Lessons Learned

I am not sure where you were a year ago today, but I was undergoing what would turn into a 12 1/2 hour surgery on my brain at the U of U Medical Center in Salt Lake City. COVID-19 had forced hospitals in to a "no visitor" restriction, so at 4:30 a.m. that morning my son dropped me off at the curb and I walked through the doors of the hospital to check in all alone.

COVID-19 proved to be a formidable foe to conquer. It was hard to get any information for my wife and family. They became concerned as the hours wore on into the early evening. What could be taking so long? Finally, they received a phone call from one of the residents who had been in the operating room, who reported that the surgeon, Dr. Schmidt, had been required to do a lot more "chipping and hammering" than he had originally thought he would. 

Um, yeah, when I heard that I thought someone might want to give that resident a few tips on his bedside manner with the wives of their patients, even though it was a phone call. Turns out my particular brain surgery for the removal of a meningioma tumor (benign) involved chiseling inside my skull to remove the tumor that had adhered to the inside of my skull in the frontal lobe. It involved a little artistic advanced carpentry for Dr. Schmidt, who was more than up to the task. My vision in my right eye had deteriorated to 20/50 because of the tumor's tentacles that were wrapped around the optic nerve, so that was delicate. I went back to the ophthalmologist for a follow-up recently, who confirmed what I had known for months - my sight was restored to 20/20.

In fact, that word "restored" is an apt description of what happened to me. All the symptoms and the deficiencies caused by the compression of the brain tissue by the tumor that I had encountered for years leading up to the diagnosis and the surgery have been eliminated. Bodily functions have returned to their pre-cancerous condition. My strength in body and limbs has been restored through rehabilitation and therapy. I can now bear witness in part what the resurrection might someday look like. I know what it is to come through the dark valley of the shadow of death and back up to the mountain top of hope and sunshine.

So, what of the lessons learned? President Russell M. Nelson suggested some lessons that we might have learned during this past year in his recent General Conference address. In addition there are many sobering lessons I have learned personally that will never be forgotten. Among them:

Carl Bloch, The Pool of Bethesda

1. Never underestimate the adversary, who will destroy you in a moment if he could. I was in a weakened state unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. The doctors were pleased to inform me pre-surgery that their workup of my physical condition revealed that I had a strong heart and strong lungs. That was about all they could tell me that I was contributing to the operation. Everything else had been compromised. And Satan took full advantage of that reality. I was rescued more than once during my ordeal by ministering angels from the other side of the veil who strengthened me and protected me from the spirits who sought my destruction. I sensed there was a titanic struggle for my soul that was raging while I was so weak, and there was little I could do about it. The Savior is truly a Healer, as depicted above in Bloch's masterful painting.

2. The love we have for one another, though it may seem intangible and practically indiscernible on occasion, is in fact eternal in its nature and binds us to one another in every conceivable way. I came away from this year of isolation yearning for interaction with my family and friends. I plan to continue cherishing those relationships more than I ever have in the past. The restrictions of the COVID-19 pandemic, whether government- or self-imposed are gradually sliding into oblivion. Of course, some areas of the world are more affected than others, and we are grateful for where we are and we continue praying for nations like India where the pandemic continues to rage. I am grateful for the renewed perspective of love for others.

3. Enjoyment of the reality of home-based, Church-supported curriculum for our scripture study. This past year has seen the Church mature into a place I could only wish for many years ago when I lamented quietly and patiently in my personal journal that the Church seemed mired "in the thick of thin things," as Elder Neal A. Maxwell once expressed it. Today, we are a Christ-centered Church, and that development has been enhanced by the adversity we have passed through this last year. President Nelson saw it coming in the preparations and direction he gave for our home-based emphasis on gospel learning and application. The privilege of having the sacrament in our own homes while we were in isolation was profound and much appreciated. It has been years in the making, but it seems we are poised now to make major strides forward into the future with a laser-like focus on Christ's gospel.

4. I have learned never to take good health for granted. Recently, we were at dinner with two couples at a restaurant, something we haven't done for at least a year because of the pandemic. How rich that experience was for all of us. We are all of a certain age where it seems the main topic of conversation was health and wellness. One had recently had his third operation on a shoulder, after replacement surgeries on both hips and knees. The other had recently had a malignant skin cancer tumor removed from his neck, which followed three stents in his heart arteries that had saved his life. He joked that he's just giving up one body part at a time as he ages. We all had a story to tell, and that's what we all have to look forward to as we age. The law of entropy - that all things fail eventually - has never been more true. When you are young and vigorous, such thoughts of entropy are remote and seldom considered.

5. My love for my Savior has never been more full and complete. I was reminded of a great book that President Spencer W. Kimball wrote years ago entitled, Faith Precedes the Miracle. He is echoing the inspiration of Moroni, who wrote: ". . . it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief and all is vain." (Moroni 7:37). I have been rescued during this past year, beginning with my hours-long surgery one year ago today. I have never been so grateful for an outcome over which I had so little control. Just to be able to sit at my computer again and write the things of my soul is a gift of inestimable worth to me, all possible by the grace and goodness of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"Give your best advice to the graduating seniors"

Goates Kids, Christmas Eve 2019

This last Christmas I was given the gift of Story Worth, a website that encourages subscribers to write their life story in bite sized pieces. Once a week I am given a topic by my family, who submit subjects they would like me to write about, and then those weekly missives will be collected and bound after a year. This week's topic was timely - "Give your best advice to the graduating seniors."

It’s the month of May, when the graduating seniors are heading out onto the vast uncharted ocean of opportunities ahead of them. They will leave behind the safety of their parents’ cocoon and learn new lessons of life. This year’s batch of high school graduates in our family includes Alex, Spencer and Molly. Rather than confine my comments just to them, I’ll invite all of you to read on as well.

There are websites that have collected all the wisdom of the world from many important and prestigious people. Those gems of wisdom are no doubt sagacious and many of those quotes form the backbone of most commencement speeches that will be given this month. But I am not one who seeks the wisdom of men as my source of advice to others.

1. Seek the Spirit. 

When Elder Bruce R. McConkie was called serve as a mission president in Melbourne, Australia, he decided they needed a mission motto. He took all his missionaries up to a nearby mountaintop and had them fast and pray together to come up with a motto they all liked and would live by. After discussing and offering up several suggestions, they agreed the most important thing they could do in their missionary experience was to seek the Spirit and to obey the Spirit’s promptings. 

As we became parents and discussed what we felt would be the best lesson we could teach our children, we concluded that if we could teach them to recognize and live by the voice of the Spirit our children would always be on the covenant path and would have the direction they needed to inherit eternal life. We did not believe in answering every question for our children. (I know that was frustrating for some.) We did not believe in holding ourselves up as the experts in everything. That would have been exhausting! Instead, we agreed together that our children would be able to navigate all of life’s challenges if they could obtain the priceless gift of the Holy Ghost. We knew we would not always be with them to counsel and guide them, and we also knew the Holy Ghost would be the only infallible guide in which they could trust unerringly in every situation. 

So my number one piece of advice is to seek the Spirit.

2. Read your patriarchal blessing frequently. 

Stake patriarchs are called to be seers to the people among whom they live. They have a direct pipeline to Heavenly Father through which you may obtain your own revelation about your life in mortality and beyond directly from God. It doesn’t matter who the man is that gives you a patriarchal blessing. You may rely upon whatever counsel and advice he gives as though you were receiving it straight from Heavenly Father. It isn’t a horoscope or a mystical magical incantation conjured up through hocus pocus or some other worldly means. It’s God’s personal invitation to you to do certain things with your life that will lead you, like the Spirit, toward eternal life. Treasure up your blessing and heed the counsel and warnings contained in it.

3. Gain all the experience you can in a variety of fields of endeavor. 

Be a generalist to start with, then hone in and focus on areas that you are most interested in as you decide which direction you will pursue in your life. Study and learn always. Never close the book on learning. Read a lot of books. Do a lot of different activities that take you beyond your comfort zone. Travel a lot if you can. Meet a lot of people. Date a lot of people, so that when you meet “the one” you’ll know her or him when you find them. Get sealed in the temple. Start a family. Don’t wait for something to come along at the “right” time when it’s convenient. Love can be messy and it might pop up at the very time you least expect it to. Don’t use a checklist of traits to apply to your future companion. Become the traits you most admire in another instead. Be engaged in doing good things for yourself and others.

In all that doing and getting and learning and exposing yourself to the world around you, make certain the things you are involved with square with what you know about the gospel of Jesus Christ. All knowledge is not the same. Some things are nice to know. Some things are important to know. And some things are absolutely essential to know. Learn to discern the differences between types of knowledge. Learn to be discerning in the sources you seek for learning. Not all the sources are reliable or can be weighted with equal value.

4. Lead others to Christ. 

Follow Christ and His teachings in your own life. A full-time mission isn’t for everyone, but it might be for you. That’s the easiest way to learn to love others and serve others. Do not discount the impact you might have on someone else. It may be many years in coming, but you will inevitably get a phone call someday from someone you touched in a way that might have seemed almost insignificant to you, but they will confirm whatever it was you did or said that had a profound effect upon them. You may have changed someone’s life without even knowing it. Read the Book of Mormon each day if you can. You will meet the Savior as He speaks to you directly from the inspired writings of the prophets. You can open the pages randomly, or you can study it chronologically or topically - it really doesn’t matter - and you will invariably find wisdom and answers to your prayers in miraculous ways.

President Russell M. Nelson

5. Follow the prophet. 

Whoever the man is that presides in this Church, the way of safety and happiness is to listen, study and pray about what the prophet has to say. President Russell M. Nelson is God's prophet on the Earth today. Look to him and the other Apostles for answers. There are no sustaining and inspired answers in politics. If you follow the opinions of men you will be tossed to and fro on the turbulent seas of men's wisdom. The only global politician in whom you can exercise your faith is the living prophet of God. 

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I could go on, but five items is enough. Grandma reminded me when this topic for writing came up that at eighteen years of age we pretty well knew everything and didn’t really need much advice back then. She’s probably right about that. 

I love you all, and pray for your happiness and success in all you do.