I had to smile quietly to myself when I saw this question from Shauna this morning. I’m old enough now to wonder if I really EVER have figured out how to be a parent (he said with a broad grin). But, nevertheless, I will attempt an answer only because there are now so many up and coming parents among us.
As I reflect upon my life, I am consistently being reminded of past memories. My future is much shorter than my lengthy history. I think it is safe to conclude the single greatest influence in my life has been my lifelong love affair with the scriptures, beginning with the Book of Mormon. When I told Dianne that I had offered a pdf copy of my compilation of all the ZION scriptures to Woodland Ward members as I taught recently in Sunday School, she smiled and observed, “Yeah, Dad, you were obsessed.” Yes, guilty as charged, Dianne.
She no doubt recalled all the late nights I spent at my desk pounding it out on the manual typewriter long before the Internet had been invented. And here I sit at my desk this morning, still pounding it out on my very intelligent and advanced computer keyboard. It was laborious back in the day, no doubt about it, but I had found a topic that propelled me through all the standard works and into the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith. The scriptures became familiar to me, as revelation upon revelation poured out to me merely as a reward for making the attempt to learn. The prophets who wrote them came to life before me night after night.
I went page by page with a marker circling every reference I found. It was tedious and painstaking, but when I found the word ZION, I put it in context in my written compilation including surrounding verses, and kept going until I felt I had found each reference. The last time I touched it was 2002, when I printed the final copy. I found only a few takers in my latest invitation, but years ago I opened it up to the whole world in The Goates Notes, my blog page, and never looked back. An online search will quickly yield the results.
What did THAT have to do with parenting, you may ask? The quest for eternal life in my mind correlates directly with the establishment of Zion in these last days. Yes, there is a very broad and expansive definition at the global scale, but perhaps more meaningful is that individually we are the composite collective of ZION as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We trace our priesthood lineage back to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Through them we have the potential to become like them, and by extension like our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.
That reality has been my steadfast and lifelong quest as I have “figured out” parenting. I reviewed again the story of the willingness of Abraham to offer his only son Isaac on the altar of sacrifice, and his hand was only stopped by the intervention of an angel when his faithfulness had been tested to the utmost. In the case of the Father, I reflected just last week, there was no stopping the crucifixion of His Son on the cross outside Jerusalem so the full effect of the Atonement could be realized for all His children who had ever lived on Earth. Imagine what THAT self-restraint not to intervene must have looked like!
As parents, we do all we can do to teach our children the correct principles of the gospel. Often, it may feel like we’re going down a long, long checklist of commandments and requirements, but reduced to its essence we find a much simpler compilation I am reminded of each time I attend an endowment session in the the temple.
“We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.”
Faith is hope for things that we cannot see but are true. We believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and we trust Him to help and guide us.
Repentance is when we change our hearts to be more like Heavenly Father. When we do something wrong, we feel sorry and promise ourselves and Heavenly Father that we will not do that wrong thing again. When we repent, we can be forgiven because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Baptism is the first step in becoming a member of Jesus Christ’s Church. We can be baptized when we are eight years old. At age eight, we are old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.
The gift of the Holy Ghost is given to us by a priesthood holder after we are baptized. The Holy Ghost prompts us to choose the right, comforts us, and helps us understand eternal truths. The Holy Ghost is like a still, small voice that we feel in our minds and hearts.
It was standardized by the Prophet Joseph Smith, as with all the other Articles of Faith, so he could merely point to them as references for the repetitive questions he was constantly asked.
As I grew older and more children came into our home, my approach to embracing the scriptures as my guide to parenting became pivotal and defining in helping me to become a father. I reasoned that my Father in Heaven would have to become my role model. I know I must have failed many times in achieving that ideal, but I kept persisting, and still do, despite my weakness. I believe Patsy and I first found each other in the pre-existence. We chose each other there and then. When we came to Earth, we found each other here and now. The direct correlation is that then each of our children also appeared here on Earth in our family circle because we were all promised to each other in our pre-mortal existence too.
I often reflected on Grandfather Harold B. Lee’s obvious emotional reaction as he pronounced those precious sealing words upon us at the altar on the morning of December 19, 1969, in the Salt Lake Temple. I was his first grandson for whom he performed that ordinance, though he had performed it before for hundreds of others who had asked him to. It is my belief he may have had a glimpse into eternal realms beyond our physical sight as he perceived that magnificent posterity that would one day come to mortality through our loins, as their parents. I believe you might have surrounded that altar as our spirit children, waiting patiently to join us. The spirit whispers it is true as I write this morning.
So, what has influenced me as I have sought to be a parent? I hope I may have answered this question to your satisfaction. My counsel to all of you as you undertake and continue your parenting is this: Take the scriptures as your infallible guide first and foremost. I predict you will make mistakes as you raise your children, most assuredly, if my life is any indication. However, anchoring yourselves in the gospel of Jesus Christ, particularly with the promise found in D&C 58:42-43, is the assurance you seek:
Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins — behold, he will confess them and forsake them.
In your attempts at raising a righteous posterity, remember what I have come to call “Divine Amnesia.” It is the part and parcel of the mercy of our Father in Heaven. It is His eternal promise to all who invite those spirits to join you here, with whom you have made eternal covenants even before this world was created. You are never alone as parents in this mortal life.
He and His Son are at your elbow in ALL the days of your lives. Of that, I bear my humble and solemn witness.
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