Lessons Learned

I am not sure where you were a year ago today, but I was undergoing what would turn into a 12 1/2 hour surgery on my brain at the U of U Medical Center in Salt Lake City. COVID-19 had forced hospitals in to a "no visitor" restriction, so at 4:30 a.m. that morning my son dropped me off at the curb and I walked through the doors of the hospital to check in all alone.

COVID-19 proved to be a formidable foe to conquer. It was hard to get any information for my wife and family. They became concerned as the hours wore on into the early evening. What could be taking so long? Finally, they received a phone call from one of the residents who had been in the operating room, who reported that the surgeon, Dr. Schmidt, had been required to do a lot more "chipping and hammering" than he had originally thought he would. 

Um, yeah, when I heard that I thought someone might want to give that resident a few tips on his bedside manner with the wives of their patients, even though it was a phone call. Turns out my particular brain surgery for the removal of a meningioma tumor (benign) involved chiseling inside my skull to remove the tumor that had adhered to the inside of my skull in the frontal lobe. It involved a little artistic advanced carpentry for Dr. Schmidt, who was more than up to the task. My vision in my right eye had deteriorated to 20/50 because of the tumor's tentacles that were wrapped around the optic nerve, so that was delicate. I went back to the ophthalmologist for a follow-up recently, who confirmed what I had known for months - my sight was restored to 20/20.

In fact, that word "restored" is an apt description of what happened to me. All the symptoms and the deficiencies caused by the compression of the brain tissue by the tumor that I had encountered for years leading up to the diagnosis and the surgery have been eliminated. Bodily functions have returned to their pre-cancerous condition. My strength in body and limbs has been restored through rehabilitation and therapy. I can now bear witness in part what the resurrection might someday look like. I know what it is to come through the dark valley of the shadow of death and back up to the mountain top of hope and sunshine.

So, what of the lessons learned? President Russell M. Nelson suggested some lessons that we might have learned during this past year in his recent General Conference address. In addition there are many sobering lessons I have learned personally that will never be forgotten. Among them:

Carl Bloch, The Pool of Bethesda

1. Never underestimate the adversary, who will destroy you in a moment if he could. I was in a weakened state unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. The doctors were pleased to inform me pre-surgery that their workup of my physical condition revealed that I had a strong heart and strong lungs. That was about all they could tell me that I was contributing to the operation. Everything else had been compromised. And Satan took full advantage of that reality. I was rescued more than once during my ordeal by ministering angels from the other side of the veil who strengthened me and protected me from the spirits who sought my destruction. I sensed there was a titanic struggle for my soul that was raging while I was so weak, and there was little I could do about it. The Savior is truly a Healer, as depicted above in Bloch's masterful painting.

2. The love we have for one another, though it may seem intangible and practically indiscernible on occasion, is in fact eternal in its nature and binds us to one another in every conceivable way. I came away from this year of isolation yearning for interaction with my family and friends. I plan to continue cherishing those relationships more than I ever have in the past. The restrictions of the COVID-19 pandemic, whether government- or self-imposed are gradually sliding into oblivion. Of course, some areas of the world are more affected than others, and we are grateful for where we are and we continue praying for nations like India where the pandemic continues to rage. I am grateful for the renewed perspective of love for others.

3. Enjoyment of the reality of home-based, Church-supported curriculum for our scripture study. This past year has seen the Church mature into a place I could only wish for many years ago when I lamented quietly and patiently in my personal journal that the Church seemed mired "in the thick of thin things," as Elder Neal A. Maxwell once expressed it. Today, we are a Christ-centered Church, and that development has been enhanced by the adversity we have passed through this last year. President Nelson saw it coming in the preparations and direction he gave for our home-based emphasis on gospel learning and application. The privilege of having the sacrament in our own homes while we were in isolation was profound and much appreciated. It has been years in the making, but it seems we are poised now to make major strides forward into the future with a laser-like focus on Christ's gospel.

4. I have learned never to take good health for granted. Recently, we were at dinner with two couples at a restaurant, something we haven't done for at least a year because of the pandemic. How rich that experience was for all of us. We are all of a certain age where it seems the main topic of conversation was health and wellness. One had recently had his third operation on a shoulder, after replacement surgeries on both hips and knees. The other had recently had a malignant skin cancer tumor removed from his neck, which followed three stents in his heart arteries that had saved his life. He joked that he's just giving up one body part at a time as he ages. We all had a story to tell, and that's what we all have to look forward to as we age. The law of entropy - that all things fail eventually - has never been more true. When you are young and vigorous, such thoughts of entropy are remote and seldom considered.

5. My love for my Savior has never been more full and complete. I was reminded of a great book that President Spencer W. Kimball wrote years ago entitled, Faith Precedes the Miracle. He is echoing the inspiration of Moroni, who wrote: ". . . it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief and all is vain." (Moroni 7:37). I have been rescued during this past year, beginning with my hours-long surgery one year ago today. I have never been so grateful for an outcome over which I had so little control. Just to be able to sit at my computer again and write the things of my soul is a gift of inestimable worth to me, all possible by the grace and goodness of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"Give your best advice to the graduating seniors"

Goates Kids, Christmas Eve 2019

This last Christmas I was given the gift of Story Worth, a website that encourages subscribers to write their life story in bite sized pieces. Once a week I am given a topic by my family, who submit subjects they would like me to write about, and then those weekly missives will be collected and bound after a year. This week's topic was timely - "Give your best advice to the graduating seniors."

It’s the month of May, when the graduating seniors are heading out onto the vast uncharted ocean of opportunities ahead of them. They will leave behind the safety of their parents’ cocoon and learn new lessons of life. This year’s batch of high school graduates in our family includes Alex, Spencer and Molly. Rather than confine my comments just to them, I’ll invite all of you to read on as well.

There are websites that have collected all the wisdom of the world from many important and prestigious people. Those gems of wisdom are no doubt sagacious and many of those quotes form the backbone of most commencement speeches that will be given this month. But I am not one who seeks the wisdom of men as my source of advice to others.

1. Seek the Spirit. 

When Elder Bruce R. McConkie was called serve as a mission president in Melbourne, Australia, he decided they needed a mission motto. He took all his missionaries up to a nearby mountaintop and had them fast and pray together to come up with a motto they all liked and would live by. After discussing and offering up several suggestions, they agreed the most important thing they could do in their missionary experience was to seek the Spirit and to obey the Spirit’s promptings. 

As we became parents and discussed what we felt would be the best lesson we could teach our children, we concluded that if we could teach them to recognize and live by the voice of the Spirit our children would always be on the covenant path and would have the direction they needed to inherit eternal life. We did not believe in answering every question for our children. (I know that was frustrating for some.) We did not believe in holding ourselves up as the experts in everything. That would have been exhausting! Instead, we agreed together that our children would be able to navigate all of life’s challenges if they could obtain the priceless gift of the Holy Ghost. We knew we would not always be with them to counsel and guide them, and we also knew the Holy Ghost would be the only infallible guide in which they could trust unerringly in every situation. 

So my number one piece of advice is to seek the Spirit.

2. Read your patriarchal blessing frequently. 

Stake patriarchs are called to be seers to the people among whom they live. They have a direct pipeline to Heavenly Father through which you may obtain your own revelation about your life in mortality and beyond directly from God. It doesn’t matter who the man is that gives you a patriarchal blessing. You may rely upon whatever counsel and advice he gives as though you were receiving it straight from Heavenly Father. It isn’t a horoscope or a mystical magical incantation conjured up through hocus pocus or some other worldly means. It’s God’s personal invitation to you to do certain things with your life that will lead you, like the Spirit, toward eternal life. Treasure up your blessing and heed the counsel and warnings contained in it.

3. Gain all the experience you can in a variety of fields of endeavor. 

Be a generalist to start with, then hone in and focus on areas that you are most interested in as you decide which direction you will pursue in your life. Study and learn always. Never close the book on learning. Read a lot of books. Do a lot of different activities that take you beyond your comfort zone. Travel a lot if you can. Meet a lot of people. Date a lot of people, so that when you meet “the one” you’ll know her or him when you find them. Get sealed in the temple. Start a family. Don’t wait for something to come along at the “right” time when it’s convenient. Love can be messy and it might pop up at the very time you least expect it to. Don’t use a checklist of traits to apply to your future companion. Become the traits you most admire in another instead. Be engaged in doing good things for yourself and others.

In all that doing and getting and learning and exposing yourself to the world around you, make certain the things you are involved with square with what you know about the gospel of Jesus Christ. All knowledge is not the same. Some things are nice to know. Some things are important to know. And some things are absolutely essential to know. Learn to discern the differences between types of knowledge. Learn to be discerning in the sources you seek for learning. Not all the sources are reliable or can be weighted with equal value.

4. Lead others to Christ. 

Follow Christ and His teachings in your own life. A full-time mission isn’t for everyone, but it might be for you. That’s the easiest way to learn to love others and serve others. Do not discount the impact you might have on someone else. It may be many years in coming, but you will inevitably get a phone call someday from someone you touched in a way that might have seemed almost insignificant to you, but they will confirm whatever it was you did or said that had a profound effect upon them. You may have changed someone’s life without even knowing it. Read the Book of Mormon each day if you can. You will meet the Savior as He speaks to you directly from the inspired writings of the prophets. You can open the pages randomly, or you can study it chronologically or topically - it really doesn’t matter - and you will invariably find wisdom and answers to your prayers in miraculous ways.

President Russell M. Nelson

5. Follow the prophet. 

Whoever the man is that presides in this Church, the way of safety and happiness is to listen, study and pray about what the prophet has to say. President Russell M. Nelson is God's prophet on the Earth today. Look to him and the other Apostles for answers. There are no sustaining and inspired answers in politics. If you follow the opinions of men you will be tossed to and fro on the turbulent seas of men's wisdom. The only global politician in whom you can exercise your faith is the living prophet of God. 

* * *

I could go on, but five items is enough. Grandma reminded me when this topic for writing came up that at eighteen years of age we pretty well knew everything and didn’t really need much advice back then. She’s probably right about that. 

I love you all, and pray for your happiness and success in all you do.

COVID-19 - You have no power here

First thought from Patsy this morning: "Have you ever been so excited to have a shot before?" We're headed over to Heber City this afternoon to have our second jab of the MODERNA vaccine. Two weeks from now, we're told, we will be "fully vaccinated" and able to mingle with others who have been similarly blessed with fewer restrictions. I know nothing is perfect, but after one long year of being held hostage by all the restrictions and health advisories, this feels like a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.

COVID-19 has taken its toll on our lives. The vaccines have proven to be the best control mechanism out there, and the numbers here in Utah are on a sharp downward trajectory finally. That's all good news, since the virus has risen to the top of the list of causes of death in America - more than heart attacks and cancer. To say there's no such thing as this deadly virus is silly. To say it is a government conspiracy to control the masses is likewise silly and sophomoric. 

People are free to choose how to respond to the virus - get a vaccine or not - but continuing to help one another by observing safe distancing, wearing masks and frequent hand washing is just good hygiene. 

We have chosen this past year to limit our large family gatherings, and we have hunkered down here at home to increase our chances of avoiding the virus altogether. We have attended our sacrament meetings since they opened up again, simply because the bishopric has been responsible and created a safe space in which to meet. Their precautions have made us feel secure in being there. The ward building gatherings have felt more safe, certainly, than doing something like going to the grocery store for example.

Travel will someday open up again. The airlines are desperate for your business and are offering low cost rates to lure us back into the air. Reservations for cruises are slowly inching up too as the companies come back online with more deals. We had planned a Mediterranean cruise last fall so we could see the new Rome Temple and visit the Holy Land again. Then I got my brain tumor diagnosis and surgery followed soon after that. We applied for a refund of our fares about the same time the cruise was cancelled and all of Europe shut down due to COVID-19. It took months, but we eventually received our full refund from the travel insurance policy we had taken out from AIG. We had a "consolation prize" trip last summer to Moab, Utah, that included visits to Arches National Park, Canyonlands and Dead Horse Point State Park with some of our family and we were outdoors the whole time. Now we anticipate this coming year will provide more opportunities. 

It is worth noting that from the outset, President Russell M. Nelson has stated publicly many times that the pandemic would in time subside and that it would be conquered by modern science. He took immediate and extensive precautionary steps to shut down the temples, offer suggestions to local leaders on how to conduct our meetings, and in general has given confident and expert advice on how to proceed through the pandemic's pitfalls. Those who have heeded his counsel have been blessed. Zoom meetings have become routine now, but I have to say it's not the same as actually being together face-to-face.

I suspect we have not seen the end of these overflowing scourges in the years ahead. It was unthinkable a year ago that this virus could have such far-reaching and long-lasting detrimental effects, but it has shown a determined and nasty ability to resist defeat.

Now, however, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Utah is lifting its statewide mask wearing mandate on April 10th by legislative fiat, and a growing number of Utahns are taking full advantage of the availability of the vaccines. Patsy and I are so grateful for the effects the vaccine will have on our family gatherings as we contemplate more gatherings this year. Soon, we hope, we will participate in person at baby blessings, baptisms, ordinations, and eventually be enabled to return to full-time temple worship.

That minute microscopic virus will soon have no power over us. As we emerge from the restrictions with which we have been saddled in the best interests of public safety, let us remember the sobering lessons we have learned about valuing life, our loved ones and all our friends and neighbors. As we return to normal, let's invest in hugs, kisses, and handshakes to lift and bless others. Let's more fully align our lives with the Savior, the Prophet and our family. 

The isolation we have experienced has easily produced an advanced case of cabin fever in me. I'm certain others feel as I do. The other day I went to Heber City on a couple of errands, and on a 60+ degree day I observed a lot of convertible sports cars with tops down, and their occupants taking full advantage of the sunshine and its warmth. 

It gave me renewed hope that spring cannot be far behind.

2021 - The Road Ahead

 From the moment he took the office, President Donald J. Trump has been a lightning rod for controversy, confusion, vindictive lashing out, and abhorrent behavior of every kind imaginable. Now, thankfully, his era in American politics has mercifully come to an end. It ended the way it began in total chaos and a climatic storming of the Capitol chambers in a failed attempt to overturn the outcome of the election. Did Trump have a hand in rousing the crowd of protestors ahead of the Electoral College vote tally? Well, you can be the judge of that, but for the first time in our nation's history a POTUS has been impeached a second time by the House of Representatives, and even at this late date, only days before his term expires, Donald J. Trump's legacy has a stain on it that will be impossible to remove.

Refusing counsel from everyone, Trump has resoundingly refused to even attend the inauguration ceremonies for his successor, Joe Biden, the winner of the 2020 presidential election. He finally conceded the election, but only when the Electoral College vote was completed. But he has refused to acknowledge his role in inciting the crowd assembled outside the Capitol on the day of the Electoral College vote count. He apparently tongue-lashed his Vice-President Mike Pence that morning, instructing him to "either be a patriot or a pussy." Pence's role in the Electoral College by Constitutional mandate is simply to preside over the vote count and then declare a winner. He had no authority to do anything else despite Trump's little boy tantrum. Pence was the patriot here, not Trump.

The prognosticators of doom and gloom have already begun their predictable tirade of "end of times" analysis concerning Joseph Biden's election. Some will continue to assert the claims of an illegitimate presidency based upon no evidence from Trump's lawyers in numerous court challenges to the election results. Others will assert the nation will fall apart after the failed "coup attempt" supported by Trump supporters. Biden's policy shifts will no doubt be real in an attempt to reverse Trump's. I've read the Republican Party in America will now cease to exist. All of these bold predictions can find equal and opposite counterparts in the years when George W. Bush won, and Trump upended political punditry by winning. The more things change, the more they remain the same, it would appear to me. The one constant for me is that America has not successfully committed suicide - yet.

The road ahead for us in 2021 will continue to be a battle for the hearts and minds of America. However, most hearts and minds have already been made up, and few will change their deepest-held beliefs. It remains to be seen if there are politicians who can tap into the conventional wisdom of Americans. Joe Biden will at least make a show of attempting to interpret his victory in November as reflecting the will of America. He will have both houses of Congress in his camp, just as Barack Obama did when he began his two-term presidency. Few, however, have been able to master the diversity of America. Most new presidents when they take office, pledge to reach across the aisle, heal the divide and work for harmony and unanimity of feelings. Most transitions from one party to the other are carried off without insurrection, though agitators would have it otherwise.  

2021 will also be a year when scientific breakthroughs in vaccine production will in time eradicate the persistent COVID-19 virus if enough Americans agree to take the vaccine when it is offered. Right now there seems to be a much larger demand for the vaccine than there is adequate supply. That's the right trend if the supply and distribution can keep up. The distribution of the vaccines will be problematic, because the vaccines will be administered by the government. In Utah it is being handled through the county health departments. For people 70+ years of age like me, it means expressing interest in a pre-appointment email registration for the vaccine, and the roll-out will happen over the next two months. We are being told to watch our email inbox for a sign-up opportunity. Already we are hearing government leaders in Utah pleading for patience as they figure out how to match the supply with the demand. Anytime we turn the science over to the government it seems there will be a breakdown - bet on it. So far science gets an A, government gets a C-, but guess who will be at the front of the line taking credit for the eventual success. Betcha I know the answer to that one. The doctors will be elbowed out of line by the politicians clamoring for recognition and credit.

Speaking of diversity in America, Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) offered an opinion piece recently in the Deseret News entitled "The Union and the Constitution Forever." He insists there is good news in our diversity:

"The good news is, we already have a proven way to achieve this goal. The United States has always been diverse. Our Constitutional framework was specifically written for a regionally, culturally, economically and religiously diverse nation. The Constitution’s checks and balances and separated powers simultaneously empower political majorities while protecting political minorities and, most of all, individual rights.

"America’s ability to make our diversity a strength is part of what makes us the greatest nation on earth. Our job is to make sure our diversity pulls us together instead of pulling us apart.

"Given America’s wide diversity, political issues decided at the federal level are by their nature going to be the most divisive. People in the East and the West, on the coasts and in the interior, in rural and urban areas — to say nothing of “red” and “blue” states — are always going to see the world differently."

Lee concludes that the way the Founders envisioned handling diversity was not to eradicate it but to embrace it, channel it and balance it so that tyranny never asserts itself within our borders. We hear accusations of tyranny from time to time, and it may be true some would attempt to impose it, but so far America has resisted being told what to do by dictators. Just take as an example the roll out of the COVID-19 vaccine. Some are still insisting that this virus is someone in China's idea of controlling the masses, and that the government conspiracy is what is keeping us all in check. They rise up in opposition to mask wearing mandates and business regulation to control the spread of the virus. Resistance for the sake of resistance regardless of reason and common sense seems to be their cry.

"This isn’t about the size of the federal government — the federal government is going to remain huge for a long time to come. Rather, it’s about the need for national consensus to validate federal policy. 51%-49% issues are controversial, by their nature. Some issues — like national security or immigration — by their nature must be decided at the federal level, no matter how controversial they are. But most issues — from education to welfare to health care to housing to infrastructure — really can be decided at lower, less divided, levels of government.

"Blue states can be as blue as they want; red and purple states can go their way too. And all Americans — across the country and across the political spectrum — would be happier not to be in a constant zero-sum battle against the other party on every single issue under the sun. The founders called this approach 'federalism.' Philosophers call it 'subsidiarity.'

"To me, it’s the only realistic way to restore trust in our public institutions, detoxify our national discourse and heal some of the wounds of our current divisions."

It's not too complicated, folks. You let the federal government do what it does best on the big issues like immigration and national security, and you let the states, cities and counties do what they do best on the local issues in the red and blue states. By design, those outcomes at the local level will be better dealt with closer to the people. We've strayed from the principles envisioned in federalism, and it's time to get back to those principles to tamp down the angst at the federal level.

Trump, it turns out, was little more than an agitator, pitting us against one another for four long years. Yes, he did some good things, balancing the SCOTUS for one, but let's see if Biden can do a better job of following the Lee model than Trump ever did.

Our Lighthouse in the Storm #LIGHTtheWORLD

Today marks another anniversary in our family life. On a cold wintry day in December - the 9th - in 1992, we awoke to the tragic realization that our youngest daughter, Adrienne, had died unexpectedly during the early morning hours. I wrote about her death in an earlier entry titled "Losing" Adrienne. It seems impossible to imagine her now as a twenty-eight year-old woman, but that's what she would be had she lived. 

I asked Patsy this morning while we were greeting a new day in bed, "Tell me your memories of Adrienne this morning." Somewhat wistfully she responded, "I wish I had more memories of her." 

She came to #LIGHTtheWORLD in our family. Her headstone identifies her as "Our Lighthouse in the Storm." Her mortal flame flared quickly and brightly and then it was extinguished too soon. 

It was fifteen days before Christmas. After the funeral and burial we continued to stumble around in a stupor of thought, unable to gather ourselves to get Christmas ready for the children. I remember distinctly wandering aimlessly through the old Crossroads Mall downtown looking helplessly for Christmas gifts without success. Nothing seemed appropriate or meaningful to us. I think we finally settled on sweaters for everyone in one store, wide selection in sizes and styles, and I don't even remember the brand name but they were cool enough to satisfy my numbed mind. I'm sure we picked up more than that, but honestly it was all a blur. Our hearts weren't ready to move on from Adrienne.

I was stuck. It took me about a year to finally get back to some semblance of normalcy again. What happens in traumatic events like this one is a sense that you have lost control over the simplest of tasks. The brain is assaulted and then shuts down. For months afterward emotion would come welling to the surface over seemingly disconnected stimuli. The trauma would start afresh and the memories were still raw and sharp.

Everything about Christmas suggests light during the darkest time of the year - until finally around Christmas day we hit the winter solstice and the longest night of darkness in the annual calendar. We know the correct time of the Savior's birth was in the spring at Passover time in Jerusalem because of modern revelation and the statements of the living prophets (see D&C 20:1). But we celebrate Christmas in the darkest time of the year as a powerful symbol of light conquering darkness.

I have been asked many times in the ensuing years by many people what the most traumatic experience of my life was, and most would assume it was this time of our lives. However, after the events of this past year I would say without hesitation that brain surgery eclipses everything else that resembles a definition of "traumatic." The paradox is that through the adversity has come an abiding and deepening conviction of Christ's love for me and my family.

I remember one night shortly before surgery when I was comforted with the knowledge that my father and my mother were nearby and fully aware of my circumstances. Another night after surgery while rehabbing Dianne told me she called down Adrienne to provide comfort and protection in case I fell down getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night. In that same period of time my departed brother Drew also provided protection. I was being aided by help from beyond the veil and they embodied #LIGHTtheWORLD ministrations for me personally when I was so compromised I could not do much of anything for myself.

So which Christmas do I remember best? The year of 1992 will always remind me of the Light of the World, the birth of a Holy Infant in a lowly manger stall in Bethlehem. He brought peace to all who would come to Him throughout his mortal ministry and to those of us who can still come today. 

But perhaps the COVID-19 year of 2020 will also be memorable as I look back. Though Adrienne's mortal life was a short seven weeks, the life of our Lord and Savior spans infinity and will never be extinguished. He assures us that our eternal lives also involve infinite boundaries. 

He conquered death, spiritual and physical, for all the inhabitants of this Earth and all the other worlds our Father has created.