What Is Your Best Advice for Raising Children?

The first thought when I saw this question this morning was, “Well, I’d do it just the way we did it.” I’m not kidding here, because all I have to do is judge our efforts by the results. We raised awesome (not perfect but awesome) children. And we were together in that endeavor. We would all have to credit Patsy for her prodigious contributions in raising our children. It’s a team effort in parenting, I believe.

To answer the question more directly I would quickly add this perspective: Heavenly Father is probably the best role model we could offer as an example of powerful parenting. Here are some of my humble observations about how He goes about raising His children:

1. He offers moral agency to His children right off the jump in the Garden of Eden. He lets them choose for themselves. He gives them choices to make and encourages good choices with ample (I would say almost unfathomable) opportunities coupled with incredible promises that perpetuate themselves into the eternities ahead. There are no limits in His plan. He tells His children “All that I have is yours on conditions of obedience.”

2. He makes ample provisions for failure. He knows all things in advance and He makes allowances for our mistakes as children. He doesn’t pace up and down in the vast expanse of the universe wringing His hands and fretting and worrying about the poor choices we make as His children. No, He has provided His Beloved Son as a Savior who has paid “the uttermost farthing” in answering the demands of the laws we have broken upon the condition that we repent. Then He forgives and He forgets without reservation and He remembers our sins no more. He allows for our growth and maturity.

3. He never micromanages our decisions. He in essence gives us the keys to drive the family vehicles, insures against the losses that may ensue, and gives us a wide enough berth to stretch our wings. Even as our premiums increase He remains calm, trusting in His gospel truths that have stood the tests of time in a universe full of other worlds and other children. He encourages the expanding of our opportunities, knowing we have it within us to excel because He trusts the Parentage that brought about our existence in the first place. He teaches us correct principles, and then allows us the space in which to put those principles into action. In short, He allows us to expand naturally and normally without fear of a few fender-benders. Miraculously, in our family there were plenty of totaled vehicles, but no fatalities.

4. Psychologists will confirm that the human mind is not fully developed until well into the twenties, and that’s usually when our children are out of our homes. They may have harbored resentment as teenagers at the way they were raised, but in time as maturity sets in there is often forgiveness as they become parents themselves and they conclude their parents did a pretty good job of raising them. Then they learn how to forgive the trespasses of their own teenagers and we see a sweet pattern of ongoing development that leads to outcomes for which we hope.

5. So what’s my profound advice for raising children? It’s simple really - trust in God's plan of salvation. It’s what we assented to in the pre-existent council in heaven. Sometimes in the pressure of the moment we are tempted to abandon all hope in the exigencies we confront, but the path I would advocate is the covenant path that has stood the test of time worlds without end.

***

I salute each of my married children, self-styled as "The Goates Kids," for the work they are doing as parents. They are outstanding examples of all that is good and right in today’s fractured world. So many of them are seeing others who are struggling and who have left the Church for a myriad of reasons of their own making. But I advise that they continue in the path - they are true and faithful to that which they know to be true. 

To all of us, I encourage that we trust in those feelings and those answers to your prayers as they present themselves to you. When you are living by the guidance of the Holy Ghost, you will have all the assurances you need to move ahead with confidence. 

Most importantly, you can trust your children. Let them spread their wings and experience life on their own. Continue to teach them, love them unconditionally, point them to their Savior for redemption when they need His healing in their lives, assure them all is never lost and that all will be well with them when they seek the truth.

Be comforted and inspired by these words:

And our father Adam spake unto the Lord, and said: Why is it that men must repent and be baptized in water? And the Lord said unto Adam: Behold I have forgiven thee thy transgression in the Garden of Eden.

Hence came the saying abroad among the people, that the Son of God hath atoned for original guilt, wherein the sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children, for they are whole from the foundation of the world.

And the Lord spake unto Adam, saying: Inasmuch as thy children are conceived in sin, even so when they begin to grow up, sin conceiveth in their hearts, and they taste the bitter, that they may know to prize the good.

And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.

Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time.

Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children, saying:

That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory;

For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified;

Therefore it is given to abide in you; the record of heaven; the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.

And now, behold, I say unto you: This is the plan of salvation unto all men, through the blood of mine Only Begotten, who shall come in the meridian of time.

And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me. (Moses 6:53-63).

Let those words of scripture sink deeply into your hearts as parents. Trust in them, trust in your children, and trust in God our Eternal Father who really does know what is best for us. He is our divine Exemplar when it comes to parenting. 

As we learn to think like Him, we become more like Him in our decisions as parents. Let the scriptures become so familiar to you that you reflect their outcomes in your family lives here and now. 

These ancient words from prophets are real, they are true, and they are the stuff of which eternal lives are made now and forever.

Being "Born Again" - Alma's Teachings

I was once seated many years ago next to our stake patriarch outside the bishop's office while we waited to be interviewed for our temple recommends. He was a wonderful man in his mid-eighties still going strong. In a whimsical mood, I dared to ask him, "Brother Nelson, do you ever lose the desire to sin?" To which he responded with a wink, "Never the desire, only the ability." I've thought a lot about that response. To be truly born again is to submit willingly, not kicking and screaming when old age overtakes us.

And that is the process of true born again conversion. It is not a one time event. I have spoken to people who can give me a date and a time when they were born again. However, what is more accurate is to say we gradually grow into a powerful testimony obtained from the Holy Spirit when that member of the Godhead tells us that the work of God on this earth and in the spirit world and in the resurrection is true, and his great function in that field is to bear testimony of the truth.

For example, at seven weeks old when our youngest child, Adrienne, died unexpectedly in the night, there was burned into my soul by the power of the Holy Ghost a firm and unshakable conviction that the literal resurrection of her body (and by extension all of ours) would allow her to come forth from the grave someday, and that death could claim no permanent victory. When other much-beloved family members have died, similar droplets of testimony were vouched safe to us -- we knew then, and the witness grows stronger with each passing year we will someday see them and be reunited beyond the grave. The Holy Ghost is the source of those powerful assurances as the Testator bears witness to our souls.

Beyond the witness, we are cleansed from sin and are born again and become converted to the truth when we receive the constant companionship of that member of the Godhead. Remember, it is an invitation to accept a gift from our Father in Heaven of the Holy Ghost, not an automatic berth in which we repose without effort on our part to comply to the terms of the covenant. Each week in the sacramental prayers on the bread and water symbols we covenant to remember Christ's atonement for us so that we may always have the Spirit of the Holy Ghost to be with us. (D&C 20:77; 79).

It goes without saying that nobody actually has that companionship of the Holy Ghost all the time, because no one is perfect and no one lives in the ideal and perfect state consistently. But we are admonished by the Spirit continually to do the very best we can, and to get enough of the companionship of the Holy Ghost to have our sins burned out of us as though by fire. And that is what we mean when we say "the baptism of fire," meaning the baptism of the Holy Ghost. That is symbolism that means dross and evil are being burned out of us as thoroughly as if a fire were set ablaze within us. It is the only way to become a new creature, as Alma explained.

So you become "born again." You become something new -- a new creature. There has been a discernible if not a complete change. There has been a true conversion. In the past you walked after the manner of the world, but now you walk as becomes a saint of God. 

The question is often asked, and sometimes we become discouraged, and sometimes we wonder, "How do I know that this change is happening?" My answer is that there are token payments made in spiritual confirmation that may not seem like much as they happen, but the fact that they are happening routinely in your life means you are becoming a partaker of the divine nature (see 2 Peter 1:4), even though you may not be in the Spirit every waking moment of your life -- the tokens you receive -- the "still, small voice" experiences along your journey -- are ample evidence that you are on the strait and narrow path leading toward eternal life despite your remaining imperfections.

We are a testimony-bearing people. Everywhere and always in our meetings somebody is saying, "I know that the gospel is true, or I know the Church is true, or I know the plan of salvation is true." The ultimate expression of knowledge is to get the witness that we are true. This is sound and this is good; Joseph Smith even went so far as to say, "This is good doctrine. It tastes good. I can taste the principles of eternal life, and so can you." (TPJS, 355). I love that way of expressing it! This is the way things ought to be. We ought to bear testimony nearly all the time, because when we bear testimony it strengthens the testimonies of other people. We are then partaking of a delicious meal together, feasting at the ample banquet table of the Lord. We get to dispense the tokens of eternal life to one another by the power of the Holy Ghost!

Sometimes it is more important to bear testimony than it is to teach doctrine. We have each had experience with that. Some do not have a strong doctrinal or scriptural foundation, but they are pillars of power in testimony. Don't ever excuse yourself from an expression of testimony because you may fear your lack in doctrinal horsepower. Bear testimony of the things the Holy Ghost has revealed to you. Remember what Joseph Smith said: "It is one thing to see the kingdom of God, and another thing to enter into it. We must have a change of heart to see the kingdom of God, and subscribe the articles of adoption to enter therein. No man can receive the Holy Ghost without receiving revelations. The Holy Ghost is a revelator." (TPJS, 328). The doctrines can be accumulated in due course.

I'm always intrigued with Alma's sudden and miraculous 180 degree turnaround. His testimony was acquired suddenly, instantly. It is not always thus. We may have testimonies without being converted. But all of us ought to be in the process of getting converted — and it is a process.

A person may get converted in a moment, miraculously. That is what happened to Alma the younger. He had been baptized in his youth, he had been promised the Holy Ghost, invited to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, but he had never received it. He thought himself superior in some way -- too knowledgeable, too sophisticated. He went off with the sons of Mosiah to destroy the Church and to do away with the teachings of his father, who in effect was President of the Church. He was fighting in opposition to the truth. He was like the college freshman who thinks he knows more than the Lord because he has learned a little science, and he may think the theory of evolution is more fact than the mere testimony of his parents. Alma was immersed in his rebellious state when this miraculous new light came into his soul. He was changed in an instant from his fallen and carnal state to a state of righteousness. His conversion is what the parents of wayward children dream about and hope for their own.

However, do not be deceived. This is not the way it happens with most people. With most of us true conversion, being born again, is a process. We go timid and furtive step by step by step, degree by degree, level by level, from a lower state to a higher, from grace to grace (see D&C 93:12-20 that describes this beautifully), until the time we can recognize within ourselves that we are wholly turned and passionately more interested in righteousness than wickedness. This means we gradually overcome -- one sin today, another sin tomorrow.

We perfect our lives by the power of the Holy Ghost building our altars of sacrifice brick by brick. I always liked the way Elder Neal A. Maxwell expressed it: "Real, personal sacrifice never was placing an animal on the altar. Instead, it is a willingness to put the animal in us upon the altar and letting it be consumed!" (Ensign, May 1995, 68). We daily sacrifice our tendency to do wickedly. We do it by offering up our moral agency, the only really unique gift we can give back to God, since He has imbued us with everything else already. The conversion process goes on until it is completed, until we become, literally, as King Benjamin admonishes, saints of God instead of natural men (Mosiah 3:19).

We overuse a word in the Church: striving. It's useful only if we recognize that striving is not arriving. What we are striving to do is to be converted. It is not enough to have a testimony. We read in D&C 76:71-80 about the terrestrial kingdom. And it says that those who are not valiant in the testimony of Jesus, do not obtain the kingdom of our God. If people who are not valiant in testimony go to the terrestrial kingdom, who is it that goes to the celestial, which is the kingdom of God? Obviously, the way you go to the celestial kingdom is to be valiant in testimony. I think it means we are working at it. Too often we see those who assent with their lips that the Church is a good idea, that it's a good way of life in which to raise a good family. We engage in a wishful "going along to get along" lack of commitment kind of fuzzy thinking. Instead, we need to make of our religion a working, living thing in our lives. The way we measure our performance in whether we are truly striving or just thinking we have arrived is embodied in three expressions: "Strengthen thy brethren," "Feed my sheep," and "Keep my commandments." (See John 15:7-14; 21:15-17; D&C 76:5-10).

Here's a self-correcting test proposed by Elder Bruce R. McConkie:

Try a little test on yourself. You know you have a testimony; that is not open to question. You already know the work is true. Are you converted? Have you been born again? Read the fifth chapter of Alma for the recitation of the tests [Alma poses 42 questions for your consideration] that tell a person whether he has been born again and how he knows. You know if you have been born again, or you know the degree to which you have been born again; it is the measure to which you keep the commandments and feed the Lord's sheep and strengthen your brethren. In other words, it is the measure of your involvement in the things of the Spirit, in the things of the Church.

Religion is not just a theological matter. It is not just a matter of analyzing some passages of scripture and coming up with some conclusions. Religion is a matter of doing something.

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world" (James 1:27). That is two things. It is involvement and service, which means righteous living. It is visiting the fatherless and the widows; it is strengthening your brethren; it is keeping the commandments, being thereby unspotted from the world.

Religion is a thing that has to live in the lives of people, and hence all these expressions to the effect that we show our faith by our works (James 2:18), and that we are not hearers only, but doers (James 1:22), or should be. You can be a hearer if all that is involved in religion is this matter of theology, of studying and analyzing passages of scripture. But you are a doer if you get religion into operation in your life. You are a hearer, in part at least, if all that you have is testimony. But you become a doer when you add to a testimony this pure conversion of which we are speaking. Peter is the classical example, as long as we understand that in the experiences of his life he was as he was because the Holy Ghost had not yet been given in full.

The Holy Ghost has been given in full in our day in the sense that the companionship of that member of the Godhead is available to us.

We want to be involved in the things of the Spirit. We do not want to sit on the sidelines and look in at some people who are converted. We want to be converted and participate in religion; we want to feel the promptings of the Spirit; we want to work miracles. We want to heal our sick; we want the gifts and graces that God gives the faithful. And they come when we get involved in the religion that he has so graciously and beneficently given us in this day. ("Be Ye Converted," BYU First Stake Conference, 11 February 1968).

The 1st Anniversary of Patsy's Death

It's almost a year since my beloved Patsy's death. It will be a year tomorrow - July 25th, 2024. I have been pondering the lessons learned since her passing. It's Pioneer Day in Utah, the statewide holiday when we commemorate the arrival of those noble pioneers who traversed the American wilderness in 1847 to settle in these valleys of the mountains in what would later become the great state of Utah. 

In so many ways, Patsy's life embodied the finest qualities of her ancestry who carved out their homes here. In 1976, we laid the footings and the foundation of our mountain home in Woodland, Utah, in her ancestral summer home of Pine Valley. In every way she was a modern pioneer woman blazing a trail for those who would follow after her in this idyllic setting.

I suppose it is not surprising that someone near and dear to me in the ward asked me recently what I’ve learned in the last year since Patsy’s death. Today I will boldly and publicly answer that question. I can now offer some lessons that have quietly distilled upon me.

Most will tell you to wait at least a year after the death of a loved one before making any major decisions. I have seen the wisdom of that advice. Here are some obvious observations:

1. I can’t imagine re-marrying anyone else. Patsy is cemented in my heart and soul as my eternal companion, and I’m not sure I want to muddy those waters by seeking a new relationship anytime soon. I watched it happen to others and it’s always appeared to be a complex situation when blending two new families. I'm opting for simplicity.

2. Thoughts have taken shape over this past year about what to do with the house. I’ve asked my attorney son, Rich, to put together some legal paper work to effectively transfer title to an entity yet to be determined, and owned by those who are willing and desire to take ownership in the future. Some will opt in and others will opt out. I want to make certain that we entertain everyone’s wishes and accommodate as many as possible in whatever contingency may arise. Stay tuned for details to emerge. I continue to welcome and solicit your input.

3. That brings up the outstanding mortgage. I wish I were debt-free, but that is not the case. Son Steve recently estimated that if every family - 12 in number - contributed $100 per month that could be applied directly to principal, the mortgage would be retired completely in 9 years! Of course, that contribution would be strictly voluntary, but it illustrates the power of a large number of contributors. This is just to plant a seed for discussion for now.

4. I’ve learned to be more loving, more patient and more forgiving than ever before. It’s because I am closer to following in Patsy’s footsteps than I ever envisioned until now. My weaknesses are many, and I continue to seek improvement in these specific areas. I have always believed the best in others, and this has sometimes been a weakness that has hurt me and our family.

5. There have been some amazing happenings in which I have learned I was correct in my earlier decision making, even though the outcomes were unknown back then. At the top of that list was my recent lunch with an old co-worker who confirmed my choices. Who knew it would take this many years to reach closure? A lesson in patience and faith for sure.

6. I have been more grateful than ever for good health. My recent doctors’ appointments have been affirming to me. There has been improvement in my brain, my eyes and my overall health profile as confirmed by the doctors. Of course, I am not unaware my mortal overall outcome will be death, as it is for each of us, but for the moment I am happy to be alive and thriving to the extent I am.

7. I’ve learned to savor my memories, which explains why I never seem to run out of topics about which I can write. My personal physician told me yesterday he believes writing helps my brain to continue to function well. He encouraged me to keep doing it. I agree, and hope you do too.

8. My life with Patsy was joyful and fulfilling in every way imaginable. My testimony of the gospel was enhanced and buttressed in every way by my eternal companionship with her. I still savor that last road trip we took out to Minnesota and back, stopping as we did in six temples in six states in six days. It was the fitting culmination of our lives together in loving and worshipping in the temples.

9. My lessons in loneliness continue unabated. “Is it good for man to be alone? It is NOT good that the man should be alone.” (See Abraham 5:14). Those words from scripture resonate in my heart every night and every day. I have settled into routines that are not nearly as complete and joyful as they were when we were still together in the flesh.

10. I have been asked about whether or not I still “feel” her nearby. The answer is “Yes.” It’s so real sometimes I expect to see her walking into the room at any moment. I still imagine hearing her bath water running in the other room while I am laying in bed at night. I am still waiting for her to join me when I realize I am drifting off to sleep all alone.

11. How would you summarize the last year without her? It’s simple. I miss her every moment of every day. The emptiness I feel is very tangible, and it’s a physical phenomenon having little or nothing to do with my faith and the spiritual truths I hold inviolate. It’s root-bound in my physical world that has been altered. I know the gospel is true, I know my Redeemer lives and died to take away all my sins, and I know the plan of salvation includes the hope of a resurrection and eternal life. All that said, however, there is a physical dimension in which I live that demands my ongoing attention. That includes meals, laundry, cleaning, chores, repairs, managing resources, and embracing the changing seasons. It’s all different now without her.

12. I know she lives on in the spirit world. I am thankful for the spiritual manifestations I have received that give me that assurance. Sometimes it is just a quiet prompting to do something good for someone. I’ve have dreams about her now. I often find myself envisioning what it will be like to go through the veil to be greeted by her and all my family members who have preceded me in death. I dreamt about that last night.

* * *

There may be other lessons learned I have not written yet, and to that end I may amend this post in future days, but twelve is enough for now. By putting myself "out there" I only hope to inspire others who may be in similar circumstances, not to suggest I have all the answers. I've decided I'm just not that smart to qualify as a guru quite yet.

Please know how much I cherish each of you, my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who receive these updates. I hope they may be useful to you. That’s the only reason I write what I do so there may be a lasting testament that will outlive me.

I watched her funeral services again this morning. I was reminded how incredible each of you is as I shared that sacred hour with all of you a year ago. Her life was the embodiment of discipleship to her Savior Jesus Christ as a true and devoted pioneer. In you I see her. May each of us continue to follow the path she has set before us, the covenant path, with hearts brimming with faith and assurance that she will never be far from us. Of that fact I am a witness. 

Patriarchs in the Church and in Families

A question was posed to me recently by grandson Noah Sharp. He asked about the history of the calling of the patriarch in the Church. Many of his cousins are at that age where they are anticipating receiving their patriarchal blessings. In fact, his cousin Aleyah Goates received her blessing this last week.

A patriarchal blessing is a treasure of a lifetime available to all in the Church who desire one. The essential elements include the naming of your lineage in the house of Israel. Most of us in our family will discover we are of the tribe of Ephraim through Joseph, but in today’s Church we have identified all the tribes of Israel from which we are descended. The most important element of the blessing is inspired counsel and even prophecy through the inspiration provided by the patriarch. 

For example, here’s what the patriarch told me in part as he gave me my blessing when I was 18 years old: 

“I bless you that in the Lord’s own time that you may meet a daughter of Zion, one pure and virtuous that you will court her and marry her in the house of the Lord for eternity, that your posterity will reflect honor upon you, on the Church, and on our great nation. 

“I bless you that you may have health and strength and that you may live to a good age, even until you are ripe in years and prepared to go to your Maker. Your life will be full of achievements, you will go into the mission field and there be a source of strength in testimony. Your spirituality will touch the lives of those with whom you associate and you will be the means of bringing many of our Father’s children to a knowledge that the gospel has been restored in these latter days. As you go forward you will prepare yourself to hold responsible positions in the Church, and the Lord will be at your side if you are prayerful and remember Him in all things.”

The patriarch in our stake at the time was Rulon T. Hinckley, who also lived in our ward. His blessing to me has provided direction, comfort, assurances and inspiration to me throughout my life. It was marked as "Blessing No. 3." And now, even now, when I am “ripe in years” I continue to live for the fulfillment of those blessings.

Noah asked about the history of the patriarchs in the Church, so let’s talk about that. (https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/blog/a-history-of-patriarchs-and-patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng).

One of the largest and oldest collections in the Church History Library is the patriarchal blessing collection, which spans nearly the entire history of the Church. Faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints still receive blessings today that provide meaning and insight unique to each individual.

Due to the sacred and private nature of the blessings, the collection is closed to research. However, I learned recently from my brother Tim who works for Family Search that individuals may request copies of their personal blessings and those of deceased, direct-line family members through an online system managed by staff at the Church History Library.

Patriarch to the Church

The office of Patriarch began in 1833 when Joseph Smith Sr. was ordained as the first Patriarch. His responsibilities were to provide patriarchal blessings and bestow blessings to the fatherless.

Through the years the office has been known by many names: Patriarch over the whole Church, Patriarch of the Church, Presiding Patriarch, and Patriarch to the Church. Patriarch to the Church became the official title in 1845. Patriarchs to the Church continued to be called well into the twentieth century.

Hyrum Smith (second patriarch to the Church), John Smith (third patriarch to the Church), and John Smith the younger (fourth patriarch to the Church) set the precedent that continued for many generations. Each was a direct descendant of Joseph Smith Sr.

During the October 1979 General Conference, the office was discontinued due to the increased number of local stake patriarchs. Eldred G. Smith, who was serving as Patriarch to the Church at the time, was honorably released from the calling and given emeritus status.

Local Patriarchs

The calling of local patriarchs began in 1837 when Isaac Morley was called as the first local patriarch. The responsibilities associated with the calling have remained the same over the years, which is to provide an inspired declaration of lineage and blessings to the recipient. In 1840 Peter Melling was called as the first international patriarch, serving in the British mission. Just one year later, a second patriarch, John Albisten, was called to serve as patriarch in the mission as well. 

Currently there are approximately 3,300 local patriarchs serving worldwide. These men report to the stake president but work under the direction of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. A member of the Quorum of the Twelve approves the call of each patriarch. It is not uncommon for Apostles who visit stakes to select local patriarchs when they are in the stakes throughout the world, though most are now called by the stake presidents and approved by the Twelve.

I remember Elder Bruce R. McConkie issuing a call to serve as a stake patriarch to George I. Cannon when he visited our Parleys Stake conference. President Cannon was later called to serve as president of the stake.

Blessing History

Today, blessings are given in private meetings that include the patriarch, the blessing recipient, and in some cases close family members. Patsy had copies of each of her children’s patriarchal blessings among her papers, and were handed to me recently when Dianne discovered them. They are priceless reminders to me of how I walk among giants in the kingdom of God on earth today, and I am speaking about each of them. Their inheritances in the spiritual blessings accorded to us by our loving Heavenly Father are rich indeed!! I am humbled and grateful to be their father and grandfather.

In the early days, blessings were recorded by a scribe and the copy was given to the recipient, who then determined whether they wanted the patriarch to keep an official record of the blessing. If the recipient decided to share their blessing, the scribe would borrow the blessing to record it in a book, which became a part of official Church records. In some cases, Church members would opt out of contributing a copy of their blessing.

Initially, patriarchs did not submit blessings to the Church. Each patriarch kept his own records of the blessings he gave. In 1856 the Church Historian’s Office was established, and it is believed that some patriarchal blessings were stored within the archives at that time. It is not known when it became a requirement for patriarchs to submit blessings to the Church archives, but it is estimated to be sometime in the 1920s.

Today, patriarchs regularly submit blessings they have given to the Church History Library. Those who submit blessings online submit each blessing individually. When patriarchal blessings are received, the Church History Library preserves them in multiple locations and formats to ensure their security and preservation. The preservation process assures that your blessing, and the blessings of those in your direct line, are available to you upon request.

That being the case today, I am happy to share the full contents of my blessing to anyone who wants it.

Some of the Goates Kids

Patriarchs in Families

Noah also wanted to know what I think is the role of patriarchs in families. Many years ago I wrote about "the patriarchal order of the priesthood," and would refer you to it for a comprehensive answer. 

I will say, however, that being a patriarch in a family setting is what the temple points us to in the Church’s dispensation of temple blessings, crowned by the sealing ceremony we recently witnessed with Molly and Jayden’s sealing last Friday. 

Patriarchs cannot be patriarchs without a matriarch at their side. Mothers and fathers are a "package deal" in the patriarchal order of the priesthood. It is true that father stands at the head in a family, but mother is right there with him, not one scintilla behind or below him in importance to their family. 

We have a perfect explanation of these roles in the inspired declaration of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” dated September 23, 1995. (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng).

Here is the essential paragraph:

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

That inspired proclamation came at the precise time in the world’s history when gender roles and identities were in a state of confusion which has only deepened since. It is pure revelation for a wayward world and we can study it and appreciate it more with each passing year. It is my humble testimony that it should one day be canonized officially as revelation and bound with our collected scriptures, which is where it resides in my own set of scriptures. 

The Living Apostles in Rome, Italy

I love and sustain the living Prophets and Apostles among us. Some complain (and have for my entire life) that these men are too old, too weak and too infirm to do what they purport to do and to be. 

To their critics I respond with a resounding rebuttal. I have known many of them personally during my life. I watched all the infirmities of old age overtake many of them, I absorbed all the criticisms, as they have, and felt the sting of their enemies within and without the Church. I know their hearts are pure gold. They are the inspired channel of revelation the Lord has put in place for our direction and guidance. It is a pure channel of ever-flowing knowledge and truth that will never fail us here in mortality. 

Speaking as my family's patriarch, I urge us all to uphold them with our faith and prayers. We will never be led astray as your own patriarchal blessings will attest to each of you.

The House of the Lord in Logan, Utah

 

I was in Logan, Utah, last week to attend an endowment session. I have been drawn there, and I'm not certain why except to say it's been many years since I have been there. This time it was the HDOY to date in Utah this year, and it was a wonderful respite on a crystal clear day without a cloud in the sky.

These pioneer era temples in Utah are monuments to our pioneer ancestors who built them. The intricacies in the workmanship are everywhere to be seen both outside and inside. I am constantly struck with the happiness I see in the faces of the people who attend the temples. I am an eyewitness of what I see in them, and I hope I project the same happiness in my face as I greet them.

With each session I attend, I come away with one or two impressions that remain with me. This week, I was impressed to remember "Health in the navel, marrow in the bones." Our physical bodies are the habitation of our eternal spirits that were created by our Heavenly Father and our Heavenly Mother. We are encouraged both in our observance of the Word of Wisdom, and in the ordinances of the temple to cherish these bodies we possess, so our days may be lengthened while we are on the earth. I love the thought that mortality is and can be a fulfilling and blessed state in which to live if we are true and faithful to our covenants.

In Logan last week, I observed so many elderly saints who filled the session. There were some young people too, now that school is out for the summer at Utah State University. I am struck with how many of those young people are serving as ordinance workers. The encouragement of President Russell M. Nelson is surely the catalyst for what I am witnessing no matter which temple I attend these days.

After the session, I had a strong impression to do something totally enjoyable. I stopped along my way home for a visit to Maddox Ranch House just south of Brigham City. Unbeknownst to me they are celebrating their 75th year anniversary this year, almost as old as me. I was not disappointed in my menu selection of a perfectly prepared filet mignon. Being fed spiritually and physically on the same day is an unbeatable feast!

In the space of a month's time I have gone from southern Utah to northern Utah to attend temples, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey. We are so blessed here in Utah to have the many choices we do to attend the temples. There is little in life that brings me a greater sense of happiness and joy as I contemplate the family members for whom I am serving as proxy in these ordinances. I had a name last week of a seventh-generation great-uncle who was born in 1620 in Scotland. I can't help wondering what his life must have been like as I perform these ordinances. Imagine it! 

Sometimes I fear we might wonder if the divine mandate to gather Israel on both sides of the veil just isn't a pipe dream that could never possibly be fulfilled. But remember, life in the spirit world still lies ahead of us and the work of temples will be accelerated for 1000 years during the Millennium. The God of the Universe whom we worship and in whom we trust, has the timetable. I seek progress toward the goal with every session I attend in every temple I visit.

There are some parents I know who are lamenting the fact they have children who have left the Church for a season of inactivity. They are saddened and they seem to lose hope as they witness the ongoing poor choices that attend those children. I have tried to encourage them by sharing my devout belief that life is eternal in its nature. This moment in eternity for us is too often punctuated with temporary sorrow and grief, but I remind those parents our time here on earth is a small speck of dust in a vast landscape of eternal magnificence we can only catch a glimpse of on occasion as our eyes to see are opened from time to time. That's what those visits to the temple on a frequent rotation will do for us.

I was also in the Bountiful Temple last week, and happened to be on the same endowment session with President Jeffrey R. Holland. An ordinance worker rolled him quietly into the back of the room in a wheel chair after we were all seated, and after the session ended he waited patiently as we all went through the veil ahead of him. He embodies what a true servant-leader is. 

I thought as I observed his smiling face that it's never too late and we are never too old to attend the temple. Who can doubt the fervor of his witness and his testimony as we hear him speak? 

He no doubt brushed against the veil this past year with the simultaneous passing of his beloved wife Pat within days of the passing of my dear Patsy. Once we walk alone after a lifetime of companionship, there can be many days of loneliness and sorrow. I have experienced those days, and I know exactly what President Holland is experiencing too.

But, there is hope for the future when we are a covenant-making and covenant-keeping people. There is nothing that bolsters that hope and conviction as much as performing those sacred and simple ordinances for our deceased ancestors, and I believe there will be few, if any, who will not accept that proxy work we do for them. They are grateful, and the peace we feel from them is payment enough in my estimation.

If you are some of those parents who pray for and long for your children to return to the fold of activity in the Church, please know you are not alone. I pray for you and for your loved ones that they may migrate back to the oasis of ever-flowing waters of truth and fulfillment within the Church. 

Life is eternal, and truth in all its beauty will triumph! Even in the hearts and minds of those who may be considered lost sheep today.