earth at the time of His coming “shall be quickened and be caught up to meet him.”

· Then the “first fruits” – those who are asleep in the grave – come forth from the grave, the faithful saints since the time of Christ.

· The second trump sounds through the seventh, and there is order to how resurrection takes place. It would be a shame if the unrepentant were to be resurrected too soon, so many of them remain “unresurrected” throughout the Millennium until they have every chance possible to repent.

· Then beginning in verse 108 we get another series of trumps sounding, which is the final judgment.

There are many, many things going on during the Millennium on many, many levels of human development and progression, not unlike conditions within the Church and in the world at large right now. It’s impossible to make a blanket statement about life in the Millennium that generalizes everything for everyone. But know this – there is order in the Lord’s house, in the way things are done, how, to whom, and when. Always best to be in the front of the line when it comes to obedience. That’s the bottom line.

Now some additional citations, including conditions in the “run-up” to the Millennium:

The time cometh speedily that Satan shall have no more power over the hearts of the children of men; for the day soon cometh that all the proud and they who do wickedly shall be as stubble; and the day cometh that they must be burned. For the time soon cometh that the fulness of the wrath of God shall be poured out upon all the children of men; for he will not suffer that the wicked shall destroy the righteous. Wherefore, he will preserve the righteous by his power, even if it so be that the fulness of his wrath must come, and the righteous be preserved, even unto the destruction of their enemies by fire. Wherefore, the righteous need not fear; for thus saith the prophet, they shall be saved, even if it so be as by fire. (1 Nephi 22:15-17); compare Malachi 4:1).

The time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain, and all those who are built up to get power over the flesh, and those who are built up to become popular in the eyes of the world, and those who seek the lusts of the flesh and the things of the world, and to do all manner of iniquity; yea, in fine, all those who belong to the kingdom of the devil are they who need fear, and tremble, and quake; they are those who must be brought low in the dust; they are those who must be consumed as stubble. (1 Nephi 22:23).

They that come [meaning the Lord and his destroying angels] shall burn them, saith the Lord of Hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch. (JS-H 1:37).

Elder Orson Pratt:

All the inhabitants who are spared from this fire — those who are not proud, and who do not do wickedly, will be cleansed more fully and filled with the glory of God. A partial change will be wrought upon them [a type of translation] not a change to immortality, like that which all the Saints will undergo when they are changed in the twinkling of an eye, from mortality to immortality; but so great will be the change then wrought that the children who are born into the world will grow up without sin unto salvation [see D&C 45:58]. Why will this be so? Because that fallen nature, introduced by the fall, and transferred from parents to children, from generation to generation, will be, in a measure, eradicated by this change. (JD 16:319).

There’s a lot going on here, Steve, with few simple explanations. Don’t forget, the “first resurrection” began with the resurrection of Christ in the meridian of time. All of the prophets and those who gave heed to the words of the prophets, from the days of Adam to Christ — and, we can assume, all those who never had an opportunity to receive the gospel but would have received it if they had been given the privilege (D&C 137:7-9) — came forth from the grave some time after the rise of the Savior to immortal glory (see Mosiah 15:21-25; Alma 40:20).

We have no indication that there has been a “wholesale resurrection” of faithful saints since the resurrection of the Savior, but President Ezra Taft Benson at least held the door open for a few special exceptions. He said: "There are some who feel that the resurrection is going on continually and has been since that time. This is not scripturally true, but we do know that it is possible for our Father to call from the graves those whom He needs to perform special missions and special service. For example, we know of at least three [Peter, James, and Moroni] who have been called up since the resurrection of the Master and since that first mass resurrection when the graves were opened and many of the Saints arose." (TETB, 18).

Don’t forget that when the Master returns in glory to take charge of affairs on this earth, coming with Him will be “a host” of the righteous dead. The “first resurrection” will on that day generally be resumed, what we would call “the morning of the first resurrection,” even though technically it is merely a continuation of what started when Christ was resurrected. Those who have died true to the faith, those who were valiant in the testimony of Jesus, who have kept the celestial law, shall return to earth with resurrected, immortal bodies. (See D&C 88:97-98). Paul said "they who are alive" [when the Lord comes] "shall be caught up together into the clouds with them who remain, to meet the Lord in the air; and so shall we be ever with the Lord" (JST 1 Thessalonians 4:17). The Lord of the living and the dead "will come with ten thousands of his saints, all of them resurrected persons from ages past. He will call forth from their graves and from the watery deep ten thousands of his other saints, all of them righteous persons who have lived since his mortal ministry. Those among his saints on earth who are faithful will be caught up to meet him in the clouds of glory, and they will then return to earth with him to live out their appointed days on the new earth with its new heavens." (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, The Millennial Messiah, 627).

In addition, with Christ will come the hosts of persons who were translated before the resurrection of Christ, those who were taken into terrestrial glory without tasting death. They would include Enoch and Melchizedek with their cities, Elijah and Moses and Alma and Nephi, and, surely, congregations and communities of the pure in heart of which we have no knowledge, shall return as resurrected personages. These were with Christ in His resurrection (see D&C 133:54-55). (See Elder Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 807-8; The Millennial Messiah, 628, 636, 647; A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, 588). Those who have been translated since the resurrection of Christ — John the Beloved, the three Nephites, and other holy men or women that we know not of (D&C 49:8) — shall undergo the change equivalent to death and be transformed instantaneously from their translated mortal state to resurrected immortality at the time of our Savior's return in glory (see 3 Nephi 28:8). (TPJS, 172-3).

Although men and women who are alive at the time of Christ's second coming will be changed and quickened, they will yet continue to live as mortals. That is, for them death and immortality lie ahead. The mortal Saints shall live to "the age of man" (D&C 63:50) during the Millennium, what Isaiah explained to be one hundred years (Isaiah 65:20). At that point they will pass from mortality through death into resurrected immortality instantly, "in the twinkling of an eye." For these there will be no time for the body in the grave, no sojourn in the postmortal world of spirits, for they will be received into glory immediately after their death: "Wherefore, children shall grow up until they become old; old men shall die; but they shall not sleep in the dust, but they shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye" (D&C 63:51).

For I will reveal myself from heaven with power and great glory, with all the hosts thereof, and dwell in righteousness with men on earth a thousand years, and the wicked shall not stand. (D&C 29:11).

And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels, in flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:7-8).

Joseph Smith:

[C]hrist and the resurrected Saints will reign over the earth during the thousand years. They will not probably dwell upon the earth, but will visit it when they please or when it is necessary to govern it. There will be wicked men on the earth during the thousand years. The heathen nations who will not come up to worship will be visited with the judgments of God, and must eventually be destroyed from the earth. (TPJS, 268-9).

For in mine own due time will I come upon the earth in judgment, and my people shall be redeemed and shall reign with me on earth. For the great Millennium, of which I have spoken by the mouth of my servants, shall come. For Satan shall be bound, and when he is loosed again he shall only reign for a little season, and then cometh the end of the earth. And he that liveth in righteousness shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and the earth shall pass away so as by fire. And the wicked shall go away into unquenchable fire, and their end no man knoweth on earth, nor ever shall know, until they come before me in judgment. (D&C 43:29-33).

Elder Bruce R. McConkie:

What does it mean to bind Satan? How is he bound? Our revelation says: "And in that day Satan shall not have power to tempt any man." (D&C 101:28). Does this mean that power is withdrawn from Satan so that he can no longer entice men to do evil? Or does it mean that men no longer succumb to his enticements because their hearts are so set on righteousness that they refuse to forsake that which is good to follow him who is evil? Clearly it means the latter. Satan was not bound in heaven, in the very presence of God, in the sense that he was denied the right and power to preach false doctrine and to invite men to walk away from that God whose children they were: nay, in this sense, he could not have been bound in heaven, for even he must have his agency. How, then, will Satan be bound during the Millennium? It will be by the righteousness of the people. . . Thus Satan is bound because he "shall have power over the hearts of the children of men no more, for a long time." (2 Nephi 30:18). Thus the probationary nature of man's second estate is preserved even during the Millennium. It is not that men cannot sin, for the power is in them to do so – they have their agency – but it is that they do not sin because Satan is subject to them, and they are not enticed by his evil whisperings. (The Millennial Messiah, pp. 668-69).

And Satan shall be bound, that he shall have no place in the hearts of the children of men. (D&C 45:55).

For behold, saith the prophet, the time cometh speedily that Satan shall have no more power over the hearts of the children of men; for the day soon cometh that all the proud and they who do wickedly shall be as stubble; and the day cometh that they must be burned. . . And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power; wherefore, he cannot be loosed for the space of many years; for he hath no power over the hearts of the people, for they dwell in righteousness, and the Holy One of Israel reigneth. (1 Nephi 22:15, 26).

Wherefore, all things which have been revealed unto the children of men shall at that day be revealed; and Satan shall have power over the hearts of the children of men no more, for a long time. And now, my beloved brethren, I make an end of my sayings. (2 Nephi 30:18).

. . .Satan shall be bound, that old serpent, who is called the devil, and shall not be loosed for the space of a thousand years. And then he shall be loosed for a little season, that he may gather together his armies. And Michael, the seventh angel, even the archangel, shall gather together his armies, even the hosts of heaven. And the devil shall gather together his armies; even the hosts of hell, and shall come up to battle against Michael and his armies. And then cometh the battle of the great God; and the devil and his armies shall be cast away into their own place, that they shall not have power over the saints any more at all. (D&C 88:110-14).

And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison, and shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea. And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city: and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them. And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever. (Revelation 20:7-10).

Joseph Smith:

The battle of Gog and Magog will be after the millennium. The remnant of all the nations that fight against Jerusalem were commanded to go up to Jerusalem to worship in the millennium. (TPJS, 280).

And behold, Enoch saw the day of the coming of the Son of Man, even in the flesh; and his soul rejoiced, saying: The Righteous is lifted up, and the Lamb is slain from the foundation of the world; and through faith I am in the bosom of the Father, and behold, Zion is with me. And it came to pass that Enoch looked upon the earth; and he heard a voice from the bowels thereof, saying: Wo, wo is me, the mother of men; I am pained, I am weary, because of the wickedness of my children. When shall I rest, and be cleansed from the filthiness which is gone forth out of me? When will my Creator sanctify me, that I may rest, and righteousness for a season abide upon my face? . . . And there shall be mine abode, and it shall be Zion, which shall come forth out of all the creations which I have made; and for the space of a thousand years the earth shall rest. And it came to pass that Enoch saw the day of the coming of the Son of Man, in the last days, to dwell on the earth in righteousness for the space of a thousand years; (Moses 7:47-48, 64-65).

The whole earth is at rest, and is quiet: they break forth into singing. (Isaiah 14:7).

Here are three statements from President Brigham Young:

In the millennium men will have the privilege of being Presbyterians, Methodists or Infidels, but they will not have the privilege of treating the name and character of Deity as they have done heretofore. No, but every knee shall bow and every tongue confess to the glory of God the Father that Jesus is the Christ. (JD 12:274).

If the Latter-day Saints think, when the kingdom of God is established on the earth, that all the inhabitants of the earth will join the Church called Latter-day Saints, they are egregiously mistaken. I presume there will be as many sects and parties then as now. Still, when the kingdom of God triumphs, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ, to the glory of the Father. Even the Jews will do it then, but will the Jews and Gentiles be obliged to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? No; not by any means. . . They will cease their persecutions against the Church of Jesus Christ, and they will be willing to acknowledge that the Lord is God and that Jesus is the Savior of the world. (JD 11:275).

When all nations are so subdued to Jesus that every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess, there will still be millions on the earth who will not believe in him; but they will be obliged to acknowledge his kingly government. (JD 7:142).

Elder Bruce R. McConkie:

The prophetic word that sets forth what is to be during the Millennium speaks of "new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness." (2 Peter 3:13). It says that every corruptible thing shall be consumed when the vineyard is burned. And yet the Prophet Joseph Smith said: "There will be wicked men on the earth during the thousand years. The heathen nations who will not come up to worship will be visited with the judgments of God, and must eventually be destroyed from the earth." (TPJS, 268-69). Taken together, these concepts mean that wickedness that is telestial in nature, wickedness that consists of living after the manner of the world, that wickedness which is carnal, sensual, and devilish by nature-all such shall cease. Those who so live will be destroyed. They are the tares of the earth.
But wickedness is a matter of degree, and even those who are upright and decent by worldly standards but who reject the gospel and do not worship the true God are considered to be wicked by gospel standards. They are "under the bondage of sin." They do not accept the message of the restoration and gain a remission of their sins in the waters of baptism. "And by this you may know the righteous from the wicked, and that the whole world groaneth under sin and darkness even now." (D&C 84:49-53). . . There will be many churches on earth when the Millennium begins. False worship will continue among those whose desires are good, "who are honorable men of the earth," but who have been "blinded by the rest upon them until they repent and believe the gospel or are destroyed," as the Prophet said. It follows that missionary work will continue into the Millennium until all who remain are converted. Then "the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea." (Isaiah 11:9). Then every living soul on earth will belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (The Millennial Messiah, pp. 651-52).

And in that day the enmity of man, and the enmity of beasts, yea, the enmity of all flesh, shall cease from before my face. (D&C 101:26).

And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. (Isaiah 2:4).

And righteousness shall be the girdle of his loins, and faithfulness the girdle of his reins. The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:5-9; see also JS-H 1:40).

The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, and the lion shall eat straw like the bullock: and dust shall be the serpent's meat. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain, saith the LORD. (Isaiah 65:25).

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. (Revelation 21:4).

And I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and joy in my people: and the voice of weeping shall be no more heard in her, nor the voice of crying. (Isaiah 65:19).

And in that day Satan shall not have power to tempt any man. And there shall be no sorrow because there is no death. In that day an infant shall not die until he is old; and his life shall be as the age of a tree; and when he dies he shall not sleep, that is to say in the earth, but shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and shall be caught up, and his rest shall be glorious. (D&C 101:28-31).

President Joseph Fielding Smith:

[M]en shall live free from sin and free from the ravages of disease and death until they reach the age of 100 years. Infants shall not die, they shall live until they have filled the measure of their mortal creation. In fact, mortality shall be reduced to a minimum. (Doctrines of Salvation 3:58).

In the course of the thousand years all men will either come into the Church, or kingdom of God, or they will die and pass away. In that day there will be no death until men are old. Children will not die but will live to the age of a tree. Isaiah says this is 100 years. When the time comes for men to die, they will be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and there will be no graves. (Doctrines of Salvation 1:86-87).

President Brigham Young:

Do you know what the Millennium is for, and what work will have to be done during that period? Suppose the Christian world were now one in heart, faith, sentiment and works, so that the Lord could commence the Millennium in power and glory, do you know what would be done? Would you sit and sing yourselves away to everlasting bliss? No, I reckon not. I think there is a work to be done then which the whole world seems determined we shall not do. What is it? To build temples. . . . What are we going to do in these temples? . . . In these temples we will officiate in the ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for our friends, for no man can enter the kingdom of God without being born of the water and of the Spirit. We will officiate for them who are in the spirit world, where Jesus went to preach to the spirits, as Peter has written in the third chapter, verses 18, 19, and 20, of his first epistle. . . We will also have hands laid on us for the reception of the Holy Ghost; and then we will receive the washing and anointings for and in their behalf, preparatory to their becoming heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ. (JD 13:329-30).

To accomplish this work there will have to be not only one temple but thousands of them, and thousands and tens of thousands of men and women will go into those temples and officiate for people who have lived as far back as the Lord shall reveal. (JD 3:372).

Here’s the ponderous question (among many) that remain unanswered in the revelations we have thus far received: Why it is that certain persons, surely billions of our brothers and sisters, will be sent to earth to gain their mortal and then immortal bodies during this glorious Millennial era? It will be an era during which they will not be tested, at least in the same ways we are now. Is that fair? Why does Adrienne die in infancy, and we all live on in mortality? What makes her so special, and all of us such fallen mortals that we must continue on in this telestial and fallen existence?

This is all I know for sure – God is perfectly just. He is perfectly merciful. He is impartial. He is no respecter of persons and delights in the development and ultimate salvation of all His sons and daughters. He is all-wise and all-knowing, and thus we would assume that He would arrange and orchestrate the times and seasons and events of our lives in such a way as to maximize our growth and further our spirituality. The saints in our current situation in these last days of turmoil and trouble ought to glory in the knowledge that so many could come to the earth and be born, nurtured in an Edenic atmosphere, and grow up without sin unto salvation. That of course, assumes we are charitable and loving in our natures instead of fallen and natural. It’s what believing in God is all about.

I heard a character (a nun being treated in the hospital by the infamous TV Dr. House) make a pretty good argument for the existence of God. She asked, “By expressing your anger at God, who is permitting tragedy and evil to exist in the world, aren’t you really just acknowledging His very existence? If He doesn’t exist you can’t be angry with Him, can you? If He doesn’t exist it can’t be His fault.”

I remember another expression that has stuck with me through all the years: “To believe in God is to believe that He will be fair, and that there will be some wonderful surprises.”

I was thinking the other day about those who are destroyed at His coming. Even in their destruction there is infinite mercy extended. They are taken directly into the spirit world, where every sin except blasphemy against the Holy Ghost may be forgiven, and they are put in a situation where they can hear the gospel, embrace its teachings, repent of their sins, and heal all the wounds of mortality that attached to their telestial existence. It may take a thousand years for some of them to repent, but the vast majority will, and they will put themselves in line to receive the ultimate blessings afforded to all God's children. It’s such a marvelous and mercifully perfect plan! I don’t think I would have ever grasped this view of eternity without having experienced the trauma and the extremities through which my brother has passed. His situation in mortality has confirmed to me again and again that there will be ample opportunity given to him either in this life or the next to repent of his sins, and to be put in a situation where he can be exalted in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.

That’s why the atonement and the eternal plan of our Father in Heaven is so much more expansive and grand than anyone can comprehend!

Now I have done what we should all do in discussing or writing about any gospel subject. I have cited the scriptures and documented the statements of others in every particular. Rather than express vague generalities when we offer our opinions in classes we attend in the Church, we must discipline ourselves to cite authoritative sources to help strengthen one another and assist in bringing to pass the day when "every man shall speak in the name of God the Lord, even the Savior of the world; that faith also might increase in the earth; that mine everlasting covenant might be established; that mine everlasting gospel might be proclaimed by the weak and the simple unto the ends of the world and before kings and rulers." (D&C 1:20-23).

Thanks, Steve, for giving me a chance to think about it in light of your questions.

I cited President Wilford Woodruff in yesterday's post, and it reminded me of another occasion when he gave a blessing to a missionary about to depart, and it was recorded. In due time President Woodruff saw to it that it was published because said he: "This blessing doesn't just apply to Elder [so and so] but generally to the youth of Zion." In their later years, filled with wisdom and experience, several of our presidents were so grateful, impressed with their blessings and their fulfillment, that they made them public knowledge.

I am paraphrasing slightly, but this is the paragraph from his blessing:

"The Lord has reserved a number of choice spirits out of all the creations of God [I remind you that the creations of God are extensive and even, by our reckoning, numberless] . . .Out of all those creations he has selected a group of choice spirits and has kept them in the Spirit World for 6000 years [which I take it means since the time of Adam or approximately] in order for them to come into the Church and the world in this last dispensation. [Now listen to his summary of why.] That they may receive the testimony of Jesus Christ; that they may receive the eternal and everlasting priesthood and its blessings; that they may build up the kingdom of God unto him and prepare themselves and the world for the second coming of Jesus Christ." (President Wilford W. Woodruff, "Our Lineage," Topical Outline to The Way to Perfection, (Salt Lake City: Genealogical Society of Utah, 1932), 4).

My testimony to you, Steve, and to all my growing posterity who are living on the earth today is this: You are among that group of "choice spirits." You are in the time when the very most valiant will be needed in the final struggle; and, not only that, you are marvelously equipped with light and knowledge in the midst of those who are untried and who are faltering and failing and who have not even comprehended the beginnings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Recognize the power with which you are all endowed.

I bear you my witness that the Lord Jesus Christ lives; that He loves you; and that your patriarchal blessings are His message to you in His time, even if those blessings seem "iffy" sometimes when you read them. The fulfillment of your blessings depends upon your faithfulness. He will fulfill them in every particular. He will never fail you in the covenants you make with Him. He wants you to serve Him and give your very best. He wants you to rise to the majesty of your privileges which always involve responsibilities.

But He will magnify even your most meager efforts. He wants you to avoid the pits of sin that are in the world today and to live close to Him and the spirit of the Holy Ghost. And He promises that He will always be with you and "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up" in the unfolding of your life leading up to that glorious Millennial day that looms expectantly ahead. (See D&C 49:26-28; 84:88).

Since March 1831, we have been told repeatly, "Behold, I am Jesus Christ, and I come quickly." That's what Mormon eschatology is all about.

What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas Eve, December 24, 2004


Dear Children and Grandchildren:

This Christmas I am giving a “gift of the heart” to you. That’s what people who would give lots of money if they had it, give instead. I always want you to know and to never forget how much I love you, and this seems the perfect occasion to put it all down on paper so you can read and re-read it whenever you want to forever. This is my story about how I gained my testimony.

My parents first introduced this thought to me, inscribing it in a book to me many years ago: “Will we be merely the grandsons of great men, or their grandfathers?” As the years now unfold, and more and more white hair grows atop my head, I am increasingly convinced I have become the grandfather of great people, for I have seen all the evidence I need in the goodness of your lives.

When I was a little boy, about the ages of you grandchildren growing up in my parents’ home, Christmas was a conspiratorial (ask Ashley) conquest to see who could outsmart Santa Claus. The truth can now be told without fear of recriminations. We searched throughout the house weeks before Christmas to find presents hidden all over the place, and on Christmas Eve we crept downstairs in the middle of the night with flashlights to get a preview. We were never deterred in our covert adventures.

Each year the tradition of Grandfather Lee’s Monument Park Ward in Salt Lake City was to ask him to speak in sacrament meeting the Sunday before Christmas. Year after year we went to hear a living Apostle bear his testimony of the Savior’s birth, his life and ministry, and his glorious atonement. In my little boy mind, however, I could never understand why he spoke almost exclusively about Jesus Christ. His message never seemed to resonate with me. He never spoke about the Christmas I knew anything about. It all seemed so foreign to me.

We always went to Grandma and Grandpa Goates’ house for Christmas Eve. The DeYoungs, Uncle Bruce’s family and our family were always there without fail each year for dinner and fun and games. Grandma, white-haired bun perched atop her head and with her “rolly-polly” ample figure, seemed the personification of Mrs. Claus. Grandpa Goates always had a smile on his face. His good-natured and jolly chuckle was always in evidence. I loved his stories and his sense of humor. Each year Grandma Leda Goates treated us with an a cappella solo of “Hi, Ho, For Santa Claus,” long since a song that has disappeared from the Christmas carols lexicon. She always passed out treats to us grandchildren, including a little box of Del Monte raisins. One year I got sick on them, and have never since been able to stomach raw raisins. As I write I am warmed once again with those priceless memories. It was from Grandpa Les Goates, former English teacher in Lehi, then for forty years plus the Sports Editor for the Deseret News, that we all gleaned our easy and familiar affinity for writing.

Another year, I suppose I was probably about twelve years old, Christmas Eve fell on Sunday. We went to hear Grandfather Lee speak in his home ward, then out to Grandma and Grandpa Goates’ home on 33rd South – all in the same day! What a glorious feast, literally and spiritually it was! But this year something was different. I was different. I was longing and searching for something that had been missing. I wanted to understand Christmas in a way I never had before. As I knelt at my bedside that night, the customary anticipation of finding new Christmas presents under the tree and arrayed in the living room was ominously missing. I asked Heavenly Father to help me understand what I had heard Grandfather Lee talking about earlier in the day. “Help me, Heavenly Father, understand the true meaning of Christmas,” I prayed.

I climbed into bed accompanied by a new spirit. I lay awake for what seemed hours thereafter. I was basking in a calm, emotional aura of peace and tranquility the likes of which I had never experienced before. It seemed to engulf me. It was like a transfusion of assurance sweeping over me and through me. It was, I realized, what people must have meant when they talked about what it feels like to have a testimony. I had the distinct impression that I was being given a gift for Christmas that year the likes of which I had never received before. Because I had asked, I was being answered. I think it might have been the first time I really believed that I could pray and receive an answer. I want you grandchildren especially to know that when you need help with anything, you can ask Heavenly Father in prayer and he will hear you and answer you. There was no specific knowledge communicated about the facts, the figures, the dates, the places of Christ’s life and ministry in my experience, only a calm and warm assurance that it was all true and that he was my Savior. I know now that I received a testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ that night. It was truly a gift I had not earned, only one I had asked for.

What is the true meaning of Christmas, you may also be asking yourselves? I suppose the answer is always changing. Meaning attaches to each of us in different ways at different times. Before my twelfth Christmas in 1959, there was unmitigated joy at receiving new presents. After that year, I was looking for more meaning and finding it increasingly in Grandfather Lee’s sermons.

Then I entered the mission field. I discovered new meaning in West Hartlepool with a new missionary I was training who was “a handful.” I accompanied the ward choir in their Christmas sacrament meeting program, and expanded an already deep and abiding love for music that attaches to the Christmas season, building on the foundation I had acquired by participating in the vocal music groups at East High – the a cappella choir, the Madrigals, and our boys’ quartet. How I love Christmas music! I relive those fond music memories each year as I listen to our children singing in Tapestry and doing the same things we did.

My second year in the mission field I was Santa Claus for the mission staff. Yes, there was a suit, a beard, a bag full of goodies, and we shared all that not just among ourselves, but with the local branch children in Harrogate, Yorkshire County. I loved “Rossett Green,” the name of the expansive estate we knew as mission headquarters. It was the epitome of old English architecture, ivy-covered “Tudor style” grace from an era long since gone – the days of Charles Dickens dated its construction. By then I knew without doubt that Jesus Christ was the true reason for the season.

The Christmas after my return from England I was married. It was December 19, 1969, and I was deeply, madly, wildly in love. I wondered as we waited in the hallway to enter the sealing room if I would ever be able to carve a turkey and file a joint tax return – that’s what I worried about. But the ecstasy I knew then was only a down payment on what I feel for Grandma Patsy today.

Grandfather Lee was uncustomarily emotional that early December morning as he performed the sealing ceremony. I have often surmised that he saw all of you surrounding that sacred altar in the temple that morning, anticipating your arrival in our home one by one as the twenty-year child-bearing cycle was about to commence then reached its zenith with Adrienne’s birth and death. The true meaning of that 1969 Christmas became knowing I had an eternal companion sealed to me forever, all possible because of the atonement of Jesus Christ. In his resurrection and his love for me there was hope for eternal life if I could only prove faithful to that gift of testimony I had already been given.

Christmas 1970, I had just returned from active duty in the Army, having completed my training at Fort Ord, California. Jeff was born in January, 1971. While at Fort Ord, my testimony of Joseph Smith as a true prophet of the Lord Jesus Christ was cemented into place with a dream. I had taken every book I could find about Joseph Smith to read while I was on active duty. At night before lights were turned out in the barracks I read about him, then I dreamed about him. Night after night I was immersed in the details of his life, determined not to waste my time in the Army. When the lights went out, I would tuck whatever book I had been reading under my pillow and dream sweet dreams about Joseph until morning.

One night I found myself in a dream on Main Street in Nauvoo, walking up from the old river landing near the Nauvoo House toward Joseph and Emma’s first home they could call their own. Joseph and Hyrum, accompanied by several of their brethren were walking down the street toward me. As I approached the Prophet, he extended his arms and grasped me tightly in a bear hug. He was a tall, muscular, barrel-chested man. I was engulfed in his embrace. He seemed to tower over me, though in reality he was only an inch or two taller. I had a feeling (no words were spoken) I had always known him. I was certain he loved me and accepted me unconditionally. I knew him intimately in that dream. I felt the warmth of his body against mine. It was so real that when I awakened I was reluctant to leave Nauvoo and the company of his magnetic presence. I know him. I have stood in the Sacred Grove where he prayed that early spring morning in 1820. I have seen the place of his martyrdom in Carthage. I have visited his grave in Nauvoo. I know he is a true prophet. I have never wavered in that conviction from that day to this. Grandfather Lee always used to say, “If you don’t have a testimony yet, lean on mine until you have your own.” Now as your father and grandfather, I say the same to you.

This is Christmas 2004, thirty-five years since my marriage. Mom and I have been together by many more years than we were single. I cannot imagine life without her. As I witness each of you happily married and enjoying one another’s company so much on those rare occasions when we can all be together, I know my cup is running over with joy. Your children, one by one as they join our family of “Goates Kids” only add to the joy and rejoicing in our posterity.

This morning as I was writing, I remembered a line from my patriarchal blessing, given only weeks before I left for England on my mission – “Your posterity will reflect honor upon you, on the Church, and on our great nation.” Truly, you were known before you were born, since that simple line from my blessing has already been fulfilled in each of you.

So this Christmas of 2004, at the pinnacle of my joy and rejoicing, I declare to all my posterity that all my fondest hopes and aspirations center in my testimony of Jesus Christ. I know him. I have been in Galilee, in the city of Nazareth on the shores of the Sea of Galilee where he grew to manhood. I have stood in the ruins of the synagogue at Capernaum on the shores of the Sea of Galilee where he performed many miracles, then cursed the inhabitants and their dwelling places for their disbelief. I have been in a ship on the Sea of Galilee where he walked upon, then calmed, the troubled waters. I have sat alone with my thoughts in Shepherd’s Field below the tiny town of Bethlehem where he was born. I have been in the grotto birthplace Elder Harold B. Lee declared in 1958 to the students at BYU to be the spot of his birth. I have taught others on the Temple Mount in the shadows of the Dome of the Rock in anticipation of the coming Jewish temple to be rebuilt there someday. I have walked through the Garden of Gethsemane among the gnarled olive trees, some as old as the sacred events and sat alone with Grandma Patsy on the slopes of the Mount of Olives, where the Promised Messiah will one day stand to usher in the Millennial reign. I have stood in the empty garden tomb that no longer holds his body, but bears the inscription, “He is not here, he is risen.”

But even if I had never been there as an eyewitness to the scenes and places, he has revealed himself to me by the power of the Holy Ghost whenever I pick up the scriptures. He comes alive to me whenever I seek him through repentance. There is no greater gift that has ever come to me than the one I received in my thirteenth year on Christmas Eve 1959. Each year since, that gift has been expanded and magnified beyond my wildest anticipation. I will never forget the Christmas season of 1992, when we buried Adrienne.  In the torturous wintry weeks that followed I came to understand the reality of the resurrection morning yet to come.  Hope was instilled within me; faith was reaffirmed; knowledge endowed.

My thoughts about the true meaning of Christmas always include my love, my respect and my gratitude for all you teach me about life, about loving, and about living. I feel as though I am just beginning to understand all my life’s lessons about fatherhood.

So my message to you is to be patient with yourselves as you seek to understand your testimony and your own life’s lessons. I only pray I can be faithful in my testimony to the end of my mortal probation, and have the hope we may all remain true and faithful in the here and now so we may be reunited in the then and there in the eternity ahead. Remember that for each of us, like the Prophet Joseph, our testimony begins with a solitary prayer. It will get bigger and brighter each time you pray throughout your life.

That you may also be given answers to your prayers is my hope with all my love,

Grandpa Goates

Scott Strong, my friend

Yesterday I attended the funeral of the mother of my dear friend, Scott Strong, where he was the concluding speaker.

He spoke of the "tender mercies" of the Lord he observed in her passing. Many will recognize Scott's name as the composer of "I'll Build You a Rainbow," a melody with lyrics that was given to him, he explained again yesterday, as a pure revelation from God. Some few have discounted it as "cheesy," but there is no denying the spirit that accompanies it whenever he sings it, and I have heard him many, many times. Knowing how it came to him, I never tire of its message and its confirming feeling of love and assurance. You can hear it now almost every Sunday when it is broadcast routinely over FM 100.3 during "Sunday Sounds" in Salt Lake City.

Scott is the firstborn of his mother and father, and he was born on a Sunday. Many years ago on another Sunday his firstborn daughter, Jamie, was an infant toddler playing on the balcony in his parent's home in Fish Haven, Idaho, overlooking the blue expanse of Bear Lake as they prepared to go to meetings. Somehow Jamie managed to slip through the balusters overlooking the room below and plunged headfirst onto the rock fireplace, severely injured and bleeding profusely. Scott did what any horrified but worthy priesthood holder would do -- he immediately administered to her and commanded her to live until medical attention could be obtained.

There are many details to the story that are significant, but suffice it to say her life was spared and she grew to adulthood as a beautiful and unscathed woman, now a mother of six and expecting her seventh (a girl) soon.

On a subsequent Sunday, sitting in the living room of his parents' home again he began strumming his guitar and a beautiful chorus emerged from the strings as he pondered the question, "What if she had died in that incident?" A voice whispered to him, "Scott, don't you get it? Eventually we all die, and that's what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about."

The melody stayed with him. He attempted to write it down, but failed again and again -- it was just implanted in his head, and he didn't know what to do with it.

Some time passed. He was teaching Seminary at Granger High School, and a young woman in the Seminary had been killed by a passing motorist. The students were grieving. He sought to comfort them, thinking his song would be the means, but he had no words. He tried to write the words, but they would not materialize. Finally, he knelt at his desk and asked Heavenly Father to help him write the words to comfort his students. When he arose the words flowed, and twenty minutes later the song was finished.

He played and sang it for his students, and soon everyone was asking for a copy. He went to a recording studio, and recorded it, pressing about 850 copies for distribution. It took off like a wildfire. Soon thereafter the Church called and asked him if they could acquire the copyright and pay him for it. He scoffed at the idea of being paid for it, but they insisted for legal reasons that he needed to be paid. He finally consented to a $500 acquisition fee, then promptly donated it to the Jordan River Temple building fund. Scott, like few I know, understands the law of consecration.

When our youngest daughter Adrienne died at age seven weeks, Scott was the speaker at her funeral. He spoke of families being forever, and he sang his song at her funeral. He has comforted millions around the world with his heaven-sent song that embodies the hope of a glorious resurrection and the reality of not only life after death but the sealing power of the priesthood that assures family associations beyond the grave.

Last Sunday, his mother passed quietly from this life at her beloved home in Fish Haven, Idaho. On the Friday night before her passing, Scott explained that she was comatose and could not physically respond to her surroundings. Nevertheless, he squeezed her hand in his and said simply to her in his final farewell, "Mom, when you get there, build me a rainbow."

In the afternoon of her passing, they blessed their youngest grandchild in a neighboring home that Scott and Jane have remodeled near his parents' home. They had dinner together, celebrating both the merciful passing of their mother and grandmother, but also welcoming the newest member of their family.

After dinner as his last son Jason and their family were leaving, Scott was standing on the front lawn. Looking up, he saw the sign of his Mother's love and cognition in those final hours of her mortal probation. There it was, right over their home -- a brilliant and confirming rainbow, as if she were saying, "I heard you, Scott, I made you a rainbow. I'm here and all is well."

There are moments in our lives when the tender mercies of our Father in Heaven are made tangible and real. My friend Scott, and his dear companion Jane and their children and grandchildren are not only the recipients of many of those tender mercies, but purveyors. To them I extend my love and my eternal gratitude for having the privilege of their association.