The first thought when I saw this question this morning was, “Well, I’d do it just the way we did it.” I’m not kidding here, because all I have to do is judge our efforts by the results. We raised awesome (not perfect but awesome) children. And we were together in that endeavor. We would all have to credit Patsy for her prodigious contributions in raising our children. It’s a team effort in parenting, I believe.
To answer the question more directly I would quickly add this perspective: Heavenly Father is probably the best role model we could offer as an example of powerful parenting. Here are some of my humble observations about how He goes about raising His children:
1. He offers moral agency to His children right off the jump in the Garden of Eden. He lets them choose for themselves. He gives them choices to make and encourages good choices with ample (I would say almost unfathomable) opportunities coupled with incredible promises that perpetuate themselves into the eternities ahead. There are no limits in His plan. He tells His children “All that I have is yours on conditions of obedience.”
2. He makes ample provisions for failure. He knows all things in advance and He makes allowances for our mistakes as children. He doesn’t pace up and down in the vast expanse of the universe wringing His hands and fretting and worrying about the poor choices we make as His children. No, He has provided His Beloved Son as a Savior who has paid “the uttermost farthing” in answering the demands of the laws we have broken upon the condition that we repent. Then He forgives and He forgets without reservation and He remembers our sins no more. He allows for our growth and maturity.
3. He never micromanages our decisions. He in essence gives us the keys to drive the family vehicles, insures against the losses that may ensue, and gives us a wide enough berth to stretch our wings. Even as our premiums increase He remains calm, trusting in His gospel truths that have stood the tests of time in a universe full of other worlds and other children. He encourages the expanding of our opportunities, knowing we have it within us to excel because He trusts the Parentage that brought about our existence in the first place. He teaches us correct principles, and then allows us the space in which to put those principles into action. In short, He allows us to expand naturally and normally without fear of a few fender-benders. Miraculously, in our family there were plenty of totaled vehicles, but no fatalities.
4. Psychologists will confirm that the human mind is not fully developed until well into the twenties, and that’s usually when our children are out of our homes. They may have harbored resentment as teenagers at the way they were raised, but in time as maturity sets in there is often forgiveness as they become parents themselves and they conclude their parents did a pretty good job of raising them. Then they learn how to forgive the trespasses of their own teenagers and we see a sweet pattern of ongoing development that leads to outcomes for which we hope.
5. So what’s my profound advice for raising children? It’s simple really - trust in God's plan of salvation. It’s what we assented to in the pre-existent council in heaven. Sometimes in the pressure of the moment we are tempted to abandon all hope in the exigencies we confront, but the path I would advocate is the covenant path that has stood the test of time worlds without end.
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I salute each of my married children, self-styled as "The Goates Kids," for the work they are doing as parents. They are outstanding examples of all that is good and right in today’s fractured world. So many of them are seeing others who are struggling and who have left the Church for a myriad of reasons of their own making. But I advise that they continue in the path - they are true and faithful to that which they know to be true.
To all of us, I encourage that we trust in those feelings and those answers to your prayers as they present themselves to you. When you are living by the guidance of the Holy Ghost, you will have all the assurances you need to move ahead with confidence.
Most importantly, you can trust your children. Let them spread their wings and experience life on their own. Continue to teach them, love them unconditionally, point them to their Savior for redemption when they need His healing in their lives, assure them all is never lost and that all will be well with them when they seek the truth.
Be comforted and inspired by these words:
And our father Adam spake unto the Lord, and said: Why is it that men must repent and be baptized in water? And the Lord said unto Adam: Behold I have forgiven thee thy transgression in the Garden of Eden.
Hence came the saying abroad among the people, that the Son of God hath atoned for original guilt, wherein the sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children, for they are whole from the foundation of the world.
And the Lord spake unto Adam, saying: Inasmuch as thy children are conceived in sin, even so when they begin to grow up, sin conceiveth in their hearts, and they taste the bitter, that they may know to prize the good.
And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.
Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time.
Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children, saying:
That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory;
For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified;
Therefore it is given to abide in you; the record of heaven; the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.
And now, behold, I say unto you: This is the plan of salvation unto all men, through the blood of mine Only Begotten, who shall come in the meridian of time.
And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me. (Moses 6:53-63).
Let those words of scripture sink deeply into your hearts as parents. Trust in them, trust in your children, and trust in God our Eternal Father who really does know what is best for us. He is our divine Exemplar when it comes to parenting.
As we learn to think like Him, we become more like Him in our decisions as parents. Let the scriptures become so familiar to you that you reflect their outcomes in your family lives here and now.
These ancient words from prophets are real, they are true, and they are the stuff of which eternal lives are made now and forever.
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