Fathers Matter

 I have been focused this morning on the 12 fathers in our extended family in the next generation, and the three additional fathers in the generation after that. I am deeply humbled by how they have far exceeded my performance as a father, as I look back on all the years since we were married. In every particular they have excelled and continue to bless the lives of their wives and their children.

It is characteristic of this generation, perhaps, that when circumstances get difficult too many fathers abandon their families and move away from their responsibilities and seek what may appear to be easier paths. However, for those who keep after it and stay the course, there are immeasurable blessings in store both here in this life and in the life eternal beyond.

Last week we attended an endowment session in the Jordan River Temple, and then two sealing sessions after that. We were reminded by one of the sealers that perhaps we all knew each other in the pre-existence, and we may have met people who knew their time on earth would not come at a time when the fulness of the gospel ordinances would be available to them. Perhaps they approached us in the pre-existence and asked us to do that proxy ordinance work for them. We readily agreed, and week by week we go now and perform that ministering labor on their behalf. Will they accept our efforts? Of course they will. They are our progenitors. We have the fulness of the gospel among us in this dispensation, and we are their seed. Embedded in our souls is the spiritual DNA we inherited from them. In that session I offered the observation to the group that had come to me just that morning as we sat pondering the scriptures in the chapel before the endowment session began. I read in Moses in the Pearl of Great Price:

And it came to pass, as the voice was still speaking, Moses cast his eyes and beheld the earth, yea, even all of it; and there was not a particle of it which he did not behold, discerning it by the Spirit of God.

And he beheld also the inhabitants thereof, and there was not a soul which he beheld not; and he discerned them by the Spirit of God; and their numbers were great, even numberless as the sand upon the sea shore. (Moses 1:27-28).

I also suggested this process might be similar to that which the Savior surely must have experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane when He suffered alone for the sins of everyone, even for all the souls on all the worlds on which they had lived and He created, "worlds without end." The atonement is individual and it is infinite and eternal. It touches everyone with the exclusion of no one, and He knows each of us personally. He knows our names, and He knows our circumstances. He loves us and He will succor us individually as we reach out for His help. We are never left alone and we are never left comfortless. It's the reason we have a prophet in our midst who is pleading for us to cultivate our relationship with God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and to get on and to stay on the covenant path.

"For behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39).

So, on this Fathers Day 2022, let me offer my congratulations to all the fathers who are doing their best to honor their covenants and to help their children find and then stay on the covenant path. It is a great work in this generation to do the work of bringing to pass the mortality of children, and to work in the gospel harness with God the Father and Jesus Christ who will add to our work their work of immortality and eternal life.

If you are one who is seemingly on the brink of walking away, I encourage you to stay the course, pray for the help to sustain you, and seek professional help if needed. There is nothing "out there" to surpass your role as father in the lives of your children. They will repay you a hundred fold in the years ahead.

Moral Agency, Rebellion and Reconciliation

This has been an eventful week. Two stories from real life have become a useful metaphor for me in helping to describe what has just happened in our country.

TUACHAN, Ivins, UT

My wife and I took a long weekend trip to a distant city for a little R&R. We had a delightful weekend enjoying the splendor that is Southern Utah's color country. Without being too specific to protect the identity of the family we witnessed in action, a small drama played out in front of me that has some metaphorical value.

We attended a sacrament meeting while we were away. We happened to pick a ward where the ward conference was happening. Presiding at the meeting was the stake president. Their stake theme was published in the program - "Coming to understand the use of priesthood keys in the Church and our personal lives." Maybe it was because it's a topic with which I am very familiar and I've written about extensively, but I had a feeling their stake was in good hands and they were well-led by the man from whom we would be hearing later in the meeting. I was not disappointed in my early assessment.

The bishop bore a brief five-minute testimony. Then the stake president called on a youth leader and a young woman, both of whom had attended the stake girls' camp that week. They reported on the camp, their feelings about it, and what a spiritual uplift it had been in their lives.

Then a mini-drama played out in front of me. A mother and one of her daughters (it was a family of five children seated in the row in front of me), began exchanging hand-written notes on the front of the printed program. Because I was situated a row behind and between them, I could easily read their written exchanges.

The mother began, "Did you feel anything at girls' camp this week?" I should mention this was her oldest daughter whose natural hair color was red. But this daughter had dyed the front of her hair blue.

The daughter took the proffered note from her mother and returned it without comment, a look of loathing and rebellion on her face as she handed it back defiantly.

By now the stake president was at the podium and was developing a topic, ironically, of standing firm in our faith by choosing correct principles and aligning ourselves with the Lord and His admonitions through living prophets.

The mother then wrote: "You will NEVER be able to feel the spirit in your life with such a BAD ATTITUDE!"

The stake president from the pulpit: "Even God had to bow before the agency of His children in their poor choices, because He decreed that each would have the freedom to exercise moral agency. When our children rebel, it must never be because we have failed to teach them or to berate and judge them harshly for those choices. We must love and succor unconditionally as He would each of His children. His patience with us must mirror our own with our children."

The daughter had finally had enough. She grabbed the program and the pen and screamed on paper, "STOP IT!"

The stake president, continuing to develop his theme: "Obedience is the key to having the spirit in our lives to direct us. As we obey, as we love one another in our families, and as we give heed to the counsel of our living oracles, we develop the power of the priesthood in our individual lives to weather the storms of adversity and sin that will continually beat upon us until the Lord comes again."

The mother, seemingly oblivious to the counsel of their stake president and determined to have the last word with her daughter, then wrote: "You will NEVER be happy until you obey the commandments." This time the daughter refused to even pick up the program or look in her mother's direction. She simply ignored the note. The icy exchange had ended and her mother put away her program. I was struck by the fact that this blue-haired daughter had gone to girls' camp and she was sitting in Church. She could not be considered in my quick calculations as a total loss.

Another human drama between a 91-year-old father and a son who has rejected him as a father was also playing out last week. A copy of a letter from the father to the son was shared with me. This is a father whose history with this son has been tempestuous their entire lives. Now, the father, attempting a final reconciliation in the gathering sunset of his life writes in part:

"Your refusal to accept my telephone calls makes my efforts to reach you very difficult. . . I have faithfully written to you each month to express my love and to plead and beg for some response from you. All this has been to no avail and only painful silence has resulted. After a year I am still bewildered by your failure to respond [he then postulates on the possible reasons for being ignored]. . . There are other possibilities of course, but I have concluded that I cannot continue on with my practice of writing letters to you each month when I never know after a whole year whether they are even read, welcomed or useful in any respect. So, unless I receive an answer to this fervent inquiry, I will cease formal writing. Then, what are we left with? A father-son relationship that only I acknowledge and treasure. That is so saddening and empty. Only you can make it otherwise and I pray with all my heart that you will do so."

Two real-life examples of the painfully poignant feelings of distraught parents who are grappling with the rebellion and rejection by children of their parenting efforts. I would suspect these examples are not isolated. Perhaps they are universal.

Now take those two stories and imagine that pathos and the disappointment of our Father in Heaven who looks down on the SCOTUS rulings against DOMA and Prop 8 in California last week, having the effect of further bolstering the LGBT agenda for gay marriage in the name of "marriage equality." He has given revelation upon revelation, following centuries, even millennia since creation's dawn, of confirming conformity from the majority of His children with respect to marriage being defined as between one man and one woman, then having His doctrine ridiculed, derided and decried as "discriminatory." Imagine the patience, the irony, the disappointment and the long-suffering of God who is also a Parent. Yet how does He react? Does He harshly condemn, berate, brow beat, work with guilt to compel His children to do what He commands? No. He bows beneath the rod of moral agency. He warns, He continues to instruct through His living oracles upon the Earth today, and He continues to patiently nurture until the day of the final harvest. He must submit, even the God of the universe, to the immutable principle of moral agency. Even He. And so must we.

There are natural consequences involved with poor choices. It is Parenting 101. Children must be taught correctly to see and to learn what those consequences will be. Sadly, they must often suffer painful experiences to learn those natural consequences. Only last night, little munchkins living for the weekend with their parents under our roof for the holiday weekend, were reminded gently by their parents that failing to eat their dinner resulted in the natural consequence of having to forego Grandma's homemade cookies for dessert. Screams of how HORRIBLE their parents were rang through the house. Screams of protest and anger, harsh judgments about their abilities as parents were rendered. "You are the MEANEST mother in the whole world!!" But the consequences stood. They were learning as little ones, not having to wait until they had dyed their hair blue, or were still stoutly refusing the impassioned entreaties of aged parents after a lifetime of rejection.

It was Kahlil Gibran who wisely stated: "We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."

And so it is. The day will come when America will pay a terrible consequence in its rebellion against God and the natural law of marriage between a man and a woman. I hope before the final judgment day arrives I will be living on the other side of the green, green grass in the cemetery. There is nothing in the scriptures suggesting to me things are going to get dramatically better before we see the Second Coming.

But I am cheered by the hope that out of all this chaos will someday emerge the Zion for which I long:

"And now I give unto you a word concerning Zion. Zion shall be redeemed, although she is chastened for a little season. . . Therefore, let your hearts be comforted; for all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly, and to the sanctification of the church. For I will raise up unto myself a pure people that will serve me in righteousness; And all that call upon the name of the Lord, and keep his commandments, shall be saved. Even so. Amen." (D&C 100:13, 15-17).

I suspect before that day comes even young ladies with blue hair and recalcitrant sons who refuse to accept their aged father's earnest entreaties will also submit.

An additional valuable insight was reinforced the other night as we were participating in a sealing session. "I seal upon you the blessings of the holy resurrection." Fathers will someday resurrect their children. The keys of the holy resurrection are a patriarchal priesthood entitlement to the faithful. And knowing the patience of our Father in Heaven, I suspect patient patriarchs seeking to become just like Him will also wait for as long as it takes for their children to be given every possible chance to repent and align themselves with the revealed gospel of Jesus Christ even beyond the grave.

Just a thought. . . sometimes reconciliation takes a very long time, but it is ALWAYS possible.

"What Have You Done With My Name?"

There is a wonderful story from the life of President George Albert Smith. His grandfather, President George A. Smith, appeared to him a dream with a compelling question, "I would like to know what you have done with my name." The story is highlighted in this short video. It is a question each of us would do well to ask of ourselves.

From the pages of USS Parenting:

Real-Life Story Number One

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn’t famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Al Capone

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago city block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocities that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example. One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify the wrongs that he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell them the truth about Al “Scarface” Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.

Easy Eddie with Capone

So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine. The poem read: The clock of life is wound but once, And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.

Real Life Story Number Two

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tanks. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.

Butch O'Hare

There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber’s blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Congressional Medal of Honor

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2. So what do these two stories have to do with each other? Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.